The heart of a Virgo man
SeaSiren I've read your whole story & its really very sad to know about what you are going through girl. I can relate to your situation as I've experienced it myself & the ISOLATION part is pretty clear. Your Virgo has already Isolated you from everything you have had in your life. You sound like a BIRD inside a GOLDEN CAGE only & only to entertain & please him. Sorry I dont want to sound harsh but I am apprehensive about you.His protective actions towards you clearly shows his controlling behaviour & not his protective instinct for you,rather he is emotionally abusing you, which is effecting your mental health.Its pretty much evident that how much he wants to control you in every possible way. Girl I can only say- be strong & never give up your own happiness, freedom & selfesteem for a man.Speak up , confront him & tell him how you are feeling. Good luck & hugs.
Hey girls I am really busy these days hope you all are doing well too?? luv & hugs to you all.:)
Hi ladies, I feel like I’ve missed so much. Welcome back SS. Increased work responsibilities have kept me away for far too long.
Jenever _ Wow. Your description of your marriage is very scary and I question how poor his self esteem was that he felt the need to control you that way.
Well, nothing really new to report. My ex V is still actively pursuing me and claiming I should be his “wife,” while denying his true involvement with “the overseas broad (that’s what he calls her).” Still no apology though or any admittance or any wrongdoing lol…no surprise there. We also got into a pretty nasty conversation in which didn’t end nicely, but I’ll get into that another time.
Well my boyfriend and I are still going strong but we have hit a minor snag. He recently told me he loved me, but then clarified by saying “no I am in love with you,” which I didn’t respond to (I said thank you). Well apparently this bothered him, he brought it up a couple of days later (jokingly), but I know his “joke” was partially based in truth. Anyway, he has seemed somewhat…emotional lately and told me recently that he felt he “loved me more” than I him and was greatly bothered when I didn’t tell him I was “in love” with him. I explained to him that I love him (which I have told him plenty of times previously) BUT I was not “in love” with him and would not tell him so just for the sake of saying it when I didn’t mean it and I hoped he understood that while he is very special to me I am not “there” yet. Anyhow, he has pulled back…waaaayyy back.
I was a little turned off by this because the two times I was in love (one being my ex V) and expressed so, I did not expect them to tell me the same or even feel the same. I only said so, so they would know with no expectation of anything in return. I feel they either would reciprocate in time or wouldn’t. Eh..oh well…I guess the waiting game begins to see how this will turn out..but the Cap/v.i.r.g.o in me wants to run the other way since now I am feeling pressured so “catch up,” to him in the love department.
CC - : ) Glad to see you are sounding much better!
Hi CC, it's okay about your direct advice. Like I told VS, I need to hear all of it from all of you ladies on here who understand my situation so thanks so much for your input & very good advice. I'm so sorry that you & your male Virgo didn't work out but you sound like you're a much stronger & wiser person to have gone through such an emotional trauma. I'm very proud of you for making it out of that okay despite the deep pain he caused you. I went through that exact same pain, I think most of us on here have. It sucks & I hope to never repeat that level of anguish ever again. I couldn't eat, sleep, work hardly when my husband was pulling his disappearing acts or when he went out with another woman. Then I found this thread on a very desperate, dark day. I was so lost, in such emotional pain over his actions. It changed everything for me. It gave me the strength I needed by confining in these women here & keeping an open mind to all everyone had to say. It's worked. I got stronger like you did & I found a way out. Although I married my male Virgo, the pain both your guy & my guy caused is still severe. I won't ever forget that about my guy. Although I have forgiven him.
Just my opinion but I think Male Virgo's have a certain woman in mind when they're seeking a wife. They look for a pretty girl but it's okay if she has a few minor flaws. The one big thing I think most of these men want is a woman that will be somewhat submissive & yes, do things their way in general. You have to serve some sort of purpose to the male Virgo for him to consider you wife material. If you give up your body right off, it seems to be a pattern with those male Virgo's, in that they don't end up marrying those type's of girl's. Instead they string them along until the "wife" material woman shows up.
