The heart of a Virgo man

  • Leogemini, he can't tell you that it's over because it's not over for him. His mind and his heart are in conflict, whether it looks like it to you or not. If this were not the case he would move on. Seriously, he would have ended the whole thing already. I can't say this enough because I've learned the lesson the same way that you are right now, but a Virgo man can let his mind control everything. He will fight with you or himself to keep his mind in control of everything. So realize, when those little thoughts of love sneak out, it's a big deal for him. He probably wished that they hadn't, probably hoped that you didn't really notice. Somehow I imagine they think it's weakness - he should be more in control of himself. And we look at them and think "my God a rock has more warmth than you do". LOL. (Just remember rocks are the end result of lava. And like lava, his feelings are held deep inside. He does care about you.)

    You know, being a Cancer myself, I never imagined that anyone could be more insecure about revealing my inner self...until I met my Virgo. It's like you have to keep reminding him over and over and over, "yes, I really do care about you!" , and, "Look, I'm still here, even after all the stuff you put me through". For you and I it's like someone asking, "do you love me? Do you really, really love me? Okay, but do you really, really, really love me?" And my sense is that if you break that chain and give him any reason to doubt that, he either goes back to square 1 with you, or, probably, depending on the act that brought about the distrust, he ends it. Now add children to the equation (note here I am very specifically not adding the "wife" part, because that's not what's really tying him in knots - it's children - the deep sense of responsibility to take care of his own). Now, you've got an even bigger challenge because he has to be so completely, unquestionably, 100% sure that you are the ONE worth rocking that family boat before he's going to do anything serious about it. How long does that take? What does it take? I don't have a clue. Still in that place of proving myself to my Virgo - and I confess that I set things back when my own emotionalism scares him. Can't help it, I am a Cancer. But you know what he actually admitted recently, was that he loved my passion. But be careful with that, I think what he loves is that I make an effort to control that passion. I feel it, and I express it in words that are logical and generally rational. If I were passionate in a way that was more physical: screaming, crying, slamming doors, constantly saying I love him, wanting to be with him all the time - that is drama to him - he would have no love or respect for me at all.

    I know that sounds selfish on the Virgo man's part, but my growing sense is also that he doesn't see it that way. To him it's a practical matter of being certain. It all goes back to his mind. You don't need to convince his heart of anything. You have to convince his mind. His mind will win in the end every single time. Make no mistake leogemini, you have to be a smart cookie to deal with these guys because they're so complicated. They're weighing out angles to a situation that we don't even think of because we're operating from a place where we let our hearts and minds work together in evaluating situations. Somehow you've got to outsmart him and prove that it's okay to listen to his heart sometimes. To TRUST his heart. I think that's the real challenge and why we have to prove so much, because they won't acknowlege what their hearts are telling them. Emotions are fleeting and changing so his mind tells him they can't be taken seriously...unless time has proven that they are worthy of being taken seriously. You can't tell him either, that won't matter. Somehow all you can do is help his mind evolve to accept what his heart is feeling.

    Now, I will tell you that I am right back in the thick of things with my Virgo. (Big surprise, eh.) I'd gotten fed up with myself for putting up with his seeming indifference lately so I said, "I am completely frustrated with you because this whole situation just messes with my mind". (See, right away I got his interest because he can understand a mental struggle. If I'd gone emotional he would have tuned me out on the spot.) AND I added some logic for him to ponder over. I said, "OBVIOUSLY you are trapped by your circumstances at this time, but that does not mean that your mind and your heart are trapped". Then I elaborated on why it made no sense to me that he was holding back his mind and heart even if he couldn't physically make any change to his situation." I always make a point to remind him as well, that I'm not going to tell him what to do. If he wants to talk to me or to see me, he has to make that decision. "Involve me in your life because you choose to, not because I'm making you feel like you have to." (I took all the emotion away and left him with a purely mental dilemma. He had to make a choice. But see, that's good for my Virgo because it gives him a new perspective to THINK about, lol.)

    Within the week he was asking me to text him and call him more. I am not a texting and phone-calling kind of person, so this actually is a bit of a chore for me - however - what he is telling me is that this is what it's going to take for him to move a little closer to me. More effort on my part, I know, but as I said earlier, there will be no other way of convincing him to budge. You know the saying, "give a person an inch and they'll take a mile". Reverse that for these guys, "give them a mile of yourself just to get an inch".

    Patience, patience, patience. Will it be worth it at some point? Who knows, but you and I both know that unless someone comes along so amazing that they can tear us away from that Virgo hold, we will stick around to find out.

    On that note, I can tell you, that my Virgo has never been able to go more than 3 weeks without connecting with me. Oh he could go months without ever seeing me, but he literally will go nuts if he doesn't hear from me. He told me this actually. Very calmly of course. But the fact that he would even admit that, tells me that it eats at him ten times what he really admits. So, my advice to you leogemini is to go ahead and avoid your guy for a while. NOT as a game. You are angry and you need the space for yourself anyway to balance yourself. He could probably use the space to think on things too. As he starts to notice that you aren't around, he will actually start thinking about you more, because he will wonder why it is that things have changed. "Where is she? What is she doing? What is on her mind?" Then when you're calm again, go ahead and give yourself a little more time. Consider it a personal challenge for you to see how long before he seeks you out. I bet it won't be as long as you imagine. 🐵

    I have to run or I'd probably go on and on. I'm so glad you were still around as I've thought of you often. Keep me posted okay!

