Taurus 7 advice please
Hi I need your help.:)
I know things have been working out well sofar with your cancer man. You understand his sensitivity .. I am very hurt and sad.. I am having a very hard time.
Its been 2 weeks since I talked to my cancer man. I will try to be brief.
Was going on vacation with his kids..called me before he was leaving said he loves and misses me a lot.his phone is broke has not gotten a new one no extra money right now. (Long story)
Calls me when he gets back but not until 2 days after I got back from my trip away. I was worried didn't hear from him. I txt a guy at his work to tell him to call me.. he called me I was so relieved I was quiet in the phone.
I couldn't carry on a normal conversation I thought something happened to him. I was quiet while listening to his problems a re occurring one.
I didn't say much just a question here and there. I've said ill call you later. I said no that is ok. Im just glad. That was all I got him to say. He hung up on me.
I sent him a fb message he didn't answer me for 2 days then he said. You acted like you didn't even want to talk to me so I was pissed off. I didn't hear from you so I thoughts you were pissed off too. ( meaning me)there are times when he us hurt by me. Thinking I don't care about him. I never knew I even hurt him..
I sent him3 more messages explaining I was so relieved you were ok.. and I was trying to listen to you talk about your problem. Of course I wanted to talk to you. I couldn't wait.
I told him I was at my new job and since he was ok I figured I would just talk to you when you got your new phone. Which he still hasn't ..
He never answered back. I have sent him 5 more messages ranging from. I love you and miss you call me. To im done I can't believe you are doing this to me again. It hurts to much. If you need time tell me.
please give me some insight here. I've told him I just want to hear your voice I love you.I don't ever want to walk away from you. (No mother or father in his life)
I've tried .. I know I have twice said something I shouldn't have. But really I never get mad at him he thinks I do. I react to him getting mad at me. Its 2 weeks now and no word from him.
We used to be good friends in hs. Is he that hurt? Will he ever answer me. His should I handle this. I am really struggling..
I hate the silent treatment .. what am I doing wrong? I never knew he was this sensitive. Or he us just done with me .. I can't figure it out.
I need your advice please I love him so much.. I am afraid to say anything anymore .. I know I am to out spoken at times. How should I handle this now?
Well baby, Thank you, but I broke up with my cancer guy...long story.
But I will tell you this. A cancer is unique. They have their own quirks. However, from what I know, have the deepest fears. Fears that for the most part, they make up in their own minds bc of their refusal to let anyone in. Which is very sad, bc if they would let people in, they would see that their fears are mainly made up.
But, it is so hard for them bc of their sensitivity. Their sensitivity is unique to any other sign I have met. The depth of their thoughts compares to none.
But darlin, if you love your guy and want to make it work, you cannot be hot then cold with him.
That is more than they can bare.....it truly is. BC you see, they run every angle of every situation back and forth 10,000 times. They need stability and security more than they need air.
Calmness is a Cancer's dream. But even then, it may not be enough. It wasn't for mine. His insecurities got the best of us.
But, we were different. We are older, early 40's, past marriages, children, etc......if you honestly want him and are in total love with him, then go for it. Be calm, stay calm, keep telling him how you feel. Yet, do not waste years with it. Set a legitimate time frame...say 9 months.....if you do not see changes, then you decide.
I thought me and my type of love was enough for him, but ultimately, his traits won out.
Not bc he wanted that, he just could not help that....if that does not make sense, I will expound....
Im crying right now for you and for me. I need to. Im sorry you I know you were happy and in love and thought you were doing all the right things which I am sure you were.
Like you said his personality traits got in the way. I do see that happening with me also. I have that inner voice that tells me only friendship will ever work. He is way to sensitive for me. I would always worry about what I am going to say at all times.
Being a capi and an italian we don't ever hold back.
I am 41 I think we do have similar situations. In a previous thread.
I will say you have a very calming affect on me. The couple times I have asked for advice you respond .. I do feel better.
I want you to know I am so thankful for your words and the way you calm me.
I feel very sad for you. I hope you are dealing with this ok. I know being on this site and giving advice helps take your mind off of things and helping someone feel better always makes a person happy ..
Well honey i am thinking of you too and I hope you are doing ok.. if I can help in anyway I will.
How long were in in a relationship for?
Oh capgirl, now I am crying!! it is just so hard. I loved this man.....more than any other man I have known. Your encouragement mean the world to me. I am calm, thank you for that, bc I hate drama and I hate to be left hanging.
My cancer guy is amazing, he just does not know it...that is the sad reality. I cannot tell you how many times I told him I loved him and he asked why.....??/
That made me so sad. But I gave him a huge list of reasons every time. I meant everyone of them....
But darlin,.... the peace and joy I have out of this, and I told J this was...I loved you well. And I did. I actually loved him better than any other woman ever has. Deep down, I know he knows that is true. If my love was not enough, nothing will ever be enough for him. I can accept that. It makes me sad, but I know I did my part. No regrets from my side.