Since these men are the "hard workers" of the zodiac, most of the good ones have established careers that they love & are set in their ways by the time they get ready to be married. At that point, they don't want a head-strong lady telling them what to do because they've already figured out how they want their life to go & how the wife will then fit into their gland life plan. It doesn't seem fair but it's how they think. Male Virgo's want it all mostly their way. And it's true that they will pick "quality" over "quantity." Mine waited for me a really long time & during that time other women tried hard to steal him but I got him because he had already picked me for the wife. The others he turned them into friends w/ benefits until I moved there & joined him. I know of two of his "ex-friends" that are still really suffering over losing him. Male Virgo's weave a spell like no other men out there. It's so subtle that if you blink you'll miss it. And sometimes that spell turns out to be the worst broken heart any woman who is madly in love with them has ever experienced. When the male Virgo rejects the love interest for the real woman he was really searching for, it's done coldly & without much extra thoughts for her feelings. He simply moves on, but in some cases with leave the door open on the ex just in case. Male Virgo's don't seem to be able to totally close the door on a woman they're slept with unless they marry the right woman they were looking for in the first place.
I think the male Virgo is an extremely good catch for the right woman. You have to be totally prepared to change your thinking to his though which sucks & you have to know how far you can push them. They can't stand a woman who nags. They're so busy doing "stuff" that they can't tolerate a nagging person hounding them all the time. They need their freedom to go, go, go, and they don't want any woman telling them they can't do their thing. Boy do they pout if that happens. Mine sure does big time.
Well, it sounds like everyone on here is in agreement about my husband & I currently. I also agree with everyone too. I see his pattern, I'm not wearing blinders. I just hope it improves otherwise...I dunno. Live & learn, right? And, be careful what we wish for because we might just get it? lol
@Jen, I'm very glad you divorced your ex-husband. I don't support divorce as a whole like most but in your case & maybe mine if it doesn't improve, you did the right think by leaving him. He was a Scorpio as I recall, correct? I had one of those once & he was 100 times worse then my male Virgo. Hope your kids are enjoying their summer & it's exciting to learn you're still seeing Aries man! Happy for you! xxo
@Snowball, hey there sweetie! So you're still with the boyfriend huh? Well, if you're not in love yet after all this time, I'm thinking your heart is still very much invested in your ex-male Virgo. And yeah, if you don't love the current boyfriend, let him go find another woman who will adore him at the same level as he adores you. Ya know, if your ex-male Virgo misses you & is still in contact, why not try to do what I did? Go after him full force, put him on the spot like I did mine & say, "it's all or nothing?" He's been divorced now for a while right? Sure, I know these guys need a few years to get over being betrayed in a marriage but heck, he's had the time. Why not just put your foot down with him in a diff direction, meaning, tell him you're still totally "in love" with him but unless he is your boyfriend & becomes your husband real soon as he is claiming at this point, he needs to leave you alone. Make him put his words into action. Male Virgo's know their future wife when they see her. It might have just taken him a while like you said for him to get past his divorce. I know you're still in love him Snowball, I can feel it. (big grin) lol
To be honest, I'm not quite convinced about the "right" woman theory. I'd say marriage for Virgos is the last desperate attempt to keep the woman in the picture. The question is, once he marries you, where are the garantees that all the other women are not somewhere at the back of the picture as well ? If I remember correctly, Seasiren's Virgo has proposed her after she broke up with him, and so did Snowball's Virgo. Mine has proposed after he realised that I was seriously intending to buy my own place. I think this is the explanation - they can't let go. Also I'm not sure about their preference of a submissive type. For one, I'm certainly not submissive, in fact we have quite a lot of struggles going on between us, which didn't stop him from proposing, but it did stop me from accepting his proposal. I like peaceful life, and don't believe in altering one's personality to conform to someone else's (often nutty) expectations. As for nagging - out of two of us, frankly, he is doing all the nagging, and he is the one who always subtly tries to prevent me from doing things for my own pleasure, in fact not unlike Seasiren's in this respect, but on a lesser scale, probably because I just don't let him. I believe that marriage with a typical Virgo male can only stand a chance if you are prepared to stand for yourself, otherwise he'll soon get bored with the predictability and a lack of challenge, despite their attempts to create this exact predictable life that they fear. They contradict themselves there, it's some kind of Madonna / W h o r e split (Freud's term) - inability to have it all in just one woman. They'll transform you either into a "madonna" - the all accepting type, or a friend with benifits, the so called "w h o r e". Virgos need an intense stimulation, such is a constant uncertainty , which only a " w h o r e" can provide, to make them feel emotionally "alive", but they resent this dependency as well, so they need a submissive type to make them feel better about themselves. Not an ideal situation for a woman, whether you are a spouse, or a friend with benifits. On the positive side - male Virgos can be good friends (without benifits). Mine is, despite all his faults, so we stay friends - it feels way better than being his partner.
