The heart of a Virgo man

  • 'Preemptive excuses' that's an interesting term, J! I think I know exactly what you mean, but I've always thought of this as trying to make sure that if I end up in a relationship with someone, they really like me the way I am.

    Sadly no one's made it through the wall yet. xD (I still like the same person, as you know :s)

    (Food for thought: Probably the same reason we say we're no good at something we do when we're so-so, and the reason we say we're ''decent'' when we're good at something. - Same reason that can lead a man to say he's a bad kisser, or that he's not good at being romantic.)

  • Well now see Gem, that's what I keep coming back to also. Virgo wants to be friends, but I'm not sure what that means to him. We've never been "normal" friends so this is brand new territory. What does friendship mean to him? Seems like in the past he only contacted me when he wanted love, sympathy and a shoulder to cry on - a counselor. Dione Warwick's song "That's what friends are for..." just popped into my head, lol. And THAT is what friends are for, but it can't be ALL your friends are for. He rarely called just to say, "hey, how's life?" Now the Saturday Night Live skit "Debbie Downer" flashed in my mind. I feel like I should be making a powerpoint right now instead of just typing all this. Can you post powerpoints here? Hmm...

    Hi HD - I thought you were over that girl, what happened to your "closure". You un-closed it didn't you! Well, I guess there's a few of us around here that are gluttons for punishment. Join the party. 🙂 So I guess I see what you're saying, but given ALL the circumstances of the past 3 years, given that I always told him very plainly how I felt about him, given that he left me with a pile of hurt to resolve and cut me off completely a year ago, given that if his wife wasn't finally fed up with him he would STILL have me cut off, and given the fact that even with all that water under the bridge he could still call me out of the blue all this time later - after all that's gone on - and discover that I am not only decent to him, I do actually care about him...well, forgive me if I don't quite understand why I should now be left walled off here. I don't think I'm the one who has any explaining to do. I also wouldn't say this is a good time to let feigned humility stand in the way if he really has more on his mind. Now that makes me think of a Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes song. Okay, I gotta have some fun with that one - here's for all of you old enough to remember the song "If you don't know me by now" filmed on an episode of Soul Train. Ha! Ya gotta love Youtube

    Here's one just for you HD

    🐵 Some food for thought... Hugs

  • Oh that's harsh, this site trashed the video links with their extreme filter. Okay, just copy the link into the address bar and insert a "v" in place of the four asterisks if you want to see the videos. Example:****=YtYdjbpBk6A replace the four asterisks with the one letter v=p65sBNxoLbA.

    Hopefully it doesn't just replace that letter again with asterisks. If so, the letter I am trying to say is the first letter of the word violet. So ridiculous that Admin deletes that letter so often.

  • thanks guys, altho, no real emotion has been expressed from my lad as of yet, still claiming he is ok with it and lets face it maybe he is, i think his dad has moved maybe 8 times in 3 yrs so he really doesnt know much different than life at dads changes and life at mums does not, i guess im waiting for the emotional stuff to kick in, may not due to the circumstances of the last few yrs maybe it wont, fingers crossed, he knows inside his own mind and thoughts whats going on and i possibly dont give him enough credit, im to busy protecting him as any mother would.... its just hard, i wouldnt leave my child, ever! and find it hard to understand why his father would, have often thought of moving but me myself have always come to the result i could never take my son away from his father and here it is happening but the reverse.... finally after 7 yrs his dad is playing the card, im over the fighting, over the arguing and prepared to sit down and work things out re our son, but all it feels like is he is greasing and he has a sense of guilt.... im trying so hard to try and believe this isnt so but its very difficult.... i just need some time to let this new arrangement sink in but being told saturday and they leaving tomorrow has left a sour note in my mouth of selfishness.... i have had 4 days and they leave tomorrow, seems slightly selfish, im fully pissed off!! sorry guys, dont mean to rant but really its just crazy stuff!!

