The heart of a Virgo man






  • post disappeared....sheesh



  • Hey Gem4Ever? Is your Aug Virgo in the US? Since mine is not from America, I was just wondering how your male Virgo sounds so much nicer than mine but with the same birth date. You'd think they's be kinda of the same. You mentioned a while back that yours had kids? Maybe that makes the difference because mine is not a father yet and maybe once these guys become father's, they're nicer or more responsible? I dunno. What do you think? Maybe it's an age thing with them? Mine is in his mid 30's. How old is yours?



  • SeaSiren - my Virgo is in his mid-thirties with four kids and that didn't make him a nice man. He lied, cheated, hurt his wife physically and landed in jail. Now I'm not saying I don't care about him as a person, I'm just stating the facts. Something in him is nice or I wouldn't care about him at all, but that something isn't what he chooses to cultivate in himself. He doesn't seem to mind being not nice most of his life. I am quite sure that is the world's fault though, not his. He's a Sept Virgo, 9/9 birthday.



  • Seasiren gemini4evr,Jen & volpy is right -"you only have one life", your virgo sounds exactly like my virgo ex-he only took but never bothered to give anything in return. I used to cry every night drenching my pillow, 24/7 I used to think of him & only him, I was kinda obsessed with his thoughts.Both physically & mentally I've suffered alot, now I am completely exhausted & I cant take any more of his c r a p . :<

    Please girl dont cry, your tears will not change his mind ,his behaviour or his ways of treating you so plz stop. You have to love your self first & give priority to yourself more than anything else. From your words it sounds like he has completely taken away your self esteem.

    Seasiren Just ask yourself this question- can you spend the rest of your life like this????

    I know the answer is obviously NO.

    If you want to change things around you then first of all you have to change your own way of thinking,you have to speak up for your own needs, voice your needs & clearly state to him that you need care & attention from him on regular basis & not in crumbs. You are literally suffering sweety, plz communicate with him & tell him how you are feeling about his attitude towards you.I can only hope that he will understand you. Stay strong.

    Jen my virgo is 31 & his birthday 10/9 hehe lol. 😉



  • @Seasiren


    gemini4evr,Jen & volpy is right -"you only have one life", your virgo sounds exactly like my virgo ex-he only took but never bothered to give anything in return. I used to cry every night drenching my pillow, 24/7 I used to think of him & only him, I was kinda obsessed with his thoughts.Both physically & mentally I've suffered alot, now I am completely exhausted & I cant take any more of his c r a p . :<

    Please girl dont cry, your tears will not change his mind ,his behaviour or his ways of treating you so plz stop. You have to love your self first & give priority to yourself more than anything else. From your words it sounds like he has completely taken away your self esteem.

    Seasiren Just ask yourself this question- can you spend the rest of your life like this????

    I know the answer is obviously NO.

    If you want to change things around you then first of all you have to change your own way of thinking,you have to speak up for your own needs, voice your needs & clearly state to him that you need care & attention from him on regular basis & not in crumbs. You are literally suffering sweety, plz communicate with him & tell him how you are feeling about his attitude towards you.I can only hope that he will understand you. Stay strong.

    Jen my virgo is 31 & his birthday 10/9 hehe lol. 😉

    sorry for the typos 😞



  • ConfusedCrab - LOL on the birthdate.



  • SS, CC makes a very good point - you have to take an action. Drinking wine and crying yourself to oblivion can help for a couple of hours, but it won't solve your situation. You say you are in love with him - to me it sounds like a Stokholm syndrom, rather than love - dependency. You are basically kept hostage in his house, and there is no one else around, so of course he is the focus of your emotional attention, which is what his plan was right from the beginning. I've seen situations like this before, by the way, and worse as well, and they all ended in divorce, some after a year, others after 15 years.

