The heart of a Virgo man
ABB, well said ! It's much better to address the issues, while one still can do it in a friendly way, rather than wait until resentment installs.
Here the weather is beautiful too !
Well, you know, venting is venting. I was just aggravated because I was feeling the stress in a lot of directions yesterday and his "joke" added to it. Now today, Ariesman was back bright and early with my "goodmorning" text and has been pleasant, and unoffensive through the day. You know I didn't want to make him feel bad, I just don't want him thinking that I'm going to respond to thinly veiled sarcasm passed off as jokes. I'm not going to operate that way. If he has something to say, just say it. He's pretty good at that most of the time. And AriesBB, I will be saying something about him discussing his wife when he's with me if he keeps it up. I am understanding, and I realize that he was the one who got dumped so I don't want him to feel that he has to hide his feelings by making issues over it. I don't think I'm letting anything build up, I was just trying to be patient about this because I can see that he still hurts over the loss of his family. But I'd much prefer to discuss her over coffee than at times when I'd like to think he's all about me...if you know what I mean.
Our kids all know about "us" btw. Ariesman never hid me from his son, in fact his son helped him make his profile on the dating site. Ariesman's nephew and my oldest son are pretty good friends at school as it turns out. Nephew told my son and my son called me out on it. Was pretty funny actually. So whenever Ariesman wants to meet them, it's probably okay. But I would be happy to give things some more time. That "blending" takes things to a new level and obviously I am not sure I'm ready to pal around together like a family and start building relationships among everyone.
Well this morning's text was an announcement that Ariesman has made up his mind, he is going to take a job out West at the end of the summer. This was immediately followed by him asking if I wanted to become "part owner" of one of his dogs, "your kids would love to have a dog!" Um, yeah they would for about a day and then they'd ignore it, so I said, "I can't, I'm afraid he would be neglected". I don't want to deal with a dog. He knows this, we've had the conversation a couple of times. I have enough with my kids and work. Presumably this would be me watching the dog for two weeks then back to him for the week he returns, then back to me for two weeks and so on. So he said, "well, ex-wife will take both dogs then".
With that I went back to work and ignored my phone the rest of the day.
Glad I'm not dating at the moment and just having great times with loving friends and family. Of course, my ex has been coming around and trying to be extra helpful??? Who'd of thought! LoL
ok, Jenever, there is something I am not understanding about Ariesman. He is behaving like "we're cool, right?" with you but he might be a bit insensitive about your needs. Deep down if I were in your shoes (I realized that it is too soon to know if he is the one) it would be nice to hear that he is staying... I know it would be hard for me not to have the expectation if I were in your place. More than that it would be nice to have the reassurance that all is well...Is he really that happy go lucky? Is he not seeing that you are not so thrilled about a few things? Give it time and hopefully you will feel better in a few days. Remember that you are a Cancer and Ariesman cannot read your mind unless you tell him. Maybe I interpreted it wrong, apologies if that is the case...
The dog "part owning" proposition is his attempt to secure his connection with you, I think, the same way as it would be leaving a tooth brush in a lover's place Marking the terrirtory of a kind. The ex wife remark was a bit insensitive, but probably just matter of factly. For instance, I could easily leave my dog for couple of weeks with my ex husband, without it meaning anything, if he was around. The fact that he considered asking you about taking one of them (and not both), means that it was done more out of consideration than a necessity, as the wife can take both. Pity that he has taken this job, but the financial situation these days as such that jobs have to be a priority for most people. Still, if I were you, I would probably discuss the implications of it with him.
ABB, how do you feel about your ex coming around and being helpful ? I wonder whether it's typical of Aries to stay friends with their ex partners. I've stayed in touch with some of mine. Mind you, my Virgo friend is also in touch with most of his.
Its very interestig to see different perspectives of one situation. VS, your opinion of the situation with Jen is a very mature one. I truly have some growing to do because my view was completely opposite. For one, i would have viewed ariesman's suggestion I sit his dog as inconsiderate and a bit intrusive. Caring for a dog is the equivalent to caring for a child. Its like someone asking a friend to adopt their child. Again, he probably doesnt see it that way but thats how i see it. Secondly, the whole bringing up his ex is extremely annoying. I would hve to nip that in the bud because who wants to hear about what an ex did or would do?! I think the virgo in me makes me see the dark side to simple and innocent situations.
Virgil, funny u said what you did because you truly sound like a "Virgo"...no offense. Aries wd not see it that way, especially since we wd offer to take care of your animal or child if you needed us. At least I would and most Aries I know would. We both agree that the talking about the ex is weird, but cd be innocent. Believe me, the older one gets the more mature one becomes. I do believe that he offered the dog up to see if the connection would continue. I'm sure he was not going to dump a dog on her, especially since he already knew his wife would take care of both.
