The heart of a Virgo man

  • leogemini says wise words. She has come full circle.

    We all need 'emotional security' this is the hardest to offer and find. I have been doing lots of thinking regarding my Virgo experience. Its very sad and hard to not think about the person you care about. However if they are can just think about themselves then why cause yourself hardship and hurt. Its only at their beck and call and when they wish its total shut down making you wonder where has the man that made you feel like you were the most important person in the world gone.

    I have asked many ppl why this why that, but the truth is if someone can hurt and cut you out of their lives so easily then what chance is them of keeping you happy? Is happy for a few short moments followed by hurt enough to keep waiting holding for these men?

    It is indeed a power struggle of sorts, and sadly the virgo man always seems to have the upper hand. By putting in your place by not wanting to acknowedge you. ;-( sad.

    It feels like your stuck in a mentally and physically stressful situation without having any resolve because it is so connected with someone else. Physically you feel stuck as you feel unable to to extract yourself from the 'relationship' when really if you look at its a one person relationship ;-(

    Its their loss, because not many women would actually want to understand their behaviour this much ;-( its only someone who truly cares goes out of their way like this.

  • Ladies, humans loathe rejection of any sort...this is not just about Vs, anyone could act like this. The sooner you show how confident you are with yourself, the quicker someone worthy of you, will appear. No one wants to be responsible for another's well-being, especially their emotions. Put all this into perspective and believe me, no matter how bad things appear, it is actually just your thoughts and thoughts are fleeting. Love and hugs to all! ♥

  • LeoGemin am very happy to see that you are up and running. I agree there are days when all you think and want his him. But with time we will all heal.

    Jenever I truly hope your are doing well. Don't have much time but had to check on you. Remember we are here and though we can't hug you physically, I send smoke send you a huge hug. You will be okay. We will all be!

  • Thanks ladies, you are keeping me on the path here. Honestly, it's hard not to contact him. It's such a habit. I so often would just send him little updates about what's going on. Like today, we have this terrible snow storm raging and my first reaction was to send a little text just saying, "be safe!" But then I didn't. I'm thinking about all of you right now. AriesBB's voice says, "give him back a dose of what he gives you". I like what you said leogemini, about how I "have to measure every word not to insult him". It's just too hard to pamper someone like that, isn't it. Again, all I can see is that I'd have to completely up having an original thought or the ability to express myself, to make that work. Forevervirgo, how true what you say about how few women/people would try so hard to understand him. Maybe it's a loss to him, or maybe he doesn't care at all. Seems like if he cared to be understood he would be more understanding himself. And kk33, you return! I thank you so much for your hugs, and whatever good things your smoke brings my way.

    What a great group of women here, you make me feel so much stronger. Usually I am on the other side of this fence, so it feels very humbling to have so much support. I am not devastated right now, but clearly I am not going to move out of this without staying focused and determined. Because if history repeats itself, you can read back through this thread and realize that the odds are fairly good that he will let some time pass and wander on back. I can almost predict what he will do; a simple "how are you doing?" As if nothing ever happened. Then what will I do? I suppose there is always the chance that he will actually let go, but since he seems stuck in behavior patterns that never seem to change no matter what I say, there's good reason to think this isn't done from his side of things. I know him too well now and amongst all that was said, he also said, "you can e-mail, or text me anytime" (just under his conditions). Told me he's "not mad, just not dealing with this". And if I "look in the mirror and realize that I am wrong" - then he says, "well I am still here". Maybe at the root of that is him thinking, "will she still contact me, is she really mad at me, and maybe she'll blame herself and she will still be there..." Hmmm.

    But the problem is that I don't want to wonder about that or anything else with him. The point is to get out of the wondering. I shouldn't have to wonder where I stand with him and I certainly should not be made to fear even asking the question. Or maybe that's not even what gets me in trouble, maybe it's that I don't ask the right way - maybe I should be asking more "nicely". Wow, maybe his goal is to help me learn to be perfect. Nice, and sweet and complacent and perfect. Good luck with that one! Lol.

