The heart of a Virgo man

  • No Totitoti, I am not with my Virgo. As I mentioned a while back, he ticks off just about every symptom of a sociopath. I accept that he is a mentally/emotionally disordered person. I appreciate him for his good qualities, but this is not a man that makes me feel safe, comforted, respected, or loved. He's demonstrated time and time again that his word is meaningless and he can't be trusted. Trying to deal with his erratic moods, behaviors and mind games has drained me emotionally in the past. He's not worth it. I rarely see him these days and we occasionally talk on the phone or text. That's it.

  • I see. They do have twisted minds and such lovely hearts... Virgo texted me to say that he hopes I have lots of fun till the end of summer. I answered with thank you. He answered back immediately with wishing me happy holiday. Talking about crazy...

  • No Totitoti, YOU have a good heart that isn't allowing you to see the truth of this guy. You are obviously a forgiving, caring person who looks for the good in people. A couple of kind words and you are ready to forget all the b.s. of the past few weeks/months? His behavior is crazy and it will make you crazy. Trust his actions, not his words.

    It's so easy to read so much into this little scrap of "kindness" he tossed out because you care so much. He clearly has no intention of seeing you since he's telling you to "have fun" for the rest of the summer. If he truly has a lovely heart then he will prove it. If he truly wanted more with you then he would be saying so. Make him prove it, don't get lured into thinking that he may be interested based on two seconds of his attention. Stay in the position that there is no future for you with this "engaged man" and do not picture what might come next. Keep your heart safe by reminding yourself of what you really want with a man and then asking yourself if this is it? I've lived this craziness, Totitoti and I can tell you that the danger is getting so caught up in the emotions of what could be with him, that you lose track of what YOU really want/need in a relationship.

    My Virgo is such an emotional manipulator that on his most recent return to my life he asked me, "why can't you just support the potential in people?" i.e. the potential in him, because I AM a very supportive, accepting, nurturing person - to those that I believe deserve it. He used to be one of those persons and he used that knowledge to play me, but not any more. He needs to work on himself, by himself, not keep looking for people who will simple enable his bad behavior and pretend that he has "potential". That comment he made to me came after he was clearly trying to lure me to his bed and I wasn't willing to run over at nearly midnight to be his booty call - I said "no". Mind you we haven't been together THAT way in nearly two years.

    So his reaction was to criticize me and invite me to be delusional so that he could get what he wanted...for the moment. "Supporting the potential in people" is what I had already given him for YEARS and it didn't create a relationship between us, what it creates is codependency. Cutting through to the real message is a statement that actually says, "Jenever, why can't you just accept my indifference and selfishness and just come have a little fun?" Translated, he was asking me why I couldn't just forget my values, or what is good for myself, and serve his needs.

    And in the past this would have worked for him, because I would have internalized that criticism, stirred it up with some hope that THIS might be the turning point, and things could really be better between us, and voila, he would get what he wanted. Only to turn right around and treat me with indifference again. Drop off the map, not respond to calls or texts. Leaving me wondering what the heck just happened, and asking myself, "didn't he just invite me to be with him, didn't he suggest we could have something different, didn't he indicate that he wants me...if only I would change...?" Then my mind would twist over just exactly does he want and what it would take for things to be different. And of course I couldn't just ask him, because he had turned unresponsive. The hard truth of the matter is that I am not what he wants, he just wanted me for s* that moment.

    Your Virgo's recent jab about, "shame, I could have rocked your world", reminds me so much of this kind of emotional manipulation. There is blame in that statement and a complete disregard for what he brought to the table with you (including a fiancé!!). "Well gee Totitoti, we could have had such a good thing, what a shame you've got standards and YOU messed it all up."

    Stay clear on your standards Totitoti and don't be lured into any delusions he'd like to create for you. He hasn't asked you for prepared for the day that he does. Know what you want and stand by it. All he may want here is the little personal thrill he gets by thinking he's still got you on the hook. He likes to feel desired. I told you he'd be back and here he is. I just can't say it enough though, trust the actions, not the words. If he loses the fiancé, if he is really present for you, if he stops playing Houdini and dropping off the map...then you can start letting your defenses down. Until then, his niceties today are no more significant that the checker at the grocery store saying, "have a nice day!" You say, "thank you" and go on with your day.