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  • Jenever7, I agree with mimi1230! Thank you for your patience and generosity. Your words and thoughts are very helpfull...

    I think that my Virgo would contact me more if we weren't in the same building... We see eachother almost every day. So, I guess it's enough for him.

    I saw him this morning in the kindergarten... He just looked at me and gone. Like we are two strangers. That hurts!

    Lately, I'm dealing with a jealousy too. I think It's a horrible feeling. And it's normal, i guess. I'm meeting his wife every day when we go to work. I look at her, she is very beautiful woman. And everything comes to my mind (imagine). But, I feel that she is cold and insensitive. He never said to me anything bad for his wife. Never. She is the one telling me that he is selfish and self-sufficient. That he's yelling frequently when he's angry. I think it's because of his repressed feelings... Don't know...

    Anyway, I will take your advice. I'm angry and I need a time to think. I'll hurt him if I talk to him right now. It's good that I would't be in town next couple days. He doesn't know...

    Thank you again and I hope that your Virgo will find a way to you, to be with you... Write soon, just to know what is happening...

  • Mimi - Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words. I've been meaning to see how things are going for you, please drop me a line if you get a chance.

    leogemini - jealousy is an awful feeling and comes from your own insecurity. Try to remember who YOU are and don't worry about who she is. Realize that she is a woman that your Virgo has lost feelings for. If you were like her, he would be rejecting you as well.

    A Piscies man I know, who is always full of practical wisdom, once said to me, "show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man who is bored with kissing her". (Um, I cleaned this up a bit, replace the word "kissing" for a word that would be deleted for vulgarity otherwise, lol.) The point is, a beautiful exterior is not what it's all about, it truly is what is inside a person. Such women may satisfy a man's ego, but their beauty alone will not satisfy a man's soul. (Unless he is quite shallow, which in some cases is probably true. So who needs him anyway? Lol)

    I'm on the go here - as always seems to be the case lately - but will return.

  • Hi Jen,

    It's Sahana. How are you? I don't know if u remember me, but I posted my whole life story on your thread on p.26. LOL. My Virgo man left me after a 5 year relationship. He sent me an email this year on the 10th Feb to say goodbye and that it's over between us. Well since he has been gone I am still single, not because I don't want to date, but just because I don't want to rush into starting another relationship with someone. These last few months without him have actually been very positive for me. I was in a bad way when he left emotionally, but it has given me time to heal.

    Well u know what they say, just when things are going right for you, your past shows up. Well not exactly but 2 days ago I received an email from him asking me how I am? Just like that, out of the blue? What planet are these Virgo men on?

    I don't know whether I want to kill him more or myself, because deep down I still care for him and that really upsets me that he has this hold over me? I really was preparing to move forward with my life and still want to, but him contacting me again has brought all the past back in my head.

    I can only say what I have decied to do for the moment. I have decided not to reply to his email. I need my space and time to think. To be honest I doubt his relationship has changed in a few months with his wife. I have no idea why he is contacting me, especially since he was the one that ended it over email.

    Jen I have always looked up to your advice and support, you seem to have great insight into the heart of a virgo man. Why is he contacting me again? What do you think I should do?

    Sorry to bother u with my problems, its just that since this happened I can't seem to focus on a lot of things, I can't keep avoiding him, I'll have to figure out what I need to do next.

    How are things with ur virgo man? I hope you are still together and happy 🙂

    Hope to hear from you soon Jen.

    Take care

    Sahana xx.

  • Sahana!! YOU were such a voice of wisdom to me back around page 26 (like my crystal ball to see into my future with Virgo man, lol). I honestly am surprised to find you in a quagmire over things. the same time....I suppose I do understand. If you read through the posts since we last spoke, you know that I am back in that boat with my Virgo, but just as irritated as ever - also with myself mostly, for letting him get me so stirred up emotionally.

    But let's talk about you! This is an interesting turn of events. Soo, it took him four months to come back, but you can be sure he thought about it a great deal in that time. You're right, avoiding him is not a solution. Vindictiveness is not a solution because you love him and you know it, so there's no need to try to hurt him, you'll only feel bad about it later.

    I think that once you have collected your thoughts, you should share with him some of what you have shared here. Tell him how things have been for you since he left you. Tell him what it does to you now that he has returned - the turmoil it puts you in. Ask him why he would concern himself with you after he is the one who ended things. I know these Virgo guys hate to be put on the spot but that's more the reason that you MUST do this. You can do it without being mean or accusing. Focus on your feelings and what you need. Just be...honest. You are totally right to hold off until you process all of this for yourself. When it feels right, contact him and just talk from your heart. If he wants to be back in a relationship with you PUSH him to explain what he thinks that's going to look like for the both of you. As you say, doubtful that his relationship with his wife has changed, but you never know.

