Cancer Man, And He Is Confusing Pt. 2

  • Because the other one was getting insane.

  • Okay, I am about to wig out. I know he's a Cancer, so he's always 'in his shell' and blah blah blah...but this is just ridiculous. So, he's always so guarded when it comes to me, he gets put off easily, and when it comes to seeing him outside of work, he won't arrange to ever hang out know, when we arent working. The only way I get to hang out with him is if we both get off work at the same time and then we can go out and have a drink and what not. At first, this didn't bother me because I just figured he needed time. But now its getting stupid. I barely work so I never get to see him, and im always closing. We haven't hung out in like....almost 2 months.

    And now I hear that he was a girl at our works date to a wedding. Are you serious? So I asked him about it, he said yes they are close, but no they are not dating. So, I snapped and asked him why its such a big deal to see me outside of work, yet he'll go to a wedding with someone else from work who he met at the exact same time as me. His answer, which is the answer he always gives me when I confront him with something like this, is "You need to stop this, Now." I hate when he flat out refuses to give me any answers and just talks to me like i'm a delusional child.

    So, I'm about to snap. I am inches away from sending him a text message telling him that I give up trying to have any kind of relationship with him, friendship or otherwise. He clearly doesn't care either way, so I'll just give him his way and officially give up.

    Should I hold off this very altering text message, or just send it because there's clearly no hope for a future here?

  • Hi All. We're about to fix the pagination issue for the other thread. what other problems were you seeing? 119 pages is impressive!

  • Hey Maria,

    I think YOU SHOULD send the message. The only reason, he is doing this is because he knows he got you, and he's gonna keep doing such things as long as you keep showing that you're interested. JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE GONNA STOP ALL COMMUNICATION AND YOU'RE THROWING IN THE TOWEL. It works everytime, he'll see you're not into him like that anymore, and he'll come runnin back.

  • Honestly, I don’t think you should send it. You can pretty much bet what his reaction will be judging from his previous reactions when he is confronted. You have some feelings invested and I think it would pi$$ you off even more if you don’t get a response. You don’t owe him any explanations or need to give him notice that you are giving up (if that’s what you really want to do). You can do it quietly and he will know something is up. JMO

  • Hahaha I love when I get to opposite opinions. Thanks both of you, but I think I'm leaning more towards AquaBubbles. You're right when you say I know exactly what kind of response I'm going to get, and frankly I'm sick of getting it. I've been honest and open with him this whole time, but now I'm done. You're right, I don't owe him anything. If he has half a brain (which he does) he can put the pieces together himself. It isn't hard to tell whats going on with me anyway, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

    Thanks, guys!

  • If it’s any consolation MariaRia, I read somewhere that these guys don’t like to mix their personal lives with their business environment. Their emotions are private and the thought of them being exposed in the workplace would be way too unpleasant. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I can understand it completely because that’s the way I feel. I would never, ever, date anybody from my work, ever, and it doesn’t matter how much attraction I feel. I know there are a lot of people that are fine with it, but there are some like me that would balk at the idea.

    Take care

  • Well, he did mention a while ago that he did date someone from work and it didn't turn out well, so he didn't plan on doing it again. So, I took him seriously and started to forget about him. But the MOMENT he realized I was getting over him he sprung into action and started paying insane amount of attention to me and complimenting me every day. And then we ended up getting intimate (no lovin', though, cause that's not the way I roll), several times over the course of like 6 months or so. So, I'm not 100 percent sure if the workplace thing is actually affecting him anymore, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is. In any case, he gets his wish.

  • what a pickle>>>I say find someone new to play with>>not to get serious with just to explore and have fun with>>.your not married so act like it !!>>>because you will regret not playing around more before you get in a serious situation>>>I would just flat out stop getting to deep with him>>>no phone calls or private conversations>>>just let him watch you flirt with other men and then you will see his level of interest>>>let him chase you and push him him away a little (you don't have to be rude just a little preoccupied to give him the time of day) >>>Make it fun and light hearted>>men get turned off by heavy desperation (reminds them of there mom!!!) Live to the fullest and get as much attention from everyone as you can>>>>>WORK IT GIRL!!!

  • LOL, will do!!

  • Playing alittle hard to get isn't a bad thing MariaRia, I'm sure he'll take notice and I would send the letter. Let him think about what he lost!

  • maria-if anything i would send one saying I give up. I had to do that once quite a while back and it worked like a charm. mine came immediately back with a reply. this after calls and texts not answered-not that many but one is enough sometimes. then i turned my phone off and fumed the rest of the day and he started picking up his pace.

    steve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU! and also thanks for not shutting us down here! this is a great forum!

  • Well, I'm not sure if he'll care or not, but I am definitely going to send one. I guess it's just a matter of when....I'll see how today goes. If he ticks me off, which I'm sure he will, then he's getting a hell of a text message.

    LOL and I guess i'll return to the crazy long first one if its fixed!

  • Honestly, there's no right or wrong answer if you ask me. I've been in your positiio. People tend to forget that Cancer's are master manipulators he will continue to play this game as long as you let him. If you've had enough of this behavior tell him, and mean every word you say. Because what mine did was get me to the same point you're at now where I was ready to throw in the towel and the minute he realized I was serious he's change. The problem is that he'd revert back to his old ways once he thought the "coast was clear". I had to leave him and begin dating someone else before he realized that I meant it, it was over. Eventually we got back together and we're married now but it definitely wasn't an easy road to where we are now. Because Cancer's have a hard time letting anything go, this man can string you along for years if you let him. That's why I say, tell him how you feel and then walk away. If he's really interested in salvaging the relationship he will come back better than ever. If he does come back and doesn't change. Walk away, and be happy in the fact that you've just saved yourself years of this back and forth. Trust me.