  • Jen, I'm very strong when I make a decision, so I'm in no fear of becoming weak in front of him again. I understand, he made a choice and has moved on and apparently never felt for me what I have felt for him. But, why telling me all these things? As you say, just to try to manipulate me.

    I remember once , long time ago, I've told him that a woman who falls for him will commit an emotional suicide. This was in the beginning,when we have just met. He laughed a lot on that statement of mine.

    My standards are very high. After having spent 8 years married to a man who completely drained me in every sense of the word, I want peace of mind and stability. Love makes us do crazy things. I've loved my ex more than myself and tolerated many of his wrongdoings, until I had enough and left him forever in September last year.

    This Virgo appeared to be my soulmate, my twin flame, we connected on such a deep level in a very short time. I've seen the red flags, I was aware of the fact that nothing might be as it seems.

    He is moody, picky and easily gets bored ( his own words) and work is the only place where he feels relevant. He always used to say that he needed his work as a soldier needs war. With this mindset, do you believe that he can be successfully married to someone who is a decade or more younger than him? He is 41, very handsome, but changes his moods more frequently than a woman in PMS.

    Even though I know what to do logically, I have moments when I think we could have make it. I'm 35, though I look younger, and I don't know if true love story can ever happen to me. Few days ago I was talking to a friend and told her how that is the only thing I'm missing in my life. I'd love to be a mother and I'd love to have a great man to raise kids with.

    I'm a Scorpio who believe that love and kindness can change the world and you are right when you say that I'm trying to see good in everybody. I guess I can't understand the actions of the others because I would never act or talk in certain way if I didn't truly mean it.

    I don't know if he will contact me again. You seem convinced that he will. I have no feeling. But, I do feel peace and slight disappointment. I thought I had overgrown being romantic and idealistic about love.

    Thank you Jen for being wonderful and comforting. I'm sure you are sick and tired of the stories about virgo men. As much as this thread has helped me, I'm still confused how people have the liberty to play with feelings of the others by projecting false future and false promises.

  • Totitoti, I'm not sick of the stories. If you look back a few pages you'd find that I actually rarely come here anymore. Prior to these latest posts I hadn't checked in since 2015 and I think it was at least a year prior to that when I posted briefly. You and AnonymousScorp's stories struck up some similarities to my own past with Virgo, so here I am. But it isn't healthy for me to keep rehashing my Virgo's dysfunction (and how dealing with his mind games affected my own emotional health) so I'll wander off again before long.

    I totally understand what you're saying about the "connection" with Virgo. I still have moments, when Virgo comes around acting like he's suddenly turned into a healthy person, that I think "well maybe...", but in short order some kind of craziness kicks in and my head is spinning over his words and behaviors.

    Your comment about your Virgo laughing over your "emotional suicide" statement reminds me of the last falling out Virgo and I had. Things were rolling along just fine and then he initiated a conflict, projected a bunch of untrue accusations on me, and told me, "I don't need to be treated like this, you need to control your emotions and back off!" I had done NOTHING to deserve that kind of response. I was not making any kind of emotional statements. His reaction was nuts. So I didn't even respond again. Couple months later he contacted me because he needed my help with some information. We finally got to talking again and I reminded him of what he had said. I told him the reason I don't stay more in touch is because I don't need to hear that kind of sht out of him. That he was the one in some kind of rage, with no emotional control, not me. So I just said to myself, "f** it" and stopped communicating.

    He claimed he never remembered saying that to me and laughed hard over it. He thought it was hilariously funny. Two problems here...the fact that he didn't remember saying something so mean (HOW is that even possible unless he was drunk, high, or mentally/emotionally disconnected) and the simple fact that it was so mean - and yet even in retrospect he thought it was funny. That's just plain sadistic. He has no filter as to what sort of cruel things he says to other people, but mark my words, if I were to point out the tiniest flaw in his character I would never hear the end of it. Oh wait, yes I would, because he would block me on all fronts and not communicate again until he was satisfied that I had been "punished".

