The heart of a Virgo man
Jeeplady - Your observations about me are so nice, but realize it's been all work getting to that "balance" and it remains precarious. I communicate often with our forum friend Hans-Wolfgang because he continues to open doors for me to learn new ways to think about things. I really consider him an important mentor in my life right now. The way out of all of this is to break free of past patterns of behavior. This is no easy task, especially when almost everyone we deal with is operating in established patterns of thinking and behaving as well. I wish everyone were as aware and open as the people on this forum, but that is not the case. So the struggle is, as we strive to grow and change our understanding, others do not. So at the most basic level you keep hitting walls. Other people don't "get it". One positive thing I can say for my Virgo is that he does seem to understand there is a different approach to life, but he is blocked by too much conventional thinking, and processing/analyzing matters in ways that don't really matter and he can't get out of it. I think he will one day, but you know V's are so slow and meticulous this way. But once you start to see that lots of things in the world don't make sense, and we are too often just spinning our wheels, it's hard to see anything else. But that's the place where progress can finally be made.
Anyway, I took to heart your comment that I have never said anything about how I envision my life. I realize that this is true. I don't have a real path. Seriously, I got divorced four years ago, nothing went smoothly, and yet at the same time, it was an incredible adventure. I was constantly challenged to think creatively to solve my life issues, I met all kinds of new people and did new things and obviously had to reshape my personal feelings about my life and relationships. I think many people thought I would collapse with all the stuff I was juggling trying to make my new life come together. But I look back at that time as one of the most exciting in my life. Pure freedom, nothing to guide me but my own resources, no one telling me how to do it, but lots of people willing to help once I had laid out my next path (there were many next paths, lol) because nothing was certain in most directions. Frightening for some I suppose, but I got started with the attitude that if I had what I needed from day to day, then I told myself, "let that be enough for now" every small step forward was a victory. It's the wanting of more that gets in the way of feeling good with where you are in the present and even though my life is materially more secure, I watch that I don't let this attitude take over.
This relationship with Virgo is probably the final challenge in all of that. How to accept what is right there, and appreciate it, and not focus on "more", because we never know what that "more" will really look like. As I say, I don't know V completely and I've learned enough to "be careful what you wish for". If I cut away the emotions of the situation and think about the nitty-gritty of what life would be like with him if things changed this is what that "more" might look like: I'd have to move to another house, perhaps another city, I would gain four step-children, I would have a man on my hands who has never been divorced with all the emotional challenges that presents, I'd have the emotional issues of integrating my children with his, all of our children dealing with the idea of new step-parents, our ex-spouses stirring things up just because that's what so often happens, and all of this needing to be dealt with while I am trying to keep my work situation stable and improving, and keep my children stable and living with another person for the first time is hard enough without all this other stuff going on. Could it be done? Sure, but both of us would need to really, REALLY want to take that on before I'll put myself in that place. I won't carry that kind of load unless I am dead sure he wouldn't collapse under the weight of so many demands and emotions. My ex left me "alone" in our relationship, I will not live that again.
As to your "PS", I got a chuckle. Given my overall situation I AM going to be smug and say that I would challenge him to find any other woman who would have tolerated some of the stuff he's pulled in the time I've known him, and who still tries to find the good in him. I'm still "in this" with him. To me that's the "bone" I've given him, and it's a big whomping dinosaur-sized bone from where I'm sitting, lol! I'm sorry if he feels insecure and vulnerable, but perhaps his real problem is that he is so caught up in himself he can't even see the bone.
Thanks for giving me so many things to think about Jeeplady. I really enjoyed your post.
Leogemini - Much as I have thought about you, I honestly have no thoughts to offer you at this time. Consider me a source of moral support if you falter. Your personality is so strong that I am literally on the edge of my seat waiting to see what YOU will do. It's like an untamed force of nature has been released. Ah hah! The image of the lions returns to my mind.
I will continue to think positive thoughts for you and I thing Jeeplady was totally right about the "shame" piece. I had many people trying to make me feel like I was selfish and should be ashamed for wanting out of my "relationship" with my husband. There can be no shame when everything inside of you is pulling you to a different place. You have to know that things would not be as they are if this were "right" for you. And who knows, maybe you and your husband will rediscover each other (I think it's wonderful that he now has to make an effort to see his daughter and interact with her in a new way. If he truly was so disconnected before, well good! Your daughter deserved more than just sharing the same physical space with him.) Who can say what comes next, but the need for change has been so obvious, I think you should just trust that you are moving towards being more of who you are supposed to be now.
