The heart of a Virgo man
Ohhhhh, post disappearing again....
Hi Noeygirl and welcome! Well...you say you've read the thread and you have 9 months of experience with you guy and he's driving you nuts. If you were hoping to find ideas here about how to get him to "straighten out", I'm afraid there aren't any. Whatever is going on with your guy is his problem. Unless he sees it as a problem, he isn't going to change a thing. I believe that a certain level of acceptance is needed for any kind of relationship, but with these guys there's no balance. You are the one who ends up doing all the accepting while they do whatever their moody, indecisive, commitment-phobic, emotional-abuser selves want to do and if you don't like it, well, that's somehow going to end up your fault.
I think it's so great that you and Scorpwoman, have decided to join in the conversation after reading along for months. You know I posted here in the first place because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do about my Virgo situation. So I'm guessing that you two are also to that point. Something needs to change right? You wish it would be him, but there's a very, very good chance that will never happen. These guys are hard to let go of because when they do show some attention and affection it just drips with sincerity. Then they turn around and act like you never existed. If you complain about their actions, they will tell you it's your fault. It's too hard ladies. It's extreme and anything that extreme is not only not worth it, it's not healthy. If these guys are driving you nuts now, I can pretty much promise you that they are just going to keep driving you crazy. Thanks to my Virgo experience I now have a theory that people who drive me nuts, most likely are nuts and I should probably stay away from them.
The only women I've ever read about here, or on any of the Virgo threads, that survives these kind of men are women who just live their own lives however they want to and accept Virgo man for what little he has to offer. If you are that kind of woman, congratulations, just forget every issue you have with your man, go do whatever you want and don't think about him until he comes around. Personally that's not the kind of relationship I want, but it works for some people. If, however, you are the kind of person who wants someone to actually share with you emotionally and who cares about your happiness in life in general - and consistently, not just when he has time or is feeling lonely or needs s*x, then you must let this one go and find a different man.
I totally understand that when these guys want something they are charming, interesting, polite, and very appealing but as you can see, it is a very short distance to their dark sides and with some of them this can be very cold and dark indeed. If nothing else, the intensity and insanity of these type of "relationships" is simply no fun and it will steal the joy from your heart in time. You will come to crave laughter and someone that just feels normal and relaxed and with whom everything isn't a big drama. Maybe you're to that point already. If so, good! You've probably had enough and you are on your way out.
The August Virgo's! Ahhhh they seem to be the ones hardest to committ. My Virgo's b-day is around the same time as yours. My sign is mutable and I appear wishy washy sometimes but I think Virgo takes the lead on that! My Virgo tells me he wants to be with me one day and then the next day or so he "forgets" what he has said or makes no mention of it at all! Like when he said the "love" word. He texted it first and then couldn't say it to me in person. Then in class says it out of the blue. So much up and down, round and round is dizzying! I finally just decided to give him a dose of his own medicine. I don't call, text, ask to be with him and let him do all the initiating. Granted it's always a long time between when we see each other but it's ok. He actually helped me to get over him. Now I don't really care if I see or hear from him. That's when he starts whining about me not checking on him. LOL! If I was you I'd find something else to do and let that one go on his merry way. You said it's been a month; you should be getting used to not seeing or hearing from him so to let go should be easier... Good luck with that!
wow thank you so much for the replies everyone! I've just about had it with him..the problem? I love him lol. Its so crazy to me, the first 6 months with him were totally great, the last 3 have been horrible. I'm not going to sit around and make excuses for him though, this seems very emotionally abusive to me. I hate that the way to get his attention will have to be me pulling a dissapearing act how old are we?? lol I thought those games stopped in high school. I'm usually so non-commital and anti-love this guy really threw me for a loop. And it does suck. But I'm not willing to be with someone who won't at least meet me part of the way, he takes and takes and i'm so sick of giving and giving. He's like a whole new person that I don't even know. Ughhhh! No more Virgos for me after this!
Ahhhhh he does the same thing! Like I totally imagined everything he says! I can't believe how similarly virgo men act. And you're right it has been a month but we talk all the time so it's not like we haven't been in contact...the contact just isn't always pleasant lol.
In essence, the problem with Virgo men is that the games don't stop in high school for them, while the rest of us tend to outgrow the appeal of it, so it comes as a shock when we find ourselves being thrown back to teen age.