Hey Snowball, great to see you here. Yes, it was/is about self-esteem with my Scorp ex. And you know because of this he is very, very successful in his career because he HAS to prove that he is better than anyone else. I never wanted for anything materially during my marriage...and yet everything I had became meaningless to me over time. Just a bunch of stuff filling up a big house. My ex finds his self-esteem through his success and having nice things and being able to show that off to the world. A standard case of money can't buy happiness, or a sense of self-worth, but he keeps trying anyway.
Sorry to hear about the predicament with your boyfriend. I've hit that same snag a couple of times with Ariesman, but not to the point that we've had to have any deep discussions about it. My approach was to point out the obvious; he has 100% of my attention, I am in touch with him every single day, I care about him and how his day goes and his general happiness, I enjoy our time together and respect his time for himself as well, I am always there for him if he needs me. And I said that I felt that he was giving me those same things in return. I reminded him that the reason I am single is because every relationship I've had in my life - even if the words "I love you" were spoken every single day - those relationships dissolved because eventually they did not have all the things that I just listed. That's why I'm not in them. So the question is which is more important, to hear the words "I love you" or to feel that you are being treated with love? Things got more relaxed after that, because I think the answer to that is a no-brainer. But I also appreciate that it's different for me than it might be for someone younger, who is looking to build a family and have babies and who wants security. The words "I love you" are a way to convey some commitment to the future, to seal the deal. I think we like to believe that those words imply all the other loving behaviors go with them - but of course that is not true. They are only words.
So my point is, that maybe if you can sincerely express to him everything that you enjoy about him and emphasize that you feel good about where things are at, maybe your boyfriend would relax a bit. (It does sound as if you've tried to do just that). He must be feeling uncertain about you if he is forcing the issue. What does being "in love" mean to him? What are the implications? Does he want to live with you? Marry you? What would hearing the words, "I'm in love with you" change about your situation? The reality is probably that he has some personal expectations right now that aren't being met. THAT is what he needs to communicate to you, not get distant because you're not saying some words. That's like a punishment. If he cares about you and loves you he shouldn't want to alienate you. He seems to need something that he's not getting and five words isn't going to change that. See if you can get him to open up and tell you what's really eating at him. What does he want?
VoplySoply - a very interesting analysis.
