Should I continue pursuing my former professor?

  • I am very attracted to my former professor who is married. His birth date is April 23, 1944 and born in Boise, Idaho, and mines is April 16, 1985 born in Los Angeles, California at 2:53am.

    He has asked me out for coffee towards the end of the semester, and we ended up having lunch instead. I asked him out to dinner via email, and he agreed to after I graduated. Instead of dinner, he ended up inviting me to his home for a chat, but it wasn't anything sleazy because his father, who lives with him, was there. His wife however, was still in another country on vacation and he came back home early to work on his new courses for the upcoming semester. While at his home, he asked if I wanted to go to a art gallery for a new exhibit, and I agreed.

    We only contact each other through email, and I am always the one to initiate it first. He replies usually within a day or two, but we don't continually keep in touch. I email him once a week and he will reply and that will be that. I find excuses to see him, trying to join his organizations and asking for a letter of recommendation... anything to get closer to him. The furthest we have gone was just a hug.. and it was initiated by me. Boy, that was one heck of a hug he gave though, gave me shivers!

    I have a Pisces moon which makes me quite intuitive, but I feel as if he really likes me as well, but is afraid of losing his security (wife, family, finances, career, image, respect). When I first saw him, I was immediately intrigued and that never happens with someone of his age. I have to admit I liked him the first day I saw him and wanted to know more about him. Out of everyone I have ever met, I feel as if I could read his thoughts the most. He reminds me of myself, but male and much older. We have had very similar experiences growing up, and almost the same personality except he is a bit more toned down than myself. I just have this gut feeling that he is my soul mate, but then I have this other feeling where I am being played and he may have several other students on the side he is manipulating. I'm just not really sure.

    I have always stayed away from married men and would never pursue them, but something tells me that we were meant to be, and I never say that about anyone in such a short amount of time. I even dumped my boyfriend of 5 years to pursue him. How does he feel about me? Should I continue pursuing him or will he stay married to his wife?

  • Are you a quiet type. I can read this several ways. He's considering retiring soon so all this isn't as magnified maybe. He is enjoying the communication more than anything. Steer away from this as he's married--just one of the problems I can see among others.

  • strange why have you put this on the forum in3 different places?

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  • Hi again, I have a few older friends. I've noticed that they enjoy conversation, in fact, it's hard to get off the phone w/them sometimes. It's not necessarily the quality of conversation but the opening up and relating part they enjoy, I think. Especially, if there's a mutual interest. At this age, people start thinking about their immediate future more--who's taking care of them as they age. They start experiencing health problems. I don't know how he will spend his retirement years. Some people want to travel quite a bit. Because he'll be retiring soon, his friendship with you isn't as encompassing as it would be if he had just started. That's what I meant when I said magnified. He's more carefree, so to speak and maybe his wife is retired already. Some people are just a little more eccentric than others and I think he fits this category somewhat. I don't know this man so I can't tell you what he's thinking. I think your intuition is probably right on here. The fact that you're quiet makes him more comfortable around you. Feels you're more likely not to break silence. Got to be careful because could develop into a very secret relationship and I don't think you want that. The sleaziness you mentioned (being alone.) I had a married guy that was pursing me and he told me once that he liked the quiet type because they don't break silence. I think he perceived me that way because he would come to my work. I think they also perceive more quiet types as being more mature. I've heard that one too. He used to really annoy me. Usually the quiet stage doesn't last. People get to know people and this is when women start demanding that men leave their wives, etc. etc. I've seen it, heard it. I don't think you want to go there.

  • ps--People do strange things sometimes. I get this sense that he's trying to get his wife's goat, so to speak. He might resent something about her going on the trip (jealousy). But I feel there's something going on w/his inner security. Sometimes cheaters are the most jealous of their own spouses. Something to think about.

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  • Ariespiscesaquarius,

    You're beautiful and youthful and he sees that. He is also attracted to you but keeps his boundaries. He's devoted to his family and will stay with them. You adore his maturity, sense of responsibility and knowledge. Might it also be a fascination with a father figure who is there to protect you, encourage you to do better, inspire you. These are built in desires of teachers towards their students as the student's success and well being becomes a teacher's reward. Enjoy your youth. You'll find someone you enjoy a journey through life.

  • I like what Tellstar said. What struck me the most was when I read that his father was present when he invited you over. Almost like a "guy thing" he has w/his father. Maybe his dad was unfaithful. He likes you, trusts you and enjoys your company but he is married and I would leave it as friendship.

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