The heart of a Virgo man
As VS said just be yourself have fun, but be on your guard. Virgo males are extremely nice, polite, all that good stuff in the beginning. If you like your space that's good, because you may get soon of it during your relationship! I don't mind that because I like my space as well (strange because most Gemini's love to be around people; think it's because I'm on a cusp, Taurus/Gemini). I hope everything works out for you!
An update on me and my Virgo--he said he loved me last night! I was totally caught off guard by this! I don't think he'd use that word lightly either. Yes it was by text--lol! I told him it was good that we are able to be friends and that I thought I had my feelings/emotions in check so it was all good with us. He didn't say anything for awhile and came back with I shouldn't try to control my feelings so much, that he knew I loved him and he loves me so we should make something happen. I was speechless but did manage to say that it was late but the next time we saw each other he needs to say it to me in person. I saw him today at work and he was smiling and seemed happy to be around me. Something in me says he felt I was serious this time when I said I was goint to get over him and live my life. I pulled back and initiated nothing. Not a tactic or ploy--I was just tired of all his push/pull. I still don't know what to think but I'll see when we talk...maybe tonight. Have to admit my guard is still up...I'll keep you updated!
Well Virgirl, I arrived at Ariesman's house with a birthday gift I had promised to bring him from my recent trip. I held it out and said, "I brought you your birthday gift, BUT, I am not giving it to you until you apologize for calling my kids 'dropouts'". He said, "Ah, I thought you were mad at me about something". I said, "of COURSE I was offended that you would pick on my kids!" So he immediately said, "I am sorry, I was kidding and I should never have said that". He apologized again and then I didn't know where to take it because I didn't want to start some big analysis of where it came from or why, if he thought I was mad, he didn't inquire about it. I do believe tht the comment came from exactly what I described in earlier posts though, and just ties in with his general life frustrations.
We talked for a long time about work last night - my frustrations and concerns with the changes in my workplace and he talked about all his worries about his situation. He said, "we're really in the same place right now, trying to figure out what to do next". Anyway, I made it a quick visit, just a couple hours, which I believe disappointed him but I was really exhausted and my days of disappointment over his comment didn't just vanish. I didn't feel like getting any more cozy with him than conversation or "rewarding" him for saying he was sorry - after I had to pull it out of him. A bit of punishment I guess, but honestly, I was so exhausted last night I didn't really even want to go out anyway, just wanted to go home to my pajammies.
Oh, and the reason I didn't hear from him all weekend is because he either had his son with him or he was working. He worked all day Saturday and most of Sunday. So that's interesting. When he is busy with work then he doesn't get in touch? Although he also sensed that I was mad at him, so he could have been avoiding also. But I have noted this week that all of my "good morning" and "good night" texts have vanished now that he is working every day. He had made some comment about, "well this is it, back to long days, this is the deal now" and I suspected that would now be his established excuse for any time he isn't attentive going forward. Don't you love these men who are so caught up in their stuff that they can't conceive that they can still probably find a couple of minutes in a day to stay in touch?
Digressing here but my 16-year-old was having girl trouble yesterday. He was "dating" a girl for all of two weeks a month or so ago, then he ended it because he realized that he really had enough to do with school and sports and his personal priorities that he didn't want to get involved with a girl. All this time later she is still hating on him for being a jerk. I said, "well, most males like to do whatever they want to do first, and want a girl only when they feel like they want to make time for it, your friend might as well get used to it now". I was joking but he matter-of-factly said, "that's true mom". Omg, see, they're just hard-wired this way I'm afraid! Then he said, "girls are dumb, I don't need a girl since I've got you mom". Aww, that was touching, and I told him so, then added, "it won't be so touching when you're 30 and still living in my basement some day though, so be warned". Ha.
Alex welcome! I'm so sorry you are already questioning your Virgo. Thanks for LibraLui returning to share her wisdom with her fellow Libran. She speaks the truth. I will give you the same advise I seem to give every new visitor to the thread who has made the decision to test the waters with their Virgo - proceed with caution. As VoplySoply said, stay on guard for the changes that we have seen play out over and over in the thread. There is a pattern. I will hope that your guy will be different. I do believe in miracles. One is bound to show up here someday, lol. Thanks for sharing your situation and do keep us posted.
Ah, and I just read your post Gem4ever. So maybe your Virgo will be the "miracle" I've been waiting to see appear here. Lol.