Been sooo busy as most of you are; good to have a breather! Whew! Mardep; yes I am running from the LDR with the Sept Virgo. He’s a bit too clingy for me. I don’t like being pinned down to times and have him always wanting to know what I’m doing every second of the day—noooo way! Our last conversation was with me telling him that calling 10 times a day was a bit much (ok I exaggerated) but he called too much. He started whining telling me he should be able to call me whenever (hey dang we just started talking!) he wanted and I shouldn’t worry about the number of times. Also, this one might be looking for a sugar mama (that will NEVER be me) because he told me a few things that a man of his age should be well beyond, but I won’t get into that. I mentioned a few things in another post. Too much! So I haven’t spoken with him in a day or so and he hasn’t contacted me, not that I care much. Maybe he’ll just do a Virgo disappearing act—good riddance! Aug Virgo does trust me; he does confide in me and when I ask him questions even though I may not like the answer he always gives it to me straight. It’s not only the fact that he was considering getting back with his ex that makes me not want to do the trip—it’s quite a few things. Oh I wanted to wash my hands of him the other day but he comes back and endears himself to me once again. Won’t say what he said but all I can say is that he told me something I would never have known about and the gesture really spoke volumes of how he feels about me. Yes, I got confirmation vice him just “telling” me something. Now it doesn’t change the fact that I just want to be friends with him. I just don’t think we can be anything other than friends. When I have that in mind we have a great time together. I think he’s brooding about it however. He told me he’s not letting me put him in the “friend” category. So he asked me if I had changed my mind about the trip and I told him I thought about it. He still wants to do it so I told him I’d go; next week is the trip. I really think that we’d make better friends than anything else but he’s not having it. Mardep thing is I really haven’t been thinking about missing him. There’s no stress on me right now, I’m happy and always in a great mood these days. I attribute that to me not always worrying about him calling, texting, etc. I don’t expect anything from him so I’m ok. If he doesn’t want to be friends with me I’ll just accept that—I’m not going to fight for it. I believe he still has a place for his ex in his heart and I refuse to be that woman who hopes to have his love one day only to never have it realized. Thus me saying let’s just be friends.
Thanks yes I do need a breather from the Virgo thing! Thanks! Hugs!
I am not and never was “in love” with Aug Virgo! I admit I care for him and was most likely infatuated with him. Then his aloofness and excuses hardened me so I am almost indifferent to him now. I also admit that my defense mechanism might be in full effect because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t know how to tear that down now. There was a time I would have given my heart to him freely but he didn’t know how to deal with that or his heart was elsewhere. I then decided that hey, we always have a great time when we do spend time, so let’s be friends. Well I think he wants friends with benefits and I don’t want that. So, I don’t go over to his house and put myself in that situation and lead him on. The trip, I have decided to go and something might happen I cannot lie. But I just don’t feel like I used to and I keep telling him that. Either he’s crazy or his ego refuses to believe that this woman who was so crazy about him a few months ago is suddenly not interested like that anymore. As I said before if he doesn’t want me as just his friend then so be it. Oh we work together but it’s a situation where unless he or I make it a point to go to the other’s office we would never see each other. The class was actually training for work for 3 days. Actually I know it seems harsh but it’s not really hard at all. When I’m into someone I’m all in. If they’re not interested (or in this case act as if they’re not interested) or appear to be having me in the wings while waiting for something else; then my defenses go up and I begin not to care. He thinks I’m being totally mean to him right now and I’m not. I’m just not giving him all the attention I used to. We go days without seeing/hearing from each other. This last time almost 2 weeks; and I’m ok with it. He whines that I don’t “check on him”. Hmmm last time I checked phone calls/texts can be initiated by either party. Lol!
I agree with most of your response to SS’s comments! I also think they have a certain woman they’re looking for but I disagree that they want someone completely submissive! That would be totally boring for their mercurial mind and yes; they might go to that woman waiting in the wings for some excitement. Virgo is a mutable sign like Gemini, forever changing. Never know what you’re going to get from day to day. They tell you something emotional in “the moment” and then the next day act as if they never said a thing! Aug Virgo likes an independent woman (his ex’s were) has her own mind and has her stuff together. He also likes that I’m aggressive (not overly aggressive but I’m not shy). I know for a fact that he would never be with someone who didn’t have her own mind. He’s also not the type to just “move on” without a care for a woman’s feelings. He absolutely hates to have hurt anyone’s feelings! Sometimes anal about that! Lol! He doesn’t like to burn bridges so everyone has to be ok. I do think he takes his time about being in a relationship; he’s been divorced quite a while and while there have been flings none have been close to serious. As far as headstrong—that is me to a “T”. I’m quite a handful yet he can’t leave me alone. He sees me as someone who doesn’t want to settle down and marry again; and I don’t know what I want. I think that scares him—it’s mostly true so if he is scared his feelings are warranted. I do want that one day; just not sure about that now. I believe if any woman changed her entire psyche to be what he wanted her to be—he’d ditch her in a heartbeat. He’s always talking about how strong, smart and classy I am. I really don’t think Virgo’s want a robot or a carbon copy of themselves. Most people are attracted to someone who has qualities they desire in themselves. Aug Virgo likes my spontaneity, my animated personality; even if he thinks I’m stubborn. I like his decisiveness about certain things, how everyone seems to like him (male and female), and how he just has a sweet personality and cares about others. Not saying I don’t have those things, but I’m a loner and don’t care about folks liking me and can be kind of standoffish at times. Totally agree with VS in that they like a challenge…
SeaSiren yes sweety my virgo put me through a lot of agony from which I'm still recovering, he even proposed me for marriage & have kids with him but thank God I didn't married him at that time or I would have ended up in an asylum. I dont need a man like him in my life who cannot give me least emotional closure & empathy.