    All in all, I think you need to speak your heart and mind (because you need to do that for yourself) and he needs to take some accountability for whatever is going to happen next between you. He left you. He had his reasons. What is your assurance that he's not going to do it again. What's in this for you if you renew your relationship? What future does he see for you two? Perhaps he won't even go that deep, perhaps he's just saying hi and testing the waters. But you need to be prepared on your side of things to stay in control of yourself. Oh these guys are enticing, lol.

    Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter for now. Don't ever feel like you're bothering me here. I learn as much from you as you do from me in all of this. You hold a key to my potential future and I am taking mental notes, lol. Seriously, your situation has given me reason/strength to confront my Virgo several times. I'm warming up for another big one again. I just pushed him recently on the question of "what do you want between us and where do you even see this going?" He very neatly avoided answering (I won't be at all surprised when you come back and tell me your Virgo talked and talked and in the end said nothing as well), but I can assure you I have not forgotten. If you read my most recent posts, he even encouraged me to get in contact with him more often. I assumed that was so that I would find some assurance in staying with this relationship. But THEN he doesn't reply. Good God, THAT frustrates me even more than when I first brought up the question of what are we doing here.

    So I've been on a slow burn here lately and I really understand how, when you said once you healed a bit over your guy leaving, you found yourself in a peaceful and positive state. I'm just getting weary of being pulled out of that positive state. (Although I don't assume that he is really just rolling along in life happy, I do believe that all of this takes a toll on him as well.) But I get to a point where I just say, "well so what if he's not happy, that's his problem - my happiness is my problem and he's not helping my state of happiness". Trust me, my Virgo has another ear-full coming sooner rather than later. My ultimate question at this point is: what do you REALLY want? Do you want me to wait this thing out? If "yes" just say "yes". And if that's the case, what are you willing to contribute that will keep me feeling secure in it all? I'm not saying I need him to make me happy, I'm only saying I need to understand why he thinks I should invest myself in loving him as opposed to some other man (like there is anyone like him, I know, but for the sake of discussion I will pretend that somewhere on this planet exists a man who will capture my attention like he does.)

    And just as I've instructed you, I will once again tell him what the sitauation does to me, what it does to me mentally and emotionally, remind him that he's the one who has decisions to make, not me - I love him, he knows this, my only decision is how much I really am willing to deal with to continue to offer him my love and support. I already told him, I need a team effort. My sense right now is that he can't do it. If he can't do it, I want to hear him SAY what holds him back. I want him to acknowlege why he can't do it. I want him out of his analysis and in some reality, LOL. None of this vague stuff that he's so good at.

    His biggest problem is that he can't get firm enough about what he wants in any direction of his life to feel any passion about what he wants for himself. I could totally accept losing him forever if I thought my being gone left him enlightened in some way. But I think he would just roll back over into his role as a victim. I'm not even saying he has to leave his wife this instant, I appreciate the implications to his children's well-being, but he needs to start convincing me that his heart is really in this by simply meeting me in the middle. We are very much out of balance right now in my opinion. Someone said to me recently, "it's not your job to fix him", but see, I disagree because our paths have crossed and this has gone on too long and it runs too deep. Something needs to be resolved here or what was the point? Any other relationship I can look back and see how it coursed through changes and to resolution and to new directions. This just keeps hanging in a realm of...I don't know what...unrealized potential maybe? Something like a dream state and nobody can quite wake up. Do you know what I'm saying? In any case, I figure I'll know when things are really done and I'm not feeling that yet. Inching closer, lol, but maybe he'll surprise me yet.

    Whew, sorry, I lost myself in a rant there, lol. Okay, enough, suffice to say I am collecting my thoughts as well. 🐵

    Oh, Scorp guy just wandered back last week after more than a month of zero communications. One minute he's crazy about me, the next he decides that I don't care about him, pretty much wrote me off in an e-mail. Now, voila, he returns acting like nothing happened and asking when I might be returning to town again, "would love to see you". Uh huh. If I sit still in this long enough who knows what he will do next. If he would state plainly what is going on with his feelings we might be able find some common ground here, but he's like a dog chasing his tail and I'm just sitting here watching it and feeling dizzy. He's a good guy though, he really is. Just so full of emotions and no where to go with them. I know what that feels like, LOL!

    Well it was so very good to hear from you and I am glad you chose to come back and share your latest with me. You let me know what happens next. I will be dying to hear about it. Meanwhile, get focused, lol.

  • Hi All,

    I have come across this forum and read through most of the posts when looking for advice how to figure out a Virgo guy. I admire you ladies for putting up with all this stuff, I pretty well understand it can be a tough job dealing with Virgos.

