Scorpio Woman confused by Taurus Male
I'm at 41 year old female Scorpio (11/3/69) and he's a 37 year old Taurus (5/5/74). We met online in January and after talking on the phone everyday for a few weeks, we finally met in person. We hit if off really well over the phone, however I think he was a little disappointed when we met in person because I'm overweight. He said it didn't matter and he said he thought I was beautiful and still is interested in me; we continued talking to each other everyday and went on a few dates.
We were never intimate but kissed a little, but then he left the state to look for work. He was unemployed when I met him. He didn't have any luck and came back home. When he got back home he said "lets just be friends" for now because he wasn't working and felt he didn't have any business dating anyone. I said I understood and that just being friends for now was
ok. I did make it clear to him that I'm interested in more than just friendship and should he find someone else or decide that he never wants to be anything more than just friends with me, to let me know and I would move on. He said ok, and that he's not dating anyone but if he starts dating anyone he would let me know! He even told me he would be ok with me finding someone else and to not wait for him.
So, for the past 7 months we have been "just friends". Since we've met, he has called me everday- several times a day, texts me all the time and asks what I'm doing, and sends me a good morning text everday with a kiss. I think there's been maybe 2-3 days we haven't talked since we've met. We always know what the other one is doing and it seems like we've
become a part of each others lives (at least I thought so). However, most of our contact is on the phone. He used to meet me for lunch or we'd have an occassional dinner, but he did find a temporary job this summer and we rarely see each other now.
Things have really gone downhill these past 2 months since I have began pressuring him (I know now this was a bad idea as he is a very stubborn Taurus and just digs his heels in). I know I probably shouldn't have pressured him, but all I asked him was to spend a little more time with me, since I'm one of his friends, but he always goes out on the weekends with other friends. I feel like I'm good enough to talk to on the phone, but to never spend any time with. I think he keeps his distance from me because he doesn't want to encourage things right now. It's not like I was pressuring him for a relationship, but I'm tired of feeling confused where I stand and feeling hurt and rejected. Whenever I try to talk about it with him he just keeps saying "you want it now and all I can offer is friendship FOR NOW!!) Since we've been arguing the past couple of months he hardly ever texts me anymore and only calls maybe 1-2 times a week.
I would appreciate any advice on whether or not he will always just see me as a friend, or if there is a possibility of a future with him. I have some real doubts about him and whether he is being honest with me or maybe just using me. He has borrowed money from me a few times, but he has paid it back, and I was helping him with his credit by co-signing on a department store credit card (very small amount). He has been paying on the card and I did it because I thought I was
helping a friend out. Also, I work in law enforcement and he's made comments about being scared of my job so I don't know if he just wants to keep me as a friend so he can stay on my good side...lol. Also, I know he still goes on a dating website and back in May he was trying to hook up with a girl on there. I found out about it and he initially lied and denied it, but then he admitted it and said he was just looking for one thing. He said he doesn't try anything with me
because he respects me and doesn't want to do anything to ruin our friendship.
We both want the same things in life and really do get along well. I just hate to give up on him, but I also don't want to be used or be his back-up or second choice should nothing better come along. If that's what he is doing, I want to move on instead of getting hurt. Could he really have so much contact with me on a daily basis and not even think about giving us a chance? He leaves me so confused.....I know Taurus' are slow to commit, but all I'm asking for is to at least give it a try, not commit right away.