SeaSiren Like your virgo my virgo is also well established & RICH , he has a big house , cars & all the matrealistic pleasures any one can ever imagine,he does foreign tour alot , last year he went to Germany for one month & from there he called me 4 times(after our break up) just to know how am I doing,he even texts me every month till now, but there was no love or emotional attachment which can be much more painfull for a woman.Virgo men love their material possessions more than anything else. My virgo loved his Ipad more than he loved me lol.
I am a 26 years old female ,beautiful, with a decent job , I have my own house ,he was attracted to my independent nature but wanted me to completely give up my life only for him.Sorry I cant do that ,I cant hand over my selfesteem to a man.
If a man loves you he must & should love you for what & who you really are & must not want to change you or transform you to a different thing. When I came to this thread I was totally devastated as well as completely broken & desperately wanted my virgo back but after reading all the posts over here I am really glad that I am not with my virgo any more. I will be happy to marry a poor loving man than a rich HUMAN ROBOT like my virgo ex. I was never really happy with my virgo always felt trapped & suffocating all the time, everything was on his terms & conditions. After the break-up I 've realised that I deserve a much better man in my life as I have lot to offer to my man & who can reciprocate my love & fullfill my emotional needs aswell. I dont want a VIRGO MAN anymore sorry.
Volpy I agree with you.
Personally I dont think virgo men want submissive women because they are fond of adrenalin rush as we all know.If they marry submissive women its only because they want to keep them as one of their material possessions (who must not have a voice & needs of her own). Marriage for a vigo man is like winning a trophy & then they keep it on a shelf just to enhance their social status,look of the house & to show the world their fake image of "perfect happy family". Women are like a toy in the hands of a virgo male , they will play with it when they want to & then throw it away.Recently I have heard many accounts of women who were with their virgo husbands & alas the wives ended up cheating with other men just to fullfill their emotional needs. For me it'll be always single & happy than to be married & miserable.##
Hey snowball its good to see ya dear, yep I am doing well all thanks to you guys tc.
Hugs to all
Good morning ladies!
VS nailed the analysis...
SS, you know I think of you as a daughter and want the best for you, but your description of the Virgo male is your way of denying your true feelings. Keep reading over and over your post and then reflect on why you are trying to create excuses for Virgos. Everyone would love to have everything perfect but most people live in reality. The beautiful luxurious life your are living cannot sustain itself without compromise; nothing can.
Noticed you mentioned that you were not accompanying your Virgo lately due to needing some time from being under his control. Newlyweds usually can barely stay away from each other. Please make sure you voice your needs to your Virgo before depression sets in. We are social beings and for that reason isolation is huge for depression. Hugs to you SS and all the beautiful ladies in this forum!