    Ok, I am not married to a Virgo guy, neither in a serious relationship with one, we are, let's say, kind of seeing/not seeing each other? I am Leo with Scorpio Rising and Saggitarius Moon, he's Virgo with Leo Rising and Libra Moon. I have known him for a short time only, one month and 2 days, but... he swept me of my feet and I fell for him hard... Everything was so wonderful in the beginning. We used to spend a lot of time together, talked every day on IM. Last time I saw him was two weeks ago, when he cooked dinner for me, we were cuddling and kissing (we didn't make love although we were pretty close to it). He was so caring and protective of me all this time, even a blind could see he had some feelings for me at least (I am not saying he loved me). Then suddenly, I had this strange feeling that something was going to happen (for some reason, I have this sixth sense about him and it's never wrong). Two days later he started being weird, not talking to me at all so I asked him if there was anything wrong. Then he spoke up (I could sense he felt uneasy) and said he didn't think it could work out between us. Just like that, out of the blue. I was like - WTF? How can you judge someone, say that you know them after only a month? I must say I am pretty complex person so it's very difficult to figure me out. And now, some Virgo guy comes and thinks he knows every inch of me. So we argued and were pretty emotional, each of us trying to explain what we wanted. To be honest, I think he doesn't know what he wants. He gave me all possible reasons for why not having serious relationship with me, that I didn't really believe him. I wanted to walk away, I was hurt way too much by the outcome. He didn't understand why I didn't want to stay and didn't want me to go. I thought about it, didn't sleep at all and wrote him an email the other day explaining (with less emotions now) what was really going on - that he was simply scared... yes, we hit it off rather very fast and I think we shouldn't have. So after few hours of heated discussions he admitted he would rather take things slow and that we didn't go through friendship stage yet. OK, I agreed we should be just friends for now and see where it takes us. But what kind of friends? I asked him what thought our friendship should be like? A couple of days after that we were supposed to go buy some stuff for his flat. However, two hours before it he cancelled everything saying that he didn't feel well. It was pretty hot here and he had a hangover from a day ago and said he needed to charge his batteries and he would see me another time. It got me pretty upset because I was looking forward to seeing him (plus all emotional from our previous incident) so we had a fight again. I thought I managed to persuade him. I waited for him for half an hour at the place where he had to pick me up and then sent him a text asking where he was and that I was going to wait for another 15 minutes and then go home (I thought he was stuck in traffic somewhere). He texted back he was at home. OK, I thought that was a final straw for me and replied back saying that it was a blow below belt from him and I had enough and didn't want to see him again. Silence. It lasted for about two days after I couldn't keep myself from texting him and asked him if that was how he valued our friendship and that he seemed not to care about me at all and that I thought I should leave. Within few seconds he replied back and apologized. This happened last week. I talked to him again this Monday (he contacted me first) and he was acting like nothing happened. So I decided to play it cool, ignore him, no initiating contact with him, let him do the job. I am of that opinion if a guy wants to talk to me, he eventually will. I also think, since he's aware of my feelings for him, he takes me for granted. I mentioned to him I was meeting a guy I knew briefly for a drink tomorrow and he was like he didn't understand why I wanted to meet someone I hardly knew, why I was going to drink when I never drank when I was with him; what we were going to do together. Man he sounded so jealous, unbelievable. I just want him to see that I am an independent person and I have life and I do not intend to be his property. On the other hand, it's okay when he goes out, has a drink and flirts with his female colleagues. I noticed he's actually doing everything he doesn't want me to do. I do care about him deeply, I am a patient person but there are times when I have enough. I go away, I swear, I curse and when I calm down I am back and as nice as I can be to him. I can see it's him who is in the control of our so called friendship, he does what wants and when he wants. I am a person who loves a lot of affection, loves to be center of attention... He 's the kind of guy who can live without it. I've been asking myself where is this caring guy who would treat me as I was his princess and if he ever comes back? I understand we have a long way to go still, I am cool with that but don't I deserve better treatment from him? I think I do. If he doesn't care about me, why doesn't he tell me? I don't know, I decided to give him a chance but I do not think he's going to change....

    Finally, I feel better after writing it... Thanks for listening 😉 xx.

  • Hi Jen,

    You remembered me from p.26 of this thread- lol ? Big Hug xx Thanks for getting back to me so quick. Your words are very kind. I take your advice on board and will take my sweet time in deciding what I want to do next, I will not let him pressure me this time. I just popped in quickly to say thanks and I will defo keep u up to date. I still need to catch up on all the posts on this wonderful thread. I need to read urs too, to get up to date with your story. As soon as I do, I will write to you shortly. I really hope things work out for you, you are such a caring and loving soul, u deserve the best.

    To al the newbies - hello, just popping in quickly, will read up ur stories soon, can't wait.. Wish u all the luck with ur Virgo men. My story is on p.26 if you want to get to know me. I have been with my virgo man for 5 years, but he left me earlier this year and now after 4 months he has got back in touch - strange ? Anyway that's a bit about me, you can read my full story on p..26, would love to hear what u all think. I hope to speak with u all soon.

    Love Sahana xx.

  • TwistedAngel79 - Welcome! Above all else I am glad you are feeling better for getting that off your mind a bit. I wish I knew what to say that would help, but all that comes to mind is "welcome to the club". Many of the women here empathize with your frustrations - that's what brings us together. Trying to solve this mysterious personality. Although, from what I read about Virgo's, somewhere in these men is a very sound, practical, loving and loyal personality. Perhaps we are the women who find the ones who have buried that aspect of themselves, but something in us knows it's really in there...somewhere, lol. I'm surprised your guy has gone through so much conflict with you and still comes around. That's pretty interesting. That type of conflict would send my guy into a cave for a month until he had collected himself. I suspect he would return at some point, but it would surely overwhelm him for a time. A firey Leo seems like a handful for a timid Virgo, and a Leo putting up with all these shananigans is unexpected as well. You two certainly are an interesting pair, lol!

