Young and broken hearted.help!
hello everyone, i am also a cancer 7-11 to be exact. woooow, cancers can be a hand full i know. but my life is upside down right now. i am 25 and goin through a divorce. been married almost 7 yrs. and he was my bestfriend. hes in the military so its stressful,2 deployments and this 1 tore us apart. he no longer wants to talk to me, we are seperated now, and its so hard for me because hes all know and love since i was 18. hes a taurus and what i am trying to understand is how come hes the best sign out there for cancers like we have scorpios and virgos and pisces that are good but i just cant find any man thats better sign. i am very old fashioned and dont care to much about what goes on in the world besides pleasing my man. i love him so much that its not a word to describe it, its beyond love, i can love you so much you would think ur walkin on air with me. its so hard because nothing is going right for me. i never worked the entire marriage and now its hard for me to find a job with no expierence, i have been tryin i will never give up on myself now that im on my own, with nothing, he has it all. im not a bad person. i know what i want, i was made by god and he took his time when he gave me my heart. i am a great woman but he gave up on me and everyday i cry before i get up because i miss him. hes leavin to go to iraq for the third time and wont even talk to me,the person who knows him like the back of my hand... it hurts so much because i have been through so much this past 2 years. i wish cancers could just be a strong as other signs, and not show so much emotions because men feed off of that and i hate sometimes that i am so damn sweet. my husband knows hes wrong for leaving me in another state and goin back home without me. tauruses are so stubborn at times, makes you wanna pull your hair out when they dont listen. i really put all the other signs up against me and the tauruses are the only one who can put up with our emotions and love to be at home and eat all your cooking and make you laugh.virgos and scorpios and pisces. i have a great husband and i can never complain but i think i may have smothered him with all my love, and mood swings. i hate im so emotional. i love being a cancer because we are the best when it comes to loving another human being. i argue alot and im working on that, but man when cancers love they give you all they have inside and sometimes its to much. just trying to understand myself, i have been told i have difrrent personalitys but thats not true, im jus diffrent,in everyway and i can be any woman you want. im great at being me though...a cancer. i just wish that things go right for me in the future, i like to stay in my marriage but how do you bounce back and be strong because we tend to care about love above all else like life stops when we end a relationship. i hope my husband stays with me, im not good at fighting for my man, we are in two diffrent states and he wont talk to me. i know god hears my prayer and still loves me as well. im writing this because i read my horoscope every day hoping it better for me. i have never did this before though, i just thought that since its my month i post my feelings and thoughts on here for someone to explain to me the best things about cancers because i dont know anymore. i know we are big romantics. my husband doesnt know what he did to me so im gonna leave at that. whats the best thing about cancers??
i am a cancer myself, ill be 20 on july 16. not sure if im qualified to answer your question but im a cancer so of course id love to tell you my opinion. you already know the best thing about cancers! you said it yourself, we love with everything we have. we give the person we love our all, and we do this knowing that if it goes sour we will be left with nothing having given it all away. we have the ability to be so selfless that we give up everything knowing we could be left alone and empty in the end. it takes a pretty strong person to be able to do that once much less twice, and we do it every time we fall in love.
Ashley: I am a Cancer also. Cancers are loving, nuturing people. We are self-sacrificing and protective of the ones we love. That being said, sometimes we do not clearly communicate our love to our mates. While we think they should just know it , or they should just feel it because our inner feeling for them are so strong, but maybe we sometimes forget that not all people allow themselves to be ruled by feelings.
You are more than a Cancer. You are a unique person and you need to communicate your feelings with actions as well as words. Your 7-year relationship is not on the rocks because you are emotional. There is something more fundamental going on. The first thing you MUST do is take care of ASHLEY. If you are going to get him back, you will need all of your special qualities working in your favor. Even if you never get him back you will need all of you special qualities woring in your favor. So you can NOT change him! You can't go back and be a different partner! All you can do is change YOU, Now!. So you can work-out and get in physical shape. Change your diet to eat healthier foods. Read books that contain valuable self-help information (I suggest Wayne Dyer "Pulling your own strings" or "Real Magic". Take community college courses. If you haven't used it, you probably qualify for financial aid.
