The heart of a Virgo man

  • Having trouble getting my post to "stick" here, so this is a test. HiddenDiamond I had a few words to share with you. Which will follow here if this message posts.

  • Ok, HiddenDiamond - You break my heart with your despair. Please see the positive side in all of this for yourself as well. There is something very special about the Virgo male that when the right woman comes into your life she knows you in an instant for who you really are. I don't think I'll ever find anyone who makes me feel the things I do with my Virgo, and it's very sad for me to know that the only way I'd ever have that is to potentially wait for years.....and I wish I had it in me to wait it out, but I really can't live my life that way.

    I think the lesson you must learn here is NOT to settle for the first woman who pays you some attention. Using my Virgo as an example, don't get yourself in a situation where you are pressured or forced into a relationship you don't really want. (My Virgo made a baby when he was 20, and there you go, his path was laid out for a lifetime). If you allow yourself to get too deep with someone that you are not 100% certain feels "right", as you already know about yourself, you will have a terrible time getting yourself back out of it (worried about conflict and hurting her) and you could end up like one of the Virgo's we speak of in this thread. Based on the worries that you already have about finding someone, I think there could be a risk that you would be fearful of ever finding someone again, and THAT could also lead you to hang on to a relationship that may not suit you, and just settle.

    Sorry, I don't mean to paint a bleak picture, I am just saying that while you may feel shorted in relationships right now, you KNOW how particular you are as well. You will not be fully satisfied with anything less than what fulfills your heart. You Virgo guys run too deep for a lot of people, but as I, and many other women in this thread have demonstrated, not too deep for all people, so have hope! Try to be patient and get it right the first time. If you do not, I suspect that you will be eventually led out of your relationship just like my Virgo when you realize that your relationship is not quite the perfection you were seeking. Once you find the flaws you will live in discontent. The best solution? Don't go there in the first place. Have heart and have patience and figure out what it is you really want in a relationship so that you can enter into it confidently. You are not easy men to please and it will go a long way in keeping a relationship positive if you work that out in yourself before becoming deeply involved.

    Now just a little aside here - I've had the pleasure to talk to a several women confidentially, outside of this thread who contacted be because they are in similar situations as mine. One thing we have in common is that we confess that our Virgo men are no "head-turners". I'm not sure I've ever revealed this before but my Virgo is quite short as men go, a bit "chunky" in build, and bald to boot. I think that if Fate had not brought us together in the way that is has, it is unlikely he would ever caught my attention in a crowded room. My point being that you should have no worries that appearances play any part in all of this either. I already KNOW that you are meticulous in your grooming and probably a neat-freak along with it. The right woman will appreciate that, and everything else about you, whatever "package" you come in, so you will find no excuses for yourself in that. I and my fellow Virgo lovers have already proven that wrong.

    One thing I would suggest you work on though is open-ness. When you do find someone who especially interests you, try to tell her. My greatest pain right now comes from thinking that my Virgo has much deeper feelings for me than he will reveal. He holds it all back for fear of causing even more hurt in our situation, when the fact of the matter is, if he spilled it I might easily be inspired to hang in there. He will say something diluted like, "I care for you very much" or "you mean a lot to me" and I suspect there is much more there, but unless he says it openly, I am forced to accept it as it stands. That he cares for me as he would a good friend...nothing more.

    If you should ever find yourself in a sitution of strong feelings for a woman HiddenDiamond, do not hide it! Take a few risks. Tell her! You already feel bad because you don't have the relationship you want. So what then if you open yourself a little and end up feeling bad again. You've lost nothing really. But if by chance, you open up and you actually let a woman know what you are feeling, well just maybe you'll find what you're looking for in return. If you don't give a little bit, how can you expect to get something back!

    My last thought is about ways that you might expand your circle of acquaintances so that you increase your chance of meeting women (and people in general really) who might be well suited to you. You are undoubtedly intellectual. I don't know what country you live in, but around here book clubs are popular activities for "intellectuals", coffe shops within bookstores offer opportunity to chat, taking a class of some sort might be an idea as well. The best way to meet people you enjoy is by doing the very things you enjoy, that's how I see it. One Virgo man I know was well into his thirties and rarely dated, just worked, and worked, and worked. Such a good guy, had so much going for him, would do anything for anybody (and spent much of his time doing just that - people took advantage of him in my opinion) but he just made zero effort at finding a nice lady. So, his friends got tired of him being alone and they fixed him up with single friends of theirs. Well would you believe, the second "blind date" turned out to be the woman he married. Sometimes our friends know what we need better than we know ourselves, lol.

