The heart of a Virgo man

  • Jenever,

    You have always been so kind to us, I'm sorry I didn't realise that we must bore u at times, with all our tales lol. Don't worry about me I wil be fine, but as a friend I do worry about u. The 5 years I went through with him I do not regret, I loved him and still do but what I have realised is he doesn't need me to fix his stuff and I believe the same is true for u. I just wish at the end of the 5 years it didn't finish the way it did with him not any wiser and no progress with his situation.

    I know what u mean about this forum draining u at times, I think u should come on now and again, its not ur fault u have such a large fan club. What started as just ur thoughts has got everyone hanging on now ! lol You have turned this thread into a life saver for anyone that needs an insight into the heart of the virgo man. Its all thanks to u, ur kindness and generosity.

    Jenever, do u know whats strange, even though I have lost contact, I don't know why my heart says its not over yet. I have had a few tarot readings done, and he shows up in my cards all the time. But even so, since he broke it off I will not initiate contact, he can contact me now, he knows where I am.

    I really know how u feel when u say u need a break from him now. Have that conversation with him about just being friends and let him know that you will move on if the right guy comes along. If he really loves u Jen and is not selfish then he will want u to be happy and not hold onto to u for himself when he is not in a position practically to do anything for the both of u. I think u know what I mean.

    I know u said u have had these talks in the past and he keeps talking his way back - that is the virgo art of persuasion, they all have truck loads of it ! Don't fall into that trap, I have done that many times and he kept getting me back just where he wanted me. Stand ur ground, he will respect it in the long run.

    Once u've had a good one to one with him, u will feel so much lighter and happier, like a weight has been lifted off and you can progress forward with yourself and ur own life. Jen u r such a wonderful soul, I have no doubt in my mind that u will not be single for too long. It is his loss at the end of the day, although I too like u end up feeling sorry for my virgo for the fact that he can't find himself a way out of his mess.

    Take a break away from him, reduce the conact a little so that he knows he can't depend on u so much. At the end of the day one of two things will happen 1) he will continue with his life the way it is and accept this sad existence 2) he will realise what he has lost and take the steps needed to be with u.

    But in both cases Jen, we don't need to be there, which ever option they take, they need to do it alone, its very important that that decision comes from them alone, even if their decision is to be with us, they have to want that without any influence from us by their side.

    Before I would always pray to god to give me my mr virgo, now my prayer has changed, I now say god give me whats best for me, because I trust his judgement and he knows better what is right for me. Jen I will pray for u too, things wil get better for u, I promise .You can email me anytime when u want to chat or off load, I am always here for u. Keep in touch. Speak soon.

    Lots of love hugs & kisses

    Sahana xx

  • Sahana - For starters PLEASE I do not want you or anyone else who has participated in this thread to think for one single second that I am bored or in any way resent the time I have spent here. Everyone here has helped me enormously with the thoughts they have shared and I am not going anywhere. As long as anyone feels I can help, I will be here. Sometimes what we need the most is just someone to spill it all to, you know what I mean, lol. Now you know as well as I do that this is too "fresh" with my Virgo to be conclusive as well. It usually takes him at least a week in "isolation" to process his thoughts. He has NEVER left well enough alone when I have tried to detach myself before. You know, when I first brought this up last week, his response was, "well I am just fine with things as they are and at peace with it, so maybe this is all about you". I think the implication was that I was supposed to feel like I had a problem and it was all my fault. So, I replied, "You are right, this IS very much about me and I am certainly not at peace with any of this at this point." (This of course was followed by explanation of why I was not "at peace".

    The next response from him was: "well fine, if you are so uncertain and you need to live your life free of drama then maybe you should move on". My response to that was, "well...actually...I have tried to do just that at least six times before in all of this (no exaggeration there Sahana, I sent him an e-mail from a year ago as an example of my effort to extricate myself from the relationship) and somehow it hasn't worked out". So again, I simply agreed with him, "yes, I would prefer my life free of drama and moving on seems to be the right solution to that".

