The heart of a Virgo man

  • Okay hun, im a cancer woman and most of the guys i fall in love with are virgo men. i was in a relationship with a virgo man that claimed to have had horrible experiences with his ex. HE WAS RIGHT BUT, HE HURT HER TOO.

    Look virgo men are great, but they dont treat people fairly, and dont like to tell the WHOLE story most of the time.....

    they love to be loved and needed but demand "performances" in bed... they r great people but when you want YOUR NEEDS to be fufilled they run away.

    Taurus women are sweethearts so ask him, what did he do to her for her to be so mean???

  • hello Jenever7. You asked for a Virgo man to speak out on this subject, well you got your wish. Im a Virgo male. Let me start off by saying im sorry that you got yourself into this mess meaning all signs aside. Nobody should mess with a married person man or woman. But you have a virgo on your hands. I'll speak my mind so i'm going to say im sorry ahead of time if i say anything that upset's you ( and that being a Virgo i dont really care what i say for us Virgo's we say what's on our mind's. ). As a man i dont belive any woman should be miss treated and im not just saying that to win you over, i just come from a good family, and before you judge me im a veteran of the Iraqi War for whatever that's worth. Now on the Virgo subject, we are good people and we will help out anyone who's in need, and we have no limit to how much we love our friend's and family. But on the downside look out and please be very careful for what Virgo you have in your life. Dont alway's believe what you hear from us because we are master's of the mind game, we will tell you what you want to hear at all the right time's. We will build you up to be are dream lover and play you like a puppet, never let a Virgo get ahold of your strings for we will play with your mind until you have no use for us. If this man really has a family he's only talking to you for one reason, to see if he is able to pick up women. Trust me when i say he will leave you and hurt at the same time. Your best bet is to run away as fast and as far as you can before he gets his hands on your string's. Now saying that i dont want you to hate or not trust all Virgo's we only do that to feed our ego and trust me its big. But when the Virgo man want's something he will do anything to get it, and that mean's lie lie lie and lie somemore if thats what need's to happen. Dont be shocked if this guy has no family. But on a good note a Virgo can and will be a great lover if you meet his needs thats why i say whatever he say's is a lie. I hope whatever i just told you can or will help you out.... One tip before i go, if you want to beat a Virgo then challange him and when or if you do dont back down because that's one thing we cant stand. If you stay with it in time you will catch us in a lie i promise........ Good luck

  • Wow I am a piscies and i live and love a virgo man. i guess ghostjc91 is really hitting the nail on the head and he is owning up to an ego the size that i see proportionate for a virgo male. Thing is my Virgo doesn't even see his ego and always appears to all others to be the innocent and sweet guy that i know is in there some where but we pisces have an innate ability to see in others what they can't see in them selves. He likes to let me think i wear the pants but then when i go out of the boundaries of his egoic comfort zone hes got these quip remarks and then the silent treatment ...yes those head games that appear to be like he's wounded when indeed he's the wounder. i love him and i am glad i don't have to worry about what it would be like if he had a wife and kids but all the existential evidence aside read Linda Goodmans book Love

    Signs and get the upper hand on what you can expect out of the two signs in a relationship. Now with the other stuff about being married with kids what a lie to live ...if he's doing it to her he'll do it to you or any one it has nothing to do with astrological signature. Find an honest person to complete your personal journey..much love and greatest hopes for you dear.