Interesting turn of events though. Reminds me of VoplySoply's guy doing a complete turnaround on her. See, I just don't trust these guys using the word "love" though. I beleive they are able to say it thinking, "well, right this minute I love you...tomorrow...who can say?" Stay focused on his actions Gem, don't let your mind sweep be swept away with his words. Think of the story of the Siren's, only you're Odysseus in this case. Keep your ears covered so you are not misled and watch his actions for a while.
Hello ladies...Hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday...
Update on VM...Found out one of his secrets, and he is livid with me...When I found out about it, I certainly let him know, that I knew...When I question about this subject, his answer was "no"...Does that not make him a liar???...I let him know that I detest secrets...He knew from something that had happened to me early on...I told him he lied, and he said that he didn't lie, he just didn't tell me...If I asked you question you about the subject, and you tell me no, then I find out that it is so, then you are a liar plain and simple...Why don't they like to admit that they are wrong???...What is it with them with secrets, and privacy???...What the h ell is there to hide???...Makes me feel I can't trust you...I don't like skeletons in closets...Like I told him, all secrets eventually comes to the surface, and all that's done in the dark eventually comes to the light...When secrets are revealed, they are usually devastating to some people...Air the d amn closet out...It stinks....What is your take on this ladies???....
Alex1969, I thought I had seen it all and I was being cautious enough, a lot more than I had been in the past and Virgo man still duped me. He wined me and dined me like no other man before, treated me like a princess even for Valetine's after only a month and a half of dating. Had a gift for me, all the right ways. Said all the right things, went the extra mile for me. Then, puff! just truly do not know what happened, it is like he is running things in his mind 100 times. There is no spontaneous anything and contact is diminishing more and more, at least in person. So, be warned, just know what you are getting into, because they are great at charming and charming you back even after you had been disillusioned... I am super independent and I still fell over time...oh, well. I hope yours is a good guy after all.
Jenever, I think it is great you could tell Ariesman that and it was resolved. Yes, these guys, no matter the sign around month 3 or 4, they all get sooo busy and stressed out about work!
Gemini 4 ever, good for you if that is what your heart desires...
Well, Virgo called yesterday and left a message in between clients saying he knew he would not find me but wanted to talk in the evening...I really thought "do I want to talk with him today? no". So I didn't. I never not went along with his plan, only a couple of times. I just thought I tried a thing or two. So last night I texted him "not tonight, tomorrow is better", he replied "sure dear". So tonight I still didn't return his call and wondered if he would try to reach out, he did asking if I still wanted to talk tonight and I said yes. So I answered the phone all happy and he sounded serious and he warmed up quickly. He told me about his trip, I told him my good news and then he told me all about his worries. He worries too much. Throughout the conversation he is "honey", etc. Then we just hang up. I got off the phone rather abruptly (something I do not do either) and he did not ask to see me this weekend (or ever anymore apparently). I do not understand why this guy treats me like a girlfriend in speech but it is all virtual. I am not his girlfriend and this is not a relationship obviously. So I will keep observing this and pulling back myself and when I cannot take it anymore I want to see him and say all the things I need to say calmly and then just leave...And hopefully after that I will meet somebody that can match me that way. I do not understand the no passion thing with this guy, to me, something is really wrong, just a mental masturbator. I am just curious to find out what it is and hopefully I will not get hurt in the process. Wishing you all ladies many blessings, whether they come in Virgo male ways or not, for those who are currently dating a Virgo. As for me, I will stay in limbo a bit longer, the clouds are cushioning me pretty well so far
Well, I appreciate the advice and insight. Granted, I wouldn't judge someone based solely on their sun sign, but I'm already seeing a few red flags that have me wondering if I even want to pursue something with this man. Where I live, traffic is terrible..Now, I don't generally complain it's just one of those things that I accept and don't sweat it. I've dated more than a few men who get quite vocal about the traffic or "my area". The issue for me, is that I have epilepsy and while I can drive, because of my medication I do the responsible thing and don't drive alone very far. I would hate to hurt someone else because of my being reckless, and in all fairness, I don't want to permanently lose my right to drive!
That said, this guy seemed all charm, then made a remark about how far I live and how horrible the traffic in my area is. He then asked if I would be willing to drive to him. I don't know, I know that times have changed, etc...but I guess my first thought was, this guy can't even be on his best behavior in the beginning, not a good sign.