    Thanks everyone!

  • I am a Virgo female, and I find the man variety hard to understand as I am on the receiving end this time. But i have been reading and I feel guilty, because some of the traits that Virgo men display, are ones that I display to people also that, this is so horrible that I can't have in my life for xyx reasons, I do shut them out because I can't deal with what it is they want, however I do explain to them, and it is best just to leave it otherwise all that happens is I just refuse to speak to them. I don't put the blame on them, because more often than not, it's my issues that are the problem, and hearing someone I care about wanting more than I can offer, or can handle highlights my shortfalls.

    Though, this is true also, someone you really care about as a Virgo i am throughly loyal and go out of my way and never treat them with an ounce of distance, it's the opposite. Always there. Jenever you have proved to this man without a doubt that you really care for him, I have been reading some of your back posts. Such a long time darling. You deserve so much better.

    With regards to that Virgo man I was dealing with, I am putting myself in his shoes. He is just not that into me, does not want me to be an everyday reality in his life. Actions speak louder than words. I know I will not hear from him again, because I have done this to people in the past, maybe it's karma, but I know I always explained, never put the blame on them, nor made it a relationship based on condition.

    Any person who really cares for someone tries to always be there and doesn't cut them up. Maybe it's naive of me to think a good relationship works like that. But any man who gives you more stress than happiness in your life is not worth it.

    Jenever, I was reading, how you feel to just tell your v how things are going. I so hard battled with this the other day, wanted to send a text blah blah this is happening. And then I thought, will he cringe thinking oh god and what if he replies, do I really want to invite that same old rubbish back into my life again?

    Though, the decision of no contact has been made, from the other party, 'i can't deal with this' or whatever, we can only be responsible for our own feelings and behaviour. The first cut is the deepest, actually admitting to yourself this man is actually no good for you. This is less than you deserve, understanding why you allowed yourself to be in this position. What made an individual feel that they could treat you like this, why you allowed it. The heart is weak. To reach out to the person you care about, the urge so hard to resist. But no one deserves crumbs in life. We deserve the whole cake, it's like dickens Oliver, please sir, can I have some more. Why feel to be in that position.

    Life is so short, and feeling like this is no life, not a complete life, each day that goes by dwelling on a man that cannot be there in the way that you want is a day wasted in setting yourself free to heal in order to allow make room for someone who is worthy of you to enter.

    He'll only get in touch when he's feeling lonely. Unloved. Good old Fall guy, back up plan. Me thinks any lady deserves better!!!

  • Not sure if u remember me...however I thought I would drop by curiously to see how u (Jenever7) were progressing with u'r Virgo. As I can see, u are finally coming to u'r senses...thk god! As I read some of u'r past postings to see how u'r relationship was, I could see u'r virgo is still driving u go figure. I am telling u, u'r virgo and my old virgo sound identical! Among other such qualities these other ladies have experienced like falling off the face of the earth for prolong periods of time. That's fine...I had a hell of a time dealing with all my emotions and I would say he made me go into a depression for awhile too. As the depression helped me to think about everything we had ever gone through over and over again...I learned that these young virgo men r attracted to us nurturing motherly types because we r wonderful women, and they love these qualities in us, as they r so critical of themselves that they NEED (almost like an addiction), our personality types. We r strong willed women, who know what we want, and learn through everyday experiences and people. I've come to learn that he needed me asmuch as I needed to learn about how to deal with his personality type. These virgo men do personafy behavior types to the world like maturity, confidence, respectable, decency, friendliness, reserved yet shy. I was so drawn to that personality, cause I am attracted to smart, confident, know what they want men. Unfortunately I learned the flip side of those personalities aswell, lol. These virgo's r draw to maturity beyond their yrs...that's why they go with older women. We provide them the motherly love they yearn for to build their confidence in order to go back to work and protray this to everyone insignificant in their business life. Us women r so happy to give love unconditionally, that we fall into that role so easily, only to take his "looking up" to us for that nurturing qualities as "respect" for us. They do respect us, but they also want to make us want and need them just as much as they really need us to continue to build them up. How exhausting! and who fills our cup when they absorb all of our goodness?? and when we want some back, they don't know how to give something back that they themselves don't harness within their personalities. The problem also lies with the fact that we r several yrs advanced then them, therefore whether or not we tend to end up in that role as a mother. No women feels sexy in that position with a man. Just as much as they don't like to be treated like a child. They actually need someone who is several years less than themselves, and yet they r not attracted to these type of girls, as they don't have the qualities the virgo's lack in which they seek in us women.

