Blmoon thank you



  • Thank you for sharing your history and your wods of advice and help on the Captain's Blog. It is not a subject I have ever really spoken to anyone about because it hurts too much but my abuse was nowhere near as extreme as yours. You have amazing strength to live through that and still be able to hold down a job and have a semblance of a normal life, at least to be able to portray that to the outer world. I have not found a teacher yet because I have this hangup about motherly women, my mother died when I was a baby and I have a stepmother who is bipolar and completely unpredictable still, so I have this phoba about women my mother's age, I do not react well to offers of love from women of that age. I am in my late 30's, the big 40 next year. I hope I never have to bury one of my children.

    Thank you for being so open, I do not know what triggered the conversation but I am glad it was.

    xxPaddi



  • Your spiritual mother will come! I see that 43 will be a real change of life for you---education will be important and you will be more social and less connected to the home as you will feel an energy pulling you towards something. I see a bit of a storm first---as if you need a great anger to move past your "complacency" Someone will get you fighting mad--but it will serve you as you will feel an urgency to do something bold. Spirit wants you to remember that before every great leap comes resistance and it is the hard thing to do. I know you will follow your intuition when the choice comes. Do not down play your own pain--pain is pain and you have suffered.It has made you tolerant--compassionate and intuitive. I'm sure you spent many dark moments curling deeply into yourself and into the deep place of angels. One never forgets that---being close to the Angels --feeling their presence. My strength is their strength. They were with you as well--and you take that with you just as much as the wounded part. When you are ready your spiritual mother will come into your life and she will teach you how to mother yourself. I'm hearing the word April--maybe not the month but as a name April--I see an older woman white hair short with some curl--her face is round--beautiful smile-- she's wearing a cotton dress like from the fifties--looks like those rap around dresses that tie at the waist--it's windy and she's outside--a photograph? I'm not sure the relationship but she loves you deeply. You are loved! BLESSINGS!



  • The woman you describe sounds a bit like my aunt Carmel, she now lives in Brazil close to her youngest daughter. We never really had much contact until recently. Otherwise I cannot think of anyone or anyone with that name. My aunt's daughter is called Summer, I think it issuch a lovely name.

    Yes my angels are ever present, MissBeth got me back in touch with them and they give me comfort on the darker days and join in my joy on the lighter days

    The move to Ireland is something that requires me to step far outside my comfort zone and return to the same country as my stepmother but at the same time I know if I do not do this I will never find peace anywhere. We always have here to fall back on if it does not work out.

    Better go and make a birthday cake and try to fight that inactivity so I can declutter this terrible house...

    Hugs to you and thank you once again,

    Paddi



  • Carmel does sound like April--so I always tell the recipiant to trust their first impression but then again the person I saw could be passed over and you would have a love connection so if Carmel does not represent a loving nurturing energy then it's not her. This person radiates a strong mothering energy--very nurturing. Sounds like you intuitively know your war with your house represents a much deeper war within your "self"---don't settle Paddi. You deserve to be "HOME".BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon actually I am thinking more of my father's girlfriend, her name is Iris and she has her own reiki studio and she is full of good wisdom and very empathic and I think there is a lot of love she can give if it is asked for. But who knows, maybe someone else is there and I have not met them yet.

    Can I ask you a question? I wonder if your partner is the man of your dreams, if he is the support you need on those down days and the great person to have a laugh with etc. I ask because my partner is absent 95% of the time, out building up empires to ensure our future, very noble and he does it well, but he is completely unavailbale emotionally. ow Captain has given me the advice to cut him loose, I know myself that he will never change, he will always have work on place number 1, but I so miss the company and yes like you said he is misuing my trusting nature and my long explosion chord. I was wondering how you cope and if, when you are doing readings again, you could do one for me whether this will ever change. I have resigned myself to the fact that it won't but it makes me unhappy and I did not get married and have a family in order to do it all alone. He works away during the week and doed all his own business stuff and plans business meetings during the week, I kow he wants to be with us but somehow there is always something more important, like if he misses an appointment the whole world will collapse but we the family can wait because we are patient and will not collapse.