    Isn't that possessive thing strange too. Annoying actually. For all those Virgo smarts your guy can't see that your behavior is no worse than his, but you are judged while he finds himself perfectly accceptable. (I am very familiar with this perspective from mine as well.) Maybe it really does have nothing at all to do with star signs and we just found ourselves neurotic men. LOL. Sorry, but the thought has run through my mind more than once in dealing with mine. Given his situation I have suggested professional counseling a couple of times, either for himself or with his wife. I think the idea intrigues him (what fun it would be to analyze his own mind you know), but he's too cheap to spend the money.

    Well, for now just know you are warmly welcome here and come share or vent with us anytime you need.

    Sahana, lol, I'm serious now, you really touched me with your first posts. Your situation is eerie for me as so much of it parallels what I have experienced. I value your insights because you have years of wisdom to offer. When I hear that your Virgo returns into your life, I think about how you two have a relationship, a firm bond of some kind, but the unfortunate thing is that he still can't bring his desire to be with you into any sort of....let's call it normalcy. Would he just carrry on for a lifetime with one foot in the relationship with you and one foot out of it? I try to understand why? You know him quite well at this point and yet still you have no answers. It's fascinating and disturbing at the same time.

    If you want me to save you the trouble of reading all the past posts, it's that I get myself fully squared to end things with my Virgo, I go for it, and somehow, little bit by little bit he draws me back in. I'm actually losing count of how many times I've "ended" things with him. The last round he actually admitted that he was hurting over it. It wasn't my intention to make him hurt, but I really felt that I'd had enough and was ready for new pastures. I even consoled him that he would get over it in time. But before you know it, we had talked so much about his hurt that we were back to talking in general and voila, it all becomes water under the bridge yet again. I suspect this may be where you are headed Sahana, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it would just be my hope for you that after sooo much time you guy can help bring things to a new understanding - not just more of the same.

    Okay ladies, it's late here I must go. Keep us posted!

  • Jen - Thanks for your welcome...

    I must say I am not a typical Leo and he's not a typical Virgo 🙂 I realize we are an interesting pair, I certainly do not go for anything ordinary 😉

    Oh yes, he can be very loving when he wants to. He had a serious relationship for seven years. From what he told me, she left him for her colleague. He got very hurt because he was putting too much in it and it didn't pay him off. He thinks he will never be able to support anyone else as much as he supported her. I told him I understood how he felt and that there are people who will appreciate him and he shouldn't give up. Actually, I would welcome it as this was something that was missing from my previous relationships. Then there was an affair he had with a married woman (purely for sexual purpose) but it didn't last more than a year.

    As for me, I am a fighter. The most tolerant and patient Leo you could ever find. I have no idea where it comes from. When I want something, I'll go after it. Yep, pretty fiery also - we both have Venus in Leo so I wonder if that is what didn't make him run away immediately when we argued.

    I've been involved with another Virgo for about two weeks before I met this one, but it wasn't as dramatic as with the current one. To be honest, it was rather dull and I was happy it ended.

    Possessiveness... oh well. I am possessive, too, and it did affect my previous relationships to a great extent after I realized this is not a healthy way to go. What would I gain anyways? Love is patient, love is kind. If you love someone, let go of them and if they are meant to be with you, they will come back.

    There is nothing else I can do anyways. I cannot be pushy (and I can be a handful when things aren't going my way) because it will make him retreat into his ideal world. So it's back to patience. I feel this guy is a treasure, has to be dealt with gently. And if we are not meant to be together, the fact that this person happened to be in my life means a lot to me anyways and will certainly affect my other future relationships...

  • Hello everyone, I really need your help... I just don't know what to do. I didn't see my Virgo about 2 weeks (we met in a kindergarten). He didn't contact me for 3 weeks. I know that his wife was on a vacation, and he was with her at their home... (he works only three times a week, in the afternoon). His brother arrived to be with him for a while, he lives in other country. So, I know he is busy, but I don't understand that he hasn't time to send me a SMS or something like that... Just to let me know he's thinking on me... I think that if you do care for someone you will let them know, you will not let them wondering...

    One day I cry, other I am ok and think I can handle it. One day I'm not angry, and other I go mad. A couple a days ago, he met my husband and gave him a DVD for me. He told him, IT's a great movie for Sofia (my name), she'll like it! And you know what is about? About cheating. A french movie (he knows i like french movies). I guess it's his way to say to me Hello, I'm thinking on you... But, I don't like that he mix in my husband. We have our story.

    I'm going on a holiday to Greece next week. He knows that. And I'm thinking to send him a message before i go (if he doesn't call me). I just don't know what to say to him (have a lot to say, but obviously it will not change anything). I have a need to hear from him, I really really miss him... but i am angry too... If you are with someone, even in this sort of relationship, you need to meet them on a halfway... I walk alone. What to tell him? I need help from all prisoners of the Virgo's heart...

  • Blessings and miracles to all on the board/thread.