  • Petersen a reply to you. Your situation sounds so similar to mine Im a cappy and my virgo man appeared in every sense quite happy being close, but intimacy always was distant unless I made the moves in that direction, almost didnt seem natural for him to be spontaneous. To discuss this was difficult for him, but needed to confront it, finally went to the docs. Nothing worked! It was almost as though he was scared of the act, but if I pushed it and made the moves, things were fine. I got tired of having to make all the moves, and decided that I would put it to the test, yes, we sat, cuddled, generally very affectionate, and nothing in that direction. Only to find 4 years down the road he had started an affair. I left him and he came crawling back after 3 months when i finally thought I had got strong (he had broken my heart). Nevertheless I thought forgive this once and move on and maybe things will improve, but I found he would never discuss any issues around sexual topics, just would want to brush it all under the carpet, how does one move forward after an affair without communication, so what happens we carry on, have a genuine friendship and love for each other, but I cried with hurt so often as to why he would never have any spontaneity. I was tired of making moves, and it also wasnt good for my self esteem that he didnt appear to fancy me in that direction, when I have to say that I am quite well preserved and am told by my friends very attractive, too attractive for him and classy (that was nice to hear). Just recently I now have found in on an internet social dating site if you like. With this he has chosen not to respond or speak to me (he works away and lives on site, came home at weekends, so now not at home at all for weeks). The saddest thing about all of this, is that we are so perfect together in all other aspects but the initimate side is something I have never been able to understand, not being able to openly discuss any issues relating to it, and yet quite happily seeking to find it elsewhere. I have now walked away, and know that it breaks my heart, but I have to say I have never ever had a problem in previous long term relationships, Basically it boils down to I think as him (my virgo) as being a lazy lover, so I guess I lost out because I wasnt prepared to give to a man that wasnt prepared to give to me freely. I always thought that Virgo's were supposed to be cool on the outside and boiling cauldrons underneath!!!??

  • Hi, Saying that your leaving someone in 4 yrs is crazy. Getting involved w/a married person is crazy too. It's no wonder your confused. Don't be part of the "scheme" of things. Find someone else. That's the best advice I can give.

  • I've asked myself that same question, Silverstardoom. All star-signs aside, we are in the end just people interacting with one another. Part of me wonders whether his wife is really the problem in the marriage or he is - or that no one is particularly to blame - just a bad match.

  • Ghostjc91 - Wow, that was a whopping big dose of reality. Fact of the matter is - he lied about being married right from the start. It took me three months to figure it out, and it was a web of deception so intricate that it was nothing short of a miracle that I unraveled it. Wish there were space here to elaborate, as a Virgo, I believe you would appreciate it. But suffice to say I blew his mind when I busted him - all he could say is, "HOW did you pull that off?" He was convinced I'd hired a private investigator. I walked him through my "research" and it was all very simple, other than what set me in the right direction - which can only be attributed to "Divine intervention". (One word on a billboard driving along the highway prompted me to look up a name attached to his IM name - which was also made up, lol - and it took me directly to a site called "My Life" where I found his real identity). From the point that I "busted" him, he swore that he was "coming clean - no more lies" - that he started out in lies, got in so deep that he didn't know how to get out, and yet he didn't want to let go of me so he carried on". Seriously, he could have left me at any point and I wouldn't have been able to find him. I actually cut things off with him twice early on because I was so disgusted over his unavailability. (Hard to be available when you're married, eh?)

    Yet he kept coming back. He's "staying the course" here, even though our life situations give us little time to get together (I haven't seen him since the last week of May at this point). The longer he goes on with this, the greater the risk of exposure as far as I can tell. Fact is, I could show up on his front steps, with a copy of every IM he ever sent, and give his wife cut and dry grounds for divorcing him for adultery. End of story...for me anyway, lol. I figure at this point we are in one of two places: he realizes that I could wreck his world and he does what he can to keep me happy or, in fact, there is trust and hope for a future and that keeps him coming back.

    As for Virgo's I have read two things about them, that "yes" they are incredibly picky about relationships, but, that when they find the "real deal" they are faithful and loving. When their perfect vision of a relationship fails...they walk away without a look back. Because of the family situation, walking away isn't an immediate option. Given what he was up to when he found me -looking for someone to give him what his wife doesn't - he wasn't really looking to build any relationships. I know this. I guess that's why I give him the benefit of the doubt, in spite of the glaringly obvious negative aspects of what he's done, and what he is doing now, all of the reasons he should have just bailed out months ago, he still insists that his heart is in this. I obviously care about him a great deal and I can't quite let go of the "what if everyone else is wrong..." and I do refuse to believe that all Virgo's are such souless, self-serving creatures that he would put me through so much just to satisfy himself. Maybe I am blind....

    Btw, I personally believe that big egos most often arise from big insecurities - a very human failing that really expresses a need for support and understanding, not alienation - at least not in all cases.