    Bringing us to the most recent e-mail from him that said only, "I care about you alot". To which I replied, "I care about you more than alot." I expounded on the things that I loved about him because I really do love this man, but my essential point remained that "as much of a contradiction as this might seem to you, my caring about you is the very problem here, and caring about you becomes a negative force in my life when I don't get the same degree of caring and support from you." We are all just packages of emotional needs. When everyone gets their needs met, life is grand. When the scales tip and someone isn't getting what they need then "neediness" sets in and neediness translates into all kinds of destructive behavior - games and aggressiveness and trying to hurt the very person we say that we love.

    I think I've done very well with staying out of the destructive behavior that normally goes with this kind of situation. Every angry post on this thread is testament to the "typical" response to what my Virgo has contributed to this relationship. He's a liar, he's a cheat, he uses me, blah, blah, blah. Sure, that's all there, but I have chosen to resist those impusles and see if I could help him. I'm in no urgent need to find my life-long partner, I've said many times that my life is pretty complicated right now. I think I'm getting closer to a time when I might be able to invest more into a relationship, but in many ways the "distance" in our situation has suited me just fine. So some of this is surely my changing needs and that is naturally going to impact him. He is status quo for years to come in his mind. I am not. Hence, we now have mismatched needs.

    But there is no doubt in my mind that my Virgo has deep seated unmet emotional needs. He is incredibly aware of the circumstances of his life that have led to that, and he really is very introspective despite his obvious short-comings. So many times he seems so close to finding himself and breaking out of his cycle of unhappiness, and then it's like he collapses back into indifference. So until he can really figure things out and say "enough!" for himself, then he will just go on and on...

    I think I owe it to him to hold my ground on this now though. Sure, getting started here that's difficult, but as hard as it may be for anyone who has followed this thread to believe, I trust myself. My inner voice ALWAYS rules in the end in spite of whatever my mind might try to get away with, lol. But the revelation recently that Virgo has been holding me to a higher standard than he himself can maintain in all this time - I mean seriously expecting me to display some level of perfection - well that kind of irks me. That's too much responsibility. Something about that offends me to the point where I want to challenge him with, "fine, you think I should have such high standards, what do you think when it now affects what you need?" The point being that it is not my responsibility to lead him to a higher place - all he has to do is make a decision. No time like the present, eh?

    I also have been around the block too many times to stay down about this for too long. I'm sure there will be many days when I'll miss him, but life is full of possibilities. I know this. In my mind I have given him a chance and I believe I've made a difference in his general outlook on life, but the thing he doesn't seem to understand is that we have choices in this life. He is a life-long victim. So, he can choose to stay opressed out of fear, always playing out scenarios of what will happen "if...." or realize that you can let things go, even when they're important to you and just have some faith that all the good things in your world will still be there when you get through the changes. I am not saying change is easy, this is not easy for me, but it is necessary, I feel it right down to my bones. I just trust THAT. If I can't find a better place ahead with or without him then I figure that's my fault. That's what I'm planning on anyway. 🐵

    Thanks for your supportive words Sahana, they couldn't be more timely. I have the same prayer for my Virgo that I've had through all of this - that things turn out "right" for everyone involved here, and that everyone is moving to a better place through all of this. Him, his wife, I can't imagine that his children aren't affected by the dysfunction of his marriage. Kids are so smart and they don't miss much because they've known and observed their parents their whole lives. (Didn't you become an expert at reading your parent's moods?) All kids want (besides getting what THEY want, lol) is for their parents to be happy and stable. That's what makes them feel secure - that really doesn't change much when we grow up does it? haha. Maybe my Virgo really is at "peace" in all of this, maybe there's some transformation there that's taken hold.

    Hugs for you Sahana. I am always here for you! (Even if a bit slow in replying sometimes, lol.)