    I still perplex over how anyone can be this "crazy" but he is. He's not a stupid man either. He really does have a lot of potential if he were able to use that potential for good instead of evil. That's why it's so hard for me to understand that he doesn't realize what he does to people. He's smart enough to understand, and yet he has no remorse and takes no responsibility for it. It's only believable if I accept that he truly can't feel anything. He has a sharp mind, but a hollow soul. But his intelligence just makes things all the worse I guess, because it makes him even better at manipulating people. All people, not just me. At the point I realized everyone was a potential pawn in his game, I stopped taking things so personally. He plays the same games with his family members and his own children. If a man has no conscience about messing up his own children, what am I to him? So no, I don't get sick of the stories here, I get sick of the disordered men who are capable of causing the kind of emotional damage that has been discussed on this thread. There's enough hurt that goes on in this world, without these people who intentionally stir the pot.

  • We all have our stories... So much pain runs down these pages.

    You know, I was perfectly fine before he said he was engaged. Even if I didn't have such expectations because I haven't known him well enough to strive to marriage with him, I still feel pain. I feel hurt. A player who is 41 managed to hurt me. I've cried yesterday. Haven't done it in a while... On one side I'm happy if he has found the one after years of being picky and looking for "something meaningful and long lasting". On the other, I hope that she realizes who he really is and calls the whole thing off. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe he really can be happy with someone else, can have a happy family and life. In my heart,though, I doubt that he, or any man like he is, can manage to do that. Self proclaimed workaholic and line wolf... There is a pattern in all these men which I conclude by reading all these posts. I've never really believed in astrology, but there is something that is specific for each sign.

  • Toti, I always feel better after a good cry. Hopefully you do too. Now stop entertaining any thought that you are a "bad person". You're a better person than me. I wouldn't wish him well, I would wish on him, exactly what he does to others.

    In my opinion, based on how he carried on with you, odds are very high that he's going to fail at any attempted relationships for a long time to come. If there's comfort in that thought, embrace it, don't feel bad about it. It's nothing to do with you, it's HIM. Until he can take his important relationships seriously, then he's not going to have a serious relationship. If he is truly a workaholic and a lone wolf, then I doubt he can sustain a relationship with anyone at this time - maybe ever.

    My ex-husband is an alcoholic. He is also a workaholic. He tried to sustain a relationship with multiple loves...his beer, his work, and his wife. A substance abuse counselor told me that his addictions are in some ways worse than if he'd had an actual mistress. His beer and his work are deep seated loves that he wouldn't compromise for me or for our children. Workaholism is an especially tough one, because it's often tied to a person's self-esteem. It can also be a tactic to avoid intimacy. Both can indicate deep, unresolved emotional issues. Both can leave you feeling very much alone in a relationship.

    Anyway, it stinks that he hurt you. And it hurts more to think that he did it intentionally. I can't imagine that you feel any need to feel happy for him. Forgiving his behavior is one thing, that helps heal yourself, but you have no moral obligation to hope that he's found happiness. Forgive yourself before you forgive him, though. You cared, you tried, you were optimistic, and you patiently hoped for the best...there is no shame in that! You should feel good that you have all that to offer a man who actually appreciates you for it.

  • I do feel better. I feel in peace. I let him go. Yes, addictions are silent killers of addicts and of those who live around them. I know how hard they are. This Virgo man says he feels relevant only when he is working and added to that I do think he is addicted to pornography. I thank you for the words of support,Jen. It is really wonderful to see how this worldwide community gave support to women who participated in this thread and to those who were just reading it.

    I don't know why, but my heart can't observe this Virgo as a bad man. He obviously has some deep insecurities and doesn't really know how to attain relationships. He comes off as a very confident man, but deep down he is just a scared, insecure boy. So proud of himself that "his good looks opened him doors he never hopes for". I do hope that he has found someone mature who will be able to live with a lone wolf. To be alone in marriage. To wait him up till late in the night to come back from work. To support his frequent travels around the world. To feed his, as he said -dark sexual desires and satisfy them. Someone who will understand that she "ticked some boxes, but I never loved her"(what he said about a woman he was married to couple of years ago). I do wish him well, from the bottom of my heart. Not for the reason to be perceived as a good person, but because I think that's the only way how life should function.