    Thank you so much for taking your time to comment. Very, very interesting to hear your point of view.

  • Jenever7... Do not get mad at what im about to say, ITS JUST ME TRYING TO HELP!!! so dont get mad.

    Jenever7, this virgo guy really just comes back to u for the lovemaking.... therefore he doesn't value you! no women should go through this or be in this situation, you deserve a man to always be by your side not just around every 2, 3 months. this guy is hurting his wife, his kids and you. get out of this virgo guys manipulative web of lies.

    so suppose he divorces his wife, he will have to pay child support and go on visitation with the children not to mention pay alimony and divorce costs, so how would he live a normal life with u...

    HE will start to say..."its all your fault" or "No we cant go out gotta go make the child support"

    Honey, i dont think he will divorce his wife, because the settlement will be costly, and virgo men are cheap, believe me i dated one.

    Jen focus on you, you can do it, i know you may have feelings for the virgo for the times and memories you both had together, but in the end, you will both hurt one another by staying like this. keep the memories and the experiences, and leave, leave before any damage is done.

  • Hi Silverstardoom, thanks for your candor and no offense taken whatsoever. You make excellent points, but, as a divorcee with three children of my own (coincidentally, the exact same ages as Virgo's children) I understand the financial burdens of taking care of one's children. I work two jobs myself to make ends meet. You are so right about Virgo being "cheap" though, the entire "4 year wait" on divorcing is very much about minimizing the number of years he would have to pay child support. You nailed him on that point. But I have to say, I am just as "unavailable" much of the time, even without a spouse, as he is for having one - all in the interest of taking care of my kids.

    As for doing any "damage", I lived this same story - the damage that comes within a marriage usually takes time to build. I went for at least six years wishing to escape my marriage but my kids were so young I stuck it out best I could. The "damage" of divorce was imminent. We tried six months of weekly the end, painful as it was, people got hurt. If Virgo is serious about ending his marriage, it will happen and people will get hurt, whether I'm still in the picture by then or not. He claims that I am "always waiting for him to run away ". It is true, because I realize all too well how people grow, change, and grow apart. I wish my marriage had been forever, but after 16 years together somehow we ended up two very different people down the road. I figure in the months to come Virgo and I will either grow closer through our experience in dealing with this complicated relationship, or we will drift apart. Obviously I currently hope that we have some future together, but if it turns out we don't, like any other "normal" relationship, I'll deal with my hurt and move on.

    I will add too, that I don't hang on this relationship as "the one", I do leave myself open to the possibility of meeting someone else, and in fact, do date on occasion - just to be sure. Perhaps that counts as lies and deceit on my side too? I don't tell Virgo, because I don't want to hurt him (allowing the possibility that his intentions are sincere), but given the situation as it stands, I don't think I'd apologize if I got caught. I'm not trying to decieve him, but as so many in this thread have pointed out...there is so much uncertainty with my Virgo, I owe it to myself to leave all options open. Virgo has a lot of work to do in his life and on himself so I also accept that when he sorts it all out, I may have have to face that I have only been a part of his "journey" and not the "destination". I try to look out for my interests, and the comments here, such as yours, have been invaluable in helping me hold a balanced perspective. I thank you so much!

