The heart of a Virgo man



  • Jenever, I am going to borrow your affirmation and use it whenever I find my mind wandering off to that place where I begin obsessing over HIM.

    Jenever and Mimi,

    This just made me realize that I have truly been trying to do this myself. Usually, I have my guardian angel, higher power, and white light with me, but from the beginning of this it was me me me all the way. It just felt so right. I was collecting donations of clothing and money to help the children etc. and I forgot that which was a part of my daily life. How can that happen so easily?

    Well then, I will get right back on track with my other world support system and I am sure I will come through this with just a few beautiful scars.

    Thanks again. Without the two of you responding to my posts I would never have come this far.



  • My goodness, you are cancer and he is virgo. 2009 was the year for virgo to meet their soulmate.

    I am virgo and I met my soulmate, Cancer male who lives other part of the world.



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  • Mimi, thank you for your email address. I am not yet ready to communicate privately. That is really stupid. To think that I would rather bare my soul on a public forum rather than privately is just beyond my comprehension, but it is the way it is.

    I will keep it for the time I feel ok. Please do not take this personally. i just am nor ready, yet.

    please everyone, continue to post. you all inspire me so much. It has been a hard day because i wonder where he is and if in fact he is at the drama finals. It has been five of six days since i have heard from him or any noise on sites. He is never without his laptop for this long. I must get over this and get on with life..............



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  • Mimi, thank you for your email address. I am not yet ready to communicate privately. That is really stupid. To think that I would rather bare my soul on a public forum rather than privately is just beyond my comprehension, but it is the way it is.

    I will keep it for the time I feel ok. Please do not take this personally. i just am nor ready, yet.

    please everyone, continue to post. you all inspire me so much. It has been a hard day because i wonder where he is and if in fact he is at the drama finals. It has been five of six days since i have heard from him or any noise on sites. He is never without his laptop for this long. I must get over this and get on with life..............



  • Mimi

    Is it yingyang



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  • Happy Easter!

    It is a fine day here. Bright blue clear skies and about 18C.

    Jenever,

    I keep repeating you wise words everytime my mind wanders and how they help me. It's like having someone push me back on track. Mind you, I need to repeat and repeat and..,

    Mimi and Jenever,

    I am still having lots of times when I spend way too long in fantasyland as I am now calling it.

    I hope you are both enjoying a lovely weekend without a lot of stress.

    Oh, my cards (not the Tarot ones) have been showing something to do with the law right in front of me--official and law news for me. I am not involved in any legal matters and don't expect to be, but these cards just won't go away! Jenever, you didn't see this. What's up?

    Well, it's back outside to do my other half hour of cleaning up.

    Bye for now.



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  • Malaika - I pulled a card asking what's going on with your guy. What I get is he's working hard and he's got a lot of stress over something. As lame as this sounds, is it possible that his laptop crashed and it's got him disconnected? I know how stressed I get when mine crashes and I don't even need it for work. He may have little time as well if he's unable to work on his laptop as he finds ways to get things done without it. (I have found at times that my imagination makes events much more complicated than they need to be, lol.)

    I'm glad that my words are helping you through this Malaika. Before I even read your posts tonight I was thinking about you and I was imagining how you live in an even "bigger" world than me. Part of what I told myself after I let go of my Virgo was that I have lots of time and it's a great big world out there...full of possibilities. The little space I find myself in right now is fleeting in the grand scheme of things. And then I think of how you travel and are involved in so many things and it simply occured to me what wonderful opportunities you have to bring new, exciting and interesting people and activities into your life - if - you just let them come through to you. As we all know, though, getting over relationships does take time. One of those events in life that you simply can't go around, or over or under - you have to go through it to get to the other side.

    So, my update from the weekend. I actually wrote a lot of this on another thread where I was updating a friend, so I am being lazy and just copying and pasting it here. If anyone read it on another thread, sorry, but I was up at 4 a.m. to take Scorp to the airport this morning and I am beat.

    So, Scorp came to town for the first time to experience my world. This went only fairly well. By the end of the weekend we were having "a talk". He's just in such a different place than me you see. His kids grown and gone, he's been divorced for eight years, his life is very secure and routine, he's free, and sooo seriously looking for a partner for life. Me - I have years to go with my kids, only divorced for two years, my job is uncertain, my life is chaotic and the way things have gone, I'm not sure I'm anywhere near settling down with one man for the rest of my life. Sooo, my sense is that Scorp is feeling ready to move on, or at least very clearly leave himself (and me) free to explore other opportunities. So much for a Fairytale ending eh? Lol.