Thank you for the support.
I am better now and my relationship with my husband is more clear and we are good friends for now. My daughter is better. I am breathing easier now. BUt, but... Again that Virgo...
He is sooooo angry at me. He is scared that his wife will find out and he is mad because my husband know and that I didnt delete messages... He send me a sms saying that I menaged to clear the life path I am going and that he was for me just a phase, that he is stupid because he allowed that his destiny and destiny of his children is in hands of my husband now. I said to him that his destiny is not depend on my husband... and I asked If you were just a phase for me, what was I for you? He didnt answered. I am very sad because he hates me. I think that after all I really dont deserve his hate. I dont have expectations any more but...
Leogemini - Snap out of it. Of course you do not deserve his hate. He is an equal partner in this and it's ridiculous that he thinks it is somehow your job to protect him. Was giving up your pregnancy not proof enough to him of the lengths that you would go to to protect him? If he wants to hate someone he should hate himself. I'd say to him the same thing I'd say to my V if his wife ever found out about me. That HE should have thought of the consequences to his destiny and his children before he got involved. That HE set himself upon a path that put his situation in jeopardy. It is the same risk that you took and now you face the consequences.
But he has no thought of what it is like for you right now. All he can think about is his destiny. How long have you two been involved? Long enough that he's had plenty of time to think about what he was doing. Just as you had plenty of time to think about what you were doing and what might happen as a result. Now it looks like he is paving the way to lay the blame on you if his wife does find out. By him trying to say that he was a phase for you - it makes it sound as if you used him in some plot of yours. He is convieniently laying the stage for himself to look like a victim.
I think that your husband is showing incredible self-retraint by the way. Towards you and towards V. Unbelievable really because I believe that most men would not. Even if he didn't tell V's wife, I am surprised that your husband has not confronted V, especially since it sounds like he has little respect for V as a man. Maybe that's what's got V sweating too, is that your husband's reaction is unusual and now he's on edge, waiting in uncertainty. Good. This is good for him to worry and think about what's gone on, although probably what he's really thinking about is what story he is going to make up to try to get out of trouble with his wife.
I'm not saying that he doesn't have feeling for you, but his statements so far indicate that he has put his personal situation before you, and he will put any feelings aside to protect what he views as his priorities. Whatever he says next, just realize that it's probably really rooted in whatever he is actually feeling about himself. if he is scared and defensive now, then he will probably try to take the bad out of himself and put it on you. He will try to make you look bad to try to save himself. You know, you could always suggest to him that he can take control of his destiny by confessing to his wife that he has been unfatihful. That is afterall the path he willingly chose. If he tells the truth then he won't have to wait and wonder if your husband is going to blow his world up by telling his wife. Of course we know that he won't do this, but you might suggest it anyway if he talks any more about who is controlling his destiny. Remind him that he had control of his destiny all along.
Hans-Wolfgang? I haven't noticed any contributions from him. I guess I haven't read far enough back. It's always nice to have someone challenging you to be the best that you can be. My friend Brenda has been a constant for me through this and many other life challenges. But I try to be careful not to drain my well so to speak that is why I was so incredibly happy to find all of you ladies going through exactly the same situation. On the topic of breaking free of past patterns I agree that this is one of the huge keys to happiness and that awareness of the patterns are just the first step! It takes many years of monumental effort to make the smallest changes in ourselves. That is why I am always surprised at many womens optimism that they can "change" their man. Especially when most of the time the man doesn't even know he needs changing! This seems to especially fit for V's. They are incredibly self focused, unemotional, unempathetic, controlling, regimented etc. They have to be one of the worst signs to try and have a "relationship" with lol I really relate to your description of your challenges after your divorce. I have felt at times that people around me are worried about me "collapsing" under the pressure to reinvent myself after going from having it all-new engagement, new house, not having to work, planning a wedding etc to being "homeless" and having to work 12 hour days to pull everything together so I can move back to my property. But I choose as you chose to view it as an adventure. An opportunity to grow to relook at life and relationships. I have decided that this year I will stay single and only have male friends. I need to slow down and discover what I want MY life to loom like. Taking life day by day and living in the moment are great tools but sometimes we need to start at the end and work backwards One thing that really struck me about your post is your comment that your ex left you "alone" in your relationship. Wow. That is why I left my V and that is what I have observed as the common thread between all of us "V lovers" so if your end result is not to be there again then you should run now!! I am personally on the lookout for a libra man. They are very communicative and emotional and empathetic-- everything I believe that a good relationship needs. The end result you can up with sounds VERY complicated my girl and would need a strong "partner" a word I don't believe is in V's vocabulary!