wow, when i read your forum i was floored!!! i had to read it over n out loud to my friend because i'm going through the same thing!!!! I'M A GEMINI was dating a TAURUS and he was older than me i swear he sounds like the same guy only. I have had this relationship with him for one year and i have found out soooo many things. First, he is still married and he said he was going to get a divorce but he still hasn't. As we developed to get more intimate i also wanted to have more time with him, and for some reason he would pick fights with me so he could take off at his home in Arizona. It started to really bother me because he would tex me all the time and see me maybe twice a week then take off for the weekend and leave me behind. When i insisted on more quality time it seemed like he did it more!!!!I felt hurt, rejected, and so lonely and confused. Then he would turn things around and accuse me of messing around and it was crazy!!!! Until finally one day i had had it and since he was taking off i said i'm taking of too!!!! and he got real scared that he was going to lose me. so he actually begged for my forgiveness and because i loved him i forgave him and gave him another chance hoping for the best. At first it was good but then he did it again and one day after doing some investigations guess what i found out he was seeing his wife behind my back and taking her to Arizona while i waited for him, and thenhe said they were just good friends and was trying to help her out cuz she lost her job. To make the story short this is a type of man that for whatever reasons was to keep you on a string while he does what he wants to do or give him pleasure i busted him too on some nasty web side. My best advise is let him go if he really loved you he would give you the time and love you deserve. It would have shown by now that he was interested. He is not interested in anyone but fulling his own needs and has no heart to even think of the consequences who he hurtz. It's wrong and he took back the ring he bought me and other gifts which is so tacky!!!!!! I finally said no more i'm worth having someone who will love me and wants to be with me the rest of my life and so ARE YOU!!!!!! so please let him go don't waste your time<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Scorpiof69 Welcome to the boards : ) I know you are seeking advice, but I can tell you already know the answer.
• He even told me he would be ok with me finding someone else and to not wait for him. - OK this is a big red flag. No man (regardless of sign) would tell a woman this if he’s truly interested in a LTR because he wouldn’t want another to possibly take her away. He MIGHT ask for exclusivity without the title, but not this.
• most of our contact is on the phone. - I have found that earth signs in general don’t really need a lot of “face time,” in the early dating stages, so this isn’t that odd. However, are we talking, I see him about one a week/every other week or once a month.
• I feel like I'm good enough to talk to on the phone, but to never spend any time with. – There’s a reason you feel this way, follow your intuition.
• Could he really have so much contact with me on a daily basis and not even think about giving us a chance (yes, you offer him companionship which he seems to crave)? He leaves me so confused.....I know Taurus' are slow to commit (slow to commit yes, but this is not so much slow to commitment as it is him stringing you along), but all I'm asking for is to at least give it a try, not commit right away (this is the problem, you are not being clear. Let’s be honest, you DO want a relationship but you are settling for less so that’s what he’s offering).
He’s had 7 months to make up his mind about you and I don’t think he needs any more time than that. The thing is he will never commit under the current circumstances, because there’s no need to. If he commits, it will be AFTER you have cut him off and he realizes how much he misses you and how foolish he was to let you go. Let this one go, he is stringing you along and will lower your self esteem in the process. Deep down you know the answer LISTEN to your intuition.
Let us know how this turns out. All the best.
Apple & Snowball,
Thank you for the advice.. I appreciate your time responding to my questions. I'm usually very good at reading people and trusting my intuition, but when it comes to him I just get confused, maybe because I only want to see things the way I want them.
I really do believe he does care about me, but I don't know if just as a friend or something more. I know he wants to get married and hates being single.. when I first met him he said he wished he was married already. He was once engaged; they were together 4 years but they broke up a couple of years ago. I believe he is still hurt over it. I think he might behave this way with the women he meets and initially pushes them away. He has a lot of female friends that he initially met to date, but then they just turned into friends. He says he never chases after women and he waits for them to come to him and that they usually meet other men because they get tired of waiting around for him.. so it sounds like its a pattern with him.. or maybe he's just telling me that or he hasn't met the right woman yet... ???
He did tell me not to wait for him and I could date other people if I want, but then he acts jealous sometimes and I know he checks up on me. I told him if he starts seeing anyone else, I'm done, and he said the same goes for him.. totally contradicting himself.. maybe he's testing me?? Also, when I said something to him about not treating me as well as his other friends, he said "I don't text any of my other friends good morning and I don't kiss them goodbye".. so sounds like more than just friends to me?? confusing
I did tell him a couple of weeks ago that this friendship thing isn't working for me and it's not good enough for me anymore. He said he's tired of arguing with me about this and friends is all he can offer right now and got mad at me. I ended up speaking to him again a week later because he had to give me some money back. He told me I was acting crazy that week but he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and we starting talking again.