Only a healthy, happy, you can win him back. Nobody wants a burden. Also, the only thing worse than not winning a lover back and that's getting them back but not knowing what to do to keep them.
lawdawq I have seen alot of your comments posted here and there and I gotta tell You that you frickin ROCK! what I am tryin to say is I love you man. I love a cancer man already and he isnt speaking to me very much bc I got really angry and said some things I should not have said. Well anyways now I love a second cancer man. I am addicted to yall. You should have your own forum like an advice column. you are DR FEEL! Muah
Hi, in response to your reply to Ashley, the best trait of Cancer...
I agree with you that Cancer is a very loving and selfless sign, but I do not believe that they are unique in this, I think that trait can be associated with a persons personality, just as often as their star sign. I am Sagitarius, and I love in exactly the same manner as you describe.. I put those I love first and don't consider at what cost to myself, when I love someone and know they love me in return.. that becomes my only goal, to make them feel loved , appreciated and happy, of course, they deserve to be made to feel, no.. to know , that they are the most important thing in your life! Of course this only works if they love equally in return.! I would not dedicate myself to giving more and more if it was not reflected in some way!
The best trait of Cancer I think (my daughter cancer) is the gift of yes selflessness, and empathy,and also reliability and honesty and dedication! A pretty Cool sign, in all aspects actually! one of best! : )
PS. Dear Lord...
Whatever you do , do not listen to all that Lawdog has to say!!!!
A little too judgemental and self-righteous if you ask me!
He offers advice, convinced his opinions are the only opinions that are a certainty and believe me when I say this... they are not! There are no such things as right or wrong opinions, at the end of the day, some may be more beneficial than others, DEPENDING on your circumstances.. BUT they are all equal in the fact that they are alll just opinions! Why should his be any differently interpretted than the next? Is he somehow superior to the rest of us mere mortals? Is he God? Even God would not be so opinianated to offer advice so matter of factly presuming he was right! You are only person that can do this, as you are only person with all the neccessary information and facts of your relationship! Possibly , being such a loving person, you do not wish to admit to yourself that maybe, this person you love, is simply not the one.. despite wanting him to be!
If he does not appreciate what he has in you, knowing how fiercely you love him, and knowing how dedicated you are to making him feel loved and happy... then I am sorry, maybe he just is not the one! If he was.. you would be basking right now in the reflection of your love! You know this to be true i think, don't you? No-one could love more than you.. even then with all that love he leaves you...?? Keep your dignity..You deserve to be loved as much as he.. Don't be made to feel your love is not enough , you give so much more than 100 % , don't allow him to make that not good enough! who could ask for more? he is the one not good enough for you honey.. admit to yourself.. and don't be second best!
Tizianoka, why are you so bitter??? The point is not that Cancers are uniquely loving and nuturing. All signs and all humans share similar qualities. Your pointing this out adds nothing to the discussion. I don't believe that Ashley posted her life on-line to have people tell her to dump her man. I have not attempted to be opinionated or judgemental. What I have attempted to do is share my life experiences with others and to benefit from other people's interactions with Cancers. If you have noticed, most of the posting are inquires about Cancer's confusing nature. What I have attempted to do is bring some clarity to the discussion. To let other signs know that Cancers are not just this confusing emotional mess. That there is method to the madness and that is a supreme desire to protect themselves from pain of the heart.
I believe that the best thing to do when your lover leaves you or you're in pain is NOT to react in haste. This is an opportunity to reflect on your life and make necessary changes for the future. If you close your eyes and think about all the relationships of your past, then open them again, all of that stuff was created by YOU. We move from relationship to relationship with the same old baggage and the same old worn out behavior. What I'm telling Ashley is, take this time to take care of her. Get her head, body and emotional state in order. Then she will either attract her man back or a better one down the line. If this is bad opinionated judgemental advice, then I am guilty as charged.