Leogemini--I'm curious what sign is your husband?
Jeeplady - My questions to Hans are outside of this thread, I don't know if he's ever even looked at this thread, I've posted to him directly, but I communicate with him via e-mail at this point. I have to give AriesBB some credit too. Her comments here are always sensitive and yet to the point, and I always take them to heart. I have learned much from her.
I see your point about the parallels between your situation now and what I've experienced. I took time off from relationships for over a year after my divorce, ending my hiatus when V came along. Even then I was resistent and many are the days that I've wished I'd held my ground on that one! If only he hadn't lied and led me to believe he was available. And maybe he had himself convinced that he was available - in his heart. Or maybe he figured he'd play around a little and get his lonliness out of his system and not get in too deep and it would all fade away. But it didn't and here we are.
I appreciate what you're saying about V's general list of negatives when it comes to relationships. Realize that we are sharing some of the worst experiences with V's on this thread. I look at the threads on Cancer men and I'm just so dismayed that they are being portrayed in such a bad light. I've known many wonderful Cancer men who are very emotionally steady, dependable and fully available, so everything we present here needs to be weighed out as the unique dynamics of individual relationships. We may all have characteristics that are similar, humans are pretty predictable creatures afterall, but we need to leave a little room for the notion that we are not all the same.
My V, in his own feeble way given his circumstances, has tried to make the point that he is not leaving me "alone", that he is there for me. You have to get out of any kind of conventional ideas of what a relationship looks like to appreciate it, but I think I actually understand what he means. And as far as strength, well, that's interesting. I can literally see the strain on him emotionally in trying to weigh out staying in place for his children and dealing with a marriage that simply drives him...well away, lol. I think that because of their very nature if a V finds something that works, they don't rock the boat. They like things steady. And I really believe that in the right circumstances that they are loyal and present and definitely won't leave you with all the work, they'll help get the job done. Maybe not very exciting, but if you can tolerate their quirks I think most are probably pretty reliable. Ah but those quirks....
It's interesting lately, I've been working very closely with a Virgo woman on a project at work. She can put herself in quite a state speculating on the potential negative outcomes (a pointless time-waster in my opinion), and she really hates it when things aren't organized (probably because this leaves her to worry about potential negative outcomes). She likes the path forward all laid out. So I always have to find ways to calm her worries and make sure that her tasks are spelled out to the letter. Then of course, in spite of all my efforts, which are entirely designed to keep her happy, comfortable and productive, she will turn around and split hairs about flaws in the procedure or errors in the information. I could be irked by this, and under the pressure of the project, some days I am! But her perfectionism is helpful because I am not a detail-person. I like concepts, not details. So we have evolved into a pattern where I lay the path, she carries on with her tasks, complains and criticizes when she finds flaws, fixes them, and I give her kudos for her keen attention to detail (compliments go a long way with her) and we move forward. When I find that she has made mistakes (because yes of course she does - the nature of our project is very complex), I handle this gently and remind her that this is why it's great to have a team effort, otherwise she'll lapse into beating herself up over her flawed self.
It seems that life with V's is always a bit of a walk on a tightrope, but they do try so hard to get it ALL right. That's why I think the emotional piece is so difficult, they wrestle with so much on their brains that it's easier to deal with life's tangibles. I think that encouragement and demonstrating that you are a steady individual is probably the best way to build a relationship with them. They probably wall of criticism because they live in that inside themselves already. Adding to it has no significance, it's just more on a pile that they already keep an inventory of in themselves.