    But HiddenDiamond I have great hope for you because you are sensitive enough that you are looking for ways to improve yourself and your situation. That is surely what brought you here. Now that we have all helped open your eyes, you can better see where you are going.

    Thank you so very much for taking the time to share with us. Very nice to hear from a male Virgo too, it brings fresh insight to us all. I wish you all the best and more. So do not be sad, you are just getting started!

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  • Mimi, thank you so much for your kind words, you make me feel so appreciated.

    Well, let’s see, I heard from my Virgo briefly last night on the IM. (Not sure why I still call him "my" Virgo, but I suppose there's part of him that I will always consider all mine, lol). I think his intention was to simply leave me a message as I was "appearing off-line" so he didn't know I was there. But I was there, and I said, "hi". His message was simply that he was taking a minute to say "hello" and that he hoped I was doing well. So we chatted for just a bit, just getting caught up and I finally told him I needed to go. Much as I am glad that we are friendly, it is very bittersweet to be in this place with him and I continue to make myself keep my distance. “Sacrifices for the greater good”, are still sacrifices, and rarely does a sacrifice make us happy. Before we signed off I said simply, “I miss you”, because I do miss him. He replied, “aww, I miss you too”.

    Reading between the lines here though, as I’ve always had to do with him, he is reminding me that he is still there. All through this past year he could have taken a hike. I held the door wide open for him more than once I was so frustrated with the whole situation, told him to carry on without me, but he never has. Yet I never know for sure what keeps him hanging around. He insists he needs me in his life…for our talks and the way I make him think about things. He said recently that “no one in this world can hold my attention like you do, you make me laugh and think and sometimes want to cheer…you always just seem to ‘get it’”. I suppose with a compliment like that I should be satisfied. What greater compliment really than to know that you make a difference in someone’s life, and I guess I’ve preached that all through this thread. So I guess I should also feel some satisfaction in how well it worked, eh? One kind of love wins while a different kind of love loses if you know what I mean. Sigh….I suppose it should be enough that love wins, but it doesn't feel like it, lol.

    Then meanwhile, there’s Scorpio just waiting to get his hooks in me, lol. I am making the journey back home this weekend and will see him while I am there. Going to stay at his house actually, figuring that’s a very realistic way to figure out if there’s really something there, or will we be indifferent after a couple of days? The last time we saw each other we were 17 years old. Since he found me a month ago he has not let one single day go by without contacting me one way or another. We talk for hours on the weekends. He is beside himself with excitement over the prospect of finding me after all these years and now, actually getting to spend time with me again….I hope that he isn’t entirely disappointed lol. I don’t mean to be negative, but I believe that sometimes waiting to open your Christmas presents is more fun than opening the gifts. The anticipation, and the imagining, all the magic. I can already tell he cringes every time I use the word “if” as in: “if things work out, if we like each other, if there’s really something there…” He seems to be completely emotionally invested in me already. Dangerous territory and it will be interesting to see how things go. I figure if it goes badly, I’ll just clear out and go stay with my family. But I’m sure we can part on friendly terms…I seem to be so good at that, lol.

    Anyway, I’ll be gone for the weekend and into early next week, but promise I will give you the update when I return. I have quite a few people on the edge of their seats around here waiting to hear how things go with Scorpio. It is a pretty intriguing situation I suppose. Has that “fairytale” happy ending element to it. I am trying to be excited about it myself, in as much as I can be coming off of the emotional situation with my Virgo. Just feeling a bit drained by it all I guess. Let’s see if a passionate Scorpio can sweep it all away, lol. I’ll let you know.

    So much about me here Mimi, how are YOU doing? Are things settled for you right now? Tell me what’s going on with you. You gave HiddenDiamond some really great advice yourself there Mimi. I'm very optimistic about him in all of his introspection and like your statement about him being "the best possible Virgo he can be"! We can all use that advice no matter what our sun signs!

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  • Hi Jen, x

    Sorry I was not able to get back to you earlier, have been very busy Thanks for reading my long post 3 times over, thats really sweet of you. I agree with you when you said that you feel you are going through the same things with your virgo man that I went through many years ago with my virgo man. That was the early part of our 5 year relationship, which I used to refer to as `the good old days' .

