Dating a Scorpio and PETRIFIED of getting hurt
***I posted this in the wrong place at first- yes, I'm a Newbie
I'm a Scorpio and I've been dating a Scorpio male for about 6 months. We absolutely connected quickly and intensely from the start in every way possible from internal beliefs, likes, to foods, to intimacy. He was single for about 2 years and from what I understand he was still friends/ hanging out with the ex and it broke off quickly and abruptly once I entered the picture. She felt there was more or that they were trying to gain more of a relationship, but he went "cold" on her and wouldn't budge anymore towards any relationship with her. He was somewhat sad because the friendship ended, but had a "I don't care, I want you" attitude with me and has told me so. We have professed our love and confusion about feeling so intensely connected so quickly, but we agreed to "not think, just do.." and continue to talk sometimes twice a day and spend every possible moment on the weekends together. He must tell me a hundred times daily that he loves me and totally assures me in every way possible that he really does care for me.
Now, here comes the tricky part, he has female and male friends to which I have been introduced and practically shown off to like a prized possession in a loving way. One woman "A", who is involved with a male friend of his, and him seem to either be like brotherly/sister friendship or it is something more and this is where I am petrified. My gut instinct goes haywire on certain things and this woman is one of them. I've met her a total of 3 times and it seems to me that when he is around her, he checks her out and looks at her enough to make me wonder if there was something more there. He seems to put his arm on her chair rest, also. I even asked him on my 2nd meeting of her and he said, absolutely not that they were never involved. On the 3rd occasion, I was standing in front of them and he, again, put his hand on her chair rest and she positioned her arm and hand next to his and they sort of interlocked pinky and index fingers, either in a friendly awkward way or something more. I, of course, felt my skin crawl and got so nervous that I went quiet and rigid. He knew something was wrong and started to really give me a lot of attention from that point on. I took some of the attention, but decided to give him a little bit of a chilly shoulder as a way to protect myself. I said nothing was wrong when he asked me, but I really wanted to leave right then and there. Later that night, we were sleeping on a couch and he mentioned to me that I need to stop worrying about "A" and then I blew a gasket. I mentioned that I've noticed him checking her out and always seeming to get close to her and mentioned the finger playfulness thing and told him bluntly, "If you want to go <blank>her, then get it over with. But I will not be a part of a threesome situation. That was b.s. and I did not like it one bit." He seemed really taken by this side of me and basically said there was nothing going on between them two and was quiet. Later in the day, I said that I do not have ability to trust (crying at the same time) and wanted to talk about my outburst. He asked me to come cuddle with him and then we had an intimate loving moment, after a while of holding each other. It was like he was trying to comfort and assure me without words. I am not jealous of any of the other women friends, just this one and I think I have reason to fell that way.
A few days later I wrote him and explained again that I do not have ability to trust and when I see something like that- it makes me suspicious. I said that it felt like the two of them were playing me and her live-in boyfriend of many years. I also said in my letter that if I would ever get a glimpse of this type of situation again that I would definitely walk away for fear of putting him in a situation that I could not trust him. I would rather walk away than keep him like a caged animal. I told him I did not need a response and that I was done talking about it. He later acknowledged my letter, but I did not press any further nor did I want any explanation. We still talk daily like it never happened, but deep inside I am petrified if I find myself in another situation like this and have to walk away from what could be the most magical relationship I have ever had. We may only see this woman friend a few times a year, but I fear the next time and actually do not want to endure it. I am seriously thinking of manipulating the situation and asking the we do not attend "whatever" function- which will probably be her birthday. Am I trying to extend this beautiful relationship I seem to have? And am I just thinking there is more to this when there is not, because I tend to over-think simple explainable things. What kind of input do you have for this?
**** Might I also add that he is flirty with older women (who I know he would never be interested in) and very hugging to men that he is friends with.
*** And some more background, my scorpio man lost his job about 2 years ago, moved into his parents with his teen son. Since dating him, he's lost his vehicle and quit a part-time demeaning job that I was happy about only because it put him in a situation of drinking more than he should. He's cried to me that he has nothing to offer me, but assures me he loves me and wants to get his act together so we can be together. We've talked marriage. I'm not pushing him to get his life together, as I have my own place and car and job (and a possible offer coming up for a better job). I honestly think he's so down on himself, but tries so humbly to be wonderful and caring towards me.</blank>
Answered you on the other one
Hmmmm, lots to think about here. I know a litte about Scorpio's because I dated one for a long time. I can tell you that they are very loyal, I don't mean trustworthy, I mean loyal. If he is connected to you in a special way and you are good friends as well as lovers he is likely to stay that way. I still speak to my scorpio he calls me to say hi, he is married but we had a great friendship and he will call me just to yak and it is often.
Scorpio's like to flirt, their eyes can wander and they are sexually explorative and open. They do have claws and a stinger so you need to be careful he doesn't turn mean on you, they can be ruthless. Expecially when they have resolved something in their heads and believe in what they think. I am surprised he didn't get angry with you for saying the things you did, they don't like being told what to do. They can have a viscious stinger.
That being said, they are very loving and giving and if he says he loves you I am sure he does. I think you need to not over react . He may have had a special friendship with this woman, maybe that was all. You can't predict if you will be hurt but if you keep wondering then you won't enjoy life as it comes. Have you thought to make friends with this woman?
Don't let that situation dictate how you go to an event or don't go to an event. Its not fair to you and it is not fair to mr. scorp he will only resent you for it.
I have male friends that I kiss or hug or put my arm around and that is all it is, I feel an affection towards them as I would a female friend. Hope this helps a little.
Hi link57, yes, I've been slowly trying to be friends with her of the few times I seen her. We didn't exchange numbers or anything, but there was a moment that some other woman was causing a scene towards the both of us (an unrelated issue and it was out of fun, but the woman was really giving "A" a hard time) and I told her that I got her back if anything should happen. Which is funny cause I really do not like any type of conflict and would step in to stop something, but I would never start anything. So, in a way, that moment eased my worries about the two of them hand dancing. Like I explained to my scorpio man in the letter, I have had some really hard trust issues with a 2nd husband (he mentally and physically abused my boys/ me and there was a trial 20 years ago and I went to therapy, etc... but it still left me with trust issues). This situation left a scar on my ability to decipher logic and reality and when things happen- I can't seem to think clearly until I bring it out into the surface and explain how the situation made me uncomfortable. I wrote the letter in a way to set my boundaries, but to apologize if I thought something was more than it really was and I wanted them to still be friends. I think it was a respectable way to tell him to knock it off.
I don't like to be so rough when I felt something was wrong and it makes me internally upset that I acted this way. It was just that I noticed every time they see each other, the stares, the looks, the getting close to one another (him closer to her more than her) and the unspoken glances that I don't see him do to any of his other woman friends, then the hand dancing that just made red flags go off in my head. I told him that had he met one of my friends and on the 3rd time, we were playing with each others fingers- how would he feel and what would he think.. which his response was "nothing", but I doubt that to be true and I would never test that. He has other women friends too and deep inside I do believe it was a flirty friendly drunk episode that I hope to not see again because it made me feel insecure with us.