  • Hi, I've been reading all these opinions and experiences with Virgo men. I'm a Leo... I dated a Virgo man last summer for about 3-4 months, he was determined to get my attention and I finally gave in and went out with him... He thought he was in love with me, immediately telling me he loved me, wanted to marry me, and so on... well the excitement wore off, and the dust settled, reality struck him, and we went from exclusive to non-exclusive, then we just ended it... took me a couple of months to regroup my feelings... now we are friends and we talk weekly. But I started to date another Virgo man within a month after me and the first one split. I've been dating this Virgo now for almost 9 months, we spend a lot of time together, probably 5 days out of the week. Him and I met on line over a year ago, dated, then stopped because he was not into exclusiveness... so after he found out I stopped dating the first Virgo, he started to puruse me again, and I decided to date him, we've been together ever since, and Im pretty certain he hasn't dated anyone else.. I'm with him all the time... I've met his family and vice versa.. He won't committ or label our relationship as "boyfriend/girlfriend." He's never been married, neither have I. He doesn't show his emotions and I don't either.. We don't discuss our relationship, we just are together and have a lot in common. We have a lot of chemistry and the sex is awesome.. Some days I "feel" as if he is in love with me, and some days I feel as if I'm just a good friend... he's afraid of committment.. but he seems more the type of "action speaks louder than words." I don't want to pressure him, or question where he thinks we are at in this relationship.. I am just enjoying it, but now I am finding that I could easily spend my life with him and that i love him... But being a Virgo man, I know he is one who has to get to know the other person really well, he takes things slowly... I've been told by family members that patience will get me where I want with him. He is difficult, but never take his bad moods, personal, he is just that way. A lot of compromising on my part, but it may be worth it to me. When we first met, he made a statement to me that once he is broken up with someone, he NEVER goes back... when its over, its over.. However, he chooses to remain friends with everyone. Can someone who knows Virgo men better than me, please give me some advice? This man has a big ego too.. and tends to like attention.. He loves to be pampered... but he reciprocates as well, whether cooking for me, or fixing things for me.. very handy. He is controlling too, inside the bedroom and outside. He is overall, a great guy... I just do not know where I stand with a man like this!

  • Another thing, there are some days I feel a bit insecure about my relationship with him, but then I relax when I realize that I know he would have no problem telling me if he wanted to end it or not.

  • Jenever7, this is really strange, I stumbled upon your thread after searching for information on "Virgo man in love". I too am involved with a Virgo man who fits your description down to every detail, even some of the things he told you about his wife and children...I am going to write some initials and hopefully they won't mean anything to you, but I can't not ask because I think everything happens for a reason and I found your post for a reason maybe we have both been seduced by the same man?


  • I'm a scorpio. 6 months ago, I met a Virgo and he became a very close friend to me. He feels like my soulmate. I really got along very welll with him and many people seemed to think we were together. But I didn't love him in that way, I only loved him as a friend. We often argued about little things and quarreled with each other, but he always came back to me.. (probably because I was too stubborn to make up first)

    About 1 month ago, I sort of broke off with one of my good girlfriend ( a cancer ) because she wasn't so simple-minded as I thought, she was hurting some of my friends, too. But I didn't do anything to her, I just stopped talking to her. Because this girl, was also good friends with my Virgo soulmate, I thought she would tell her everything bad about me.. so I gave this Virgo mate cold replies every time he talked to me and eventually we drifted and stopped talking.

    I think about him everyday, even though I don't love him ( I already have someone I love ).. and I know - thru my friends, that he still really cares about me. He's worried about me everyday but I avoid him all the time, but we still don't talk anyway.

    I don't really know what to do..

  • To somanyquestions: "LW" doesn't mean anything to me, but that wouldn't matter if we were talking about the same man - he could have another "alias", lol. How about your location if you don't mind me asking. I am in Michigan. If you're not in Michigan, we're probably "safe". So interesting that you are in a parallel universe as me, it would be nice to be able to compare notes privately and share feelings about our situations.