    Suffice it to say I have been nothing less than on the edge of my seat ever since I came across this thread in my quest to better understand the Virgo man who, to put it bluntly, can make us ladies feel (at times) as if we are one step away from being the next episode on that television show “Snapped”. LOL

    I am by no means a stranger to the Virgo mystique and how high it can take you and the drop from that high when the reality of how truly complex, infuriating, loveable, wonderful and baffling these men can be. My father and grandfather are both Virgos and loving the two of them over the course of my lifetime has taken me to the abyss and back too many times to count. Virgos in general seem to be my lot in life to include even the women. I have faced them when I could and ran when I must and now at long last I have come to some form of peace and marginal understanding at best of how to deal (or not) with these people and the affect (good/bad) they have and seemingly will continue to have in my life.

    With that said I too have a Virgo man story of my own that I am hoping to share and receive feedback on. It’s sorta of long but it takes a bit to explain about them and this thread is a testament to just how baffling they can be.

    About a month ago I joined an online dating site.

    My initial encounter online was both comical and disastrous the very first week and I wasn’t sure I was cut out for all the head games and deceptions that far too many men (not just Virgos) are apparently into these days. And during that first week, the Virgo I will tell you about, was one of the first to approach me but was basically ignored as my attentions and energy were focused elsewhere. Not even a second thought for him at all. But persistent Virgo came back and came back again and it was this third time that I was like “What does this pest want?” and finally gave him some attention. Of course, in true Virgo fashion, he enchanted me from the start and I felt an immediate connection I wasn’t expecting in the slightest. No he did not proclaim undying love at first sight nor did we start off with long discussions, endless emails or texts. He just subtlety pulled me in a little bit at a time until I found myself falling even though I was always proclaiming friendship and teasing him about his popularity on the dating site as it was clear he had no trouble getting and keeping an overt amount of female attention based on the popularity statics provided. Our conversations were fun, intelligent and we laughed a lot whenever we talked. Things were easy and we eventually exchanged phone numbers, private email addresses and began infrequent texting. The sexual attraction between us is crazy and he wasted no time making some very suggestive innuendos which I wasn’t adverse too. LOL He claimed to be single, no current gf/lover, and that he’d said good-bye to his ex 6-7 months prior and was moving forward not looking back. I had no expectations even with my growing attraction for him. I have called him a few times (he lives in another country), we have texted back and forth (I initiated most of them to which he would reply – sometimes in a reasonable time frame, sometimes not or not at all) but for the most part we communicated on the dating site via IM. I gave him his space and he mine. But I began to wonder about what I was feeling, if he was feeling it too or just playing the Virgo mind games while he clearly kept his options open as I would see when at times I would log onto the board and see him engaged with another for whom he sometimes left to chat with me and other times did not, ignored me, and then left the board without a word. I took it in stride and was never one (with the exception of two times) to interrupt his chats with others even though when he wanted he never hesitated in trying to interrupt mine. LOL Typical guy behavior.

    My never wanting to be apart of his online fan club has been a mantra with me ever since this dance between us began and I sent him a very non-emotional email and spelled everything out for him in that I liked him, had no claim on him or him on me, that I was not blind to the fact that while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear and seemed into me that that wasn’t stopping him from having his time, attention and ego massaged by other women in plain view, etc. I also reiterated that communication whether between friend or lover was important to me and that if he saw me as the shiny new toy on the board whom he was only interested in for the chase that I wasn’t feeling it and that I had gone through enough head games with men to last me a lifetime and that if he wanted to stay in touch he knew where to find me. Well Mr. Virgo all but tripped over himself getting to me in record time to “soothe” my concerns to claim how he really liked me (he always touted how he could be real and honest with me and how I was so genuine) and he had no excuse for his cat mouse unavailability games and would do better. Of course, typical Virgo, that all lasted only a few days. No big surprise. He did start to text me a bit more since he was the reason I learned to text in the first place (yes I was one of the few people on the planet who did not know how to text but after him commenting in Virgo fashion on it, I took up the task and in 15 minutes was texting him a message to which he proclaimed he was impressed). But no other improved communication other than his “wanted me when he wanted me” IMs on the board in between his continued quest for more female adoration, again which I did not impose upon. Aside from that first email attempting clarification, I have not bombarded this man with over-communication, nor have I displayed anger, jealousy, or any extreme emotions knowing that will not get me anywhere. However, I began to wonder if he was feeding me the same lines he is feeding the other women he is in contact with so I pulled back last week and ignored his texts and several attempts to IM me on the board (even though I was legitimately talking with other men just as he was busy with other women – I know, I know…to a Virgo it’s do as I say not as I do – LOL). Any way, I know that my “rejection” of his making time in HIS schedule for me (again on his terms and timetable) has put me in the dog house so to speak but because I am the one who has been MIA for the last week he hasn’t been able to pull that emotional punishment game with me that he uses when he doesn’t get his ideal perfectionist outcome. I did send him an email this morning using a tactic mentioned by Jenever whereby I said I was just dropping in to say hi, shared a bit about what my past week had been like, hoped his had gone well and left it at that. Do I expect a response? Hell no! LOL I have “dissed” him and hurt HIS feelings by not playing his game so now he believes he has the upper hand and will use it to punish me by now ignoring me (the opening he’s been waiting for) for not rolling over and accepting the crumbs he dishes out without second thought. I am just curious if this is where I really should end things and carry on like he doesn’t exist by allowing him to believe it will be the other way around, or do I just sit back, and wait to see if he’ll get tired of that game and try to make contact to get back in and see if we can move to another level?