    That early period is the time when they tell you, you are the only woman that understands them, believe me I have had all the compliments in these last 5 years to feel like a goddess and his one and only, lol. What I have learned at the end of my experience is that if a man really loves you, it doesn't matter what his sun sign is, its his actions that show his love not his words. Its not what he says, but it what he doesn't say that matters and the actions he takes. If he truly wants you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you.

    I am so happy Jen that you are seeing mr scorpio, I can't tell you in words. I really hope you two hit it off. You sound like a very beautiful soul and deserve to be loved by someone if not many - lol. Look you already have a major fan club going on here with your charm ! xx

    Best of luck Jen, keep us all in the loop of how it all went.

    Lots of love'

    Sahana xx..

  • Well Mimi, I was going to comment that your saying that my words gave you chills, was the same feeling I got in reading Sahana's posts - it's like a parallel universe. But then Sahana went and put a new twist on things with a thoughtful dose of reality. When the actions don't fit the's hard to dispute that kind of logic, but then there's that feeling that you get when you're with your Virgo guy, that inexplicable something that seems to transcend it all and make the words and the actions seem's something else. You know what I'm talking about. I can't even call it love, the closest I can get to explaining it is "knowing". It's different, feels different, exists in a different way.

    But Sahana, you bring a realistic light into the matter. I'd like to think that my Virgo means the nice things that he says about me. I'm probably fortunate that I haven't been involved with him long enough for hindsight to reveal to me that I was wrong about that. In fact the reason I took a sharp turn in the relationship is just to avoid future resentments and looking back at how he may have disappointed me over time. Would that have really been entirely his fault, or more mine for ignoring that he wasn't giving me what I need?

    Thanks for your kind words about Mr. Scorp too Sahana, I know he would appreciate your good wishes. I laugh out loud just typing that, he is trying so hard to win my favor. I can't even imagine what's in store for my arrival. I remember when we were dating he worked at a restaurant. Every Sunday after brunch he would swipe flowers from the arrangements on the buffet table and bring me a bouquet. Looking back he always did seem to enjoy surprising and spoiling me. Now don't go thinking that I didn't appreciate him, it's just that we were so young and life took us different directions. When I see how determined he is to make sure he gets his fair chance at last. Well, it is pretty touching actually to imagine that I could have meant so much to him. Gosh, only two days away now, lol. I don't know if I'm getting excited or nervous, so much pressure! Lol!

  • Hey Jen x,

    I totally agree with you when you say there is a feeling for them despite actions and words. I think the right word would be caring. I think we all feel that if we were to leave them eventually, how would our virgo man cope? We would feel sorry for them and our heart would go out to them, because we have always been the caretakers of the relationship. I know virgo men have a special something about them, it's almost like a spell, that you almost end up questioning yourself and and your own beliefs and end up feeling quilty in letting them go.

    Despite what has happened with me and my Virgo man, I know he still loves me and I know that he knows that I know that too. There is a part of him that is always with me. Whenever he chose to disappear in the past he was never able to keep away for too long, he would always come back. Thats why I aiways said to him that he can turn off the contact anytime he wants but not the feelings between us.

    When I mentioned about all the compliments over the 5 years that I had received from him , I know that he ment all of them. Virgo men do not say anything they do not mean. But my main point was that at the end of the day even genuine comments are not going to move the relationship forward, it takes two to make a relationship work. It's his actions that will givve us the love that we are so longing for deep down inside. How long can someone hold on to mere words?

    In my mind I think its good to keep the virgo man as a friend (until he soughts his world out). If my Virgo man was to come back I would offer him frienship, and continue to meet other people, even I could not shut the door on him completely. It would be very easy for me to have him back in my life right now if I really wanted, It would just take a phone call from me and we would start talking again, but I have promised myself, this time I will not repeat what I have done in the past. '

    For things to move forward in life, you can't keep repeating the same cycle, something needs to change. It is always better when a man comes back to you off his own back. I think this seperation period will give him time to think about what he wants. I do feel that whilst I was with him, almost holding his hand through all his ups and downs, I actually contributed towards the delay in our relationship going to where it should have gone. Men don't think and take action when they know they have you in their life. They put off the decision making, settle down, put their feet up and grab a cup of tea. In their mind its almost like they have left us to do all the thinking thats needed for the relationship - "your the woman, its your department." There is no sense of urgency left, they become lazy.

    In a strange way by always being there for him, I think he knew that he could take his own sweet time with everything. What's worse is that in some way it is probably making them more pleasent to be around at home with their wives, its them that are benefiting from this new found man who we have been nourishing with our love - lol how funny is that Jen! There's some food for thought.'