    I'm not heart-broken. We actually got into a couple of little tiffs over the weekend that I thought were so ridiculous. I don't have the luxury of getting worked up over every little thing and splitting hairs all the time about, "now why would you say that", or "why did you say it that way". Ultimately I informed Scorp that he thinks too dang much (imagine ME saying that, LOL!) but really, he analyzes everything and kept thinking he knew what I thought without even bothering to ask me. Hence the little tiffs would start. I hate anyone putting words in my mouth. Sigh...so who knows. I love him as a friend right now, he's been a God-send for keeping my head straight about Virgo, but I am feeling more and more sure that the reality of my situation doesn't suit him. But that's why we need to spend real time together, keep things grounded in reality. So much can be said on the phone or on-line and it will never replace what comes from spending time together for good or for bad. (I seriously forgot how messy men can be since I've been on my own for a while now. At times having him around was as bad as my 14-year-old, lol.)

    At this point I haven't seen Virgo in three solid months. Oh no, he's hasn't gone away. I had quite a surprise on Saturday. As I say, Scorp was here and I just happened to notice that my phone was buzzing. Good thing I didn't have the ringer on. It was my Virgo. The message he left nearly took my breath away it was like poetry. He was thinking about me, and my job situation and my kids and hoped that I was doing alright. Wanted me to know how much he cared about me, and that "when you hurt, I hurt". All of this in that deep voice of his that just makes me melt. But - as I say - Scorp was here for the weekend so I turned my phone off and still haven't responded to Virgo.

    Just tired of being in the middle with the guy who wants it all right now and the guy who wants it all in ten years. I want the guy who can meet me in the middle and neither one of them is that right now. Scorp has potential I guess, but I told him that I can't seem to give him what he wants right now and that he was making me feel like we are an "all or nothing" proposition. Told him it was unrealistic to think that after two months and only spending two weekends together that I could possibly feel in a mindset to commit to forever. Ultimately I think he realized how wrong he was to put a big rush on "us" and that perhaps, the way he throws himself so completely into a relationships, could be the very reason that his relationships have gone stale time and time again since he left his marriage. Too caught up in that initial excitement and not letting himself calm down and be realistic about what it takes to keep a relationship going for the long haul. When the "new" wears off, I think he feels bored.

    Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. Very purposefully trying to keep myself out of any extreme emotional situations and unsure if I care about either one of these men as anything more than friends right now. Serious abivilance at this point. Sometimes it isn’t selfish to let it be all about “me, me, me” as you put it Malaika. Lol. I think I need a little "selfish" here for a while.

    .



  • Hello,

    Oh, Jenever do I ever wish I was where you are at now. I still can't quite hang on to all that I know I should think, believe, and do, but I am trying.

    Mimi, hope you are doing OK. and that today was another good outside day.

    Can't talk now. Dinner guests just left and I am beat.

    Tomorrow

    Malaika



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  • Well hold on Malaika because I got a little surprise today. Virgo called me at work. He says he wants to see me tomorrow night. As I say, it's been three months since I've seen him. I figure (assuming our plans don't fall through - he has a long history of making and breaking our plans), I figure it will go one of two ways, I will see him and realize that I really am at a point where I want to maintain our distance, or I will see him and it will ALL come back to me why I've been on this forum for a year now trying to make sense of him, lol. It has never been easy letting go of him, but at the same time, I don't relish the idea of going through any more of his nonsense. I guess I'll just see if he really shows up and go from there.

    But listen to this, after all these months of not seeing me. Then I told you he called Saturday night but I missed the call because Scorp was here. Well today Virgo told me that he nearly came over Sunday night as well. YIKES!! That sure would have been akward. Wasn't just because he missed me though. Apparently he and his wife had a huge fight. So bad that he left for the night. Said he drove around for hours and finally just slept in his car. Somewhere in there he thought about coming to my house, but he was concerned that my kids might be here and he didn't want to cause any drama showing up in the middle of the night.