  • leogemini - sorry I didn't see your post until today. Well - first off, just because us "normal" people think that you stay in touch with people you care about, just to let them know that you do care about them, doesn't mean anything to this sort of Virgo man. He's busy. That's that. He's not being mean in his mind, he's just...busy. You are supposed to understand that. Although I'm sure he would feel really good hearing from you, that would make him feel appreciated, just don't expect that YOU'LL ever know that he felt really good about hearing from you. Because there's still a good chance he won't reply. He's busy.

    I think the short answer for you, is that "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I know you're angry - no correct that - you are massively frustrated. I know it's not what you want to do, but my best suggestion is that you put your emotions aside, send him a message saying hi, tell him very simply that it's been three weeks since you last spoke and "I miss you". Maybe just add one short line about "I'll be leaving on Wednesday for the week, hope to hear from you before I go". The less said the better right now. Your goal is to open communications. Later, you can look for your opportunity to express how you have really felt over the past few weeks. Will it change anything? I doubt it as well, lol, but YOU will feel better...for a while.

    I so envy you headed on a holiday to Greece. Go send your nice text to Virgo guy, know that he really does enjoy getting it even if he doesn't reply, you will have his attentions back eventually, so relax and enjoy yourself!!!

  • Keepingitsimple - You are in some murky waters I'm afraid. I think that what's keeping his attention on you, is that no matter how things look on the surface, these guys aren't looking for mental games from a woman. If mine is a source for comparison, too much mental energy spent on trying to figure out real issues in a relationship literally gives him a headache. Literally. It drains him.

    Now just to keep you confused though, they love to exercise their own mind with mental games. My bet is he's toying with all those women out there, and not the least bit serious about any of them that he can win over easily. They will bore him in time. He doesn't want putty in his hands, he's an earth sign, he wants somebody who is solid. You sound like you could keep him entertained for quite some time, putting him to the test. The tightrope you walk is that if he figures out that he is getting emotional about you, he will find himself out of his comfort zone. Game over, he has to get serious. Here comes a headache, lol. And the next thing that happens is that his headache becomes your headache. He'll get over it for a while, and be there for you, then it will all get to him and along comes another headache.

    You've read this thread? You've heard how life interacting with a Virgo man goes. You can run away right now and never look back, and seriously, there is a part of me that recommends it just so you can save yourself a lot of troubles. Once you get reeled in, as this thread is evidence, it is very hard to extricate yourself again, either by your own will or simply because Virgo will charm you into staying. What you have experienced so far is very likely a taste of what you are going to get for quite some time. The pattern is already there. If you think it will change in any hurry, you are mistaken. It will not change until he decides it will and let me tell you, going with my Earth sign metaphor here, it will feel like geologic time, not how you think things should transpire in mortal time. There is nothing you can do to change that either. They're like moving a rock half an inch at a time. A boulder-sized rock.

    Proceed with caution in this. I actually envy you having the benefit of all our warnings before you go further. If I had only known then, what I know now, then the first time I ended things with my Virgo, just a couple months after our meeting, I would have probably turned my back on him for good. Because I would have known that it was very likely things were not going to improve any time soon. It's too late for me now, LOL. I am compelled to see this through somehow. Seriously, I care about my Virgo probably more than I've cared about any man I've known, but make no mistake - the situation stinks! You will feel very alone in dealing with him until the day comes when he decides that he wants to be there for you 100%. That can be a very long time and it will feel like eternity for you. Only you can decide if there is something in this Virgo of yours that seems worth all that at this point.

    I don't mean to be so negative, but listen to all the incredible women who have shared their frustrations on this thread and just keep that in mind. There is, indeed, something wonderful about these men, but once they set their sites in you, it will be very hard to get away. You're a very sharp lady by the sounds of it. So am I for the most part I think. I've gotten to know some of the women from this thread outside of the forum. They are smart, confident, successful women as well, who can be turned to emotional mush by these guys, That's part of what will get you trapped. Virgo men like their women smart, confident and successful. They're not intimidated by it. Being a smart, confident, successful woman yourself you will adore this - a man who appreciates the really important qualities about you. Trouble is, they don't know what to do with you even after they decide they adore you as well. And THAT really is what's going to bring you trouble. And THAT is will have you still stuck on this thread with the rest of us a year from now if you can't deal with it.

    LOL, if I couldn't laugh I'd cry (and I have!!) and still I go back for more. Sigh.

    Come back and let us know what happens with you, okay!

  • Thanks for the reply Jenever. I guess I need to look at some track shoes huh? LOL Seriously though, I truly appreciate your input and insight. Believe you me I have no illusions whatsoever about Mr. Virgo nor the decision before me. I know I am asking for heartache with the added possibility of heartbreak. Aand since I have already suffered that pain at the hands of another Virgo whose mastery of the game far exceeds every single Virgo story in this thread your advice to turn and run is not to be taken lightly nor is it an idea that even before your input did not already sit first and foremost in my mind. I promise to let you know what the outcome of my decision is once I have made peace with it one way or the other and move my life forward toward the happiness I deserve and seek. Take care and I'll talk with you soon.