This comment is for Tizianoka,
My goodness you are a very intense person. Slow down a little, take a cleansing breath, and really stop and think about your comments regarding Lawdog. It really was a little harsh. No one really has all the answers, but, I certainly wouldn't throw away all the help Lawdog tried to give Ashley.
This comment is for Ashley1878,
I have been exactly where you are and it was one of the hardest times in my life. I had been married for 4 years, but with him for a total of 7 years to the love of my life. We did everything together and everyone that knew us thought we would be together forever, so did I. We never fought, we just loved life with eachother. Now, Here is the important message that you really need to pay attention to, this will help you to get real with the demise of your marriage.
The morning my husband left me, I thought, "What a jerk, I have devoted an entire 7 years of my life with him, and, helped him start a very successful business, not to mention the love we shared so deeply. In my mind there was absolutely nothing wrong and he had no reason to be unhappy. Come to find out I could of not been more wrong. Yes, I had devoted 7 years to him, and yes he also devoted 7 years to me, but, what I did not realize was that as the years went on I did not notice that my dreams were not his dreams. He did everything I wanted him to (starting that successful business, etc.) and even though he was making good money he was not as intense as I was in the financial part of the marriage. The reason he left me, he finally told me several months after hel left was, "I just can't keep up with you." The longer the marriage went on the more demanding I became in both of us being successful in all of our money ventures. He told me money was not that important to him and he could never be the person I wanted him to. Now, don't misunderstand, I am not saying this is the problem in your marriage, but, what I am saying is instead of focusing on getting back with him you should focus on getting him to tell you why he left. That's the key here, you need to know why he is gone before you can ever know if it can be fixed. From your post I can see you have very high self-esteem and that's great, but sometimes it gets in the way of our being able to understand, own, and accept our own responsibility's in the split.
I hope this helps, if you want to get him to talk to you, tell him it's a no pressure communication like you have been having. Tell him you need to know what made him leave so that you can grow and learn from this marriage and it's demise. If he cares about you at all he will respond, and if he does respond stick to getting the answer to your question, "What went wrong and will you help me understand my part in our split." Don't get him on the phone and get all crazy on him. Just ask that question and LISTEN and learn from what he is telling you.
Beleive it or not, it's probably the only chance you have to give this relationship a second go around.
Good luck, and please keep us posted!!!!!!
Ummm...the 7 year itch they call it....I went through a patch in my first marriage at the 7 year mark (we got through it though until 15 yrs) ...as did my current husband and his first wife after 7 years. I agree with Myviewpoint ...you need to sit down and CALMLY discuss the state of your marriage with him....no pleadings, no grovelling...just listen to his viewpoint. Tell him you'll listen to him...he has heard your point of view ...much of what he'll say may not be what you want to hear but listen and digest and think of ways both of you could enhance your relationship. If you've both been under a lot of stress, that does take its toll ...perhaps suggest a night away (even if its in a tent) to just try and rewind and recapture those heady days when you first met. Just getting out of routine now and again and doing something spontaneous could do the trick to revitalise a marriage. Use the time he is in Iraq to work on you and your self confidence. Take up a hobby or an interest that will help while away the hours whilst he is abroad...you'll still miss him of course but you can work towards being a bit more dependent and happier in your own company ...it'll make him look forward to coming home more than to have an "unhappy wreck" greeting him! Best of luck
I meant to say "work towards becoming more independent" ....oops!