Plus, I already sense that he's a player. For his declarations of no games (uggh..I'm so tired of hearing that!) he texted/emailed daily, and now is barely communicating. I know he's still on the dating site we met on, and I'm fine with it. But...if he's doing these things now, I don't know, my sixth sense just says run, there is no point.
I'm at a point in my life where I don't need to chase after anything elusive. I'm good with who I am and where I am in life, and I honestly don't want to over-analyze people and relationships. If someone can't let their guard down and be natural with me, I don't feel it is worth the investment. So, I think my gut is telling me that while this guy may be a great guy (or not)...for me, it's not the right situation.
Thanks for your comments. Jen, believe me I am going to observe his actions. I'm not going to do anymore contacting than the little I've done in the past few days. If he contacts me of course I will respond but no initiating. I think he believes saying "I love you" will get me back to where I was before but he's in for a surprise. I'm not as simple as he might think! I haven't been to his place or seen him outside of work for almost a month. Oh yes he's asked me over last week and on this past Tues but it was late so I declined. I've told him we need to talk about this love stuff on Tues night. No response to that but I have received texts since then. Well I'm off to take this test for my degree...wish me luck! Oh I did receive a good luck text this morning. Think it was from Virgo man? No! If he was taking a big test like this he'd receive a text or a phone call from me wishing him luck. But I'm not going to say a thing to him about it...
Alex stay the way you are...seems it is their way to lure you in then as you said, "poof" disappear! I've found it got easier for me to become distant as time went on. I don't like to be that way but if not I'd be a wreck. They say they don't like emotional rollercoasters and drama but they are the epitome of it! LOL!
Have a great day ladies!
Hello everyone....i have been reading this blog for a while now and i found it very helpful so far and i decided to ask for your help.....you see i have met this virgo a year ago and he has been trying to pull me to him for about 9 months.....after being so determine i gave him a chance (as he had managed to capture my mind and my interest with his word lingo and behavior). we came closer and dated for three weeks taking it slowly but we really got through me and our conversations and private moments were amazing....anyway after these three months a beloved one of his died and pulled away. i couldnt reach out to him no matter how hard i tried. he said he needs space and i was more than ok to give it to him and so i did. i was texting and calling him from time to time to let him know that i was thinking of him and to check how hes was doing. but his behavior was so negative and his response to me so cold that i broke me off. but still i wouldnt let go..... a month has gone since then and he is still in the same bad mood, cold and still pushing me away. Three days ago i text him saying that am dissapointed by his behavior and seems to me like he likes his misery and that the only thing he is trying to do is to push me away and then blame me of being another person who has left him (that was his biggest complained that no-body stays in the end because of his hard -difficult character and thats why he doesnt trust people as they all go away at the end and leave him alone-- his friends, mother, family did that to him years ago)....so back at my text, i said that i wont let him push me no more cause am not going anywhere and that i will proove him wrong and i wont back down until he finds himself. The response i got was not what i expected since he told me that at this point he's really messed up and there are some things happening to him right now that it would be best for me if i pulled away and move on. ...... that it is the easiest thing for me to do since i havent spent that much of a time with him and i havent fall for him ...yet. but i really like him and i know that he is of the best things ever happened to him (i have been pushing him away for a year so and he kept insisting to reach for me + i know him for years since we both leave in the same small village). .... how can i reach out for him even if he told me to go?....i dont want to leave him on his own and abandon him as he is used to.......dont know how to explain this but i really care about this guy. please held....what shall i do??? fight this or just let go????
I'd let it go if I were you. Let him come back to you when/if he's ready. If you're still interested then, good; if not that's ok as well. Don't fight it. Since you did tell him you would be there for him and didnt want to go anywhere he's fully aware you arent the type to just "leave" unless provocated. He said move on...move on. If you do stay, be prepared to feel down all the time; is that what you want? I feel badly for you but seems like there's nothing more you can do. You deserve better but that's not what he's able to give to you right now...
thank you fellow gemini for the reply....the thing is that i am not in love with him or something but i really find him worthy of waiting and fighting for. he has exactly the things i have been looking for in a guy...and from what i've read all virgos have them i told him am not a yo yo to push and pull and he knows that i can move on really easily once i dont get what i deserve. now why i wanna fight over him? God knows....maybe ego maybe the fact that no one has played my mind that good until now..... its like that always with virgos?? analyzing ? making problems bigger inside their heads than reality? pull away and behave like they are the only ones with issues and problems?? sounds kind of miserable to me....how can someone punish themselves like that?? he is punishing himself for years now after his best friend got killed and everyone blamed him for driving..........