    All in all, I've learned alot by my virgo, we don't see each other, and/or communicate anymore, now that is not on my doing, cause I am mature enough to deal with him now. Time and space away from him helped me to find that strength. They do aswell become like an addiction for us loving nurturing individuals, who seem to be case Don't let them make u believe that u have any fault in why the relationship didn't work...they r excellent manipulators when they know they have u hooked. I had to learn to separate my emotions from every dealing I had with him...and who had taught me so well...he did!! ahahahaha.

    I use this technique in all my dealing at work, with family, and customers who become difficult to deal with. Yet these men have quite the adolecent temper tantrums, and sulking behavior that goes on sometimes for weeks. When he needs his fix again...he'll be back, but he'll act cool, calm, and collective with u, never admitting fault, and giving u every opportunity to admit your fault to him...don't. Don't let them manipulate u, and making u have any doubts about u'r communication. U will eventually get to the point where again we have outgrown this behavior and person...and must move on, even when we really want things to work out. I am beyond the years of bickering, and fighting with I had to leave. Hopefully he will reflect on this learning experience for himself and not go playing the same games in other women's lives.

    Love to u all on u'r u can move forward and learn more things in u'r life...I really took it hard when I had to move forward, but I realized I was grieving for him because I felt bad that he couldn't really see beyond the material things, and reach into a more spiritual, loving, emotional, way of thinking like where I was in life...hopefully he will, until then, I have to continue with my journey and not let him stunt my growth in life any longer...take care Jenever7, it does get better and maybe in different circumstances in life, maybe it would have worked out with him.

    Unfortunately we can't think for things that just r not. {{HUGS}}

  • Ladies, just sharing some of my encounters and definitely listen to Messanger and Forevervirgo, both ladies have learned important lessons and moved on. I have always been aware that the reason peeps come into our lives is to learn something and Vs and Caps are always in my life. IMHO, the reason being is I'm a fire sign and they r earth signs. We are like magnets for each other. I know I lack what it is that they, calmness, the ability to plan every detail and especially the ability to compartmentalize... Just being in their presence calms me. Often we clash, but I learned long ago those that we clash with often have the most to teach us. In college, I took the most difficult teachers, cuz they can teach and expect more.

    On the other hand, these two signs appear to be attracted to my energy and the go after what I want attitude, even if I fail, I get right back up with more fire. Aries are very candid which a lot of people do not like. I learned from others to try and tone it down, even though it is not my personality. The V I deal with is very candid also, but most of the time, I must request that he be and then he will tell me, yet I know he is often uncomfortable. Remember ladies, men do not think like us at all. Men do not sit around talking about women, emotions, and stuff that we talk about on this forum. If they do, most r in a very weak moment and it will be short lived.

    In fact, my V and I discussed this just recently, he does not like being involved with any kind of drama.This is where we are alike. I hate drama. If there is a problem then lets find a solution or at least try. He has many friends that are girls and they will bother him about these things and he cuts them right off. I can get him to talk to me about these things only cuz he still cares for me. When he stops talking to me in this way, I will know that he has moved on.