    Interesting though, isn't it. As hard as it's been for me to keep my distance from him, on the flip side he's been forced to deal with his life without me making him feel good about it. Left on his own, apparently the rift between he and his wife becomes a little more significant. Well good! Lol. I'm sorry, but I still stand by the idea that he is never going to be happy until he gets out of his web of lies and lives true to himself. Whether that means I'll still be in his life down the road, or get left behind, who can say. I am reminded of something that someone on this forum said in a thread, that I found so touching that I copied and kept it. It was posted by Goldenhill and went:

    "Please keep in mind that at times those who are challenged the most are building character, they are catalysts for needed change and light bearers- I believe you are experiencing all and you do bring much needed light, and when you leave those places, the light - "your light" - goes with you ,and leaves the place dark. The same darkness that was there before you arrived."

    You gotta love this forum...that one thought, not even directed at me, but it brought me such a new perspective on so many levels. It seems to suit my Virgo's situation very well right now.

    Mimi, I'm with you, I'm up wayyyy late here now myself. Goodnight all.



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  • Hello all,

    Yes, we had a good dinner party Tuesday night, but I indulged in too much shrimp etc. and came down with the most excruciatingly painful case of gout on Wednesday. Sorry I haven't been around, but couldn't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom without help. My body is so sore from being in bed that I got to the computer to see if there is still a world out there.

    Will update and comment when I am in less pain.

    Later



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  • Poor Malaika! I've known people with gout and understand that it's quite painful. Please take care and get better quick!



  • Thank you both for your kind words. I am now able to walk, with pain, aided by my broom. I don't have a cane, so this is the best I can do. If you google gout, it will tell you that it is the most painful of all conditions, and this I believe. Even when I broke a shoulder bone and collar bone at the same time I didn't feel 5% of the pain I experience with a gout attack. I have only had two attacks. One last year, albeit in two sessions a week apart, and this one. I am doing everything natural to "cure" this attack, but must remember to continue because my uric acid levels must be so high that when I overindulge just a little - pop and the pain starts.

    Well, back to Virgo. Jenever, what a time you have been having. I am still back at when you said you were now not sure if either of them were right for you at this time........then Virgo calls and then he wants to come over the next night. How did you make out? Are you OK? Did you melt? I simply could not help thinking about you even while in such pain. Oh, my dear what a place to be in.

    Mimi, I laughed so much about your hair thing. Sorry, but it made me think YEA that's part of my problem-my hair looks like ****. As soon as I am up and about I'll get mine done, too. I am sure it will make me feel a lot better too. Hope you and your Virgo are working things out.

    Well, in terms of my Virgo let me say I have not heard from him. His computer probably did not crash, but he may have left it at home given that there were going to be some 10,000 kids at the competitions and the need to keep it safe would just be too onerous a task. He either got home on Wednesday afternoon, or access to a computer because there was a post about the competition and also a very short time on email and skype. Since then nothing!!! Maybe away again as there are two other groups competing in other nationals.

    Whatever, this time of not seeing his name all the time on my screen has been a blessing as it has given me some mental space. Thanks to Genever I also have been able to see this as love not a relationship. The mental space has given me more time to evaluate and it is clearer to me than ever that I really do not want to be a part of his lifestyle. If he had been a more reliable communicator during the past two months since I saw him, I might just have jumped in feet first as I was so smitten with him. I think he is wonderful and I do love him, but I don't want his lifestyle......it's just too difficult and too busy and too demanding. Boy, do I ever sound selfish, but I've been there, done that and now it's my turn to enjoy the fruits of my labour and not start all over again.

    I am not sure what I will do if he goes to the U.N. this summer because the plan was for him to get our visa and come to visit with me. I'll cross that bridge when and if I need to. I think that if I truly love him I will have no trouble having him visit me and showing him the best of my area and then wishing his well.......to quote a wise woman.....wish him to love and be loved. BUT then again I might just melt!!!!

    I don't know if this all makes sense and I don't know how long I'll stay on this track, but we'll see. I may have changed my tune so many times since I started posting that you may wonder if I have completely lost it.

    Yes, I have been very fortunate in that I have been able to do quite a bit of holiday travelling in the last 40 years to some very exotic locations. My work, prior to early retirement two years ago, also put me in the global village. I didn't even need to leave my city in order to have the world come to me. I have been very blessed in that way. It was my plan to continue travelling and perhaps find a place that I would love to spend many months a year in. You two are both invited.

    Hoping to hear from you soon.

    Hugs


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