But, the reality, many regrets from his side. He is not wanting to accept this. That, I cannot help.
I have a beautiful friend who quoted this line to me, which was taken from sex in the city ( a show I did not watch) it was...I love you, but I love me more.....
I am trying to love me more, but I know that I love my kids a ton.
I left a horrible marriage, bc I knew we deserved better, so..in the end, I will NOT settle for less than what we deserve. I may not ever find that. But I will not settle. I can't. That just won't work for me.
A few months shy of 2 years...
What ever you want to know. Just ask. I will be an open book on this one. If I can help anyone, then so be it.
You seem to me to be a beautiful person. I hole this is just a little buml for you both and this will make your cancer man stronger and more assured..
I have said to my cancer man. When he told me he has never felt this kind of love before. " I will show you love like you have never felt before"
I know in my heart I would of loved him like no other woman has. He has no parents ..just his 2 kids and ex wife. I never wanted to let him down like they did..
I loved him and told him all the time. He told me he loves the way I make him feel. That is what I wanted.
I know how you feel, i know that J knows deep down too. Since they do seem to think all the time. I hope he can convince himself of how much you loved him and that is enough for you..
D said to me I sometimes don't understand myself. I am still trying to figure myself out.I guess they really are there own worse enemy..
I hope J does..
yes taurus we do need to love ourselves more! I am working on that. I do need to put myself first.
First I am sorry fir the typos. I am using my touch screen phone.
2 years! Oh honey that is so long. I can't imagine what you are going through ..
Did you break up because he just wouldn't accept that you love him or kept questioning you?
Did he lack self confidence?
I know with D there was times when I never knew I was hurting him. It was great for a couple weeks in a row and then his feelings would get hurt.
To me it was very minor situations ..
was it like that for you?
I am still hoping for this to work out. Like I said before. I hope it is just a little bump in your relationship .. I hope you both can come out stronger bc of this. I always believe in time you will see for every tough situation something good always comes out of it..
In time.. I will put you in my thoughts .. positive ones tonight. I look forward to talking and helping each other through this
We broke up bc of his temper and lack of accountability. He has never lost his temper at me or children, but I have seen it. What bothered me the most was, the person who it was directed at, did nothing wrong. It stunned me.
I think what stunned me more was his no big deal attitude. To me it was a huge deal.
How do you feel today?If you could pick out what caused the most problem in your relationship what would it be?
Have you talked to him since you broke up?
I think we can help each other.
I honestly believe the only problem in our relationship was his inward fear and bc of that keeping everything inside.
I have talked to him a lot. We work together.
I fell the same. Just very sad.
That us exactly what was wrong with my relationship .. its scary in sure there were a lot if simalarities.
Im glad to hear your talking. That helps im sure. Does he tell you he wants to get back together? Or does he realize that it just might not work?
One of my best friends is a taurus. We get along so well.I understand her ..it helps to be understood.
In time we will both have more answers. Its the waiting that ia so hard.
Hey Taurus7 and Capgirl17
I just want to say that I am sorry to hear of your troubles and heartache. We Cancer's can be very self destructive and I'm not sure why. We can also be extremely selfish as I have been in my life. Though my ex Taurus and weren't right for each other, she was an amazing girlfriend and I was selfish and foolish in many ways. I have learned a lot from that relationship and I pray that I won't make that mistake again. it's funny how we often don't realize the beauty we have in front of us until it's gone. I suppose we wouldn't learn and grow without making mistakes, but it's when we continually make the same mistakes that life stops making sense. I have to learn to surrender instead of thinking I can be the person I want to be without my heavenly father. I can't.
I'll be praying for you. Take care
Thank you cancerman I truly appreciate your words ..I know in my heart that they will realize there mistake . I really feel that.. maybe one day it will all work out but for now we all learn from it.
I can say I felt really loved and I never felt like this before. I will take that with me and remember it always..
Cancerman & Capgirl - I think the most difficult thing for me is JUST being his friend. I do not have any desire to lash out at him or to hurt him. One thing I did tell him was I knew that I had loved him well.
For some reason, that keeps sticking out to me. It makes me wonder if he will truly let me go, BC he knows that too. He loved me well in return except for that one area. Communication over his feelings and fears.
I am trying to create as much distance between us as I can, since we do work together. But, I can feel him watching every move I make. Sure, I see him, I chose not to talk to him BC my heart is breaking, he can't stand that, so he will say something to me and WHOOSH!! Here come all the feelings flooding in.
Taurus 7..I think the same thing. I got off of fb for awhile so I don't have any contact with him now. I told him i love him and will always have good thoughts about him .. but I do wonder if he will accept this or fight for me.
I want him to miss me. And Realize what he has to change to make it work. .but for both of us. I.
Think they are scared
See, I do not need J to fight for me, or change. What I would need is for him to trust in me enough to share his fears with me and to believe enough in me and us that he would do it eagerly.
That is what he does not seem to have ever of done in his whole entire life. So, I am guessing that it is out of the realm of possibility for him to do.