    I am always picking my V's and other men's brains, so that I understand them/men. I asked him what men really want from women. His answer...1) to be mothered; 2) a companion); or 3) a mate. Now, I am going to ask my ex the same question and some other guys. I have asked my son and he says, Mom, men will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want. He is a Libra and 26. I believe he is right, but as we age and slow down, our needs change.

    One thing I have witnessed though is, every man I have dealt with or asked this question to, states that they will always go after or want the very confident female. Men do not like clingy emotional...or nagging women. One 60-year old Aries man that I asked recently, stated he always went after the less attractive...cuz they will need you more. Hmmmm

    Jenever, I did not know your V was 35 and although he is a husband and father, he is still pretty young. When he gets in his 40s and is looking towards 50, his tune will change. Mothers tend to nurture, that is who we are. Men that want relationships do not want women to mother them. In fact, I believe that a sign of maturity comes when the male no longer seeks nurturing females. We shd not have to tell them anything, they should be leading us by respect. I do not want to be with a father figure. It does nothing for me, so I can see how a healthy man does not want a mother figure.

    By the way, I love learning and will ask anyone anything. It is their choice whether they choose to answer or not. I also do not mind anyone asking me anything. Life is about broadening our horizons and learning everything we can from others. This is what makes the world go round. This forum has been a great teaching tool. Have a great day ladies! ♥

  • Jenever, how are you? Are you resisting your temptation?

  • Forevervirgo - Thank you for sharing so many good thoughts. You are right on all fronts. I was particularly struck with your comment that "the first cut is the deepest". When I think of how many times V and I have appeared to end things, "once and for all", but we never really do. I think we have yet to experience that really deep cut of truly facing "once and for all". Even now I can't say I believe that this is ever really over between he and I, but I think more the challenge is to continue to try to accept what that is going to be if we do stay in touch.

    In reflecting on your questions about "why you allowed yourself to be in this position. What made an individual feel that they could treat you like this, why you allowed it" I find that difficult to answer. Because in a large sense it has not been so much "allowing" through time. Our endless ups and downs are always triggered by me questioning myself. I've told him up front on numerous occasions that my struggles are not so much to do with him, as it is the struggle with myself. Pointing out that he clearly has his own pile of issues that he wants to deal with in his own way and in his own time. So "fine" I've said, but adding that he must realize that I can't help but ask myself, "is this what I want for myself, is this what I deserve in a relationship" and the consequence of that questioning is always going to be negative, because this is not what I want for myself.

    Needless to say, his response is, "I know, I know", and nothing more because it isn't a question he can help resolve in his current position or really even discuss because there's no convincing truth he can offer. I am part of a lie, he knows this, and he owns the lie. I know we could get along just fine if I could ignore the lie, but I simply can't. I am always going to stir the pot, but not until I get what I want, I'll stir it until he can make a real decision on what he wants - so that a mutual decision could finally be possible. I see clearly that the endless confusion that defines our relationship results from the way both he and I have shifting expectations and reactions to each other.

    He goes from being keenly possessive to complete indifference. Then I go through a similar cycle based on what I'm getting from him. Action and reaction. A cycle that will continue until we either both meet in the middle or get off of the wheel altogether. I'm not good at getting off the wheel with anyone. I don't hang on to grief or anger well, and my sense of vindictiveness is based on the idea that we reap what we sow. I don't have to inflict damage because we are all our own best experts at damaging ourselves. And as odd as that sounds, that kind of "compassion" is probably what leads to my own undoing. I need to get better about standing up to offensive behavior, but on the flip side we all engage in offensive behaviors in some way so I think, "who am I to judge"?

    So that leaves the issue of boundaries. That I need to set my personal boundaries and not feel bad about saying, "you can do whatever you want with your life, but sorry, I can't go past this line - not even to help you". See, even making that statement feels so wrong to me, but when I look at all my relationships I can see that this is where I get pulled out of my comfort zone. It's nice that people feel they can count on my when the chips are down, but too often I really don't like the chips they are bringing to my life. It's so nice to take the chips you don't want to deal with and unload them on someone else. (I've not yet had my dinner and all this talk about chips has me thinking about food now, lol.)