Married & Miserable.....:(
Mr. Virgo has been picking on me for days now. I can't stand it anymore! I'm at my wit's end so I say:
"Leave me alone today. I don't want to talk to you today! I'm much too upset to deal with you thinking I'm lying or making stuff up. You have destroyed my confidence, taken my sanity, and I need a flipping break from "us" today! Let me be alone please. I need to think."
So what does he do? He agree's. He backs off & he agree's. I spoke his language, I stated straight out that I needed time "to think" about things & for the very first time in months, he understood me & he respected me...
I've made the biggest mistake ever. I'm so unhappy, I have no control, everything is his way or the highway. I gave up my job, my life in the US, I'm such a fool...I don't even think I love him anymore. He wears a different hat for different people. He walks out our front door & becomes 5 different guys at once depending on the people we're around. Yes, he's a great provider, yes, he's totally amazing in bed, yes, he's attentive & kind while we're at home, but outside the home....totally diff story. It's all about him, his needs, his desires, his concerns, his job.. I'm just the decoration to his life.
Wow, I had all the warning signs here on this thread but I still went with my heart...I made a huge mistake..he bought me a 4,200 sf country house with 5 acre's of land but it doesn't make up for how much he ignores me. I'm like a prized trophy on his mantel, nothing more. I'm only important when he see's fit. Otherwise he makes me totally invisible.
@Gemini4Ever- "Hi Sweetie" mine is a Aug 26th too...
OMG I think I'm getting sucked in by another Virgo! LOL, just kidding. I'll call him September Virgo or SV for short. He seems totally smitten by me and I like talking to him. He's already sending me a million pictures (he has a really nice body too; works out alot) and totally wants to do the LDR thing if I'm willing. Already asking me when will be the next time I come home because he wants to see me. I know from August Virgo (AV) that when it's new it's fantastic; but when the newness wears off SV might start being aloof towards me. sigh SV seems to have been in alot of relationships where the women didnt make time for him...that's what I've been hearing over and over again. Anyway we'll see where this goes...I MUST be a glutton for punishment! LOL
I'm sooooo sorry dear! Wow at your Virgo being Aug 26 so is mine! Today I spoke with him and he was telling me how I can go 4-6 days w/o speaking to him. I'm like well while I'm doing that you're doing the same thing to me! So silly. He is sooo wishy washy I can't stand it...as I said he beats me and I'm the Gemini! And I know yours has said he's humble at one time or the other. Mine has and the Sept Virgo keeps telling me that he is. I said you're not being very humble telling it to me every 5 minutes. LOL! About your situation...that's so sad; seems you have everything you ever wanted except you don't have what you need--him! Only 2 things to to: deal with it or get over it. There's really no in between. What makes it hard is that you love him. I'm not in love with my Virgo so it's easier for me to not see or speak to him for days at a time. We are not in a relationship as you two are because he can't make up his mind whether he wants me or not. But let him tell it I think I'm too good for him! Just an excuse if you ask me. I don't care; I still date and this other Virgo has caught my eye. I'm going to be open-minded here and just see what happens. As long as my heart doesn't get involved too soon I'll be fine. I'll be praying for you SS, I hope everything works out the way you want it. You probably need to have a heart to heart with your Virgo and tell him what you expect. Do you know what he expects from you? hugs
where's my post?
Jen/Voply..you are absolutely right. He is with someone else (did found out about her myself) and probably when he gets bored/had a fight with her that's when he has time for me. He wouldn't admit/mention the other woman and if he's missing in action his alibi is he's busy with work and his kids or whatever. I can't stand it anymore (I felt used and manipulated) so I totally ignored him last Dec and started seeing a Libra man and entertaining a Leo man. Come Feb 14, the virguy texted to greet Happy valentines. I thought he had no more effect on me but that text made us start all over again. And it's June now, still things are just where I left off December. I am just busy with work and my kids and finances, but I know changes in my life is continuing . It already started with the "x" husband.