    I am basically asking you for a second opinion. I hope you can give it to me when you have the energy.

    Many thanks, Paddi



  • I'M, taking a break but feel your question and can do this one as it won't take much energy. Here's the thing about relationships. We have two worlds going on--the earthly plane and the spiritual and somewhere we balance the two. SO--if you went to a counselour and poured out you problems about your mate--they in the eartlthy mode of books and education probably would suggest both of you seeking counseling or if he did not agree they would probably advise you to get out as it is toxic and you're needs aren't being met. Then there's the spiritual side that might say---stick it out and work on yourself according to what this mate brings out in you and use his ways to build changes in yourself--heal you. I've been married 40 years and no my husband is not always there for me in fact he can be very detached although I trust he loves me deeply. He did grow as I did. Early on I blamed all my problems on him--felt trapped and often neglected and abandoned. The day my life changed was when I let that go and decided I had to stop blaming him and it was my responsability to thrive my own best friend and mate. I saw too many girlfriends get rid of one man only to repeat the same issues again and again--as if the problem was just bad luck with men. A voice told me that if I left my husband---and believe me I was ready so many times!---I would just pick another man with the same issues. I honestly believe now that my mate and I have shared many lifetimes and my marriage was right--for better or worse. We both come from abused childhoods and a bad catholic influence from a tougher time and the same rough neighborhood. We had scars that played off each other. I think the only time to cut loose is if you are progressing in little ways but your partner never does. I believe it is the woman who leads---You are the queen and the King steps up--that is the test of true love--if you change and to keep you he heals some too. Also, your mate should fit your needs. OK--my husband has anxieties over too much intimacy. And my needs of a writer to demand times of uninteruppted alone writing time makes his problem a plus--I make it work for me! It means I can use my alone time to be myself the writer. A man who needs more of ME would not be happy. So you must take into account how you can make your mates shortcomings work for you. It is the Goddess way to make something sh ity work for you--that gives you power. My man with all his faults worked for me because he challanged me to heal my baggage--he brought out the wound of abandonment and neglect. Often my anger towards him fueled me to change and do things that normally an abused child cannot get past. An abused child grows up with issues of helplessness. So often a controlling man inspires us to be more assertive and give up the victim mode we get stuck in. I got very bold in my late thirties--kids older I stopped crying and trying to change him--I let go of him and got selfish about ME---it was a big impass and he gave me a hard time--sabotaging me because he liked the system--as an abused child himself he like to feel in controll and prefered emotional distance because he had trust issues. But here's the thing and God's promise--that if we choose the right thing to do--we get a back up--it is rough a bit at first but it passes and once we change--if he truelly loves us he will leap up to meet us--and each leap you grow together. The truth is your next partner is only as perfect as you are! If you do not resolve your own issues your only attract a man who mirrors your issues. Our relationships reflect US. Everytime I felt trapped or needy about my mate I learned--to ask myself what am I doing to attract this and instead of trying to change him I changed myself. I went to college--I made friends of a higher nature--instead of surrounding myself with people who let me be slack a ss I latched onto people who brought out the better potential--people who held me accountable to be my best self. A safety network that insured I didn't stay in victim mode and lie to myself. I had to learn not to need my mate to complete me or be dependant on him for happiness. Sometimes anger is a jet fuel to change. Often my mate ticked me off enough to leap up and make a bold change. If a man thinks you are so loyal that he can