  • Good luck keepingitsimple! Look forward to hearing the rest of your tale.

  • Jenever, thank you again. But, it's too late for my nice text. I lost my nerves yesterday. I met his mother, she started to talk to me what they are doing these days, so i figured that he's doing nothing...and has a lot of free time. I was so angry, so I went to the place he's working. When he saw me, he said How are you? I exploded... Told him it's been a month since you didn't call... You think it's ok? Well, It's very simple... You want to be with me or you don't... I was yelling. Just went out of me... He stared at me, without colour on his face... And said nothing. Now, I'm very sorry. I know I have a right to be angry, but i'm sorry I lost control. Now, he's not going to call for sure. Anyway, thank you again. I probably lost my Virgo...

  • Hi Jenever. Just back for a brief update since yesterday. Nothing all that surprising. The “keep him informed about the goings on in my life minus the emotions” email I sent yesterday after nearly a week of my being unavailable to him (deliberately) resulted in a non-response. Stop the presses! LOL Again…no surprise. I do notice that he has now taken to coming onto the board at times when he is sure he will be able to avoid me (he did this on Sunday and Monday) as well as avoid having to see me engaged in discussion with other men (the do as I say not as I do because of course me seeing him chatting it up with other women is nothing to be concerned about – LOL). I suspect this avoidance game will go on as long as he feels I need to be emotionally punished and ignored since his feelings are the only ones that matter and I have hurt them by not acting “right” and playing the game to his liking.

    I did ponder your suggestions about turning and running from this disaster in the making. I know it is what I must do for my own sanity. I am both attracted and repelled by Virgos (always have been) and am no stranger to the pain they bring to my life when I allow myself to get caught in their web. Even now, not even being in love with this one, I still feel that sadness on my heart of knowing you are not meant to be. Oh well. It will be easier to let go in some regards because I too have the ability to shut down and go into a form of emotional seclusion to match his own. Also, since I am the one being avoided he is doing part of the work for me in keeping my distance and carrying on with no contact. He has plenty of “open options” to keep him busy, stroke his ego, and allow him his mental head games he would rather cling to then embark on anything that takes him out of his comfort zone. I’ll get over it. Unlike a lot of you ladies on here, my heart is only marginally invested whereas the bonds between you and your Virgos seem to be etched in stone. Hope things work out for you all. I’ll be around for other insights but this is my last Virgo anything from here on out. LOL Be blessed and stay strong.

  • Hi Jenever. Just wanted to pass along some very interesting info I just obtained about myself...namely my birth chart info. Talk about totally blown away and enlightened. I have never had one done but finally broke down and was floored by how unrandom my connection with Virgo is given that they are two major planetary placements for me. Here's what I found and would love your interpretation when you have the time:

    Sun - Pisces

    Rising - Virgo

    Moon - Sagittarius

    Mars - Virgo

    Venus - Aquarius

    Mercury - Pisces

  • Aww Leogemini - I'm sorry things came to that, but not surprised. It's just so hard sometimes and especially when it gets all bottled up like that. I've never yelled at my Virgo that way, but perhaps that is only for lack of opportunity given our circumstances. If e-mails could yell, I have probably come pretty close. Seriously, about every two months I reach a lack-of-communication threshold and tell him "I'm done". I was close to it again over the weekend, but much to my surprise, he was actually in a frame of mind to discuss our situtation. Or maybe it's just that he really has started to believe that one of these days I am going to throw in the towel if I don't get a little more incentive to stick things out with him. I believe the passing of time has shown him that I am emotional...but not stupid. I think the fact that I try to avoid accusing my Virgo of everything that goes wrong between us helps. The words, "I am not perfect" hit a real cord with my guy. You might try apologizing to your guy. Use the "I am not perfect" line and see if that gets you anywhere....if you want to try to keep things going. If he values you (and I've said it numerous times in this thread - these guys won't bother with you if they don't find some real value in you as a person) he may come back around with the right encouragement. For now though, you have to be patient, give him some space to think, be nice and apologize with sincerity. Stinks, doesn't it? LOL

    Keepingitsimple - You know as well as I do that as long as he is going through all that effort to avoid you, it is seriously keeping you on his mind. I still see you on a slippery slope in all this and I will be wishing for you to be strong in your determination. If know where to find us. Lol.

    I do not know a lot about astrology other than the basic personality traits. I've learned a bit through the forum - enough to know that whatever signs are associated with your planets, you will have some of that sign's traits affecting you. (I have Virgo rising also - go figure. My Virgo has Scorp rising. I am a magnet for Scorps, about 22 years of my relationship life has been with Scorps. I figure that has much to do with why we mesh so well. Our Virgo and water signs are connecting.) But certainly you have a lot of understanding of Virgo within you, all that life experience dealing with them, and you've got that Pisces, all-encompassing understanding going for you. I would bet you could forgive a lot of Virgo bad behavior just because of your empathy for them. Watch that guy of yours, I'd be willing to bet he won't go more than two weeks before he initiates contact with you again. Then what will you do......?

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