    So this is the plan I would be taking if I were you - 1) make sure that you keep your documents and money somewhere when he can't find them 2) give him a warning - talk to him and tell him that being locked in 4 walls is not your idea of a happy marriage, and if he doesn't change the situation, you'll be out of there in a blink of an eye. 3) if he doesn't change (which he won't), make a move - either on your own, or invite a friend or a relative who you can trust "for a visit" first, and at the end of this visit leave together. It's always easier to do it when you have a support team, but you can do it on your own as well, you just have to be organised and focused.

    By the way, the only Virgo I know who has a healthy and happy family life, is an August Virgo, who is Canadian, and lives in Portugal. He is not at all a traditional, pre-historic type in terms of mentality, even though somewhat emotionally detached, as all Virgos are (from what I can see). But his wife is not at all a traditional woman either - she is a VERY assertive, outgoing Sagitarius, not needy at all. Before she married this man she has found herself exactly in the same situation where you are in now. She married a Portuguese man, had a very romantic notion of him first, but after marriage has found herself pregnant and completely alone in the foreign country, while her ex husband was taking regular "business trips" to Brazil. Well, pregnant or not, she got in touch (via internet) with her Canadian ex boy-friend (August Virgo), left her husband and married this Canadian Virgo, who has also moved to Portugal to be with her. They are all happy now, raising 2 kids (one of her ex husband, the other the current's husband's). He stayed at home for a while, while she was working, now they both run the English school very successfully. Her ex has a new, "traditional" wife and they are all on good terms.

    In a way, by sending your Virgo the signals that you are a "traditional" woman, you make him understand that you expect to be treated in a "traditional", which is precisely what he is doing. You have to get in touch with the impowered, modern, professional woman, who I'm sure is still somewhere inside, and not to be afraid to show it. Show "a little agression", using his words. In other words, stand for your rights, or that's what your life will be like for many years to come.



  • Jen, my Virgo friend is also born on 9/9 🙂



  • Gem4Ever - I can't help but think that Aug Virgo is caught up in the fact that he can't catch you. Again I find myself thinking of something my Virgo said, he said, "I feel like I'm always chasing you but can never quite catch you....and strangely that's what attracts me to you". To which I said, "you caught me a long time ago but sadly you don't understand that or know what to do with it". All of my attempts to communicate with him about where I was at with things was for naught because he somehow couldn't see, or didn't want to see, what was right in front of him. He was all caught up in his perceptions of what we were about. Which I believe is because he was so caught up in general with weaving his complex thoughts about how to run his world the way he wanted it. It's like an obsession really. Caught up in the process of how things work and not the results. Just continue to be careful with that one. It might look like things are all nice on the surface but as I say, he may just be caught up in the game - and you may be too. You mention that "things might happen" between you while you are away together. I keep hearing you say things as if you are aloof to the emotional aspects of this, but we have seen your hurt in all of this as well. You are not immune.

    If I were you I would try to spend some time with that Aries guy and get a taste of a different kind of man. I have been dealing with my Aries for nearly six months now. I can't say he never had me wondering (and that could have been my own imaginings instead of looking at reality), but overall he's a straight-shooter. I don't think there's anything I could ask him that he wouldn't at least try to give me an honest answer. The games go away when you're with someone who doesn't want to play with people emotionally. And it's great to be able to put your energy into other aspects of life instead of always investing it in the confusing behavior of one person.

    As I say, just be careful where you are investing your energy. Not sure either of your Virgo's is really worth it as you seem to need something else entirely at this point.



  • VoplySoply - The only Virgo I have known who seems happy (in that strange, critical, grumpy way that Virgos seem to be content) is also married to a high energy Sag. At time she is hurt by his negativity, but she seems to have optimisim to spare so I guess she manages to balance things out.



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  • Oh I forgot to mention something on this thread -after the break up with my sept virg ex & before coming to this forum I met another virgo but he was 27th Aug (thats another story lol), oh boy he was the biggest liar & a perfect womanizer , I just ran the opposite direction when he asked me to marry him right away after one month of knowing each other. Huh?. He just scared the **** out of me . 😮

    But ,personally I think sept born virgos are more reserved,cold & grumpy than Aug ones,Aug virgos are less depressed & more fun loving(just my opinion) .