    In a nutshell I think you have got it exactly right, keep the virgo man as a friend until the day he is single and available to give you what you deserve, until then keep on seeing others. I am doing the same. He knows I am always there for him, but I need to move forward now. I need to nourish myself - lol.

    Always great taking to you Jen. I am getting excited for you too. Hope you have a fab time with Mr Scorpio.

    Take care

    Sahana xxx

  • Hello again, everyone...

    (Sorry to post something maybe off-topic, but I was thinking to myself and maybe this could be some food for thought...)

    I have always thought this was something specific to me, but seeing the way many of the Virgo males from the posts seem to behave, I think maybe this thought is something that's not just mine... even though it's something I never actually said to anyone in real life, because it's sure to make me look ''weak''... which is a very unattractive characteristic in a male.

    As a typical virgo, I have a strong inclination to try to help others... to ''save'' them from whatever I feel they need to be saved from, and to, perhaps stupidly, expose my warm heart to them in an attempt to thaw theirs, if I feel it has somehow become turned to ice.

    (I am now trying to fight against this urge, even though it's hard.)

    While I feel like I want to save others, inside, I really want them to realize that I need saving too.

    I often wish someone would see through me and tell me ''I'm the one. I'll save you.''

    (at first glance I do not appear unhappy... my friends, other than my best friend who knows what I'm like, even see me as a ''endless source of good mood'', since no matter what happens, like if I fail a subject... I just smile and say ''eh, it happens. i'll pass it next time'')

    Even though I'm young(turning 22) and am not exactly like a lot of virgos, who tend to make children early (if I have children it will be only after I finish medical school, I want to be sure to give them a good future), I feel -and by feel I probably mean think, since my feelings and thoughts are closely connected, as for most virgos- that maybe some of the virgo males might be wishing for someone to say something unmistakably along the lines of ''Do you need someone to save your life? I'm the one. I'll do it. Come with me now.''

    (It's true that it sounds pretty stupid to be hoping for someone other than yourself to save you... plus the society tends to give us the idea that it's guys who need to do the saving, and not the opposite... and it's clearly the anonymousness that posting on a forum provides that allows me to post this without fear.)

    Also, Jenever I wish you very very good luck with Mr. Scorpio, I'll seriously be crossing my fingers for you.

    There might be some developments in my own life sometime in the next 4 months... I will defenitely post whats happening when I have the time to write the whole story down in the most unbiased and purely factual way I can.

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  • HiddenDiamond, I adore you for being so open about your thoughts and feelings. I can totally understand what you are saying here. I've had that very sense about my Virgo at times, as if he wants me to just tell him how things are going to be. That's why I was so perplexed recently when he suggested that I didn't try hard enough, he specifically stated that I should have just said, "we're going to make this work no matter what". As if it is MY job to make it work no matter what, and in spite of him, lol. Wow, it brings to mind another time when he seemed to ask me for patience with him, while he learned to be a better person towards me. Give him some time until he gets it right. Don't give up on him? From himself? Lol. Hmmm...HiddenDiamond this is an interesting twist.

    So Sahana and Mimi, you're going to love this - Virgo called me today. At work. Just to chat. "I missed the sound of your voice". So we chit-chatted and finally we got to what I believe was the real reason for his call: "so you're going to see your mom this weekend, huh? Isn't that where your old boyfriend lives?" I said, "yep, I'll be seeing him when I'm there". Well Virgo stayed cool, but what surprised me was the next thing he said was, "if you go to bed with him I'm going to be incredibly hurt". Ooookaaaay, lol. This is interesting. I haven't been intimate with Virgo since somewhere back in November. I've gone to great lengths to explain to him how I have given up on "us" and why. As you all know very well, this has all been a pretty done deal for me for about a month now - and not an easy time of it either. I've worked very hard to extricate him from my heart and keep moving away from the idea that there is any romantic future for us. But apparently in his mind he's still very much hoping that I'm all his. No wait, not just hoping, but telling me he is actually going to be hurt if I get intimate with Mr. Scorp. Well I was at a loss here. I said, realize that in my mind we don't have anything going between us, so I don't even know what to say.

