Cappy not pursuing...HELP

  • I am a Sag woman interested in a Cap man (I know, we aren't supposed to be compatible, but I like him!)I went to HS with this cappy several yrs ago. I had always been interested in him and minor flirting went on but nothing serious. long story short about a month ago I randomly contacted him on FB and we exchanged info. He seemed extremely eager to make plans with me and reconnect. We currently live in different states, but I travel to and fro often and told him I would let him know when I am back in his area. I was the one to text him first out of sheer boredom and we had a decent convo. The next time we spook a few weeks later, I had texted him to inform him that I would be home for the weekend and he immediately initiated a date. On the evening of the date, he called me to make plans and picked me up (were I was staying was quite a distance from where he lives). We went for drinks and then met up with a few other friends from HS. We were both very intoxicated and seeing as how he lives closer to where we were having drinks I went to his apt. I warned him that nothing would transpire of me staying over, so he need not try because he would get shot down. Non the less he tried and as predicted was shot down. The next day we spent a good majority of the day together reminiscing and laying around and watching tv. He dropped me back home and when I left the car I felt an awkward good bye. He didn't say anything along the lines of "we should do this again, or I'll call you later". Needless to say I texted him a few hrs later to thank him again and reiterate that I had a wonderful time. He responded with a "i had fun as well". I have not heard from him since and this was about 3 or 4 days ago? I feel like I am going crazy because I am interested in him and am wondering why he has issues initiating contact but is the first to mention a date? He knows that I will be moving back to his city at the end of the month. Should I initiate contact with him again when I move back permenantly? I am def not a pursuer and am used to men making themselves available to me, so this situation is making me tense! Is initiating contact a few times really considered pursuing? I need advice PLEASE! Not sure what my next move or lack there of should be. EXTREMELY HONEST ADVICE is appreciated! Thanks so much!

  • Saggygal,

    Cappie's are wonderful family people. The meet-up was interesting for you both and gave food for thought to Mr. Cappie no doubt. When a woman drinks to much and than goes back to a mans place. He just might have some idea that more than a casual good-night will occur. You may have sent some mixed signals to him and he expected more than he got , I know you told him not to expect anything, yet he tried. Why? he was pushing the boarders to see the response. When you held up your hand STOP than he did.

    You need now to take it slow with him. When you move back to the same town , you will see him again and when you do you need to let him know that he was your HS crush and it seems that seeing him again brought back all of those old feelings. That you would like to get to know him and see how it goes. How he respones will tell the story right away.

    In the meantime look forward to the move because noting happens for no reason and if it is not Mr. HS crush than someone else is waiting there for you that works in the ground with plants and he is fun as I know that Sag like fun and activity. You need to join meetup groups when you get there so that you are not always mindful of HS and keep the emotional balance going by socializing with others, it just may lead you to the man of your dreams.


  • Aww thanks so much. i really appreciate your honest response. The next morning we had a discussion about what happened the previous night and I did ask him if he expected to sleep with me and he replies he didn't even think he would have gotten as far as he did, I suppose me ending up at his place. Do you think he is over me because I turned him down? I explained that being intimate obviously complicates things and I am not trying to take it there with him yet. Do you think he will be the initial one to contact me or will I have to contact him when I move back? We run in different circles, so I doubt I would see him again unless it was a planned meeting. I know Caps like to pursue and am just wondering why he isn't pursuing? Thanks again for your response

  • Saggygal,

    He sounds a bit out of your league, meaning he is not a man that most people would see you with , the attraction is strong for you, he is waiting it out a bit to see what happens when you return. Yes, you may have to e-mail, phone him when you arrive there. If he is a player than more than likely he will not chase you, he is use to being chased and enjoying it, I don't fell he is ready for marriage or even long term yet, that is why you have not heard from him.

    Give it some time when you get back in town and see what a meeting with him brings .


  • Cheers,

    It is so funny that you say that because just yesterday a friend of mine said that she doesn't see me with him in the sense that she sees me with someone not from my hometown, and she doesn't even know him either. Very interesting. Is their a strong attraction on his end? So you think that if he were looking for something long term then I would be an option or am I just feeling myself/ its too soon to tell? I feel like I should just try to think of him more as a friendship than a potential relationship therefore I will not get so upset if we speak sparingly. I appreciate your wise and in depth responses!

  • Okay I'm gonna throw my two cents in here.

    I think the reason he was so eager to set a date, but then not so eager after he was shot down was probably because he thought you were a booty call. I know he SAID he didn't expect things to go anywhere, but obviously he did. I've seen this happen a lot...the girl calls out of the blue and the guy is like "YAH, only one reason why this is happening!". So, my advice is not to get too invested in him unless he shows real, honest interest. Because seriously, when I first read your post the first thought that came to my head was "Oh, he had different ideas about that date than she did..."

    Could be wrong, but thats what I think!

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