Sea Siren..I am excited to know what ever happened to your decision of marrying a virguy. I was there one time for 18 months. What you are experiencing is what I have gone through. The only way to survive is be a person he wants you to be and forget about yourself. It's much worse being married to them than just being a friend or girlfriend. You will become a different person devoid of emotion, will be like a robot, a lot of plasticity just to please him or else you become the target of his anger. His kids even hide in their rooms just to get away with his bad moods. You'll feel "trapped" and if you threatened divorce..their ugly heads will stick out. They are really horrible when you try to leave them. Sorry, this is not to scare you..
WOW !!! IT SEEMS THAT ALL THESE WEIRD TRAITS ARE SO MUCH COMMON IN ALL VIRGO MEN . ALL ARE BIG TIME NARCISSISTS. THEY ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THEIR OWN LUNATIC LOONEY LONER SELVES. LEAVE THEM ALL TO WALLOW IN THEIR OWN PATHETIC SADISTIC WORLD. PLEASE CHANGE THE NAME OF THIS FORUM TO --- ""WEIRDO SICK VIRGO MEN ""
UPDATE OF MY STORY -- My Gem is back with her ass hole virgo after their trip, they are planning to move in together. I have cut all the possible contacts between(((me and Gem))) us so she wont be able to contact me again in future, I have moved on and Sag is still a very good friend of mine. I wish my Gem best wishes for her future with her shit virgo.
I wish good luck to all you LADIES to overcome your shit virgo horror .
@G4Ever- Yes, he's made it very clear as to what he expects from me. He wants a clean, well run home, everything in it's place more or less, dinner made on time, intimacy on a regular basis. He also wants me to smile, to be cheerful. I can have an opinion on everything but he'll usually do what he feels is best instead of what I might think. I enjoy doing the things he requires so that's okay for now but he's lacking in the one major thing I need the most to be truly happy...his emotions. He's just so detached towards love, it's like it's a business, there's no romance unless of course you want to call his providing me everything I've ever dreamed of on a materialistic level...romance. sign.. God help me, I love this man, I can and will spend the rest of my life with him but I'm the one making the changes, not him, and this is driving me crazy.
After our wedding we went to Ireland for a month to honeymoon. He has a lot of relatives there so we did enjoy ourselves and I was welcomed warmly. Once we got home however, things changed. It became his way and my way of thinking needed to disappear. I can't help but think about ABB's daughter who is married to her Virgo husband. She went from being this bright, lively, happy go lucky girl, just like me, to being Virgo's twin of sorts and totally miserable. That's how I feel now and here it is, only our first year of marriage.
"The only way to survive is be a person he wants you to be and forget about yourself. It's much worse being married to them than just being a friend or girlfriend. You will become a different person devoid of emotion, will be like a robot, a lot of plasticity just to please him or else you become the target of his anger."
lol...I totally agree except for the part of it being worse not better being married to them. I love being married to him because now when he pulls his disappearing acts, at least I know where he is. lol ..he's usually at work, not out playing around with another woman which is what I used to think he was doing when I was just his gf. I'm totally in love with my new Virgo husband but boy is there some serious adjustments that have to be made to live with a male Virgo full time.
PS~Anyone interested in knowing my full story with my Virgo can read about it on the pages 200 & up in this thread. Thanks...
Gem4ever - I think you are playing with fire for three reasons. #1 is that LDR's are difficult even when there is a firm commitment, even a marriage. You don't know this guy well enough to have anything close to that kind of commitment. #2 He is already blaming other women for his failings. Oh, so sad, all those other women never made time for him. I would translate that to mean that they didn't fit into his schedule when he wanted them. Don't listen to his excuses. Don't listen to any sort of history that would color how you view what is happening between the two of you. These are all distractions from something he sees as a personal flaw. #3 You should find a guy closer to home. Somebody you won't have to wonder about. Staying connected and close is all easier when you can get together spontaneously. I think you're new Virgo is just as caught up in the excitement of his long-distance fantasy as any of these other guys have been. Wait and see, his idea of "women making time for him" will probably mean you travelling to see him, not the other way around. Already he keeps asking, "when are YOU coming back to town". Uh huh. Next he'll be whining that you aren't coming to see him to which you should ask, "why don't you get your @ss over here to see me?" Hmm....