    There is one thing though that I feel and that I'm afraid to even say out loud. I feel something I've never felt with my ex and he was the only man that I've ever lived in my life.I feel this man and I connected. I can't explain it. I feel a strange and strong bond from the first moment I saw him.i don't know why. I'm not idealising things thinking he is my twin flame, but something tells me this bond will remain. I can't explain it or define it.

    Well, I guess my Virgo saga is finished. I feel so much relief. I can't stand being confused and lead on and having to analyse things over and over again. We will see how the future will unfold...

    To all of the women in this thread, and mostly you Jen, I wish lots of love and peace in your hearts.

  • Oh MarriedScorp, I'm rereading the thread for the third time even though my thing with the virgo ended. What is your story? Or shall I better ask - what brought you to search for the virgo man online? I hope your story will have better outcome. You are write, this thread should be a book one day.

  • Hi everyone ! I made a new topic on this forum but since this one is all about Virgos I feel like it’s better to post it here. So here is my post :

    Hi there ! I am a Cancer woman and I am in love with a Virgo man. I’m going to tell you about my story and I hope someone will understand and even help me a little. So I met this guy in December 2017. He asked me for my number and I said no. He then came back several days after and gave me his number so I could contact him if I wanted to. Wich I did. Later on, he told me he wanted a serious relationship with and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I said yes. We used to spend our entire days together. And when we couldn’t see each other we were always on the phone. He was the nicest person ever and I fell in love with him. But things got hard. He didn’t had a job or an appartment and after two months or perfect relationship he disappeared. Suddenly he wasn’t replying to my texts or my calls. I was completely lost I didn’t understand I was devastated.. I sent a lot of messages telling him how I didn’t understand his reaction but he never replied. He came back to me in May telling me he wanted me back, he needed time to fix his life and that “maybe he was wrong but maybe not” (lol virgos..) and I was so mad I told him a lot of bullshit. I told him how much of a jerk he is and how I’m “not interested anymore” (wich is not true I love him deeply) and a lot of really mean things. Maybe two to three weeks after, I had no place to sleep and he told me to come to his place if I wanted to. So I went to his place and it was PERFECT ! He told me he missed me, aked me if I met someone, we made love and we slept in each other’s arms. And when I came back to my place he did like nothing happened. No texts, no calls, nothing. I texted him two weeks ago telling him that I want to fix everything between us. He told me to come to his place and we had an argument. I told him how sorry I was but he was sooo mad ! Told me he already made up his mind about us and that he didn’t know what to say (We still had sex tho). Now it’s been almost a week and still no texts, nothing. I feel like we both messed up at one point in our relationship but he’s acting like I’m the one that destroyed everything.. when we’re together everything is perfect and he kiss me all the time and tell me how beautifull I am but when we are apart he’s acting so distant. what do you guys think ? I am heartbroken. I feel like I’ve been played.

  • I don’t know what I should do.. should I text him ? Should I just wait ? Will he ever come back ? I’m so lost.. we were so happy in the beginning ! He even told me during our argument « look at how we were before and compare it to how we are now » but what is that supposed to mean ? I want us back, I want him back. When I was at his place he told me « i already made up my mind anyway » so I asked him what was the point to make me come if he already knew he don’t want me back and he said he was curious to know what I had to say (i think he made me come just to have sex with me and it’s breaking my heart) ! I don’t know what to think..

  • @laurie2406 typical virgo behaviour. First of all, I do hope that you managed to read this thread entirely. If you did, it would be much easier for you to understand the pattern of a Virgo man. I could easily tell you that he is playing you, but virgo does that in such a charming way that I'd feel guilty to do so.
    I've been there. Sweeped off my feet. Planned beautiful things together. Then he disappeared for two months. Told me he got engaged. A couple of months after, he got married.
    He religiously follows me on social media even we have no contact. He is 42 years old.
    You must find strength in you and put yourself in a good place. Don't contact him. He will come back to you. That's the thing with Virgo men- they ALWAYS come back. Even nobody knows why.
    I do feel sorry this forum isn't as active as it used to bee years ago, but still it's a valuable source of information.
    I hope you stand strong and love yourself first. Virgo's are all in their heads. You can never really know what they want, need, think, expects, because they are so emotionally closed. I do hope you will solve your problems with him! All the best!