Gem4ever - Probably too late to wish you good luck on your test, so I will say I hope you did well!!
Geminileo - Welcome to you. My Virgo often said that he didn't trust anyone either. I think that like you there was something in me that wanted to prove him wrong. Trouble is, you can't convince anyone to trust, they have to want to. Why do any of us trust? Because we take the risk to trust. People who don't trust are avoiding hurt. What I found with my Virgo was that I always felt tested. I knew he didn't trust anyone, and that would include me of course, but when you always feel tested and challenged because of someone's distrust it gets old. This is why there is no way you are going to convince him that you are trustworthy unless he decides that he can or wants to try to trust someone. You say he complains that everyone leaves him. Even the natural act of death takes people from his life, so there you go - everyone is going to die - there literally is no one who can be trusted to remain in his life because if they don't blow his trust up front, well absolutlely they will end his trust in them with their death.
And yes, my experience says that these guys can be full of drama. Misery is a delicious form of drama. They are very comfortable in the role of being the victim. So comfortable that they can't empathize when their behavior makes you a victim of their miserable selves. The situation with him driving the car that resulted in the death of his friend is probably a very deep trauma paticularly if other people still blame him years later for the incident. I had a friend who lost his best friend the same way when they were in their 20's. He never stopped punishing himself over his friends death. Sadly he died in middle age as a result of the injuries he sustained in the same accident that killed his friend. Very sad that what remained of his life was never very happy after that. So Virgo, or not, that kind of trauma seems significant enough to alter someone for a lifetime.
Back on the trust thing for a minute, realize that people who can't trust often express that lack of trust in the form of jealousy, anger and controlling and manipulative behavior. So careful what you wish for my friend.
Jen, that was nice of you to buy him a gift. Regardless of the reasons why he said what he said I think its a red flag and something to store in your data bank for future reference. Normally I forget about things and try not to stress the small things but that comment was so left field and really seemed to come from a much deeper place. Overall, I'm glad you guys spoke and were able to resolve things enough to be cordial. I think men sometimes just get so caught up in their own head they forget about the human aspect of the peopler they're around. With that said, I think when most men are trying to build a life for themselves or even trying to stabilize things financially, they tend to focus more on that than their relationships. I think as time goes on and you guys get closer you will become his closest friend and he'll contact on any and all occasions, busy or not. Keep up the pace you're at becqause you never know where things can go.
Hi Mardepp, sorry to hear about your situtation. I really thinks it comes down to most of these guys having low self worth. It took me a little while but you have to tell yourself that his distance, pulling back has nothing to do with you having a fault. These guys have a keen sense for all things beautiful a.nd I think once a wonderful person falls in love with them, they have foresight to see how wonderful things can be but they pull back because they feel they are worthy of such love. I hate to say this but what HD is experiencing with R is a perfect example of how these guys are able to stay in complicated situations with people they're not sure are sure of them because they feel that's what they deserve (not conciously of course).
Alex, your guys request doesn't sound entirely unreasonable. I don't know what his financial situation is like but I know gas prices are very high these days...being a practical virgo he probably wants to save money. Perhaps you can ask him if he wants to meet halfway?
Geminileo, I'm with G4E, you should absolutely leave him alone. If you love it let it go and if it comes back then its meant to be. For now, leave it alone. Your attempts at communicating may actually become frustrating for him because he is currently emotionally unavailable and he has told you such. Respect his space and fill your time with the things you love.
G4E, I really hope your guy is geniuine. It can go either way with these guys but something tells me he means it.
hi all, i sit everyday reading all these post, what wise woman you all are, wish i discovered this place sooner jen you hit the nail on the head about wanting to prove him wrong on the trust thing, we know and feel we are ppl that can be trusted but why cant they??? feeling tested by someone that is ment to care for you and be seen as an equal feels...... degrading somehow...
no word from VM but lets face it eventually he will contact due to me blowing him off and it will be eating him alive inside...
and my date, was really nice, he is a libra, another date on sunday, looking forward to it dont know much about the libra lads, just taking this as it comes
Hi Ladies, Just a quick check-in...
CK, great to hear your date was nice. Libra's are great peepz. GL w/your Sunday date.
Virgirl, thanks for you insight. Here's the thing, though.