    Thank you forevervirgo for giving me some things to evaluate my general perspective - outside of Mr. Virgo - the universe does not revolve around him afterall - it only appears to in the thread. It sounds like you've found some things to introspect on in yourself as well, which makes me really happy for you and grateful that we have each other.

    Messanger - You soooo understand what it's like to be in my shoes. I had to laugh when you said, " I had to learn to separate my emotions from every dealing I had with him...and who had taught me so well...he did!! " Oh my gosh, how true is this! It is actually a point that parallels thoughts that I have been having for a while. I was a housewife for most of the 14 years of my marriage. I kept a clean, but somewhat cluttered house. Three small children and a hubby were a lot to keep up with. The day that my husband said (for the umpteenth time), "I wish that you would quit messing up the collars on my shirts and get them right". I replied, "you know what, I'm never going to get them right. Making sure that your collars are perfect on your polo shirts is not a life ambition of mine. Nor is keeping a spotless house. I am never going to be a PERFECT housewife, because that is not my personal goal in life - that is your goal for me. If you want your collars perfect, you wash them and make them right."

    I keep going back to this because it was an epiphany for me to blurt that out to my husband. I had tried for years to get everything right, and the truth was, I didn't want to get it right. The fine points of maintaining a household are a waste of life to me. Someone quote-worthy said, "when you are on your deathbed are you really going to say to yourself, oh, I wish I had one more day so I could clean the kitchen again?" NO, you wouldn't, you would think about all the things you never did in life and wish you had just one more day for something new, the things that you missed....

    Right now, V's requirements for me to be involved with him remind me very much of the collars on my ex-husband's polo shirts. Getting good at dealing with V just to keep him happy is not something I want to do. I don't want to get good at being told what to do or how I should behave.

    AriesBB - Just keep it coming. You always bring the most interesting insights to the thread. I love your "survey" and will look forward to whatever new responses you get. As we all seem to be moving in the direction of eventually finding new relationships, then we can use such insights to help us make better choices with more understanding. 🙂

    leogemini - the answer to your question is "yes and no". The other night, we were in the midst of a blizzard. I think I mentioned that I knew V would be working through the night in it. It was quite late, and I imagined him out in his truck by himself facing the elements and without thinking very deeply about it, I sent him a little e-mail. Simply remarking about how I had to clear over a foot of snow from my door already or we wouldn't even be able to get out of the house tomorrow" and I told him to "be safe". That's all.

    And the next day I did think about why I did that. What did I really want or expect and the answer simply was, "I did it because that's who I am". I don't care if he doesn't want to talk to me, or if he doesn't like it, or if he even responds. The way that I want to see myself is as a nice person who, beyond all of the messy conflicts of this relationship, does care about him as a person, and that should be okay. You simply have to trust me leogemini when I say that I am working hard to move out of this because that's what I want for myself, but I also don't burn bridges. I may never cross them again, but I don't want to leave a trail of negativity in my wake. It's not good for me. If this all leaves me feeling sour on him or relationships in general, then I'm not where I need to be. I'm still in his space reacting to his negativity.

    So take the little message to him as my way of saying to myself, and admittedly to him as well, "this is me, being me". And honestly, since that little message, I have not thought of one thing I've felt compelled to want to share with him. I am so much more settled with the idea that I can't go through any more of the same with him and I can't fathom what it would take for him to get me to trust that being anything more than a friend to him, wouldn't simply lead back into the same old cycle. Which is a good awakening for me really because it means that the trust has been violated enough times now that I can see things more as they truly are. Change does not come over night, we all know this, but the support here has done real wonders for keeping me moving forward. Put it this way, I care much more about letting down my friends here, than letting V down right now, and I think that says a lot about who has my best interests at heart.

    Love you gals, I really do!