  • SeaSiren,

    Yes I do have to admit that Aug Virgo is a nice guy. He's always happy and really cares about others feelings. He doesn't want to hurt me yet where I am very literal--if I say I love you I do and I show it. He says these things and they seem hollow to me. Yes he does have a child--grown and still a doting father. I really admire that about him. He also has stepchildren who are grown and still involve there as well--love that too. However too much connection with the ex..lol! Everyone loves Aug Virgo men and women because he's a good guy and loves people and serving them as most Virgo's do. They say Virgo's never let go and I think he still has hopes of getting back with his ex. Fine. But don't hang on to me while considering this! That's why I'm still getting to know other men and date. He doesn't like it but won't say so... I have told him that after the trip we are not going to be the same as it has been. Yes of course he's like "yeah right" because I have been seeing him just a little over a year now and have made several attempts to end "it" and I get reeled in everytime. All those other times I never really gave anyone else a chance so it was easy for him to get back in with me. Trying something different this time. He says he will never be "just friends" with me and know I'm with someone else and so I said ok, when we get back that will be that. Seasiren I don't think the fact that he has children makes him a nice guy; he has friends from wayyyyy back who say he's always been the way he is now. I guess where he's lacking is his decision on whether he wants to be in a relationship or not. Well I've now decided I do want to be in a relationship, I want to be in love and share my life with someone again. He would be the one I'd choose but since he doesn't want that I can't moon over him and cry and wish for something that probably won't ever happen!

    Jen,

    I am immune because I'm not in love with him. No game here; I truly like him as a person and enjoy being with him. Told you, once a wall goes up around my heart it's hard to tear down. Now just because I'm not "in love" doesn't mean I'm not still attracted to him and care for him. Of course I do. And I was being honest when I said something may happen on the trip...heck he's sexy as h e l l and I'm human! LOL! I don't see me getting hurt here but maybe he will because he doesn't know what he wants and is doing the stringing me along thing which I can't have. I tried to be patient and then I said well at least we can be friends. He wants his cake and eat it too. Communication is at an all time low with us--we speak at work--when he comes to see me. But nothing in the evenings anymore and nothing ever on the weekends. I've become used to that and not bothered anymore. That's the problem, I can adapt and become used to something and then all of a sudden he's wondering why my feelings have changed!

    You are probably right in saying he is interested because he can't catch me. But there was one time when he could. He let that opportunity slip away. Now I'm defensive and can't let my guard down. Aug Virgo told me I seem different (he's said this months ago as well); I told him it's because I don't expect anything from him and he can't disappoint me. He didn't respond to that; I dont' think he liked that at all. Oh well... I think I will chat with Aries man and there's also a Leo man who's interested in me as well. Have to keep my options open; I am ready for something different so we'll see.



  • Hi everyone...I'm still keeping tab of the thread because I'm still in the dilemma of ending my connection once and for all with this new Virguy. He said if I expose myself to his girlfriend he will deny me and will break up with me. I did that once and he left me. That's exactly what I wanted. Gave me a great relief. After two months, he was back again but still in relation with the girlfriend. So I'm taking all your advise and cutting totally communication with this man. I will change my cell no. and if he comes to the house, ignore him and will not let him in. If he threatens, then I will take action and file restraining order. This new guy is 8/28. My ex-husband is 9/11. When I was younger I vowed never to accept friendship with men and women born on this sign (had a bad experience with a nasty virgo girl). I succeeded until when I was 28 years old and being pursued heavily by my ex. A leo guy is out there in pursuit of me now (a co-worker). He invited me and my kids to meet his mother and family on one occassion and his father on another occassion. Both parents were long time divorced. They hoped to see me more. I don't know yet as I'm having mixed emotions. The leo guy invited me and my kids to watch his daughter's football game next Saturday and the kids say yes. I guess I'll let things flow for a while until I sort out my life. Thanks everyone for your advise especially to Jenever who started the thread. You are an angel to all of us here. I know you are blessed and will be a guiding light to all of us who were victims of unscrupulous virgo people. I will still be your number one fan and keep reading your thread lol.