Hope everyone is doing well! Again, beautiful weather....
ABB, I do think virgos are fatalistic to a fault. From the outside we're the calmest, happiest people you will ever meet. Our thoughts cause all the trouble. I do think ariesman mentioned his wife becaise he probably just sees as someone he can rely on as she is the mother of his son. However i do think ots a little immature and.guilt tripish that he mentions her at these opportune times. I also can tell how frustrated jen is about that as well as the move, so for now i am on Team Jen, :)!
With regard to him wanting to leave the dog to ensure the connection, i can see that. But then the virgo in me thinks hes running a series of tests and is trying to gauge a reaction to how she will respond to mentioning the ex as well as asking if she would sit the dog.
Twisted virgo thoughts here, ugh!
Speaking of twisted, once I left my dog with my ex boy-friend's ex wife. At the time he was my current boy-friend, I needed to travel, and she was the only person who volontered to help out. Also their son liked my dog a lot and was very keen on looking after him for couple of weeks, so it was a happy arrangement. My dog didn't complain either
But yes, Virgirl, I can also see how constant bringing up the ex into conversations could be irritating. Just depends on the situation. I think we are all on Team Jen here.
Wow this is interesting, actually virgirl I thought the same thing you thought; that to ask her to watch his dog was rather intrusive and self-assuming of him. I personally would not ask this of anyone, in fact, when I travel my cat goes to a "hotel for cats" so to speak because I don't wish to burden others with my problems. The fact that he may be using this as a way to stay connected never occurred to me.
Well it is interesting to hear everyone's points of view on this. I don't know what I think about the dog offer. Virgirl - I'll tap into my Virgo ascendent and take the "twist" one step further and suggest that the dog offer wasn't about me at all - it was possibly a dig at his ex-wife. You know the dogs were her idea in the first place. He could have just told her - "you'll need to take the dogs back when I'm gone". I would have thought that was perfectly logical knowing that she must have some fondness for them. What stuck with me is that he was suggesting splitting the dogs up. Why would he do that? Anyone who has ever had multiple pets knows that they would miss each other. One dog would be home alone all day at my house, the other dog home alone all day at his ex's house (she and new hubby both work full-time). The dogs are used to having each other's company and it would be mean to split them up. This is why I think it's suspicious in some form.
I think, bottom line, that he's got unresolved feelings about his ex. You remember when his father-in-law passed away a while back. Ariesman admitted that he actually wished ex-wife's new husband would say or do something that would give Ariesman an excuse to get into a fight with him. A physical fight. Now he seems like a pretty calm and rational man overall, but he was really wound up telling me this story. He said he also spent time at the funeral really "getting a good look at the guy" and Ariesman decided that new hubby wasn't so handsome afterall.
Ariesman is always caught up with whether a guy is handsome or not. I guess this is some self-esteem thing? Early on I was seriously wondering if he were g a y because he made so many statements about the attractiveness of men. I was ready to arrange for one of my g a y friends to "accidentally" bump into us some time in order to run Ariesman past his "gaydar". G a y men can always tell you know. Even after Ariesman and I slept together I still wondered if he might be bi se x ual. I don't care if people are either of those things, but I don't want to date one. I remember saying to a g a y friend at work, "Ariesman is more physically fit than a 30 year old, he keeps his house tidy, he is well groomed, he's passionate about watching his Red Wing "boys", and he likes to cook...." Then I said, "oh, who am I kidding, this man is totally g a y". Lol. Ariesman's brother was g a y. The poor man killed himself in the end. Odds are against two g a y siblings, but maybe some of g a y big brother rubbed off on him or gave him curious thoughts?
Anyway, I digress. But I do think that he's not really over his ex and I wonder if what he likes best about me is having someone to rub his wife's nose in the idea that she could be replaced too. Maybe that's why it would be good for him to go away, might help him sort his emotions. Although come to think of it, he will be staying at what they call a "man camp", housing provided for the men working the oil fields. Hmm....
I have to say too, that even though I have a weekend free from kids, I am going to the annual company party without the guy I've been "dating" for going on three months, I'm going out with a girl friend Saturday night, maaaybe I'll see him Sunday night if he gets home in time...well, I feel pretty single again to be honest. He wants me to accept him leaving to another state, to adopt his dog, but he can't let go of one weekend of travel hockey with his son (despite the countless times he has taken other people's kids to out of town games) to actually go out with me. Mind you he sees his son nearly every single day. You know we haven't gone out and done anything since our first date. And "yes" I did tell him a couple of times how much I wished he could go with me tomorrow night. It's not like he doesn't know. Oh, now look he just texted me that he's leaving tomorrow at 11, "2 dads and 3 kids - should be fun". Uh huh. More fun than me I think. Lol. Note the odd number of kids, you see my point. Other parents send their kids with Ariesman.