hey you guys..wooow i didnt know i had so many responses. okay let me start by saying i have talked to my husband and he still is divorcing me, we do not live in the same state,havent lived together almost 8 months now. he says i have changed and he does not want a divorce he just wants the woman he married years ago. i admit, things got really bad for us. it seems like god puts you through things to see if you can get through it like the vows we took. im still here im not bailing out of my marriage. i will never give up on my husband, i just cant. even if i wanted to move on, i still cant, my heart wont allow me to even let him go. i am a cancer so all i can do is love him, love him far, love him till he comes back to me. he told me he loves me and dont want a divorce but right now till he comes from iraq, its whats best for us. but my thing is he may not come back to me. we have been through everything a marriage can withstand. i just dont see why we have to divorce. i am a great woman but can get sad at times,the cancer kicks in, which will make him sad. i can be a lil mean at times, but i always try to fix the problem. every man i have been with cheated on me, and they say i smother, so im working on that. i just want the man god has for me to love me and dont give up on me if im still here willin to try and fix the problem. i love through my soul and i wont stop loving him. im big on romantic, and making you laugh. it just got hard the 2nd time he went to iraq, thats when we went though everything. we have lost so much and have lost eahcother in the process, he says he just need to think and be on his own. in the meantime, im gonna work on me and hopes he comes back to me. okay now to comments: THANK YOU JP173106,we do love hard, he told me i am good at loving and taking care of him so good,sometimes i love so much i forget how much he loves me too and so i try him lol 7 yrs. and still see if he still loves me the same.thank you for your comment. TO LAWDAWG,i appreciate your comment as well, i am emotional,and its true everyone dont live off emotions. but hes emtional as well which i might have rubbed off on him i think lol that happens. taking care of me is true i do have to do that, i felt like i didnt have a life without this man, he was my routine everyday, to be around him and no one else. i am trying now, because i did have an issue with my weight it goes up and down, i am now losing weight, im not big but thick i would say, hes never ever complained bout my weight because he doesnt think its a problem,its just me. but i am working on it. i am doing alot of things i didnt do. he only wants me to work on being more loving again and i will do that but he has to do the same . he cant see tomorrow with us but i can, he needs to have faith in me and our marriage, im not a bad wife, i dont do alotof the things other wives have done to their husbands and the mistakes i have made doesnt make me who i am. but yes like you said work on me, doing that as of right now. TO TIZIANOKA,thank you as well for you comments aboutcancer, so true about us being selfless thats me, i would give him my air if he wasnt breathing he deserves it more than me, hes fighting for our country.hes awsome to me. i just dont show it like i use to but being at the bottom in your life makes you realize what you had and what you have to do to get back where you started. i think we both gotta give 1000% or just let it go. thank you though. TO MYVIEWPOINT, thank you sweetie, i like that you can relate to me, very respected on your opinion too, sorry about the changes you went through. im going through them now, getting a job considering the fact i have never worked but i am going to now. things have changed, i had a nice lifestyle. and yes i did get him on the phone and i did LISTEN,it was nice to hear his voice havent it in almost 5 months he sound so diffrent too, but it was nice and thats when he said he didnt want the divorce but right now we need to be apart and figure out life with out all the yelling and begging eachother to change, just change for our ownselves. i dnt have high selfesteem, not at all, i wish did people think because i am very pretty that i would but i dont, like i said before men have all cheated on me cant seem to get that right lol they all said i love really good but may smother at times and dont know it, i give my all to men quickly i know now. i am confident in myself and can walk in a room and gain alot of attention just by apperance., its a glow i assume when you are seperated lol. thank you for your comment as well, u will be blessed myviewpoint. TO RNRCHICK I THINK I SPELLED IT RIGHT(SORRY IF ITS NOT),yes i did listen to him when we talked. that is the key to making a person feel respected, when you hear them. i didnt talk at him i talked to him, i am going to take care of myself and look towards my future, i gotta have a life before i can live in his. we both know that now. he going through alot out there as well as me. i just miss that man so much, its rediculous, this wholeworld can fade but i still wont move if hes beside me. i say all this about him but he just dont think or believe i love him this much. im trying to figure it out. i did change but im giving it to god because hes the only one that can see us through. if he doesnt come back to me then, hes missing out on a great woman because i am admitted my mistakes and i am not going back down the same road as i did before. when you leave a person out of the blue and tell them either wake up or move on, trust me you will do one are the other. im as woke as i will ever be, im tired of crying in the morning,my heart is tired and i want my bestfriend back. so everyone i am working on me and praying for my marriage. thanks guys.