I was pleased to hear my V say recently that his new personal effort is to look out for himself more and quit giving everyone else what they want. This is HUGE for him. He may not get there, but at least his awareness that this is a factor in his happiness in life is a start. It's going to take him considerable courage to make that a reality because he's going to have to quit running away from issues, and risk some failures and mistakes to really make it happen. As you and I both know jeeplady, it's hard work and it takes time. And so, who knows, he may be stronger than he seems - it is up to him. Like you say, I can't change him to be anything and really I think I've been careful not to try. If anything I think he's helped me to be less nebulous about what I want with him as well and be more specific about what I really need. I do tend to operate on an emtional/intuitive level and it can be pretty unhelpful towards good communications in it's own way.
So I think "partner" is in the vocabulary, but it's best when the job description is all very clear, lol.
Interesting question to leogemini - I've been wondering the same myself. I still can't get over his reaction to the overall situation. The level of composure. What is your husband's sign leogemini?
My husband is Aries with Scorpio rising, just like my daughter. I am glad that he is awake! He is very gentle to me and full of understanding. It looks like he needed a space just like me. We talked a lot and decided that it is best to live separatly...and who knows what future brings. He said that he is aware of his responsibility in all of this and that he dont want to judge me or to condemn me. We are really good friends! Now I can see that we tortured each other for years. Now we can talk...
Virgo (with scorpio rising, too) is the greatest coward in the world. He was constantly sending a messages in panic, I was trying to convince him that his wife will not find out...and then he send me a pathetic SMS that completly defeated me "You dont know what is like to lose something that you care about. I love my family. I will be happy if their smile waiting for me to came from work. I will never yelling at them anymore because my life with them could change if someone tells them and that could be the last moments with them. How I need so little to be happy". Well, I called him after that message. We talked an hour and he was constantly talking that he is stupid, naive etc. And he told me, after I was telling him that I am not the person who should hear this from him, "Why, should I be ashamed that I am scared because I could lost everything I care about?" I said "No, you should not be ashamed for that. You should be ashamed because you gambled with everything you love for someone you didnt care". Then I ended call.That was an hour ago, its late here, after midnight...
Will he ever calm himself? Should I be jealous to that kind of love his wife have? I am not, just have an emptiness in me. I am sorry he feels like that. I am sorry that I was somebodys mistake.
What do you think about this?
Leogemini - It's late so I must keep this short, but all I can say is that he is so out of touch with what went on between you two that I hope he gives himself an ulcer with all of his worrying. Let him be scared. It's about time something touched that man enough to shake him up. You're going to be just fine and you were nobody's mistake. It's more likely, that as you detach from him, you will decide that you made a mistake in thinking he was worthy of your attention at all. Plus he lies to himself. That's why he will suffer even more. "How I need so little to be happy". What a load. He needs something more or he would have valued what he had enough in the first place to stay put and not put you through all of the stuff that he has. He is just scared out of his mind right now and trying to rationalize himself...with anything and anybody, other than the truth. Okay, maybe i'll buy the "stupid" part, I expect he does feel stupid now but only because he might get caught. It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. But naive? No, I don't think so.
Don't let him make you feel bad about yourself. You loved him. There is no shame in that either - especially when he encouraged you in that love too. And before you feel jealousy over the love he has for his wife, think about what kind of love he gives her and ask yourself if that's the kind of love you want. (I ask myself this regarding my V as well as I have no way to know if he is really capable of loving any woman with honesty. If I did not ask this then I would be less than honest with myself.) He gives her a home, and takes care of things, but does he give her love? And that emptiness in you is the space that is now free to be filled with something else. Try to focus on filling it with something better.
I'm so glad to hear that you and your husband are talking as friends and taking some space. You know, I said a long time ago that your real issue was not with V, but with other aspects of your life. I'm hoping that the way is clear now to deal with some of that. I think you will feel much better when you do. You are out of the shadows and can live in truth now. You need to celebrate that!. Hugs!
Leogemini, you are not to feel ashamed, nor jealous...both U and V were in need of each other during a crisis in your marriages. This affair happened for a reason...it snapped your husband into reality, V into reality and set the stage for you to free yourself of the heavy burdens you've been carrying. These dramas are all part of life, it is how we handle them that matters. You have mastered great strength, dignify and courage... and although you may not want to accept it at this moment in time, nor might V, I believe you've given both men a gift...if they learn from this lesson, perhaps they too will become better people. Just want to say you truly are a remarkable lady!
Thank you ladies...