  • Not victims, scorpwoman - survivers 😉



  • Scorpwoman - Thank you for your kind words. You know, it is great that so many found a place here to sort through their tangled emotions over these guys. I can't help but wonder how many women out there are dealing with the same thing, but of course will never find their way to a thread like this. First you have to make some association between a man's behavior and his star sign, and I guess that's pretty unconventional thinking for a lot of people. Then you have to be aware that there could be forums for discussing such a thing. I recall I was generally reading about Virgos and it was some time before I thought to look at this forum, or any forum, or even post the question. I guess we are pretty lucky that we found each other at all given the odds! And I still don't think that it's the star sign as much as it is the general behavior patterns we must look at; ours as well as theirs. For instance, I was reading a piece titled "7 Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships" by John Shore. In it I could see all kinds of parallels to conversations here. If admin will allow it, here is a link to the article: http://forums.our-place-online.net/index.php?showtopic=6864 (copy and paste this address into your browser address line).

    This is one of the best articles I've ever read the way it zeros in on why women stay in relationships that make them unhappy. In case admin deletes the link, try a google search entering the phase, "forum for women in abusive relationships", you're likely to find this article and of course lots more.

    So Scorpwoman, Mr. Leo sounds nice, but I think you're taking the right approach, just see how things unfold, don't rush. 🙂



  • Thanks Jenever, you're bringing the thread back to the real issue. I realize my statements always tend to be to the point and less encouraging. This is because I know what abuse is and cannot make excuses. Ladies you'd be better off researching abuse and reflecting inward on why you're so unhappy and stay in unhealthy relationships. Utilize your energy wisely because abuse is stealth-like and abusers know how to pick their targets. This means that abusers know what they're doing no matter how many excuses you make up. Just like you know when you've done something wrong to another person, so does the abuser. The difference is the abuser does not care. Love is about caring for one another no matter how bad the situation is.

    When SS speaks to her Virgo about how she feels and Virgo just tells her what he wants without any regards to what she wants, Virgo is abusing. All these guys are abusing and the ladies are allowing this. Biggest mistake one can do is allow the second abuse to happen, and continue to the third, fourth and fifth. Every time the ladies forgive bad behavior and continue to allow the behavior, they're teaching the males that it is okay to do this and their own feelings are worthless. Everyone's worth is equal. This is why you should never base your worth off of material things or people. You can lose both material things and people at any time, but no one can take your self-worth unless you give it to them.

    Thought about this while trying to discipline my 2-year old grandson. No matter how much I want to give in because I love him dearly, it is wrong to do so. It will only teach him that acting badly is okay. BTW, in the long run you will be respected for standing your ground. Without respect there is nothing!



  • "This is why you should never base your worth off of material things or people. You can lose both material things and people at any time, but no one can take your self-worth unless you give it to them."

    My Virgo husband got off work (another 24 hr shift at the hospital) this morning but never came home & he won't respond to my text or answer his cell. I don't have any idea where he's at. Yes ABB & Jen, he is abusing me mentally. I just woke up & yet I find myself totally exhausted still...going for a trail run to try & get out of this negative frame of mind...there's simply nothing else I can do...wow, what sucky weekend.

    But, still wishing all you wonderful ladies on here a beautiful day ahead. We've got nice weather today at our place so that's a positive, although it's kind of humid. 🙂



  • SeaSiren - That is outrageous. For all you know he's had an accident and is injured and in need of help. I will hold out hope that something REALLY important sidetracked him. Otherwise the man is a complete jerk to leave you wondering where the heck he is.


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