  • HD, I think there is a big difference between being yourself in a relationship and making excuses for not being able to sustain a relationship in advance, while still expecting the other person to care for you. One comes from the place of confidence and trust in yourself and your partner, the other from the knowledge that you are using the other person for a selfish gain and sooner or later will be looking for an exit door.

    G4E, I think you are right, it's all about cowardice and fear of getting "trapped" with just one woman. So sad, really, but nothing can be done about it from outside. By the way, congratulations on the first day of the new job, so glad you like it there !


  • Thanks GF! Wishing all the lovely ladies and gentlemen a wonderful day!

  • Hi you guys, it took me a while to even figure out the forum still existed - thought maybe Admin was wiping the slate clean - but lo and behold, the thread is still here. I assumed that's why no one else was posting either, they certainly buried the "Community" link. So "hello" GF and AriesBB!

    I've been busy as usual and trying to hold it together while things fly apart on the work and the home front. Been a very frustrating past couple of weeks. The return of Virgo man remains a sidebar. I was pretty emotional about it for a while there. Finally got myself worked up to the point that I couldn't stand thinking about it anymore. I called Virgo and suggested that we not communicate at all for a few months. Give me some time to process my feelings about all this and give him space to deal with his complicated life - give it three months and see where things are at. In a nutshell he finally asked, "well if you can't be my friend right now, then why be my friend later - what's the difference - you either are my friend or you aren't".

    Well, I told him, "that's a very good question". I explained that I was probably too emotional about all of this to be a very good friend right now, that there's a pretty good chance that I'd take whatever "friendliness" is here and turn it to %*3@. That I didn't think he needed my emotions on top of all the stuff he's going through battling with his wife and trying to get through a divorce. I told him I'd try, but if I find myself getting emotional then I'll probably back away. I've been texting him here and there and he always responds, but you know, there's just not much of anything going on here. Feels like the same sort of experience that I have already had with him over the years. So when I start thinking about things too much - which of course I do - everyone here knows things ran deep with Virgo - then I just keep reminding myself to stay open to something altogether new. I keep telling myself that if I keep my thoughts clear that I'll leave space for Life to surprise me with something better than all that's gone on before, not just with relationships, but everything lately.....just an open invitation to "surprise me". 🙂

  • Hi everybody,

    Like Jen, it took me quite a while to figure out that the forum still existed. And yes, they've certainly made it barely visible and hard to find - a small print at the bottom of the page. I came across it by accident right now, and that was a nice surprise.

    Jen, I think, you are doing the right thing making yourself internally availiable to the new experiences. I can feel that things will start turning around for you now.

    I've recently realised that my Virgo friend has some deep, unresolved anger issue, which has nothing to do with me. Strangely, a student of mine has made me realise it. He told me that he has left the Virgo's orchestra, because apparently Virgo gets irritated too easily. He said that sometimes the Virgo spends the entire rehearsal yelling at students. It made me realised that his need for being in a total control (which is next to impossible when you deal with a bunch of teenagers) is getting out of control and I have to protect myself, by limiting contact with him, just like my student did. Unfortunately us, teachers, still haven't been paid already for almost 3 months of work, so I keep postponing moving out until I get paid. This situation is happenning on a national level, so nothing can be done about it - the country is in debt, and that's the way they are dealing with it - by delaying teacher's payments.

    Ok, off to bed now. Hugs to everybody and hope that everybody find their way back to the forum.

  • Hi ladies! Jen,

    Somehow Virgo always manages to stay "in" there huh. I really think he should have respected your wishes to leave you alone for a few months. A friend would understand--besides you told him you need time to gather your emotion and see where you are with this. I think he's being totally Virgo (selfish) by not complying with your wishes and instead trying to make you feel guilty about wanting to do it. Smh...