  • Aw, just read your post jenever, always touches me. That's the problem, because you care it's very hard to just switch off. And trying hard to not care makes you feel like you're not being you. I totally related to this.

    I was pondering this the other day. Why if someone knows they can't offer what they know you need why can't they just let you go. Perhaps it's selfishness, that a person cannot see beyond themselves and their own needs for that moment in time, and ego boost of sorts to feel the love that they are not getting from someone else. The sad thing is these kinds of relationships always end up being conditional, on the basis that you don't rock the boat, and slot in when needed and expendable when the fix has been had.

    I was talking to a friend earlier, and she often chides me, she's very strong, she's like you give and give till you can not give anymore but you always choose just takers and not just any takers takers with baggage. Everyone has baggage of some sort, but I suppose looking out for number one becomes second place sometimes and that's when the problems arise.

    I come on here now, because now is when we would talk, so as much as yada yada strong, when you feel someone to be a very close friend you miss them. The insensitivity amazes you. And perhaps it's just sadness that my own judgement was so off.

    Deep down I know I deserve more, the heart is weak, the mind can be trained lolls typical Virgo speak, but the heart remembers.

    So as a virgo, communication has stopped but the mind is working overtime, somewhere out there.

    My friend says brush yourself off move on.... Cut your losses before more of your emotions are sucked dry. Maybe it's just a moment of weakenss.....but the heart hopes that the person I cared for and respected might rear his head again. But the mind says it's not enough, the hurt can't be eroded, and the cycle will be repeated again.

  • Jenever, you made my day with your statement "The fine points of maintaining a household are a waste of life to me". . . and any woman who claims that this is their goal in life, is lying.

    How about we switch things up a bit for some fun. How many Vs have each of us had in our lives, any and all? This shd shed some light on multiple experiences with Vs. I'm asking this, cuz I'm believing I have been completely surrounded by Vs all my life and believe me, they almost all have the same quirks, if you will.

    My father, my son, my son-in-law, two brother-in-laws, sister-in-law, my maid-of-honor, my best girlfriend, another close girlfriend, my V now from 30 years ago, 3 male friends I dated a few times, my daughter's best friend, my other daughter's best friend, my son's 1st girlfriend, two nieces, a cousin, more than 5 attorneys I worked with, two different girls from high school now on FB (one who chatted w/me for 2 hours trying to convince me what I shd or shd not post on my wall..(red flag), married guy on FB I went to school w/ who has been hitting on me (definite red flag-I will not respond), and quite a few other old girlfriends I hung out with in school before I was into astrology, and last but not least, a couple of girls and guys on this forum....and I can put money on it that I have forgotten quite a few others.

    Okay, since I really only stopped by to read Jenever's response which made me smile...I will have to wrap my head around all this as I am now dizzy.... Until Then! ♥

  • And for all of the Vs on this forum who willingly share themselves with us, I am not suggesting that every V is the same, only that there are a great number of similarities. I already mentioned earlier that I myself enjoy most of their traits, as I am aware that I lack these traits...

  • Forevervirgo - I don't think it's all about the baggage. I'd like to think it's that we can see beyond the baggage and see who a person really is. I really do see a good man in my V, the kind of person I'd be proud to have as a friend or a lover, but he doesn't see it in himself. Or if he does, it's only in glimpses and he can't hold on to it. You are probably right, that there is a selfishness that kicks in when we find someone who helps us see our better selves or makes us feel happy or helps us to find our strengths in ourselves. I don't think it's a conscious selfishness, but just an ordinary attraction to things that we enjoy or that make us feel better.