As those before me already commented, I also don’t agree that V.s want a submissive partner, quite the opposite actually. Not to say they want an aggressive, combative partner (not at all), but they desire a woman who will stand their ground and keep them on their toes. They get bored really quickly and like the rush and challenge associated with a stronger partner. I saw this with my ex V and with even with male Vs who are just friends. In fact, my Vs ex-wife and I are extremely similar in that respect (both very attractive, financially savvy, highly educated females who are very financially secure). I think if a male V genuinely wants a submissive partner, this is more likely a reflection of his culture and/or the manner in which he was raised, not his virgoness : )
SS – “Well, if you're not in love yet after all this time, I'm thinking your heart is still very much invested in your ex-male Virgo” Although I still love my ex V (as a friend and as someone I was very fond of) and wish him well, I do not wish to be with him romantically. The thing is, I don’t respect him anymore and that has made me indifferent towards him. Honestly, because of our history I would love to be his friend (it just seems wrong to act as if either one never existed after we shared so much), but I truly am over him and know I could never view him as more than that. Unfortunately, my V is having such a hard time letting go that its becoming clear that a friendship may not be possible...at least not until he has forgiven himself (he has a lot of guilt and really regrets losing me).
With the current boyfriend…yes I do love him, he is my best friend and I know my life is richer with him in it, but no I am not “in love.” HOWEVER, I am (always have been) very sloooooooow, really cautious, and guarded in matters of the heart. I understand the complaints of those who try to get close to caps and v.i.r.gos, because we ARE NOT easy to get close to and unfortunately my bf is dating a cap with a v.i.r.go rising who was recently betrayed by a man who she cared for very deeply, so my bf has his hands full with me : ) I need time, patience, and understanding, other earth signs naturally seem to “get me,” but he’s an aquarius and doesn’t understand my need for space and solitude. I think he takes it personal, but in time he should understand that’s just how I am.
Jenever – “The reality is probably that he has some personal expectations right now that aren't being met. THAT is what he needs to communicate to you, not get distant because you're not saying some words.” You are very perceptive Jenever!! The irony is his issues with me are similar to some of the issues that many of the females here have expressed towards their Vs. I am not a phone person and don’t need to speak to or see my significant other everyday. I work A LOT (typical cap behavior) and my job can be stressful. While he admires my drive and status, he resents the time it takes. I think he is used to the female trying to be with him, calling him, asking him when can I see you and with me there is none of that. So he questions my sincerity.
I actually laughed out loud once because after one of our trips, he says to me “we had an amazing time, but when we get back I don’t hear from you, total silence. How can you be so loving when we are together and then when we are apart its like I don’t exist?”… because someone here almost verbatim had written the same thing about their V. The funny thing is I think of him all the time and had no issues with him, I was just busy with other things : ) I never had these issues when dating other earth signs, but I am being patient because he truly is such a great guy.
Thanks again ladies for all of your wonderful-insightful opinions, guidance & friendship.
Here is a direct quote from my Virgo husband regarding some of the things we ladies have discussed here. I asked him a few general questions about what he expects of me & how I should behave. This also pertains to how he thinks about himself.
"Being assertive over your own choices and decisions are good but you have to be careful of being too assertive over people because then it becomes controlling and that you don't want to become. But you want to be confident, understanding and compassionate towards others providing they deserve it from you. A little aggression is good as it shows confidence. But that has to be at certain times, it's all a balance. It's something that happens over time. It's to keep people liking you so they don't say or think that you're cocky or over-confident."
SeaSiren I will keep you in my prayers girl hope everything will fall in to right places soon , you are a kind piscean I know because my sister is also a march piscean , she is deeply emotional,kind & dreamy, one of my best friend is also a pisces who is married to a cappie, my mum is a march pisces too but with a twist -she has aries rising that makes her very vibrant & uncomplicated (which I love the most about her). My mum is like my back bone she is really a strong woman.