I think I should return to keeping all options open at this point. You know he really is a good guy overall, but some little something is not working here. I'm not as upset as I probably should be about him not being around now, or in the future. Maybe it's just self-protection or is there something more wrong? Not sure. I just know that when I don't follow my instincts I usually pay for it somehow. My instincts say there is unfinished business with his ex and it may go both directions. For someone who has her own husband to worry about, she sure seems to have a way of telling Ariesman what she thinks he should be doing.
Well, goodnight ladies. Thanks for all your thoughts, it's been very helpful. I will keep you posted.
Hello ladies...Hope everyone is well, and enjoying the great weather...I have been keeping up with the thread, and oh my it is interesting...BTW, update from you know who..lol...Tomorrow...
Jen, please don't get offended to what I am about to put down...I am a cancer like you, I think your brain is in overdrive now...I know we have a very creative, and imaginative mind...Think that is happening now...First things first...We (cancers) for some reason do not speak up when certain situations arise. (ex-wife) (gay/bi-sexual)...The next time he mentions her, just be honest and let him know you do not appreciate her coming up in your conversations...If he happens to mention men being attractive, ARE YOU GAY/BI-SEXUAL?...Lets throw all the cards upon the table...Something you want to know, ASK!!!...Especially that gay/bi-sexual thing, because you have a right to know...As you said, you would not date one, and neither would I...
People would said things to me that I didn't like, or maybe didn't agree on, but I let it slide to keep peace...Now, I say to h e l l with peace...If you're stepping on my toes, (ouch) I am going to let you know get off my d a m n toes...Since I have been speaking up for myself, I feel so much better, and not such a softie anymore...Mr. Virgo man can't take it now...I don't criticize him, but I let him know what I am feeling and thinking, and especially when my feelings are on the line...
Secondly, if my mind serves me correctly, did you not get a little offended when he wanted to see you and it was your sons birthday?...Now it appears that you are offended because he is taking his son away for the weekend...Why didn't you go, and take your children with you?...Maybe I am reading into this wrong, and if I am please do correct me...
Thirdly, I believe your feelings for Ariesman are a little deeper than you care to admit...If you really want this relationship to work out, it can...If it is not going to be an exclusive relationship while he is gone, let him know...If that is the case, then yes you should keep your options open...Come on Jen girl, make it known to what you want...Put them cards on the table girl, and don't be afraid to do it...If you guys were meant to be, it will happen...
It is 12:59AM where I am...Therefore, everyone have a wonderfully blessed, and safe weekend...
Well Virgirl, we are definitely on Jen's team. Just throwing opinions out. With that said, I was not aware about any of the "gay" possibilities or bi-sexuality. You may be right if this is what you sense. From the beginning something has not set well with you so I'm sure your instincts are onto something or maybe Laidye is right and you care for Ariesman more than you let on.
The fact that he has the kids is just the way Aries r. I always had everyone else's kids. Most didn't have rides to and from sports activities because their parents worked. I always had several children that I just made sure were able to do the things they may not have been able to do because their parents were working. I do not see this as strange since I think you also mentioned something about you did not know what Ariesman did with his time. He probably keeps busy with the kids. You also may be right about his ex.
Virgirl, you do sound just like my ex Virguy. Virgo always maps out in their head what they believe to be going on. The fact of the matter is, Virgo was totally off base. Yet, since it was already twisted up in Virgo's head...trying to unwind or unravel the convoluted thought process was beyond energy draining. Anyway, as you mentioned above, Virgos try to act all calm and like they do not care, but in actuality it is the opposite. They're all wrapped around the axle and no telling when the whitewalls will hit the pavement. Just my honest opinion. It is too twisted to try and even figure out.
Jen, Laidye is totally correct in her summary because I've been a bit confused with your statements of late. She's a cancer, so may understand better. I kind of feel bad now making any comments since...Again, really did not know any of these details and if only getting bits and pieces, probably shd not state anything. Always two sides to a story and somewhere in between is the truth. So really I can only elaborate about what is mentioned on the thread and appears I've missed quite a bit. Who knows I may have responded to posts without getting all the facts because the posts keep disappearing. Hope not. The irony is: "Why do Virgos disappear and now why do posts disappear?" HaHa
Everyone have a great day!
ABB, virgos, well me and the ones I know unfortunately tend to err toward the negative side of a situation. For me its my logical mental processes that I rely on so heavily. Its like, I trust my intuitiom even when its off. So when a situation occurs I usually think of the most realistic view of it. Realistic to me, however, is usually skewed and overly dramatic to others. Does that make its wrong? Sometimes no sometimes yes.