neglect you and not work at pleasing you he will take advantage of that. Why would he change? When a man sees you shine from a distance it draws him close. The moment I saw your cake I was wowed--you are meant to shine! And you are hiding your talents--that is easy to do when children are small as motherhood can fill your world. But I predict as your little ones grow older you will feel the empty place of your own dreams and needs and purpose and that will be the time you will test your mate. Work on you being more empowered. A part of him knows what a gem you are and he wants you safe in his pocket--so, no--- he is not going to encourage you to shine for the world. That's why mates like that will put you in places that do not feed you--it's why you end up in a house you hate--been there----Captain is not being wrong just not telling you the options--truth is he is not meeting your needs but you have a choice to heal that within yourself and let him decide as if you change for the better but he cuts the cord then you know for sure letting him go is truth because you will not have to make the descision. He will. My advice is to work towards completing yourself and letting the future decide itself. You need a network of friends you respect and feel really know the real you. You need to demand to have essentials you need to blossom in your truth--if you need a home to be your best then you must fight for that. Either get that house to love you back or move somewhere that does. Also, get your talents out into the world---he needs to feel some competition! Wether he's the same man or a new one you will only attract the same love you give yourself. If you neglect your needs--the man will neglect your needs. Get more demanding about your needs. You start with the little stuff and it sends a message to the world and you get back what you put out The problem at first as a abused child we don't even know what we need! That's why it is a slow process---we are so used to accepting our fates.. You settle too much---and I was that pleaser too who often avoided conflict and made do because I was used to it as a child--doing as I was told and no back talk. I learned to shut off my needs and opinions and do as I'm told---to ignore pain and discomfort. On the plus side being that disciplined gave me the staying power to compete in anything and have extra endurance. So again wounds can serve you or hold you back--it's a free will choice. I see you will have your own revolution within the next 3 years and he will fight you but I do not see him disapearing for good. You have more power than you know---and he likes it like that. Also beware that he will pretend to be all you wished--just as you are blooming but really he only gives it up to you so he can pull the rug out and hopefully get you to crumble back into a injured heap. My man keeps me strong. Keeps me from being complacent and needy. There are no prince charmings out there waiting to complete you. The fairytale prince is usually G ay! Men are different. I believe it is a good girlfriend or mother figure that fills in the needs that men are indifferent to. Men are solvers---they do not care to just be a sounding board--they will run from that. Right now you are still isolated with motherhood but that will change. Stop focusing on what is missing of him and just start cultivating places in your life that you can fill yourself. Get out into the world and be more than mother and wife or it will shatter you when your children leave the nest. My great escape was college--not as a degree but as feeding my talent--I cultivated my talents and it is a place to bring the world to you and let you shine. You need to start connecting more with others and testing your talents. Also, beware that as you invite friendships you will be between two worlds---attracting people like your abusers as well as teachers and nurturers but this is all good as you learn about your shadow side and after awhile you get good at knowing who you really are and aware of how to not listen to your wound. You are in a place that is challanging you to fill your own needs--with or without him. Hope this makes sense to you. My husband was a wise choice--in sickeness and in health not because he was perfect but he helped me grow despit him. So don't wait on him to change---you change first---the man follows or not---are you afraid to test that? I was too! BLESSINGS!