    The hard part is when we can look at any other person and say, "let go of the stuff that drags you down". No different than everyone who has ever said to me, "let go of your V, he is bad for you". But just as you suggest, once people and situations become meshed into your life it becomes a part of you and it's hard to work them back out of yourself. At some level I think that we should feel happy that these men have moved to a level that their need for us has changed. It is either because we have changed and no longer give them what they need, or they have changed and grown to a new place. In my case I'm not so sure that V has changed, but I am pretty sure that I no longer give him what he needs. If he feels that he has to tell me how to interact with him, then the obvious is that I am not sitting still in a place that gives him what he needs without me feeling a balance in it as well. I'm sure that he thinks that I am telling him how to be as well. So whose loss is this? Or is the real deal that we simply don't need each other anymore? Lol, I guess like you, I can think on it endlessly and still will find no solid answers, but certainly all of us here can relate to your statement that "the heart remembers".

    And it looks to me like you are doing your best to "brush yourself off". What I respect so much about the women who come to this thread is that you all make a choice to understand yourselves along with the relationship. More women I know would simply bounce right on to the next relationship to fill the void. It might look wrong to an outsider to spend the time we do trying to rationalize things, but to me it's a reflection of the sensitivity that we do put into our relationships and about the quality of what we want in our lives. It's not wrong to want relationships that are meaningful and have depth.

    I haven't talked much about this, but through most of the time I've been dealing with V there has been a man on the sidelines of my life. We'll call him Sag, as that is his star sign. He knows all about V and he has tried endlessly to pull me away from him. I like Sag very much as a person and he has been a steadfast friend through all of this, but I can't seem to find the "depth" to him that I think I need. His reaction to me is, "lighten up, let's go have some fun, V's an idiot and you should kick him to the curb". But my worry is, that I could "go have fun" with Sag and end up hurting him the way that V has done me. I'd love to have fun with Sag, but I hold back because I don't see that I'd want anything more with him and I'm not sure I believe that he would be okay with that. I think he really wants a serious relationship. Maybe I shouldn't worry about stuff that hasn't happened, but I do, because it's not so hard to see what could happen.

    But anyway, like clockwork, as I try to move out of this stuff with V, I've got Sag pulling at me more than ever - a man who now sees a growing window of opportunity, lol. I finally agreed that we might get together soon for a movie or something. But just as you are saying forevervirgo, I feel that I probably can't give him what he needs. I've been really really honest with him, telling him that I wouldn't want to get involved with him knowing full well that I'm in a murky emotional area right now. I'm telling him up front that I respect him enough that I wouldn't want to treat him like "the rebound guy", and yet he seems to ignore it. His attitude is, "I'll help you forget V". And maybe a Sag could actually do that, I dated one for a while so I know how their short attention spans keeps them brightly moving on to the next challenge or opportunity. Certainly it would be good for me to see other men and be reminded that they are not all like V. The memory of relationships I've had that were much more fun than what has gone on with V, is certainly some incentive in holding on to get through this to find someone better suited for me. So what to do with that one, I'm not sure.

    AriesBB - I have things to get done around here, but I'll come back with my V experiences which are very few actually. The bane of my existence are Scorps and Leos. As you point out though, maybe there is something that I need to learn from them, but some of those lessons have been far worse than anything Virgo has put me through. At least he is somewhat polite even in his anger. Scorps sting to kill and Leos chew you up and spit you back out. Sorry if I offend you leogemini, but this has been my experience when I get too close to these signs. To Leo's credit, they do seem to come back around to make amends for whatever damages they inflict. They seem aware of how their firey personalities can affect others and their hearts drive them to set things right. Scorps just come back around to give the knife another twist. Oh don't even get me started on that Maybe part of why I tolerate so much in V is because my Scorp experiences make him look like a prince.

  • Okay am back. I was doing great trying to put V behind me and still I am. Now here is my dilemma. Am going to Sin City( Vegas) next weekend for Rugby Sevens. Am 90 % sure V might be there. I can deal with V. My issue here is, one of my closet friends that knows exactly what happened btn V and I betrayed me so badly. She has never met him. Actually, she saw his photos on my facebook. I poured my heart to this gal that I called friend. Now her and V became friends on face book I don't know how or who requested who. Now I don't want to sound like V can't be friends with my girlfriends, my issue here is she never told me. I came across it on her wall last night. She's coming to Vegas and the sad part is we are sharing a Villa. I am lost and don't know how to handle this one. How do you deal with a friend after such a betrayal? Jenever, ABB and everyone else I seriously need your input before I cancel this trip. I can't have pretenders in my life. This hurts!