I feel like some of it is my fault because I have a hard time trusting him and am always questioning him. At first he was very patient with me, but no so much anymore. I think he's also a little insecure, he's always asking me what's on my mind, what I'm thinking and do I just want him to leave me alone.
If he really does not want to date anyone because of his financial situation and not having a steady job, I can understand that, but wouldn't any man want to hold onto a woman if he really cared about her?? I've read a lot about taurus men and he fits them to a T, I know they like to be providers.
I guess I either have to walk away or stick it out until his situation improves and see if he's ready for a relationship then...I just hope I'm not making a mistake and he really is just stringing me along to see if something better comes along.. thank you again for the advice and taking the time to read this.
Honey..I am a Taurus...walk away. Really. He is not worth your time.
Thanks.. I think you are right.. we had a long conversation last night and it was full of lies and contradictions... I'm starting to see him in a different light now and he really is not the person I thought he was. I don't think he's somebody I want to even be friends with. Oh well, karma is a b**** and I'm sure he'll get his someday
Thanks again for the advice!
Good for you Scorpio!!!! This guy is no good and appears to be using you. Every taurus I've ever dated was straight up about what they wanted from day one, was quick (compared to me at least to want a relationship and went out their way to demonstrate they cared. This guy sounds emotionally unavailable and somewhat pathetic.
Listen to Taurus7. He's not worthy of your time or worth missing.
Tell him to go suck himself ... you are worth more!!
omg is he uk resident?
LOL @ Scully!! Amen to that!!!
LOL, Scully! No, he's not a UK resident... Snowball, it's funny you said that, I had the EXACT same thoughts about him after our conversation.. that he's emotionally unavailable and pathetic.
He surrounds himself with young, beautiful girls I think just to stroke his ego and make himself look attractive to other women. His Facebook page is full of pictures of him with all these 20-something girls with their t**** hanging out sitting in the bar and his friends list includes a bunch of local models (I guess everyone is to believe that these girls are his "friends" and he really knows them...lol). I think the fact that he frequents dating sites on a daily basis is also just another way to stroke his ego.. it is really a little sad and pathetic.
Here's the thing.. he is somewhat shy and he used to be overweight.. he lost about a 100 lbs ten years ago and he says he still sees himself as this big guy that was rejected by girls. I think he's still making up for all that time and still isn't ready to grow up. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm overweight and I think he was disappointed when he met me, but he never let it show.. I'll have to give him credit for that, most guys probably would have just run or dropped me right there. I have lost 65 lbs since I met him in January and still would like to lose at least that much more..lol.. he knows I go to the gym all the time and am working on it (not for him, for me) so I've always had this feeling that maybe he kept saying "lets just be friends for now" just to see if I would lose weight. I can't say I really blame him for that.. if you're not physically attracted to someone, it won't work not matter how compatible you are in other areas.
Anyway, I think I'm just going to tell him I'm fine with us just being friends and that I don't want anything more with him and that I'll continue to be his friend and don't care if he dates someone else. I can do it in a little mean way while still being nice Just let him know I've realized he has nothing to offer me and I deserve better! Tell him "oh honey, I don't mean you have nothing to offer anyone and I'm not talking about the fact that you don't really have a job, money, an education, or your own home because those things don't really matter to me, but just that what you do have to offer may be good enough for other girls but not good enough for me. I have alot to offer the right man, but you're not up to that level yet " I really hate to be mean, but I think he deserves a little of that right now and I want him to know that I'm over it and not pining away for him.
But he may not even give a crap and if he really doesn't care about me, what I say probably won't matter, but it will make me feel a little better