  • Jen,

    All I can say is, he's very lucky to have u there in his life, even as a friend. I just hope at the end of it all, you two are together, for all the time you are investing in this. I have been there myself and know how hard it is to pull away. Whenever I am with him, I have always listened to my inner voice to guide me forward, and it has also worked for me. Sometimes, situations come about in life, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, that can't just be dealt with in black and white. Especially in his situation where he has so much to deal with.

    I have a lot of experience with dealing with Virgo's, my sister and my father are both Virgo's. It takes an immense amount of patience to get along with them, but in the end, they do have a heart of gold. I agree with you, many members have spoken of their frustrations with virgo's, but virgo's will always want matters to be dealt with calmly and maturely without any tantrums (which can be hard at times, given how they drive us all around the bend lol). You seem to have understood them very well. Your insight into their minds and how they work is spot on.

    Not everybody has the patience to help someone through their thought process, like you are helping him, directly or indirectly, it doesn't matter, but it is making him question certain things about himself that he did not even think about until you came along, which is good.

    I can't really comment on your situation, but I know my Virgo will only leave his situation if his wife left him first, I don't think he has the heart to do that to his boys, even though he says he hardly talks to his wife. I know a lot of people have said on here that a married man will always say that so he can have his cake and eat it too, but I don't think every case is the same.

    My virgo would never go home until he knew she had gone. He went to the extent of working nights, so they would hardly pass in the day (because she would be at work). Sometimes he would just take off and go for long drives by himself and come back home in the early hours of the morning. I really miss him Jen when I remember all this because I believe him when he says he has not shared this with anyone apart from me, I know Virgo's are very private individuals and if they share anything like that with u it must be special.

    Jen, when he sent you that email I care about u a lot' remember virgo's are always worried about coming across too vulnerable to someone else, so he will always play it down a bit, so therefore what he really wants to say isI love u and I need u' . I think you know that already, just like I know my virgo loves me too.

    I really hope thing workout for you Jen. You deserve the best. Sorry about earlier when I said u must get bored, I was just pulling your leg lol, I know we all get inspiration from each other on this thread, but I agree with you that sometimes reading too much (even if its good) can bring it all back. Taking regular breaks is good, when u have so much fan mail to come back too. (lol - just kidding again ! x )

    Speak soon

    Sahana xx

  • Aww, Sahana, now you're making me feel all sentimental about this. Stop it! LOL.

    "Yes", you are probably correct about what he was really trying to say with that statement. Still, I want to give him some time here to think about what he really wants. I didn't post all of what I said to him in my last e-mail, I don't want to share it publicly, but suffice to say the answer to "what I need from him" was, "I need more of you in my life, not less", and told him why. I don't care if he reads that e-mail over and over fifty times, he's not going to be able to interpret it as anything sneaky or manipulative or selfish, I didn't put him down in any way, it was all about me and my ability to deal with him within the constraints of his situation. What it comes down to - as always - is, "I love you, I hate your situation". I told him how much I care about him, as I have so many times before. He knows very well how I feel.

    Wow, your comments about your Virgo and his wife are amazing. That's the same thing that's going on with mine. He works all day, she works at night. He makes sure he's in bed before she gets home, leaves before she gets up. It keeps the peace, which continues to keep the situation tolerable at some level. What a sad way to live, but it solves their current problems. Practical problems that is. Doesn't solve anything else.

    But anyway, things will work out all right. I expect I will talk to him again at some point. (Seriously, he could call within a week, who can say...) But I really need this space right now for myself, if for nothing else to than to deal with my own practical matters which really require me to stay focused. All this stuff with Virgo distracts me emotionally and I need to stay on task regarding my work situation. I have to generate results on a project and I've only got about a month left here to do it. Now you know it has to be serious if I'm willing to put Virgo man out of the picture just to insure my success. But it really is that significant. I need my mind clear and I have to think about my own security on this one.