  • @KK33 please do not cancel your trip due to a shabby friend, she is worse than shabby, just cannot print what I'd like to say. Actually she is not a friend, but anyway go to Vegas, show how beautiful and awesome you r and only speak to those two guys if necessary and with a huge smile on your face. This will cut deeper than any other form of action.

    Personally, I would never let another girl or guy think that they impacted me in anyway, shape or form. It will only boost their egos. How ironic that it is Vegas you are meeting up with these somewhat shady characters. Ha ha cuz just like in Vegas, never show your cards, ie., hurt, pain, weakness or anything to your opponent. You will lose everytime.

    KK33 you will do fine and it will prove to your V, he is not important enough for you to even b bothered. And for the so-called creep of a friend, it is my belief that women who go after other women's men are very insecure. If they were confident, they would be putting your friendship first, checking to see if you r still interested in V, and, if not, then they could be friends. The fact she did not do this, nor has even told you, she'll continue to be deceptive with you and any guy you are involved with. You should be flattered though, because she appears to want what you have or had. Now I am not saying any of us have a monopoly on our relationships when they r over, but a friend or anyone with any character, would consider your feelings and check to see how you feel about it. She did not, so she's OUT!!!!

    Jenever you should take Sag up on his offer. You cannot do to him what V has done to you, cuz you have been honest with him and he is still pursuing. Sag has a choice. It is when r choices have been taken away from us through deception that we are harmed the most. Just like if you continue to allow someone to do the same things repeatedly that you do not like, you can only blame yourself. Once we know better, we should do better cuz now we have a choice.

    Again, how ironic that KK33 is going to Las Vegas... KK33 be the beautiful and classy lady that your r and you will shine everytime. Keep us posted.

    Luvs and hugs to you! ♥

  • Hm kk33,

    sometimes pol just add one another on Facebook. Doesn't always mean that they have any kind of deep friendship. Perhaps it's good to talk to her about it? I add pol sometimes but don't really have any strong link with them.

    After all she is your close friend she's not going to ruin that is she? Why cancel the trip. Enjoy yourself. She might not even have any other interaction with him other than the wall. Don't upset yourself about it.

    She could just be trying to understand the person that's hurt her friend so much. Any number of things really.

    Would I be tempted to do this, ie if one of my friends horrible ex's attempted to add me on fb, hmm if I thought I could shed some light on my friends situation or help her by interacting with the 'enemy' probably, but I would tell her. I added him, and if my friend wasn't comfortable with it then I would delete him.

    But it could be him that requested the add, and it could be curiosity on her part as to why. It'll all come out in time.

  • Jevever,

    Sag is free you're free, he known the score all along, he's still there, probably been waiting patiently with baited breath, thinking when is this woman going to actually start 'seeing' ME! He has seen you're worth all along, and you won't treat him like v has treated you because,

    1. You've told him about the situation from the outset, he's still there.

    2. You know how it feels to be sidelined, hurt etc, and it's something you wouldn't do to someone else.

    Sunshine after a storm, maybe the smog of black smoke is being blown away, and the sun is finally being allowed to peeping through.

  • @forevervirgo u r right, but if a friend is really close to you, she'd mention it either way. The fact it bothers KK33 so much, appears there might be more to this. Personally, it wouldn't bother me because if someone does not want to be in my life and if I truly love/loved them, then I would want them to be happy even it is with someone else. I would also want to make things straight with my friend...KK must know more if her feelings have been hurt. Either way, she shd probably approach her friend and as her to explain it.

  • *ask her to explain it.

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