  • Oh my, you whacked the breath right out of me. Thank you so much Yes I have reached the point where I am ready to continue with my own life and see if he follows, just like the move to Ireland, I don't know f he will come but I am going regardless, I joined a running club this week, the kids are getting bigger and I am so afraid I will be stuck alone when they are gone.

    My hubby and I are mentally and spiritually so alike, we do the same things at the same time apart and we have the same thoughts, sometimes it is scary. Yes I am starting to see the positive things and make the negative ones work to my advantage, and to grow myself.

    Your story is so like mine it is amazing.

    Thank you thank you thank you I will read and reflect.

    Hugs and I hope you regain your energy quickly.

    xPaddi



  • Sorry to interup guys (But hi no time no here paddifluff and Blmoon! :D) But Blmoon I don't know if you rememberme from my old thread to you but I been writing on it but I don't think you see it because it's so old lol so just wanted to tell you I had a few questions-Lifes been going a little better blessings are coming my way littleby little bit I feel there's alt more coming and may be even some I still haven't sen or a work in progress lol. My old thread to you is called Blmoon May I have insight or http://www.tarot.com/forum/topic.php?id=13393&replies=34.

    Done alot of growing since I first posted lol.



  • Asia will you start your own thread please



  • Im sorry paddifuff sure thing.



  • Blmoon just an update, hubby cut the chord.



  • This post is deleted!


  • Thanks for your concern Dmick. Husband behaved out of line, I took him up on it, he started an email warfare and acccused me of being terribly ungrateful and a lot of other things including saying if you want out it is your call about twenty times so after the last email I just said ok here is everything you just said to me in a word doc and what I said to you in another word doc please confirm and I will look into a legal separation. He seems to think I will die of poverty along wih the kids if he leaves us but I work as a translator and will now take that up a bit more fulltime and that makes a lot of bucks. Me not worried, just upset that the man I married said I have spent the last 10 years accusing him of being a loser even before we married. Not a word about the support he has gotten, the freedom to pursue his own interests. Oh yes he also asked me how I expect him to provide for me and then also come home and do nursery time so I can go out and have a life while he uses all his spare time for us. I asked him did he think being a father was a spare time activity. Let it be said that if I ever want to go out I order ababysitter even if he is around because he never coes home on time.

    I am going to stop now I am rather not in a good mood. Tomorrow is a new day. In my perfect world I do not have these kind of problems so I am just going to go there now for the evening.

    Did I mention my husband shows all the signs of having Aspergers Syndrome?

    xxthanks again for your concern



  • Storm in a teacup. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

    xPaddi



  • We are all feeling the rumbbles of big change! Stay angry--in a good way---know your value and don't be threatened. You know the truth. You already did the scary thing. You'll be fine. He will either respect your needs and value your devotion to making him a home he gets to claim with least effort. OR you will move on without him--but you will be fine. Maybe he will decide to please you and let go of that house that sucks you dry and doesn't give back and let that mistake go. You deserve to be dazzled---let him know he has not dazzled you in a long time. I can tell by your beautiful cake that you are a woman with talents--that dazzle. You deserve a man who returns the same. He can step up if he chooses. Stay strong. I do not feel any caution ahead other than to not get stuck in fear. Something good can come from this. If he gets done being angry and comes back with sweet talk---make it work for you---decide now what you need from him and set the bar higher. The Queen leeds. BLESSINGS!



  • Paddi,

    I am so very sorry to read of all you have been through in my absence. Mind you I"m only popping in today so i suspect by the time you read this i will have logged out. Know that you are in my thoughts. Head for the Emerald Isle and make your way How I wish I could be there to give you a spiritual hug. Be well my friend.

    RC



  • Thanks RC you are more of a warrior than I will ever be, at least I can go to the shop for food without too much worry. Hugs straight back I hope you will be around more now.

    xxP



  • Blmoon thank you for your words of wisdom, we hurt those we love the most because we know we will be forgiven. I have set the bar a bit higher and demanded changes which we have to make together, I do not know what the future holds or where the next paycheck comes from but I am mot afraid, I just hope the next job my husband takes is one he likes and stays at in a place he wants to be, in a place we all want to be. Why are we women so forgiving? Hope you have a nice weekend.

    xPaddi



  • We have to be! Or the world would destruct. Choose any society that does not respect or honor the female energy---you get barbaric citys with no reverence for art--litereture or healing. Women keep us civilized. But each of us---even women must be our own perfect city---we can't be all female energy either but must have a healthy safe yin and yang. You are being asked--for awhile now to BEEF up your male half that protects and fights for your needs---or your female power will wither. But you get that! It's all good and stay brave. The new moon is a great time to plant the new rules of your relationship boundries and expectations. Plant that seed and nurture it and in six months you will enjoy that harvest to full fruitations! PROMISE! Blessings!.


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