I'm 45. I've been in love with 2 Taurus in my life and have dated a lot of other signs, mostly 1 dates but, Taurus and Cancers have been my Fav. I'm dealing with a cancer right now. My 2 Taurus are like little brothers to me now. ( Yes, I still know them) I read in your last post that you and your husband used to wanted for each of you to Change" change into what? That is the most frustrating thing to say to a person, that's telling them that they aren't who you want. I was always told that men don't change very much and by 40, they are stuck in their ways. Your husband is committed to the government, that is his first wife. The thing I've noticed about my Taurus, they love to help other people and they can spread their time too thin and it's the primary woman that seems to lose out, the most. At the beginning, they there whenever you need them and they are great company and they charm the hell out of everyone. Great guy is what you hear from a lot of people, and that's what they want to hear from the people that they have close to them. When you tell him to change, that Taurus pride will make them resent you. They like nice things and aren't afraid to work for them. They expect you to help achieve these things too and not be fully dependent on them. It's a good thing that you are looking for a job. My first one, we had a business together, he was the salesperson and together, we would work on the projects. he was also a local entertainer and I knew the words to all his songs, he wrote a couple because I inspired him I was his #1 fan and I promoted him too! His ex wife got into a bad car accident 2000 miles away and he had to go take care of his sons. We kept in contact for 11 years. He lived with his ex for about a year and, she kept asking him to change too. He came back to Cali and when he couldnt find me, he married the daughter of a woman I had worked with for awhile. He had kept in contact with that woman and her husband all those years and I didn't know it. Then he found me and his marriage started going down hill but, since he married someone else, I didn't want him anymore. His wife used to ask me why he would act a certain way ( he had introduced me to her and apparently he talked about me a lot to her) I also realized I didn't want a man that almost every woman that meets him, wants to do him and he wouldn't exactly lie, he would just omit things when he was telling other women. He told me I was the best woman he has ever had in his life. My second Taurus, I met soon after I moved here to Vegas. He was always there when I needed him. I worked nights and weekends but, I would see him during the day. it took me almost 4 months to realize he was living with a woman. They had been together 7 years. I wasn't the first woman that he cheated on her with, there was one just before me. He and I stayed in each other lives for almost 2 years. I knew he wasn't going to leave her, they had too many things together and she helped pay for them. We did have a 3 month period of time when we didn't talk and I left a message on his voicemail that he would meet another woman and lose his heart to her but she would break it. When he called me and then came over to see me, it was to tell me that is what exactly happened and the woman he lives with, found out. She kept demanding that he change and he would stay away from home, even when his affair was over. She finally told him that she realizes he's going to do what he wants to do and she stopped nagging him. He was home every night after that and she finally started going out with her friends, having a life apart from him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is. You have to become independent of your husband and have distractions. You can't change people, you can only change yourself. You have a potential that you need to fill and it's NOT dependent on him. You also need an outlet for your emotions like this forum or writing or, volunteering your time to help others or going back to school and going into a field that helps people. There is a need for nurses. You have a lot of love and caring to give and no place to give it. Your husband is in the service, you should be able to get grants. look into it and let him know. He will be proud of you and supportive. And you will be that cheerful loving person he wants back. Scorpios have a lot of the same traits as Cancers so I know about the dark places and I'm comfortable when my Cancer goes there But, they make a lot of other signs uncomfortable. I'm a very loving person and medical/counseling has been the best field for me. My Cancer is in the medical field too, he's a Pharmacist!
