Shuabby: facing big decisions

  • Hi Shuabby,

    Have a job offer. New role. Have to decide quickly. Don't want to make a mistake, have done too many of those, job wise. need to start making the correct strides in life...

    Should I take it and what do i need to be wary of?

    Have just started dating B. It's fun, tender and sweet so far. Would like to keep it this way and go with the flow. We got on easily cos we have mutual interests. How do things look for this one? How does he feel about me? About us?


  • Hello danceur,

    Take the job is what I received right away. There are no mistakes dear, just experiences on some levels and with this job it will go slow at first and you may thank I made a mistake, you did not. Things will pick up in your favor and move at a much faster speed leading you into a promotion or raise in pay after 8 months. What to watch out for is a woman dark hair that really is no big problem except that she is not a friend , may pretend to be, but do not reveal to much to her. She appears tall and slim and medium dark hair, green eyes and she wears her hair pulled back in a low pony tail. There are other positive people that you will know and learn to call friend working there so do not let her stop you.

    B feels the same way you do at this point and is enjoying the beginning of a nice long relationship that can be taken to any level you want it to go in.


  • Hi Shuabby

    Thank you so much. Actually it is not slow.. My, my, I'm already at the point where the job scope is racing ahead of me, and I feel overwhelmed. I was just in training today, and my boss kept asking me how i felt about the role (in front of the other colleagues)... held it together and went home and cried.

    Silly i know. But without any exaggeration, there is a huge gap between what i know and what the job requires. And the volume of work is overwhelming... which leads me to my next point...

    My major concern is that i want to be able to maintain my afterwork dance/fitness committments. They are a creative and physical outlet for me and they help keep me centered, happy, healthy and productive. I feel braver to take on challenges when I know that I can keep my work-life balance. This part of myself I'm very sure of.

    Could I ask if it's worthwhile to reveal my concerns (work load vs work life balance) to my boss and see if we can tweak the scope? Will she appreciate that or will she lose faith in me? I'd like to be honest about what I need and want without having to give up this opportunity.

    About the woman. I think I may know someone with that description. But I hardly know her so I don't know why she would be harmful. Do you know her name by any chance?

    Reason I asked about B... he was warm, friendly n sweet right up to Monday. Then he has gone cold on me. And I don't know if he just freaked out that we were getting close. I felt sad that he withdrew. So I'm just keeping my distance now. I'd like this to be an easygoing happy friendship/relationship, where we can have fun, care for each other and yet have our own space.

  • Danceur,

    I gave you what I felt and what came through. This job you went home and cried over does not fit you or you would not have been so sad and overwhelmed. Your fitness of course is important and must be considered, however in todays world of finding a job , you have to be flexible and mature.

    I would say that the boss will not understand your personal needs and you need to indeed find a job that I felt would be slower paced and more fullfilling to you.

    B is trying to digest your wishes and than think about his own too. Give him some time to think this over and make his deceision, which does not fall in my hands at this time, only his.


  • Thanks Shuabby,

    I still feel I need to speak to my boss. I do need a slower pace, or a smaller job scope, but it does not mean I'm not capable enough for the job. Somehow I have to present my case and let her decide.

    About him, he seems ok now. I think I'm starting to understand that this is his way. he moves in and out of 'moods'. And it's not necessarily a reflection of how he feels about me. Not going to interfere...just going to enjoy the times we have and let things unfold. Have enough to worry about, with the the job.

  • Hi Shuabby,

    I have verbally accepted the job. But I'm still second-guessing my decision. You were right about my boss. I told her how I felt and she didn't seem to get where I was coming from. Things are awful right now. Very stressed and overworked. So in over my head. Baptism by fire. Do you see things getting better?

    As for B - do you sense that we could work? Things are slow but it's ok, I'm comfortable with long as we're still friendly.

  • Danceur,

    This job will stretch you and make you grow in the areas of learning to adjust to a faster pace of thinking and performing on the job. The physical conditioning of your body will become slower paced for you, however do not dispair because I feel you are in pretty good shape now and need what is called maintence to keep it that way which is a slower pace of conditioning. Eat more protein and less drinking in social circles. You will be able to change your position in 2012 which is not that far away. This is just a stepping stone position for you to learn.