SeaSiren I know you love your virgo more than anything else , even I loved my virgo more than I love myself but now things have changed & I have no respect for him now so I dont need him as a friend. Please be strong & be patient with your situation.Afterall he is your hubby & obviously he loves you otherwise he wont have married you in the first place as we all know that virgo men are commitment phobic. Please dont get depressed, go out with friends, enjoy yourself ,love yourself first & plz plz plz dont cry ok sweety? Always remember we all are here to help you.A very big hug to you dear. < > . Take care
Seasiren - The comments from your Virgo are interesting but what I find hard to swallow in it all is how much of a "formula" it is. There is no formula for a person to become something, you already are something - you are you! That last line made me cringe because it is that kind of effort that is at the heart of the deep-seated issues that my Virgo has with finding happiness in his life. All his charades to keep everybody liking him - seeking approval in all directions. It was very exasperating to me to see how difficult, if not impossible, it was for him to find himself and be himself because his head is so cluttered up with thinking through what it takes to keep everything in balance - not necessarily his balance btw. He was far too concerned with trying to live everyone else's lives for them as well. (i.e. Control). He always thought he knew what was best for me. Which was pretty ridiculous really because I have a significant number of years over him. And funnier still that he thought that HE was good for me no matter how many times I pointed out very logically why our situation was actually terrible from my side of things. What was equally exasperating was the conflict between Virgo wanting life all organized and then something else inside him desperately wanting to fly free of that structure.
I will add that when I specifically asked Virgo, after all the time I had listened to his woe over his marital situation, I asked, "what is it that stops you from just making the move - make a plan and leave and find your happiness and be yourself", his answer was, "I like the idea of a whole family". I must emphasize the word "IDEA" here. Clearly it didn't matter if the reality of that family was lousy, because he had been living hating his circumstances for years, yet it was important to cling to the idea of it. Which obviously stinks for everyone else involved because it's all about the pretty picture, not about what comprises that picture or the quality of the relationships happening within the family. Just keep it together because it's a good "idea".
SeaSiren, just want to add to what everybody else have said - you should be more concerned about what's right for you, rather than second guessing about what's right for him. He is not asking himself whether he should be more or less assertive to please you, he just does whatever he wants, without asking for your approval. So why should you ask for his ? Also, his remark about the danger of being too assertive = controlling sounds rather ridiculous coming from the man who thinks that his wife's place is at home, and who wouldn't even let her go to the local gym. Also I don't think that being assertive and being aggressive is the same thing. In fact, the statement "a little aggression shows confidence" is very questionable. Rather it's the other way around - usually aggressive people suffer from deep insecurity, hence the need for "a little aggression" to hide it. Actually this tells you something about the state of his own confidence, and about what might be coming next towards you, should you ever make him feel a little insecure.
You"'re right ladies. I need t put myself first. And yeah, I posted his quote up above because I found what he said to be exactly what you're thinking too Jen. And you're also right VS about what you said too. He does do whatever he wants without any regard if I will approve or not. He is very kind at home with me but once he walks out our front door, you'd swear I was a distant friend to him & he usually doesn't have the time of day to even read a text I send him let alone make any further effort to comfort me until he returns home and needs something from me. And here I sit totally in love with him. How sad is this? Btw, he's out with his buddies tonight as usual. This time I wasn't asked to join him. I think he's lying about his whereabouts but...oh well. Good Night guys, I'm heading for a glass of wine, a warm bath & a good cry.
He knows he's got you exactly where he wants you. You put up with his nonsense because you want to. You love him but I hope you know that love isn't like that. You give and he takes. You're young now but I just hope you don't look back on life with him with lot's of regrets. You only have one life and you really shouldn't be living it making all kinds of accessions for a man who doesn't give you the same treatment. Life on his end is great and he will have no regrets. You on the other hand...I will say a prayer for you girlie...sending lot's of hugs! I can't believe you think he's lying about his whereabouts but just say "oh well". OMG! You deserve better! Did you think he would change once you two took vows? Aug Virgo and I went to lunch today, talked about the trip a little. He says someone asked him to do something on that same weekend just recently (a friend of his). He acted like he wanted to do it. Again I gave him an out, saying if he wanted to do that instead then go ahead. It was an immediate "no", he wanted to do the trip. Sep Virgo is a done deal. Now I've met this Aries man. LOL! I had decided to be by myself but all these men are coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden. We'll see what happens...