  • Jen, I totally understand where u r and what u r feeling!! I have been involved with a "Virgo Man" for 8 yrs. It began as a business relationship and became more over time. I have been in love with him for the last 5 yrs. We have been in a "committed relationship" for the last 3 yrs. As it turned out, though he is not married....he has a "significant other," to whom he feels responsible for. She was his business partner, and they lived in the same house. She is 9 yrs older than he and is approaching 70. I have been divorced for the last 10 yrs., met him well after my last marriage. He has ask me to wait for him, that I am his soul mate, and has been looking for me all of his life. It took him a very long time to admit to himself and to me that he is indeed in love with me. He is very "mental affair," oriented and at times seems perfectly fine living with his "fantasies and dreams." He is extremely particuliar about everything, being very "Virgo," and cannot bring himself to move out and live with me, as he is afraid that she will lose the house, not be able to take care of herself, etc. They have a very loving "friendship" relationship and many believe them to be married. I have broken up with him 3 times, one time even going so far as to get engaged to someone far away from here. During this time my "Virgo Man" and I did not speak and I missed him so badly that I cannot put it into words. I thought that I could walk away, decided that though I would never love anyone else the way that I love him, I could somehow, ...someway love someone else enough to have a real life, a normal life. It was very strange, as he and I are connected soul to soul....the very day that I broke up with the other man, my "Virgo Man" called me to tell me that he could not live without me and to please not marry this other guy. I told him that I had broken up with him that very day, and he was soooo happy. He told me that things would change, that we would see each other more, that we would have more of a "real relationship," that we would not go for days without talking to each other, that our lives would be meshed together. I believed him. I broke up with him again about 6 months later because he NEVER puts me first! That lasted about 3 months. He again was the first one to call and apologize, and he tried to explain to me that with him, whomever is the neediest at that time is who he puts first. I must interject here...that EVERY single time I have called and needed him NOW...he has dropped what he was doing and came to me. His partner welcomes me into their house, I know all of the family...they all accept me, it is very strange. He is a Virgo, and will have his way no matter what. He can't put me first all the time, but is trying to be better at making me foremost in his life. He has made many promises to me and continues to tell me that they will all "come to fruition"..(Virgo speak) I am sure you have heard this as well. So, I am waiting ....I love him with all of my heart, I am a once I make up my mind, I am too stubborn to change it. If you love a "Virgo Man" and you are in this kind of situation with will wait a very long time, because he will not leave until he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that all will be well with where he is at currently. I do trust him, and call me stupid...but I believe him. Be very careful with a Virgo, they are a "prude, anal, and extremely mental," I have learned to build a life outside of him that keeps me very busy, and for the most part happy. I have a great part time job ( I am retired {disabled} and have my own income) fantastic friends who all think I am nuts, so we have all agreed to disagree on this one subject, we never talk about him or my life with him, and go on as though he does not exist. He knows all about this, doesn't really like it, but also knows that if I didn't have this other life that I would be driving him nuts. I no longer beg and plead with him to leave, all it does is make him angry and silent...he withdraws into himself, which drives me crazy. I do call his hand on his "fantasy" that he has about us, and make him face reality, he knows that I am not happy but that I am very warily waiting. Bottom line, he won't leave her and the children for a long time, in his heart and head ...he is totally committed to you, and sincerely believes what he is telling you.

    If you chose to wait for him Jen, .....please create your own life outside of him, find friends, job, hobbies that keep you very busy and satisfy that part of you that craves to be with him only, otherwise you will drive yourself nuts. If you don't think that you can wait years for him, always coming in third, fourth or fifth....seeing him when it is convenient for him, not you, ....accept that when he is with you, he is always watching the clock, his phone, and after an hour or two begins to get antsy and starts changing, putting on his gameface to go back home. Then please leave NOW because nothing is going to change! I say this with sincerity and love because I wish I had stayed gone the first time I left. I am in too deep now to leave, .....I love him too much to walk away, he is a part of me and I am a part of him. He loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I will take what I can get until that time comes. Most people call me a fool and look at me with disbelief at my choice in life, because I am so strong, but my love for him is stronger than my desire to leave. As you know, Virgo's are task oriented, and will not leave until the job is done. Your "Virgo Man" has a long way to go before his job is done. I strongly suspect that even after the 4 yrs that he has promised you that there will be more reasons for him not to "leave just yet" because he has to complete the remainder of his "task." The only other thing that you could hope for is that she will want out long before his stated "committment" to her and the children is completed. Also know that if she asks for a divorce, he will ask her to stay and try to work it out, for the childrens sake. You do not come first and will not for many years to come. If you can live with this, then accept it and live your life the very best that you can. Otherwise.....leave, and find someone else, someone that you can love enough to spend your life with them, and be happy. Also know that your leaving him will not impact him enough to walk away from his responsibilities, he knows what he has to do, and will do it...with or without you. I wish you luck, love and happiness Jen, and understanding, write me anytime and I will do my best to help you through your life choices.