    B is there for you is what I am getting and does really have the interest , yet there seems to be some issues of a personal kind for him to work through before he can give his heart to you. hang in there , forget high expectations right now and just enjoy the flow and ebb of this relationship , as you will know within six months where you are at and where you want to go with it.


  • Thanks Shuabby,

    It's good advice - will really need to eat right and take care of myself, won't I?

    Right now, I'm so exhausted from work and still keeping to a 'maintenance of fitness' schedule, that I'm not getting enough sleep. I struggle to get through the week, and sleep away the weekends sometimes. Experiencing a constant fatigue and minor illnesses which come n go - they never get full-blown cos of adrenaline. Recipe for burn-out.

    It makes sense to me that this job may be shortlived, because it has already stretched me mentally in such a short time. I hope I can navigate this well enough till a better situation presents itself.

    Thanks for the advice about B. I do get a sense to just go with the flow. I enjoy his company, and he makes me smile. Our interactions (while few) are easy-going and has a calming effect. It really balances out the stress I'm feeling at work. Will definitely try to hang in there.

  • Danceur,

    After reading your answer: Experiencing a constant fatigue and minor illnesses which come n go - they never get full-blown cos of adrenaline. Recipe for burn-out.

    I would recommend that you take a good daliy vit that includes the B vits to help combat the stress and fatigue. Also, Iam receivining that you should swim in a heated pool at night if you can acess one, this would really help relive the stress on your body and help you to get a good night sleep.

    Take Care of Yourself and enjoy this Labor Day Weekend


  • This post is deleted!

  • Hi Shuabby,

    This is sort of a weird question to ask because it's personal. Enjoying things with B right now.

    I finally have a chance to explore things with him, to act how I feel around him. To me, giving this a fair shot means truly going with the flow, seeing where it takes us. The problem is that we belong to the same social environment, and he's teaching my favorite classes. Just don't know how to navigate that under these circumstances

    There's a lot at stake (more so for me). It's not only about fear about letting down emotional barriers and being vulnerable and potentially feeling awkward (sleeping with the teacher :P), it's about losing my happiness in a place that is very dear to me, and the loss of activities that are key to my emotional/physical well-being - if things should sour.

    But he is important to me too. I think being with me, is a big step for him too.

    Know you also told me to just go with the flow - and that's what I'm doing, but can I stay the course, or should I try to slow things down? I think he is sincere, but both of us probably have our heads in the clouds right now. Need some advice Shuabby...

  • About the job, am still under a lot of stress, not eating right (sometimes not eating at all), and am so tired all the time and starting to get white hair 😞 Problem is I'm so wound up after work, it takes hours for me to settle down and I end up sleeping late, not having enough rest and then the vicious cycle ensues... I think I need time to learn how to navigate this.

    Thankfully, I have access to a pool and swimming regularly. Tho it's not heated and very cold sometimes, it really relaxes me and takes the edge off work.

  • Danceur,

    When you fall in love you do not have to give up every part of yourself, just some of you should fall in love. Keep your ID and do not give it away if you understand what I mean. Experience B on a level that will keep you on solid ground without getting emotionally lost.

    Stress is a part of life sadly these days for so many that have a job. If you are not eating than your nervious system pays a price along with your physical body. I will make a suggestion to you. Drink some Chamille tea even during the day drink one cup. Wound up after work calls for an enjoyable outlet. What do you enjoy. Do that for 30mins to one hour and you will see a difference in how you feel the rest of the night. You may need to see a nutristionist to help you get the proper nutrients your body needs to counter act the stress at this time.


  • Hi Shuabby,

    I totally get that - maybe that is why I feel nervous right now. I had a great time with him last night. But today I find myself pushing him away internally. I think I'm freaking out in a quiet way.

