Captain and/or shuabby please help!
My name is Krista and my birthday is 3-20-90
His name is Zach (Zachary) 11-14-1989
We're coming up on our 3 year anniversary soon and I keep getting very indecisive about us. Some days I want to get married to him, others I just want to let go and start a new path for myself. We are mostly happy, but I still dont fully know if its right. I need guidance. What do you think?
Krista, the signs are that this relationship is good for a love affair but will struggle in a marriage. Your relationship with your partner brings out your sensuous side, allowing you to relax and to bring your nervousness under control. If the sexual attraction is strong here, it usually results in a prolonged and complicated love affair. Marriage or a deep commitment to living together, however, is not particularly strong for this matchup, since if serious problems arise, you being the dreamier one will tend to flee, while your more realistic partner will unilaterally modify or even break off the relationship. He partner can be much too authoritarian for you at times. Together however you can be a very magnetic and attractive couple to others which can bring its own problems. There will be a fair amount of honesty and openness here, but in certain crucial areas, facts or feelings may be deftly hidden and true emotions suppressed. Out of an instinctive fear of getting hurt, the other partner may choose to turn a blind eye to such secrets but they will eventually harm the relationship when they get out.
When things are good between you, they can be very good, but when things turn sour, as they almost inevitably do here, neither of you may feel the relationship is worth the exhausting effort required to put it right.
I don't know what to say other than wow. Would you happen to have any advice?
Your main problems individually are that you Krista are often too selfless for your own good. You give a lot to others but now it's time to do what you really want. You really want to be valued and wanted but you could be cheating yourself of a whole dimension of intimacy and personal liberty just to please your partner. You have to do what's right for you or you will never be completely happy.
Zach's opinion of himself can wobble dangerously at times toward self-deprecation. He doesn't relate socially to others on a completely balanced level because of his inconsistent idea of his social worth. While on one level he is always hoping to be idolized and honoured by others, he really expects to be maligned or ignored. His pride and his vengeful, punitive side can get him into serious trouble at times. Unless he learns to step back and be less spiteful - be more objective and less emotional - he will always have this fear of being a nobody or regular person, and his ego will always drive him towards seeking an amount of success that is impossible to achieve. Thus he will always treat you as his groupie or subordinate, rather than his equal partner.
I don't believe this relationship will endure to a deep level of commitment, but you can perhaps make it better while it lasts by being truthful with each other and bearing in mind that winning isn't everything. Examine your motives carefully. You will both have to work at this relationship to improve it.
Do you know if its in the stars to move on or to work on it? We have had issues before where I thought we couldnt get better but we did. Also, do you happen to know what his true opinion of my work is?
We did break up for awhile last year. His persistence in wanting me back after he broke up with me was stronger than my resentment towards him for it. Things were really great after that for awhile...its even still better now than it was before the break up...but now Im just starting to feel like maybe our lives may be going in to two seperate directions...but things are still good a lot of the time. I dont want to ruin something that isnt broken and might just be in a normal relationship emotional drought, but what if its time?
This relationship may be right - but not right now. In other words, you sound like you are moving and growing away from each other at the moment but it doesn't mean that in the future you won't come around back to meet again as more mature and experienced people.