Seasiren - I am sorry you're not happy. Even if you say you are in love with him and happy to be married to him, I'm hearing two extremely different messages in your story. I hope that you asserting yourself and asking for some space to think will help improve the situation. At the rate you are going right now you won't even know yourself in ten years. And this steady stream of compromises to appease him will have you putting up with god-knows-what in the years ahead because he has you so well conditioned to accept whatever he demands. I will hope for the best for you both and I soo appreciate your return to the thread to update everyone on how things have played out for you and the on-going challenges of Mr. Virgo. Even I read your story and feel like I "dodged a bullet". On the bright side you see what is happening and you are prepared to stand up for yourself. So stay strong and know that your freedom to be yourself and to be accepted for yourself IS important to your happiness. Your husband really is setting you up to believe that everything he wants is most important. He is the king of his castle the way you desbribe things. He doesn't need an equal partner to support a team effort, he wants you to support his effort. I have been the lonely woman in the castle tower (with my Scorp ex husband, so this isn't just Virgo I am talking about) and I know quite a few other women living that way. It is misery to be a bird in someone else's cage. Good luck with things right now. Let us know if you two resolve things, and thanks again for coming back to share. Your experience is probably very helpful to others who might be in a similar situation.
Guyfriend - My money is still on Sag lady - or someone like her. She's the kind of gal you would want for the long term, not the impulsive uncertainty of your Gem. Gem plays on your emotions because of her dramatic behavior. Keeps things stirred up. Do you really think they're going to end up living together or is Virgo going to bail out at the last minute? I wouldn't believe any of it until you see it. They are making rash decisions all the way around.
Go find a nice calm lady who can simply put a smile on your face for now and see where that might go.
Gem4ever, I agree with Jenever and I am talking from experience. I have been on LDR relationships before, they either have started that way and/or became that over time. They are great because they build so much fantasy and intensity so when you see each other you have moments that could be perfect, but it very seldom works long term and we all think we are the ones who are going to change the world or special enough that the other person will value us no matter what. My last long distance relationship was two years ago and I am still not fully recovered from the effects of that. He went all out for me in action and words. For two months we talked constantly and learned everything we could about each other before meeting in person. When we finally met it was bliss and it got serious very quickly. He followed through on his promises and introduced me to ALL of his family (his Mom, brothers and sisters, children, cousins, friends, coworkers). We had plans for me moving there, etc. And then...he just poof! disappeared. To this day I have some contact with his family and friends but not with him. He never returned my things, we never officially broke up or anything. I tried reaching out to him twice or three times in two years. So my lesson has been that when someone even backs things with action if doesn't necessarily mean it will be sustained over time. The other thing I've learn is that I want someone HERE, someone with whom things can grow slowly and at a gradual pace. Because it is in everyday things that you truly get to know someone, how they carry themselves, how they experience life, the rest is all a misrepresentation. I was put on a pedestal only to be treated like pretty much a thing and not a person after.
The other side of that is that it made me question why would I have relationships like that and I had to face that FOR ME. Admit that having real intimacy, the kind that is everyday, practical, accountable and not just romantic all the time makes ME uncomfortable. I myself run when things get too predictable, so that it is something I had to see in myself. It is easier for me to have someone far away who will not really see my flaws and have me idealized that having to show myself fully to someone and be vulnerable. That is the other side of the coin...
To Guyfriend, I am a Sag girl and believe me, I am reliable no matter what and I find that guys prefer drama (although not consciously). I can be very transparent and sometimes people do not value that, they mistake our transparency for weakness, which is entirely wrong. The Sag girl will be very loyal and fun to be around as well. But if you wrong a Sag girl, she will not be vengeful or anything like that but she will truly turn the page and never look back...
Seasiren, I can see that you love your husband. Marriage is a compromise and I personally find that you can influence, even change a Virgo guy's opinion on something. The key is in expressing it so that you are heard and at the same time his antiauthority alarms do not go off. Keep asserting yourself and do it from a good place, not expressing or building resentment (or even as you recognize your resentment) and I am convinced that you can get what your heart desires...
In wanting to find Sea Siren former posts I came across the info for the FB group and I just "liked" the page. It was so nice to see you ladies and put together the thoughts with the faces! I have to say Voply Soply that I just watched your video and it moved me to tears. It really touched something for me, it is so beautiful!!! You are sooooo talented! I can't get over how much your music moved me...thank you sooo much!