    The timing is good anyway because I really do think the space will be good for him too. As I've pointed out, there's some deep stuff going on with him that I don't think I would have noticed if it weren't really coming to the surface in some aspect. I'd like to stay out of this one and hope that he comes to some new terms with himself. May be wishful thinking, lol, but one can hope! Who knows how I might feel about things as well given some time. I'm actually surprised by how well i am "coping" here. I do have some low moments, when I think, "what HAVE I done!", but as I said in the previous posts, I turn right around and suck it up and say, "trust yourself on this one Jenever, you did this for the right reasons". I'd like to keep myself out of any pity-parties in all this. I know it's not because I don't love him, I'd probably marry that little fool tomorrow given the chance, lol, but for the most part I'm just so ready for some change. Leave things open for something unexpected in my life, not just this same old same old. Not even looking for a man, you know. Frankly, I think I've been through enough here for a while. It's not all that hard to find a man really, but I'd prefer to find the "right" one, I'm not going shopping anytime soon.

    Nope, I'm going looking for some new experiences. I've already got a couple of groups in mind that I'd like to join that should really take me into some new territory life-experience-wise. Looking at a class or two as well. Some fresh faces, fresh ideas, that's what's on my agenda.

  • Well Sahana, this will give you a laugh. It did indeed turn out to be a very short "space" for me and Virgo. He sent a timid little text tonight "just saying hi and hoping things are good". I replied that all was well and hoped the same for him. Frankly, I am totally surprised by this. It hasn't even been a week since I "let him go". As you might expect, this gave me a smile, but I am not going to be distracted by it. He needs more time to think on this, and for the most part I am really enjoying my space here, free from his dramas.

    I'll keep you posted, lol.

  • Jenever7, Keepingitsimple23, thanks for all the lovely words you've sent. It really meant to me in these difficult moments. It was hard, I went on vacation with my family but I was somewhere else all the time... I thought about how much he hurt me for no reason and all the time I was mainly angry at myself that I allowed him to say to me such things. At one moment I would forgive him and in the next wished I never see him again ... Of course, since I have sensitive health and have some heart problems, I was ill, and recovery took about 2 weeks. I think that I'm actually sick of sadness.

    When I came back it is even more difficult. I have not met or talked to him, though, let me remind you, we live in the same building. I just saw that he often passes by my window. Simply not able to send a message to apologize, says anything that makes sense and what is human but not ... he just passes by my window, he knows that I am often in the kitchen (this is my base and my corner), and sometimes cast a glance if I'm there. With his wife I have talked several times, I saw her in the park, where our children socialize... It is very difficult to see her happy and talking about their plans for the summer. Hearing a story about his wishes, his normal life and trying to be cool... And smiling, trying not to show that I'm vanishing... When he passes by my door he laughs from the lungs. I think he wants me to hear how happy he is and how he does not matter for the two of us. And me? What to say? I try that my every thought is not of him. Sometimes it seems to works. As you Jenever, I need new faces and new events. I read many books. I enjoy with my child and enjoy in her naive, innocent stories. I'm trying to find in myself a ray of love for my husband, for which straw to caught to not drown. I slowly breathe. I'm insecure... And all the time wondering if I meant to him at all, is he played with me all the time, if he thinks of me... I love him, but I'm sure this time that I will not call him. He hurt me so much. And yet I can not believe that he is unable to call me, to ask me how I am... It is certain that I will meet him soon, because I started to work. I don't know what to say to him or should I remain quiet? How should I act?

    Jenever, your decision is brave. And appropriate. You understand and love so much this man, I'm sure he is aware of this. How much he feels bad because he knows that he is not strong like you? I'm sure you two will be together one day. I'm sure he can't be without you very long.. I may not know what will happen with me and my Virgo (he is very well without me) but I'm sure in some things. This time in you and your love for your Virgo. You are patient enough and love enough to keep him by your side. It just takes time, the decision he's trying to make is not easy. Trust me, I know.

    I have one skill. For me is very easy to find the four leaf clover. I have a lots of them, I find one in 10 days... When somebody asked me how I do it, I said that I don't see those of three, I see only ones of four. Just like people. I see and feel the people who are much different from others and who deserve to be happy because they are brave and they know how to love. Jenever, people like you are rare.