    Naturally, he pointed out that what's most important is that I am happy. And if it turns out that Mr. Scorp is Mr. Right, "well so be it", he said "I want you to be happy...but..." and then he spent the rest of the conversation pointing out reasons why he thought Mr. Scorp was wrong for me, that nothing in what Scorp says makes sense, it's been 30 years, people change, he's up to something, up to no good, he just wants to get in my pants (oh isn't that rich - my saintly Virgo here wasn't thinking at all about getting in my pants in the beginning? All those lies, and through all of the past year he usually found just enough time for that aspect of the relationship and very little time for simply visiting and for conversation.) But Virgo's final conclusion was, "I just don't think he's the right guy for you".

    And so who is?? Lol. Him? Virgo also mentioned that things would be different between us if I lived in his town (he's 30 minutes away you see). I laughed and said, "no, if I lived in your town you probably would have been busted by your wife by now and you'd have a whole world of drama going on that you wouldn't know what to do with". If I sound irritated with Virgo here, it's because I am so frustrated with him. It would have been one thing to suggest all the reasons that he thinks I should be cautious about Scorp and his motives. As I pointed out so clearly in a previous post, EVEN I am cautious of Scorp based on all my years of dealing with Scorpio men. But instead Virgo had to suggest that he still wants me, "untainted" as it were, lol. Just don't sleep with him! Now given that those are the thoughts going through his mind, how the heck is he ever going to trust whether I did or didn't take his suggestion? Man, this just gets better all the time, ha!

    You know, shortly after Scorp came on the scene, literally one day after I "ended" things with Virgo, and then Virgo was back like nothing had ever happened the next day, my head was in such a spin I asked my dear mentor Hanswolfgang about these guys. He said they both want the same thing: to possess me. As in a possession. He said that one of them waits across the water and one of them is confused and uncertain. Which would you guess is which? I thought the obvious answer was that Virgo was confused because of his marriage and unavailability and Scorp waits across the water because of his distance. Ah, but I've learned that nothing is ever obvious with Hanswolfgang, and in fact I interpreted it correctly in the end; it is the opposite. Scorp is confused and it is Virgo who waits. Hans has been right more often than not, so this all gets interesting from that standpoint.

    So I am thinking about your words HiddenDiamond and the things that were said today by my Virgo and frankly I'm as confused as ever. I guess the problem is that I am not inclined to just tell him what to do in this situation because that's not how I operate. I figure if two people want to be together it should be a mutual desire, not one pulling the other into a relationship. But maybe that's my mistake in all of this and that's what it would really take to get Virgo man to follow his heart. It seems that he won't follow it any further than the point when it starts to rock the marital boat, just let it sit until/unless I pull him on over to my way of thinking, lol.

    But I worry too that what's really at play here is a damaged ego. A competitive male thing. If I give up Mr. Scorp for Virgo what does that change? Nothing. Makes Virgo feel good about himself - he wins - and still doesn't get me what I am seeking in a relationship. At the end of the day, Virgo needs to deal with his stuff and figure out what he wants in life. It's not about me and anything between us, it's about him. Just figuring out what does HE want for himself? If he could ever just figure that out both of our lives would be a lot easier.

    No answers in all of this of course, just relating what happened today. Very unexpected to say the least. I will keep you updated if there are any more surprises in the short term here.

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  • A quick response to that Mimi and then I must get packing. Isn't the problem here that this isn't how relationships are supposed to work? That never-ending suspense is really destructive? If Virgo is most concerned about whether or not I'm going to keep my britches on, and can't think of a more loving way to tell me he cares about me, well what's up with that? He's going to let this eat at him, I just know it, and it's probably going to stir up some pretty bad thoughts. When the simple fact of the matter is if he had come to me and said, "I've been thinking about things and I don't want to lose you, I can't stand the idea of you with another man, let's figure US out and make something work". I'm sorry, but that isn't exactly what I was hearing, lol. I heard no mention of what happens between us going forward if I make such a promise to him. My goal for myself is to get out of the suspense because uncertainty brings hurt. I'm starting to think he likes suspense though, stirring things up the way he is.

    Well, he's got all evening to figure out if he's got any parting words for me or if he's spoken his peace. I'm going to pack.

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  • good morning, please clear your heart.they are very good. it seems you have not met them.

  • Satpal - I'm sorry but I don't understand. Who is very good and whom have we not met? i appreciate your message, but would like to understand it better.

  • Satpal,

    ...u have a nice day too, by the way who were u talking to....LOL ? '

  • Jen,

    I hope u have a fab few days off with mr scorp, loving the idea that mr virgo has now got some food for thought. Let us all know how u got on.'

    Take care

    Sahana xx.

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