  • Redroseangel - You are MY angel! Bless you for taking the time to share your experience with me, every word you say is true and my Virgo sounds identical to yours. I can see it now and I can easily see my future playing out just as your relationship has. I have had the thought as well that his wife might choose to leave the relationship before he is "ready" (him not wanting to leave because of all those practical reasons you describe). I wonder sometimes if she hasn't already threatened to leave him and, as you say, he has talked her out of it to suit his own agenda. He claims she would never leave him because she is too immature and too irresponsible to take care of herself. Or does he need to think that in order to feel needed in a relationship where perhaps he really is not, but as you say, he will do what he needs to for his children? (This woman is a Taurus, they are not known for being needy - quite the opposite from my understanding). Anyway, no way for me to know the answer to that one, but it is a thought that continues to come up in my mind.

    One idea that he tossed out recently, and that gave me a shred of optimism, was the notion of us working on a business together. My immediate thought was, "sure", there's some sense of a commitment to building something together being offered here, but at the same time it's about making money - to "buy" his freedom is my guess. I already assume that the price of his freedom is however much it's going to take for him to feel that his wife and children are completely taken care of. I even laughed to myself over a little "flash" I had of he and I being together (before 4 years) BUT with me contributing to child support and alimony for his ex and children. Would that be nuts? Uh everyone else but you and I. What does the money matter if it allows us to be together? Hahah.

    You seem to know precisely the "feeling" that I get with him that I can't bring myself to let go of. You've read my posts, so you know he has made his share of promises, that I'm not just one-sidedly imagining that we have a future together. You've read as well the reactions that I've received about being involved with him. Everything that is being said appears to make so much sense on the surface of things, but it never makes sense when compared to the feeling I have when I'm with him. My heart in complete peace and trust.

    So I've read your warning. I take it to heart. I'm going to copy your entire post and put it in a separate file so that I can read it and re-read your advise often. With any luck it will make a difference. You know full well how crazy this can make me (although I have to admit I've found some amazing spiritual insight in finding ways to deal with him- there is growth in it as well - not to mention my Virgo experience has the potential to make any other half-way reliable man seem like a prince. Going forward I would expect to be much more appreciative of what other men have to offer). I constantly hinge on the notion of just telling him "I love you, I'm around, but don't contact me until you are free and available". Just sooooooo hard to get to that place. I mean look at you...5 years and still waiting. I admire and pity you all at the same time. Unless my Virgo surprises me in some amazing way in the near future, I don't feel I have the strength to tough this one out as you have. Oh, you know the pain that will bring on it's own, but at least there would be some end to it in time. Not dragging it on and on and on. As you say, he probably wouldn't seriously miss me for years anyhow...not until he had all of his obligations resolved.

    I actually have a date with a nice Cappy this weekend. I'm hoping things go well and that I might at least find a friend to help pull me out of this Virgo drama. Capricorns are so nicely grounded in reality, at the very minimum I expect to find it emotionally refreshing.

    Thank you again for taking your time to share your experience with me. You are such a blessing at a very critical time for me and I hope to draw strength and new wisdom from your words. I have so many other, probably much more important objectives in my life right now, and this Virgo coming into my life when he did has made everything more of a challenge by distracting me so intensely emotionally. Perhaps it really is time to walk away again. Let's see, that would make three times for me - or is it four? I am losing track, lol.

  • Jen, I don't mean to be rude but you really need to kick this guy to the kerb!. He is a waste of energy - life is short and as you have said already there are billions fo people in the world. The posts you've made sound like you are trying to convince yourself that he might be an ok person. Clearly, he is not all bad (no one is) however he was not straight with you from the get go and is seeing really how much you are willing to put up with. If you let him go perhaps he might get over himself and even grow up! Plan to meet him somewhere in four years maybe (jerk, lol!) At the moment you are enabling him and neither of you can grow as people. You seem like a smart person and you can see what's he like, but as a Cancerian you are putting up with too much cr*p. Stop indulging him! He is just some guy you met (and let's face it the affair is an ego trip for him). If he cared about someone other than himself, he wouldn'[t be having an affair in the first place. Follow your strong intuition and find someone worthy of you!