    You're his four leaf clover. He is not happy without you. I hope he'll realise that soon...

    Best wishes for all...

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  • MsSunny, when last I checked, this was a ''looking for insight'' thread, and not a ''looking for someone to judge me, and be unpleasant in general'' thread.

    To be honest I'm not the kind to bash at people, as I was fortunate enough to receive proper education (and I so want to bash at you right now!), so I'll just keep this post short and polite:

    I think each person should focus on what they, themselves, deserve and do not deserve, instead of judging others.

    Notice the ''I think'' in my phrase? I'm expressing an opinion. This implies that anyone who reads this is free to agree with it, or not to agree with it.

  • Leogemini - I hope that you are ignoring that post from Ms Sunny. I've actually reported it to Admin as abuse. I think it's shameful to come here and be mean to people who are looking for answers - as if any one of us has all the answers. There are just as many people who end up in situations such as ours who do work through the complications and end up together. What separates us is taking that risk, rather than playing it safe. You get one chance at this life. It IS an individual choice to take some chances and see where things go. There are many sad things that befall us in life that we have zero control over, your situation and mine are not one of those. I have considered all along that this is a calculated risk, the outcome is no more known than anything else in life. You went into your marriage (as did I) thinking that it would be happy and forever - yet it is more sad in some ways than the time you have shared with Virgo. There are no guarantees in ANY relationship. In Virgo you have at least come to the realization that you do need someone different in your life. In time I believe you will find that, it seems to be a part of you now.

    So sure, the odds may be against us, but the outcome is not known. And so what if you end up in the same place as you started. That's the only place we ever are anyway, lol. Just right here, right now. No one knows the future with any true certainty in my opinion. I don't care what anyone says really, I know that Virgo and I were brought together for some very good reason - whether it's to be together or not. For instance, I would surely not be here talking to you leogemini if it were not for my relationship with my Virgo. That's a very good thing to come out of it all. 🙂

    Your thoughts are so beautiful leogemini, even in their sadness. Like a sad poem. I found your words very touching. You know, perhaps he actually laughs when he walks by to catch your attention as he has no other way to get it right now. What you need to remember leogemini is that the person that he grew to love is you - it is you without all the clutter of this sadness that he has brought to you. I want you to try, a little at a time to focus on yourself without all of that clutter, push it to the side and get a quick glimpse at how lovely you are without all of that weighing you down. This will be difficult at first, I know this well, but keep trying and you will eventually see yourself quite clearly again. And when you do, he will also see this person that he was so attracted to...but what will you want by then? Ahh, he may not be worthy of your attentions when you yourself come to remember what you have to offer a relationship - that he let slip away. But if that day comes, it will be your decision to make what you will do.

    As far as how to act? Well, I think that you just act as you feel you need or want to. Don't make a plan for it, just react how you are moved to act in the moment. If you want to be nice to him, be nice. No one loses if you show him kindness, not even you.

    Now, I have to tell you a story here because your four-leaf clover story was so mind-blowing. I too have that skill and have for most of my life. I have a flower press that is literally filled with four-leaf clovers and I use them to put in cards for special occasions or make bookmarks or just pass along to friends when the chips are down for them. Sometimes we are what we believe, lol, and it cheers them up. But what is more interesting is my son also has this "talent". Before school begins in the morning the students are required to wait outside the doors until the bell rings to admit them. During that time my son just happened to find a four-leaf clover. Well this so excited him that every morning from then on he would look for, and find four-leaf clovers. I started showing him my clovers and now we press his as well. So one day he announced, "I am going to find a FIVE-leaf clover". Well, I knew how unlikely this was and told him not to get his hopes up as they are so very rare.

