What do you think is happening to me..........
When I was in college, I met THE most intelligent, intensely attractive man in my life just before I was divorced from my weirdo first husband who liked to punch and hit when things did not go his way. He was an instructor of one of this guys classes (I'll call him Abe). He had convinced himself that this guy was intent on "doing something" to me and all I saw was how he avoided all contact but examined me minutely. I could practically read his thoughts and he communicated his thoughts without us ever having to use words.
More than anything, I yearned for the comfortable companionship of someone who knew how I felt and what I wanted in a man. Yet, I did the honorable thing by refusing to have an affair. I had this feeling about him that he was not yet ready for the depth of feeling I yearned for and have regretted it ever since. To top it off, he transferred to the same university I had attended, worked in the same environment that I grew up in, the military, met a girl with the same name as my father who was born in the same month as me...but moved 700 miles away.
The only person I was able to connect with was "Big Abe" who kept me informed of his successes in life. For years, I had tried every which way to contact him. Friends who claimed they would pass along messages failed to do so. One guy moved across the country because he feared "Little Abe" would kill him just for being with me (after untold years!) and one strange morning last year, I found him at home. We had a really intense 10 minute conversation and he left with everything open-ended. He was more than happy to hear from me, stunned that no one ever tried to tell him I'd been searching for him and yet I know that if he could, he would not hesitate to see me. And I'm wondering what the issue really is? Does he expect me to KNOW? Of course, I know his job keeps him duty bound, but any man worth his salt does not leave matters open ended....unless he's a Scorpio, which he is. Somehow I know he blames me but like the song One Republic's Good Life says: What does he have to complain about?
I feel like you felt like your lives were destined to cross paths when they did..
Im hearing two conflicting thoughts...
"More than anything, I yearned for the comfortable companionship of someone who knew how I felt and what I wanted in a man. Yet, I did the honorable thing by refusing to have an affair."
You did what you felt was the right thing to do.....at the same time, fear (or intuition?) also played into your decision:
"I had this feeling about him that he was not yet ready for the depth of feeling I yearned for "
The timing wasn't right, and I think you made the right decision for yourself. You have to be able to live honorably with your choices, and to be sure of them.
We do in this life encounter some souls who have a profound impact on our lives. There is a connection that is deeply felt, beyond nornal.
This does not always mean we are to be as one physically, though we feel deeply connected spiritually and mentally.
Perhaps circumstances may allow for a sharing of the physical day to day experience, if there are no other realtionships involved.
The relationship may be destined to be one of intellectual mentoring. This is sometimes difficult to navigate with the depth of emotion we feel.
It does not lessen the intensity.
I sometimes wonder if we've encountered this person before.
Blessing to you Firefly, and Peace in Spirit.
Thank you Cris! You always seem to get the gist without having to use all of the worn out phrases. Yes, I know where he is and he knows where I am. Circumstances may seem to be against, but that is not the reality. Something is hidden from view that he wishes to hear but is manifesting symptoms of "Is she nuts" and I'd rather he just get over his paranoia. Yes, we were meant to be, just not quite as immediately as we wanted. It's been a long wait, but I am certain the day will come when he will surprise me.
Now, of all times, I'm getting messages from the universe. I was watching HGTV and when the camera panned to his city, I suddenly KNEW his house was for sale. Naturally, it WAS and I got to take a "virtual tour" of the house. He has recently divorced and didn't want me to know. I found out during a routine check. It is so odd. One bedroom he decorated (funny to me) in HIS colors, showing HIS nature, even when what he chose did not match the wallpaper. He chose, of all things, a leopard print bedspread and a zebra patterned carpet---Freud would have a field day with this one!