Gemini asked me to prom... how do I respectfully decline?
Hello Sorry this is very long!
Ok, so I have prom coming up in a few months, (December).
My Gemini friend (guy) asked me (Aries girl) out to prom.
The thing is... he kept hinting me, throughout the year he kept asking me "who should I take to prom?? help me!! Help me decide who I should take to prom" etc..
I would reply as a joke each time and would say the names of girls he doesn't really know (never met or talked to)... he would say "but I don't know them properly" etc, and I would say jokingly "make it a blind date!".
For the record we go to different schools, and we are pretty close friends. (He doesn't have that many female friends... well at least that is what he use to tell me. And 3 years ago he had told me that he liked me, and then he ended up asking me if I like him back... and I said that I just liked him as a friend. He was pretty cool with that. We remained good friends. But that incident was AGES ago, I don't think he likes me like that anymore.)
Anyway, so I never implied that I wanted to go with him. Thing is, a few weeks ago, during some discussion, he told me he had a fight with someone and he was upset. i tried to consult him, by asking him what happened, etc, and he told me he had a fight with someone he LOVES. As in, have romantic feelings for kind of LOVE. She apparently cares for him, but doesn't want to be with him yet. Anyway, so they got over their little fight, and I asked him "why don't you just take her to prom with you?" and he said that shes going overseas, but she wouldn't mind if he took someone else.
So a few days ago, we were just casually texting each other. And the formal came up again. So he asked ME (which I was not expecting at all) if I wouldn't mind going with him. (He meant it as friends of course).
I had NO idea what to say! I respect him a lot as a friend, but I'm not sure I want to go to the prom with him. (I can't take him to MY schools prom anyway, cause the payment deadlines were ages ago- for my school.) .... Another one of my guy friends (lets call him H) asked me if I wanted to go to his prom but I said no, cause I wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea about me and H, because we're just friends. He understood and agreed.
So back to the Gemini friend, I didn't know what to say, -so I told him that I will "think about it", and told him that "someone else asked me to prom and I said no to the other guy, so it wouldn't be fair to the other guy if I went with you"... and I kind of ended the discussion by saying I was going to sleep. And he replied pretty nicely, said goodnight etc.
So... how do I break it to the Gemini that I don't want to go to any prom except for my own prom??
I feel horrible for saying "I'll think about it", but I didn't know how to say no.
I don't want him to feel bad, but I don't think he should be asking me anyway, since he claims to "love" someone else.
I still feel bad though, how would he react if I say no? How do I tell him?
(I know that he only asked me as friends, but I don't want to go with him because I don't want others to get the wrong idea about the Gemini and me, plus... I just don't want to go!)
Or should I just be nice, sacrifice how I feel, and go with him?
Thank you for reading. Please help! Sorry this was so long!
Why dont you just tell him the same thing you told "H"? That you don't want people getting the wrong idea and you don't feel comfortable going with him? Best to be totally straight up so he gets it. or, you can just ask him why he asked YOU of all people. Maybe his answer will make you feel more comfortable. If not, then tell him you can't and dont go.
Thanks MariaRia... I guess I'll just have to build up the courage to say no!
ArianAu, you should practice saying no to people. You are obviously a nice, caring person, but the down side of it is that often you'll end up in this situation- agonizing about upsetting people by saying no. However, if you do it in a non personal way, it will be fine. As MariaRia said - just tell him the same thing you told H. Or you can stick to what you already told him - that it wouldn't be fair to the other guy. Actually that is a pretty good exuse you came up with. Stick to your guns !
Whenever I am in a dilemma when I don't want to do something someone wishes me to do but I am worried about hurting their feelings I always resort to one principle - saying the truth. Always keeps things easy and soon enough I find the best way to break it to them in a compassionate manner. The compassion plus the fact that it is really the truth I am saying gets through and the situation avoids becoming complicated. Guess what MariaRia says is the best way to handle it ArianAu. Gemini might feel disappointed but he will appreciate the fact that you told him the truth. And if you are telling him the truth you will really be saying it in a way you are empathizing with him so chances of him hurting in the way you are concerned about will be very low. You needn't tell him every single thing going on inside you of course, you don't have to, but guess your major concern that you don't want people to have the wrong idea about both of you would be fine, isn't it?
Thank you everyone for helping! You've made it seem easier for me!
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