    So he arrived home from school later that week and he said, "mom I have something to show you". He pulled out his math book and I assumed he was going to show me his good grade on a math test. (I bet you already know where I'm going with this, lol). Yep, there, carefully pressed within the pages of his math book was a five-leaf clover. His very first one (but not his last - he has far surpassed my clover-hunting skills and is now on a quest for a six-leaf clover). And the best surprise of all, was that he wanted me to have it - since I have never had one myself. It's in a little frame on my nightstand and, yes indeed, I feel lucky every time I look at it.

    I like what you said about how we see people. I see this in my son as well. I call him my "marshmallow" (so soft on the inside) he is so kind and gentle and understanding, even at an age when children can be so cruel to each other (12 year olds), somehow he always reacts with compassion and he always seems to know who feels left out and tries to make them feel part of the group. I don't know where he gets it, but I learn much by his beautiful example. How uncanny that you would bring that up the four-leaf clovers though since it's such a highlight of our lives around here. I've only known one other person who had this talent. He's a very gifted artist for what that's worth. But EXACTLY like you, I say the same thing - the four-leaf clovers stand out so clearly to me, how can no one else see them??? I'm so serious, how can everyone not see them??

    So, my four-leaf clover-finding friend, you come back here whenever you need to and talk to me, and don't let the negativity of what anyone else thinks get to you. Come here and get the support of those who do care, and there are so many. And I must say that no matter what our lives turn out like leogemini, I know that I would never speak so hurtfully to another person and I doubt that you would either. We can BOTH feel very good about that! 🐵

  • Jenever,

    I'm so glad that you and your son have that gift. I didn't know anyone who has that skill untill now and I'm glad it's you! What a coincidence! I gave my first five-leaf clover to my daughter. Like you, I love to give my clover to people who needs luck... I gave it to my Virgo, too. Last time I spoked with him, when he was so rude, I asked him does he knows where is the clover I gave him. He said I don't know. Your clover won't solve my problems and certainly won't help me in my miserable life. I said nothing to that... I think that that day, he was angry at me. I think that he is sorry now, but he don't know how to apologize.

    Don't worry about spiteful comments. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone have the right to live their lives as best as they can. Someone said that love and morality are not brother and sister, and they do not travel in the same car. Love is a thing of God, morality is invented by a human... I would like to meet someone who has never sinned and can so easily condemn others. Life isn't black or white. Life is full of other colors.

    Everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe this is going to help us to better know ourselves, suffering leads to introspection. Although I'm sad, I had my love. And that's a feeling that I would like to keep.

    So, Jenever, yes, we can both feel very good about that!

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  • Didn't see lonely ladies, only strong women, who are living their lives as good as they can. Life can come into your face, you can try and make the best of it, or just leave it and in the end feeling sorry you didn't took the opportunity to learn from it.

    For me is seems this grown up thread is just hijacked to bash people, and in my world and opinion that's plain pathetic, and childish.

    Living is learning, if you can't learn anymore....well you can take your own conclusion 🙂

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  • I meant s e x

  • the other blank word for male S l u t

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  • to pisces dreamer

    honey, it's a fact with many married couples who have issues and go thru a crises. sadly, many can't handle the boredom and routine of home life and often turn to another for sex, lust, and the love of the secret.

    I have counseled hundreds of married spouses of both genders and their reasons for straying, and have counseled hundreds of the lover and their reasons for taken on a big risk.

    the outcome is basically the same. 98 percent of the cheater goes back to the spouse. only 1-2 percent will leave the spouse and commit to the lover. it's a risk, and not to be taken lightly when other people are involved.

    I can share a true story of a middle aged single woman who has had an affair with a married man for 25 years. he has promised her the world, and told her many times he will leave the wife, etc. they do share a 22 year old son.

    he still feeds her the lines, and she knows it's all lies. she is very lonely, and woman who goes to work, and buries her head in her work, and can't share with anyone, because she is an outcast.

    the law of the universe do not comply with those that intentionally cheat, that only causes pain.

    when one chooses to interfere with another, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, is an evil person. ch eaters are selfish, and self absorbed.

    it is what it is.. and it's as old as prostitution.