For example, my used to be virguy friend is probably still convinced till this day that I am dating someone in his town which I am not. Funny enough, I can totally understand why he thinks that. I'm pretty sure he thinks that despite the fact he and I haven't communicated on a consistent basis since about September, we or rather I, still had some sort of obligation to him, not as a girlfriend but more or less as somebody that 'belonged' to him. You know, like the a toy a child gets for christmas and forgets about it once he gets a new one. But then cousin Billy comes over and decides he loves the toy so the little boy that essentially forgotten about the toy, suddenly wants it back - with a vengence, at that! Same scenario here. Now throw a virgo male with a cancer moon into the mix, you not only get an unhappy camper, you get an unhappy camper that will try every trick in the book to get that toy back. Because he knows that once he has that toy back, it'll be just like new!
Twisted eh? I'm going to say yes, lol!
Sorry for the digression... about Ariesman, I think that the minute, rather the second a woman has to question her mans sexuality that may be the beginning to the end. There are some men that live double lives and cheat on their wives with other men! Its a very real scenario that like Ladyeye suggested should be bought to the table whenever there is a moment to bring it up.
Oh and this beautiful weather is just a plesant reminder that spring is coming which means this is a good time to make changes that will bring balance to our daily lives
Well said Virgirl... and Spring cleaning is upon us! Have a great weekend and Happy St. Patty's Day to all!
ABB, notice that posts are not only disappearing , but also reappearing after a while, just like Virgos do, lol. There must be some mysterious connection there
Jen, I know several men who are not gays, or bi sexual, but are frequently thought to be g a y s by g a y s. My Virgo friend is one of them. Noticing other men's looks could be just a matter of vanily /insecurity, as you said, and not g a y n e s s. But of course it's better to be sure.
Snowball, to be honest I always prefer leaving my dog with people he knows (and often paying them something), rather than in the hotel, out of fear of traumatising my dog, who is very sensitive and likes human company. Hotel option feels too impersonal to me. Anyway, people are always free to say no to dog sitting, if they would feel burdenned.
Ladies, I've just bought an appartment - it happened sooner than I expected. Don't know yet when I'm going to move, as there are still lots of things to take care of, and I want to pace my energy and money, and do it in a comfortable way. My Virgo friend is feeling very gloomy, anxious and says that he only worries about me. He thinks that I'm on my way to financial downfall. I can see that he is genuinely suffering and I try not to let it affect me, but it does. Just hope that this is just one of those negative perceptions Virgirl is taking about.
Laidye, you sound very positive, perceptive and assertive ! That's the way to go !
I can also feel the spring cleaning in the air !
Good night, ladies !
VS, it is time for new beginnings and you sound so positive, happy and at peace! After everything you have been through now it is your turn...happy for you.
Jenever, your post left me a little frozen because I thought the same thing about the guy I am dating at one point. I just asked him though, in conversation and it was fine after that. I have a history with that though, and I do not trust my gaydar (although by now I should). I was married for ten years (together for 12) to a Cancer man, the love of my life. And one day totally unexpected for me, he came out and told me he thought he was bisexual, it was over after that. We have been divorced 6 years and we have a daughter who is my sunshine. He is now married to his partner whom he met shortly after he met me, or whom he had had something while being married to me, who knows, he swears he never acted on it but I will never know the actual truth. No matter, the experience was devastating to me. Since then I have heard of many cases like mine. Believe me, I do not want to go through that again. Funny thing is **** was amazing for all the time we were together, best lover I had ever had! so there is no telling there. He was not feminine like in any way. But, yeah, the first sign I see in a man of a mild mannerism, if he intends to be involved with me, I run...I have gay friends but like you said I distrust someone who lies about who they are and still dates a woman. That I know about my ex...the deceit, he did not wake up that morning thinking that, he had know all of his life. So, now if I have a shred of doubt I ask - hopefully in a non offensive way- and say that because I have been through that experience and I need to know. I do know a few people who were married with kids before they came out, so it is better to ask. By the way, Aries is probably not, but if you feel something "extra", do not ignore your intuition please...
I hope you are all enjoying the your weekend!
Jenever, one more thing. True about my ex being tidy, impeccable taste in clothing, great cook, etc. Same with the guy I am seeing now. A couple of friends are married to guys whom they didn't want to date in the beginning because they were sure they were g a y, but they weren't....all of this to say that if you feel strongly about the "signs" you are perceiving, perhaps you need to have that conversation, whatever happens. I am inclined to say if he genuinely likes you he will not feel defensive about it, just accepting that you needed to ask the question and know.
"He is now married to his partner whom he met shortly after he met me, or whom he had had something while being married to me, who knows, he swears he never acted on it but I will never know the actual truth" Correction: shortly after he LEFT me...oops!