    We've only started seeing each other, and I just don't want this to get serious too fast, and it's heading there physically. I just want things to be easy-going. I don't think I can handle more at this point. Esp with work being the way that it is (don't need more white hair :P)

    I'm frustrated that i am conflicted about him. I want him, and I'm enjoying him, but a part of me doesn't want to let him nearer. I actually like that I'm so busy and we don't have much time together. But then I miss him when I don't get time with him. What is wrong with me? 😞

    I will ask a stupid question - why is it that chamomile relaxes nerves, when tea contains caffeine? I think you're right about the nervous system. Even on the weekends, when I'm lazing at home and when I wake up in the morning, my resting heart rate is higher than it used to be. I didn't measure or anything, but i can feel it.

  • Danceur,

    With B you just simply have to communicate like a loveing coo bird is what I get. Let him know that you really want this relationship but that it will have to be on your terms due to your work load at this time. That way you can have him with the understanding that if you are unavailable he is still going to be there? He will be if he is in the same head and heart place you are, that way the pressure is off of you.

    Stress for some raises the heart rate along with certain foods containing caffeine. Chamomile tea does not contain caffeine, or at least the kind that I drink doesn't. You must really be under the gun at work and really must find stress relief for yourself. Suggestion: GO to a health food store and hopefully a trained person (owner) will assist you in finding products that will help you in a natural way. Prayer helps to. Ask at bedtime that Arch Angel Raquael come to your side and help you to have a restful nights sleep, before you go to work in the Am pray and ask for the white light of protection to surround you and protect you from negative people and thoughts throughout the day. I am sure that if you have the faith of a mustard seed than you will be feeling so much better in a short time. Keep in touch and enjoy this Sunday.


  • Dear Shuabby

    I have a question please.

    My niece Elinor(Aries) & husband Mark(Leo) had an affair and she got so upset about it and have

    not really forgiven him. He broke up the affair and no longer doing it thats what he says and

    I believe him.I dont know if I'm right I just have the feeling he is telling the truth.

    But then 2 years ago she had an affair too but now she says she broke up

    with him. We have a feeling she is lying she still has the boyfriend and keeping it a secret.

    She says she is very unhappy with her husband and she's staying only for the sake

    of the 4 children. I guess the husband doesnot want a divorce after all he has 5 people to support.

    He makes good money.She is blaming it all to the husband. But I would like to say it takes

    two to tango in a marriage or relationship.

    Do you think this marriage is going to last? If so how long more or less.


  • BUMP

  • Hi Shuabby,

    Know you mentioned previously that there may be another work opportunity in 2012. Do you see anything specific about this?

    I'm losing hope at this place. I tried telling my boss how much I was struggling and expressed that I think it is a 2 person job. She told me she was hearing me. But she really wasn't. She was really nice about it, but I left the meeting feeling very let down. Cos it took a lot for me to tell her I needed help. My colleague hates me also because she is taking on part of my role and is also overloaded. And another day of skipping meals and coming home depleted.

    Tmr will be a new day and I will try all over again. But just for now, I just feel like crying. I feel so incompetent and overloaded. I feel trapped because I do need the job.

    Sometimes, the only light in my day is receiving a thoughtful sms from B. I try not to tell him too much because I don't want to come across as needy. But I don't know how much more of this I can take. Sigh...

  • Hi Shuabby,

    Bump 🙂

    The job's getting me down. Have a feeling of being seen as not doing my job by my colleagues. But how can I - what is supposed to be my job scope doesn't account for the sheer volume of work. It is not meant to be this way. For the volume we have, there ought to be more people.

    There is a huge backlog brought on by a few rounds of people leaving the company, and handing things over in a mess. And then the boss didn't hire enough replacements and then expecting less people to do more work. What was handled by seperate people is now thrown to me to handle on my own. So I've had no choice but to ignore some parts of my work scope that I'm supposed to handle. And my unfortunate colleague who picked up the slack initially is feeling very resentful because I don't seem to want to relieve her of the responsibilities.

    She's talking about me behind my back to others. And I just feel it's so unfair. I know it's not fair to her. And I've tried explaining that I'm drowning in work too. But no one is hearing it. Things are only going to get busier, we were already forewarned. My heart is already not here. I just need to know if or when there will be an opportunity to get out of here - and what to look out for while I'm still here.

    If you have time, would really appreciate your input. Thanks Shuabby!

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