    Ms Sunny

  • Ms Sunny,

    I know the percentages of men who never leave their spouses. Been there done that, but it's how you get involved in that kind of relationship. I don't agree on the when you interfere you're evil from the start. You're just human with feelings. You can do something with those feelings or not. I do agree on the selfishness, self absorbed and friggen big egos.

    From my experience with a married man, I also found out later that he was married. When I did find out, I was mad, hurt, but I still loved him. You can't erase feelings for someone in an instance. I took some distance from him. Said I wouldn't be involved with a married man. He in his place didn't want to let me go, chased me, I was his prey (I knew that from the moment he told me he was married), and allthough I was fighting against him, my feelings for him were stronger, till the moment he confessed that he really loved me. Still cautious towards him I was screening myself. What did I want? And than I said, if you really love me, than we'll do this with my rules. I didn't want to take responsibillity of his actions. He's an adult, and if he wants to cheat well that's his decission. I never wanted to be the "standard" mistress. I wasn't planning on living my life on his agenda. If he wanted to see me at times I was booked by my friends, family or work, it was his loss. I didn't want to hear things about his marriage. Because I couldn't proof he was lying or telling the truth, and I didn't want to hear the pathetic lies he didn't get what he wanted with his wife, was unhappy etc. I wanted him for him, not because he trapped me into his so called unhappy life (what wasn't the case) I never wanted him to divorce his wife, because I knew what he did to her he could easily do to me, and I didn't want to wash his dity socks or boxers 🙂 At that time he just gave me the love, attention, and relationship I could handle, and I was an extension on his life instead of a filling and vice versa, and we were happy with that. He told me that he wasn't unhappy in his marriage. That he loved his wife, but that he loved me on a different level. I was his buddy, his girl. And I totally believe you can love more than the person you're commited to.

    Sure you can put me in the cage of being a Pisces with my dreamworld, and if you do, I'm not taking it as offensive, but I know what our relationship was all about. Yes he was an ass he cheated on his wife, yes he was selfish he wanted me on a plate whenever he wanted, but I was as selfish to play it with my own rules and not feeling quilty towards his wife, because still it were his actions, and I took my hands of any responsibillity that didn't include me. He had a marriage with his wife, I had a relation with him, and not with her. I know...selfish and cold, but at that time I couldn't care less.

    Why it ended? Like Jenever said on the first couple of pages of this thread, I didn't stop dating. My married man wanted me exclusive...well buddy, aint gonna happen. You're not exclusive so am I. And I found a man I felt deeply in love with, didn't happen overnight, but as much as i loved my married man, I felt the love for my new man was different, and had potential of a great relationship. The more effort I put in my new man, the love of my married man got on a level of friendship, and till today he's still one of my best friends, without the benefits this time.

    Ok to make a long story longer 🙂 It's the way you deal with these kind of relationship. I never asked my married man to choose for me, I never expected him to give me insight of his "other" life. I wasn't scared to call him an asshole for cheating, and that he had to take all responsibillity.

    As for the ladies you call lonely. In fact, the "mistresses" in these stories don't happen to be lonely, but strong women with their own life, children, work and friends but tend to roll in these relationships. They're not hunting down married men to screw their wives, or soak these men from theid children. People can fall in love despite if they're already in a relationship or not. You can choose to walk away, and we all know that's the best option, but sometimes you just can't cause you're both mentally, emotionally and physicall attached to eachother. And when that happens you're in a vicious circle, full of confusion.

    Yes, being in a triangle isn't a good thing. But to condemn these women as marriage breakers and whatso-ever is to easy in these cases. opinion...

    the Pisces dreamer

  • @ Jenever: I love the clover story...! The netherlands is so full with bricks, we can hardly find clovers. Hope it will bring you luck in your life, thanks for all the stories about Mr. helped me a lot to figure out my own Mr. Virgo (still no clue here lol)

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