1. I understand that the cost of gas is high, but if distance and driving is an issue, why even contact me. My profile clearly states what city I live in. He contacted me, not vice versa. If he wants somebody nearby, then he needs to fish in his own pond.
2. The context of the issue came up over chat when he first felt the need to bash my area, saying that it stunk here, all the people were fake, traffic sucked...you get the point. So again, if you hate my area and people, why contact me?
3. If in fact, cost is an issue, well then maybe he shouldn't be dating, or dating closer to home. It is an investment of sorts, and I've certainly paid my fair share of lousy dates. But, the way I view it, if I'm going to find "the one" well, then I am going to have to jump off that proverbial cliff and take a chance. The right guy may not be right next door.
4. If you do a search for any "smarter dating" site, especially where men are the moderators and offer their real opinions, they all say the same thing. If a guy before even meeting you, suggests something like this guy did, then take off running. If he can't be bothered to at least "attempt" to be chivalrous at least once, he's only going to get worse.
5. Lastly, the issue of driving is not one necessarily of my choosing. As I stated earlier, I have epilepsy, and I am very lucky that I CAN drive. But, with that, comes the responsibility to maintain that right. My medications leave me not as sharp as I once was, so, I don't drive long distances alone, nor do I drive alone in areas where I'm not sure where I'm going. Around here, especially where he lives, there are dozens of back roads and twists and turns. Again, a few dates in, I'd be more than happy to drive to see him. But, I also cannot pretend my illness doesn't exist.
So, my "feeling" is based on the fact that he said what he did about my area, and that he seems to not want to make any effort. I should add, that in the last few days, he sends a text here and there, and then at night rather "short" emails. I finally last night said "you mentioned wanting to meet this weekend" and his response was "I'm game". Umm..ok. I tried to politely say that if he was interested (and I stated "I know the distance is an issue for you, so if you would like to leave it for another time, I'll understand") to please let me know so we could make plans. Nothing.
I also finally gave in and asked my brother. For all my brother's faults, he's a Virgo through and through and at least he'll give it to me straight. I explained things to this point and his response "run for the hills...seriously." He went on to say that if he's interested, he'll chase to the ends of the earth (and admitted that once he's caught someone, he moves on). But, he said that this guy is NOT interested...he's just curious. But he told me to run away as fast as I can and he said quite succinctly, a good guy will TRY.
Alex, okay now I see the whole picture. Um....yeah...RUN! Even if he is interested he sounds like he can become a drag to be around and you do not need, in fact, no one does! Before you go do you plan to give him a heads up, sort of let him know you're leaving? Also, I'm very sorry to hear about your condition. Its good you're treating it and you are very much aware of your limitations. I've heard of stories where people have had their driving privelegs taken away because they had seizures on the road which caused accidents, harming others which is never cool.
It is so interesting to read and reflect on everyone's comments...Thank you Virgil and CK for your comments, they make perfect sense. I am just leaving my life and in fact there are a lot of interesting things and plans coming my way, so we will see. I have voiced my needs to Virgo a while back and if he is not changing it is because he does not want to or is trying to blow me off or is keeping me nearby until something better comes along. The thing is, very seldom when someone pushes my buttons in this way (frankly I have not been in this situation before) it really makes me start to lose respect for the person, and they start to look really weak in my eyes. And that is an unattractive thing for a male. So I am just doing my thing. I am still interested in him but you cannot force someone to be what they are not. I am also realizing that I AM ready for a relationship even if he is not. So I will open my signals and just be present...In fact, there is someone (a Scorpio) with whom I have a very deep attraction, but we shall see. I need to tend to what is before me.
Alex 1969, I am so happy to read what you wrote. I think you are right and you handled it in a terrific way...First impressions are important. At this point, even if he made the trip, I think you need to be wary of his reactions. Your brother is right. And someone who talks like that about your neighborhood, etc. It is really dumb for him to make comments like that if he is trying to impress you. I would not go out with this guy even if he begs at this point.
See? This Virgo guy was totally accommodating me in the beginning and until recently, meeting me this way, paying attention to considerate matters. We are 45 min to an hour away from each other. Well, that is changed now, he has not asked me out again :-(. Yes, my ego is hurt, but whatever happens I want it to be from his heart. But knowing all the loops and excuses he makes in his mind, it is probably NOT going to happen or change...The right guy will come along Alex 1969!!!