    I'm rather detached from my Virgo right now. He texts "good morning, have a great day" and I always respond but just keep it at the good morning. I never say anything else. He did ask why I haven't checked on him (because I'm not initiating any contact at all these days) and I told him that I'd do better; even though I knew I wouldn't. It's funny but it's been 3 months since we've been intimate--well besides when he kissed me about 3 weeks ago. I just don't care to start anything up with him again and I'm not bothered by it. The new job has really helped me sort of sever things with him. While I was at the old job I would "feel" his presence and sometimes it was downright horrible. Now I can walk around freely and not think about him at all. Not sure what I feel for him at this point. All I know is I'm good w/o him in my life and if he hadn't contacted me (twice this week) I'd say nothing to him. Kind of just want this thing to disappear once and for all. But I will never be mean to him again; if he texts or calls I'll respond but just not like before. He really "feels" like a friend (distant) one now and I want to keep it that way...

    Aries is still trying to be my friend and I like it. I was honest and told him I have no romantic feelings towards him. He says he's ok with that--he thinks I'm fun and he likes how straight-forward I am so he'll be content with just a friendship. Besides that I'm just enjoying life with no drama!

  • Well Gem, here's the thing, in all the time I've known Virgo I never had something that you, and most of the others here have had - open communication with Virgo. Remember, everything was a guarded secret. I couldn't just call and say "hi" or ask how his day went. I'd have to just wait and wonder...and keep waiting...when will I ever talk to him again. Now that wall is gone, and quite honestly things are shifting here. I think I've talked to him more in the past two days than I did in a year before. It actually does feel friendly and we've had some good talks. Btw, he was totally prepared to respect whatever I wanted to do. When I proposed no communication for three months, he said he would give me whatever I needed - and I do believe he would have, you know how easy it is for a Virgo to be distant. So when he asked, "is that what you really want", well, no it wasn't and I told him so, but I warned him that if we keep talking there was some chance I would lapse into my emotionalism and he needed to be prepared for that. He couldn't be mad at me because I have feelings. I know my emotions are not something he wants to deal with right now with everything else going on, and at the same time I cringe thinking about re-living what we had before - I don't want those yo-yo emotions back. So, we're just seeing how this goes I guess. The circumstances have changed so this is an interesting space between us. New territory. I imagine that one day we'll actually see each other again, which is very strange to think about, although I expect it will seem very natural when we finally do. It was always that way with him. I'll let you know when that day finally comes 🙂

    I'm glad you're enjoying your space away from your Virgo. You sound very relaxed about it all. In fact you sound like you're doing just great so that is awesome! Very cool that you and Aries are still friends. I haven't heard anything from my Aries, I can't even recall. We're probably approaching a month here...longer? Sometimes I think about calling him, but then I think that if he weren't okay with the silence as well, then he would have called me by now. "Let sleeping dogs lie" with that one I guess.

  • I always had a shortcut here and then it disappeared one day. Then I just clicked on the tab "show me.." and then clicked on "Topics I participated in" and it brought me right back here...

    I wanted to share that I've been feeling really lonely lately. Now that I've distanced myself from Virgo and not really seeing anyone I feel lonley. Doesn't help that all around me is romance. Women being excstatic about their husbands or receiving flowers and one is even getting married next month. I'm not looking but I'm wondering when it's going to happen for me again--talking about love. My Cancer rising is not liking not being in a relationship; but Gemini Sun is shrugging it off as if it's ok! Well, I'll be ok; I always am. Just wanted to vent that. Still don't feel any better but I got it out. I'm chalking it up to my time of the month in 6 days! I always get this way around that time... Have a great weekend ladies!

