2 year rollercoaster
for the past 2 years i have dated the same guy off and on he is very hot and cold though one minute he loves me and the next he doesn't know what he wants. but we have a very strong connection he just gets scared. now he is trying to get me back once again and appears to be ready for commitment and truely in love. should i trust him?
Hi, Gossipqueen. I'd like you to consider that the strong connection the two of you have is not the source of his confusion and retreat. Yes, there is love on both sides, however, as hard as it may sound to you at this time, this is a pattern for him, deeply imbedded in his psyche and in his emotional fabric. There are issues between you that, over time, did not get resolved. These issues likely will not be resolved. I would ask you to examine what specifically has changed this time around. Has he changed? Or is this just surface effort on his part? The back and forth between you is very draining; I see you are an Earth mother, realistic, loving, dedicated, but he simply pulls you in directions perhaps you don't need to go. I wouldn't call it an issue of trust, per se, but I would look deeply into your motivations, as well as his, before you accept him back into your life.
Something I tell my clients: the past is the past. Let's leave it there.
You have so much goodness about you! Such a rich personality and spirit. Is he a 5 out of 5? Or just someone from the past you have had difficulty releasing?
Take heart. Your love life is not over; it is only beginning. Make a list of your values, make a list of qualities you know to be compatible with your own. Then, examine whether he truly fits in with your life, life path, and life style.
I'm a little bit old-fashioned in that I perceive men to be the pursuers (sp?). A man that turns hot and cold is not pursuing you. Two years is a long time. There is a connection; the best that you can hope for is a friend--otherwise let him go. I don't mean to sound stark.