  • Hmm Virgo man hmmm. My husband has moon mars and venus in virgo. We were friends for 10 years before we finally saw how good we are together. In that time period I saw him go through two bad relationships had 2 babies with 2 women already had 2 babies with 2 women.....what can I say, virgoman is a servant that is how he expresses love he will take abuse (but not without criticism that leads to arguments and fights) and he will suffer until someone is willing to serve him and don't take him for granted. my husband and I have been together for 10 years now, our love is still growing and we newer go to bed without loving words and stay connected in our hearts even if we have had the fight of the century. So if you are willing to stick it out for 4 years you might be in Luck like I said i waited for 10 years we have 2 beautiful boys.


  • Hello,

    This line in your post caught my eye.

    " you are part of his life that is missing but he still needs the other side. "

    I am involve with a virgo for five years now and we have a child together. This I will open hear him say--- "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT"--- and yes in his constant search for what ever it is that he wants cause a lot of strain in the relationship. Unfortunately, my virgo is a lost soul. He doesn't want to let go of one---as a matter of fact very scared of losing what he got. And yet keeps on looking for something else that he doesn't even know what. And he just wants you to there while he is doing is own search. I find this very frustrating. Well, at least in my experience.

  • Mega123 - Thanks for the wake up call. You are right of course. A friend of mine pointed out that "the fact that you've already 'ditched' him a couple of times means you already know the real deal - trust your instincts". I think the simple fact that I put this topic on the forum is evidence of the intensity of my struggle to let my situation with him go and muster up the courage to move away from it altogether. Evidently I need you folks to keep my mind in check while my heart makes bad decisions, lol.

    I guess there's some part of me that thinks if I can just ignore any potential with him for the next few years, but not lose him altogether, then maybe things will come together for us later. To me this is a perfect example of two people meeting at the right "place" but a very wrong time. Which ultimately is HIS fault for venturing off to find a new relationship without resolving his marriage first. I can't tell you how many times I've wished that he had never "found" me in his wanderings and I truly have felt victimized by Fate at times, lol. I attribute it to the need for lessons to be learned on both our parts, truly believing that people are brought together for a reason. When I've let him go before I have always made a point to say, "I will always be your friend - but I can't accept the situation as it stands between us, it has to be friends in the strictest sense". Shame on me for caving in when he came crawling back "missing me" and with talk about our future together.

    Maybe he is simply is my ultimate challenge to stand up for what I deserve in a relationship and quit taking anybody's crap. I admit to putting up with plenty in past relationships as well, and this whole situation is just THAT on an unprecidented level. I keep thinking that some resolution will simply present itself - he will have some epiphany and get his life sorted out, Fate will bring someone new into my life, or, I will finally just hit the wall and tell him to lie in the bed he's made for himself and leave me out of it - this time just sucking up whatever pain that brings me and really meaning it.

    He "hates" his wife and the life they have together, I assume he's had a taste now of what it could be like to have a partner who brings happiness and unconditional love into his life. Will he fight for it? Will he fight for his own happiness? Ultimately with the anxiety and uncertainty he's bringing into my world, I will have no other choice but to walk away. I can't believe I ever welcomed this kind of angst into my life, even subconsciously. I was in a very good place emotionally when he found me - having gotten through a divorce after 13 years of marriage, I stayed out of relationships for well over a year afterwards so I could focus on myself and healing, and then along comes Virgo man to challenge all of that. I fear I must have missed something in my "healing" process for him to have this hold on me and I am believing more and more that if/when I DO find the strength to release him completely, I am going to feel some kind of freedom like I've never known before.....

    Thank you so much for your honesty Mega123, you are not rude at all, your challenge for me to face the truth gives me more strength to get myself to the place I need to be. Living in truth is the only way to genuine happiness and fulfillment in life, and sometimes the first lies we need to clean up are the ones we tell ourselves. 🙂 While I doubt today is the day that I will make that decision, I will say it's probably mere weeks away. I am obviously building up my resolve at this time, gathering the strength to put myself back on a path that makes sense for me. If Virgo man wants to walk with me on that path...well, I'll invite him, but otherwise I'll just head off on my own. Funny how hard it can be to just say to oneself, "ok, I'm done with this I'm going to go be happy now".

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