  • Oh, Gem, this is totally natural around this time of month. I become almost manic and prone to accidents in my movements and thougths, and have to deliberately force myself to slow down - both in the thinking/feeling processes and actions. And I'm sure that when you are emotionally ready, you are going to meet somebody, who will feel right for you, when you least expect it. I've noticed that this often happens when your thoughts are occupied with something else and you are happy with whatever it is and are not looking for the romance. I think this is the time when we unconciously send away the right vibes, which make us both attractive and open for something new. With the Taurus guy I wasn't at all looking for any romance, but he has somehow appeared out of the blue, and I must have been ready for him, because everything just clicked effortlessly. In fact there was a number of coincidences, which made sure that we kept meeting. My point is - inner contentment attracts positive people and events into our lives, so I guess the trick is to concentrate on what you enjoy doing and what's good in your life and forget the rest. Have a great week-end and treat yourself to something nice ! And remember - it was your choice to stay single for a while, not because of lack of men who were/are interested in you !

  • Hi Jen,

    It's Sahana from p.25 of your thread (lol). Wow can't believe how fast this thread has moved on. Congrats to you and all the women that have shared their stories on here 🙂 Jen I have so much catching up to do with you. I've been trying to read all your updates on your virgo man.

    It's been a while since i've been on this website so have forgotten how to send you a personal email. I would like to share a lot with you in private if possible. Can you let me know how I can email you ?

    Thanks Sahana x

  • Sahana! I can't believe you are back, it's been such a very long time. Of course I would love to catch up with you. Please tell me you have a facebook profile. That's how some of us are connecting outside of the thread (you probably haven't read far enough in the thread to know this, lol). Look up a page called "Could you move please you're blocking my light". You can "like" the page and I will know that you have joined (you won't appear in any way on the group page unless you choose to reveal yourself, it is anonymous). I'm the Admin of the page, so just e-mail me via "message Admin" and we can go from there. There's no other way I know of to connect right now and I definitely don't think it's a good idea for anyone here to post personal e-mails or contact information. As I say, would love to catch up and hear how things are going with you!

    Good luck getting through the thread if that's your intention. Just getting to page 25 to refresh myself on your situation was a challenge. Lord, this IS a long thread.

  • Well, Virgo and I have been dating all this time (10 months) and there has been affection and romantic aspects to it but almost no intimacy. In the last two weeks we got closer. Saturday we had a great date but I felt rejected by him at the end. I called him and said I was not sure and I needed time to think things through. Last night he ended things with me and said friendship is the best course of action right now. He is very worried about his financial situation and he feels he is just adding stress to my life, that I am ready to keep on growing with this and he is not. That I do not know him because he has kept me at arm's length, etc. I am confused, he is very clear that he doesn't want a relationship (obviously, with me at least). He says we will keep in touch, etc. I feel that this is a knee jerk reaction because I put the doubt before him, so he got me before I got him. Any opinions? Am I in denial here? He said that it is like I am in high school and he is in first grade. He cannot give and that makes him feel worse. Yet I want to keep the channels open with him, this feels wrong, he definitely has pushed me away (I got too close). Is silence my best option?

  • Mardepp, I think he was telling you the truth, when he said that you don't know him, and you should believe him. What he meant is that he is in fact much more selfish and uncaring person than the way he has presented himself to you. And yes, you are absolutely right, he ended the relationship, because of his need to be in control and not you. He sounds just like my Virgo friend used to be, he also used to break up the relationship with me, when I would cast some doubt. He would do it now, if he could, except there is nothing to break, or to withdraw left. He often talks about "punishment", like everything in life is working on that principle - Universe punishing for whatever one has done wrong - that's how he sees relationships as well. I think silence is indeed your best option, for the sake of your own happiness, but be ready for his eventual return and attempt to create more bonds, so that he would have some thing to break later. These guys need to feel in control, that's why they are doing it. It's giving them a sence of omnipotence. That's why they withdraw intimacy as well - because it's an act of giving of themselves, and they can't possibly allow that. You need to put yourself first and heal, Mardepp. Virgo men are a special breed, and the one not to be intimately engaged with.

  • I meant he ended the relationship because he couldn't allow you to be in control of where it was going. It had to be on HIS conditions.

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