  • Hi Maira - I think you should send the text too..... Just let him know what you want and where you stand... Mine has again come running back... I have seen him 3 times in the last 2 weeks and first he was falling all over me offering me drinks and what have you.. Then dinner then last night it was dinner and stay over...... He knows what I want out of this and if he is not prepared to give it to me then I am done!!!! Well and truly done!!!!! I know he won't want to talk about it but we will tonight cause I can't keep going through this back n forth emotional stuff anymore....

    Don't get me wrong - I couldn't be happier today - but I want to know that it is going somewhere this time and not where it went last time.....

    I will have to go back to the other thread and catch up a little...

  • WOW........Drama, Drama......Why are you hurting yourself? He's not worth it! You are better than that!!!! STOP IT! NO do not send him a text message. I'ts immature and silly. Talk to him face to face and tell him how you feel....Remember to watch his body language when you are talking to him.... Does he look you in your eyes when you are speaking or does he look away? The eyes reveal alot during conversation so pay close attention to his eyes... If he is responsive to you while you are talking to him then you may have a chance but if he is distant CUT the rope and be on your way. Time is to precious...... Frank Sinatra once said this and it has stuck with me to this very day..... The best way to get back at someone is to show them SUCCESS!!!!! Aim high you will be pleased with the results. ;o)

  • MarsSextileVenus, I would LOOOVEEE to talk to him in person, trust me! But the thing is I work so little now that I rarely see him. And when I work, I close and he doesn't. There's just no opportunity. I thought I was going to see him today and didn't get the chance. I totally agree with you, that time is precious. That's exactly my mentality, and the reason this business is driving me sooo nuts. That's why I'm having such a hard time trying to figure out what to do. I have limited resources.

  • PLEASE TO ALL OF YOU.... I have been through this for the past seven years, We have not even been married for 3 years yet. (July 19th) PLEASE DO ALL OF YOURSELF A FAVOR...GET RID OF HIM IMMEDIATELY. I have been exactly in all of your shoes. I have know him for over 23 years. The only reason he wanted me was because he couldn't. When he got me he destroyed my life and god knows it hurts. He took over $ 50,000 from me and never helped me take of the bills that we had. CANCER MEN ARE ONLY USERS. Great in bed, had laughs you know, but in the long run they are the most self centered, self absorbed and selfish human beings that take up space on this earth. I loved this man with my heart and soul and when I had to start confronting him on these issues, he ran like hell. He completely destroyed who I was and my entire life. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. God knows I love the hell out of him, but that was not or will never be enough. IT'S THERE WAY, OR NO WAY, NO COMPROMISING WHATSOEVER!!! Trust me please, do not chase after these men, they are not worth it in the long run. I played the game before we married, thinking he would change, Guess what, no cigar!!!!! IT HURTS SO BAD AND PLEASE THINK MORE OF YOURSELF THAT TRYING TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT HE WANTS YOU TO LIVE. YOU WILL ONLY LOOSE YOURSELF LIKE I DID. MY LIFE DOESN'T EVEN FEEL LIKE MINE, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE. AND THIS IS RIGHT????? NO....LEAVE HIM AND FIND A COMPLETELY BETTER PERSON PLEASE. I hope that someday I find someone who is a good person. Don't let the handsome 6'2" funny, romantic man fool you, because he will. DO NOT END UP LIKE ME...PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Wow I have no idea what to say at this point other than maybe the sign "cancer" really speaks for itself at this point because that's how I felt since I have met this guy like he is a plague that just keeps growing. My story started just like everyone elses here pretty much I met him everything was great was introduced to all his friends, his home, we have had dinner together a dozen times and everything was great and then out of no where nothing havent heard anything from him, then last week he finally called and asked to come see me so I said yes I had been moving all my stuff into my new apartment and working full time I didnt even care that we hadnt talked in a week or so then once again everything was great he had said he wasnt able to hang out or call cause he had been working as much as he could cause rent is due on the 1st and he was worried he might not be able to make it so honestly I could understand myself being a independent woman myself trying to strive on my own so I made sure not to make a big deal about it and moved on with our evening he left and said he would call me tomorrow and now its been alittle over a week and still nothing so after reading all of your guys insightful information I decided I was just going to run as fast as I could away from him before I become more attached to him. Honestly I can say that I feel extremely good about myself I like him but I'm at a point in my life where I dont need any more bs or game playing so I told him to just throw away my stuff that I had left at his house to just avoid "the returning of your stuff just to see you bs" and told him to take care. So thank you guys for all the advice my life is really starting to look up at this point now that the gloomy cloud has finally blown away!!!!!

  • lonely dee ,im so sorry to hear that but not all cancer men are users hun ....tis all kinds in this life tis still a few good ones left.....

    one word i can offer here is communications if is none then tisnt any true love going on simple as that .if he cant be honest or be a real man ya dont need him .but if ya find that he has a good heart and soul then invest the time as a cancer man i can tell ya a few of us can be very nurturing and giving and very loving .....just got to find that one who is right for not everybody is for everyone ....

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