LIGHTEN UP!!!!! Your intensity would scare anyone away. . I'm a Taurus and my daughter's father is a Cancer. He deserted us when she was 2, and never looked back and we were together for 10 years!! The war has changed him (your Taurus) 4-ever! He's a different man now. You have to grow-up too! Men want to enjoy life and relationships, don't freak or do the 20 question thing, just BE!
Have you done your chart? What's your Moon and Ascending signs? What are his?? You have to know them and read the horoscopes for those signs as well as your Astrological sign.
My sister was a Cancer, and her husband was a Taurus. He left her, she "found" someone that killed her 22 years ago, she was 29. Her estranged husband overdosed 6 years ago around the aniversary of her death. Life is hard, and SERIOUS. Grow up fast or leave that man alone. Listen to your inner voice for the right thing to do from here on.
I wish you the best and pray that you go-up and remember there called "first" loves for a reason, that is there will be more. He was your first, not your last. Margie-Ct.
Wow! lawdawg, I'm truly impressed by your advice, and I could not agree more. Ashley1878 didn't really clarify what transpired between her husband and herself, only the possibility that she was smothering. It doesn't really matter, as long as she is honest with herself, but I suspect there is much more to it than that. Regardless, I think your best course of action when dealing with a separation (temporary or permanant) is to focus on your personal growth, and self confidence. It always produces better insight. Ultimately learning what makes you happy transforms into your ability to make your mate happy.
Ashley1878, you should be commended as well. You are intuitive enough to seek answers here. This site is all about self exploration. Remember, if it is answers that you seek, you will find them from within deep. Life is a long road of heartbreak on many levels. You would do well to follow lawdawgs advice. It will most certainly lessen the pain, and bring true enduring love into your life. Good luck, sweetie
Ok, did it again. Sorry Ashley1878, I didn't read your second post before posting my first. After reading the second post it gives a little more clairity.
Have you considered that maybe your husband is detaching so he can leave without feeling all the pain of separation? As I understand, it is a pretty common reaction with soldiers. He is going into combat for a third time, and I'm sure you know how scary that is.
There were stricter policies on re-deployment and time limits before. The rationale' was that extended combat time and more than a couple of deployments were too detrimential to a soldiers emotional state, which would render them less effective on the battlefield, ultimately resulting in more loss of life. It could be, that his detachment has nothing to do with you at all.
With all of that said, I would be wrong not to tell you this. A relationship is a fragile and delicate thing. It should be handled with as much care, as you the love you feel for your husband. Anytime there is yelling and screaming it is detrimental to the integrity of the of the relationship. It creates wounds sometimes that do not heal, chipping away at the bond that you are working so hard to keep. When you are yelling, you are not communicating nor does the other person hear you. It is only serves to hurt both of you, and causes undue stress.
I can't imagine how it feels to be fighting with the one you love, knowing that you may never see them again. That goes both ways, but imagine if you were him, and trying to get you mind in the right place to go to war. Whoa.
As far as the previous men that cheated on you, more men cheat than don't. Don't you watch the news girl. Sometimes they just can't help themselves. It's not a reflection on you. But, I can say they are less likely if the relationship is not in turmoil. It's very common with younger men, you know hormones and all. Sometimes they just do it to do it, and sometimes you can push them right into another women's bed if you give them too much grief.
To be fair women cheat too, but usually because they are not satisfied emotionally in their relationship. Men, especially young men, any excuse at all will do. The wind blows on the right spot, the conquest, the chase, revenge. You name it. The point is, it's not about you. Knowing this, will help keep you from bringing that hurt to your next relationship. Also, remember jealously is one of the most evil emotions. Don't be that girl.
One last interjection; I don't think lawdawg was advising you to excercise to loose weight. I think it was more on the lines of spiritual furfillment. It completes the trine between mind, body and soul. But, I can't talk either, l yoyo too. Lord knows my butt gets bigger, and athough I know lawdawg is right, I'm still sitting here right on it. lol
Hang in there
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