  • @totitoti thank you so much for your response ! It would be amazing if this forum would be as active as it once were. I’m still reading it but it’s a great source of informations ! Well he came back once but I really hurt his feelings I’m not sure he’ll come back again. The thing is I feel sooo guilty for what I did to him ! I am trying my best not to contact him but it’s really hard because I truly care and I want him back. I feel awful and I do feel like he’s playing me.. there’s nothing I can do it’s so sad

  • @laurie2406 True relationships are based on understanding. Whether we're talking about friendship or romance, we will always have understanding for people we care for.
    He wanted you to feel guilty, he wanted you to feel pain. That is why he isn't communicating with you. No matter what we say and however we say things, adults discuss and share opinions on the matter.
    Children hide, avoid conversation and make tantrums.
    I was so much into "my" Virgo. I can understand what you are talking about so well. He also left me confused. In the end, I just let him go. If he ever cared for me he wouldn't act that way.
    Months into his marriage he started contacting me again. I didn't reply. I didn't accept his friend requests on social media. But he religiously follows my Instagram. I don't know why. I wanted to ask him why he is doing that but I changed my mind. I see it as something very sad.
    No need to thank me. I'm happy to talk to you because I know how hard it can be. I'm a Scorpio so all my feelings are doubled at least 😂

  • @totitoti I feel like my feelings are so overwhelming ! I feel everything so deeply it’s exhausting.. I’m sorry I didn’t read all the thread how did things end with your virgo ? I think I still have a chance with mine but the thing is he wants me to do all the work to get him back when he’s the one that messed up in the first place and that is really annoying. I don’t even know what to do now

  • @laurie2406 Oh my virgo disappeared for two months and got married to someone else. Yes, he played with me and my feelings. But, I don't have bitter feelings towards him.
    Virgos demand much, like to control, are very picky and critical. It's very hard to please them. A wife or a girlfriend of a virgo has to try harder than she would have to with any other sign. Before my virgo episodes I considered astrology to be something very infantile, but researching on Virgos made me change my mind.
    When a virgo man is in good place with himself, he is the best to have fun with and go to adventurous trips. But, their mood is so changeable that enjoyment doesn't last long.
    It's very hard to understand them because they withdraw emotionally. I hope you and your virgo make it through the rough patch.
    You can text him to let him know you're thinking of him, but nothing overly emotional. Choose fun approach. Virgos are very serious so they need someone they can relax with. Also, don't remind him of what happened. Remember, when a virgo returns, he will never mention what happened in the past. So, you also don't pick around that.

  • @totitoti Oh I’m sorry to hear that about you and your virgo.. I agree it’s really hard to please them I’ve never been in this situation before. Thank you for your advice I think I’ll text him soon. I’ll let you know

  • @laurie2406 Hope it all goes well. Looking forward to hearing from you.

  • @totitoti hello again ! So i texted him this morning saying « hi how are you ? » and he said « i’m fine and you? » nothing really exciting but at least he said something. I’m happy about that but this situation is making me anxious. I don’t know how to act with him. I’m scared to lose him I wish he could just forgive me but at the same time I feel like I already lost him

  • @laurie2406 The positive thing is that he answered and asked about you. That's a good thing. A Virgo who is holding grudges is not going to bother to answer. I'm wondering what are his Venus, moon, mars and mercury signs. That's how you know better how to communicate with him. Just check the ephemeris by the date of birth.
    Don't be concerned a lot about his forgiveness. Can we truly forgive anything until we forget? Concentrate on yourself. Live the best possible life and be relaxed and fun to be around.
    You can text him and ask him simply- In mood for coffee😊? Or anything else he likes. Show your caring and understanding side. Also, don't take him too seriously. Virgos have no social courtesy. If they don't feel good, they will be mean to everyone. Don't take it close to your heart. Ignore his venomous tongue and smile. Tease him in a girlish way. Show him the side of you he hasn't seen.
    If you are too sensitive maybe you should reconsider if to proceed or not. Virgos aren't easy. They can make us cry easily. They can also hurt us easily because they studied us well and know all our weaknesses.

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