Aries BB, its the best compliment I have ever had. Thank you. I am crying all day but this tears are like cure... Now Im crying because your words are just what I needed in this moment. I know they both get a gift from me. Maybe they are not aware now, someday perhaps... There is a writer here who wrote that he always search for different people in his life looking in them something that he needs and dont have...but at the end he realise that he is the one who gave them a little of something he thought he dont have and tought he needed from them... I was searching for love, at the end I gave love. Love was in me all the time. Still is!
Sooo, Jenever, AriesBB and all of you remarkable ladies (and one gentlemen I think) here, I send you my love...
How quick we are to form an opinion of a person,to come to a conclusion about them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another human being, to give them a conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous judgment upon them. Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways. Conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment.
That is not who they are, but who they appear to be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself conditioned and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself. To let go of judgment does not mean that you don't see what they do. It means that you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it as that. You don't construct an identity out of it for that person. That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning, with form, and with mind. The ego then no longer runs your relationships.
As long as the Ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from other person. What you want from them may either be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.
When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention, instead of using it as a means to an END, you go beyond the EGO and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an END, then the END being self enhancement at the cost of others. When you give yourself the fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them. Your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past, and are able to interact without EGOIC movements of desire and fear. Attention which alert, STILLNESS is the KEY.
How wonderful is to go beyond wanting and fear in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything. If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization, comes forgiveness, compassion, and peace. The EGO doesn't like to hear this, because if it cannot be creative and righteous anymore, it will loose strength.
When you receive whoever comes into the space of NOW as a noble guest, when you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to change. To know another human being in their essence, you don't really need to know anything ABOUT them , their past, their history or their story. We confuse knowing about with a deeper knowing that is non-conceptual. Knowing ABOUT and knowing are totally different modalities. One is concerned with form, the other with formless. One operates through THOUGHT, and the other through STILLNESS.
When you meet anyone, no matter how briefly, do you acknowledge their being by giving them your full attention? Or are you reducing them to a means to and end, a mere function or a role? What is the quality of your relationship with the cashier at the supermarket, the parking lot attendant, the repairmen, the " customer?"
A moment of attention is enough. as you look at them, their an alert stillness. Perhaps or two or three seconds, perhaps longer. That is enough for something more real to emerge than the roles we usually play and identify with. All roles are part of of the conditioned consciousness that is the human mind. That which emerges through the act of attention is the unconditioned. Who you are in your essence, underneath your name and form. You are no longer acting out a script; you become real. When that dimension emerges from within you, it also draws it forth from within from the other person.
Ultimately, of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself. I hope this brings some light in your love life either from your past mistakes or present. Always be at the present moment. Human interaction can be hell. Or it can be a great spiritual practice.
Awesome KK33, sounds like Allegory of the Cave, Plato's Theory of Forms...
Haha thanks Aries BB...
not having the three days or so to read the entire thread, i'll put it out thus; do you have any responses from an actual virgo male submitted, or shall an entire sign be tried in absentia? i understand your frustration/anger/(rage?), but you won't get any insight by assuming attack mode or discounting this unfaithful person in your life and tarring all virgos with the same brush. forgetting all else, the 'typical' virgo response to aggressive questioning/attack/'disharmonious discourse'(o.k., i went pc above and beyond here, mea culpa.) is defensiveness/shutting down/distancing/non-response/'the wall of ultimate indifference'. remember, virgos' ocd-like behavior is their general method of dealing w/stress, especially in their immediate environments. the habituality/ritual/hypochondria/worrying/pessimism is a learned response from very young, from being judged 'too smart for their own good' and 'corrected'(bullied on all levels, from all directions(think about it( virgos always take it personally and remember every hurt they have ever sustained, on a cellular level - it takes a whole crapload of personal reorientation to approach something approaching objectivity - trust me on this))) to little virgos' torment/horror/anguish (the hardest lesson for virgos is understanding that people are not deliberately obtuse, just oblivious at times and unaware of how much hurt they are throwing out. virgo emotions are like glaciers, slow, powerful, overwhelming, relentless, unstoppable. think about this; virgos get annoyed very easily, enraged very rarely, elation is nearly unheard of but extremely fragile and thus the most precious of all.
o.k., rambling diatribe over(i think).
pure, open, unguarded joy is perceived as so impossible to obtain and plan for, that perhaps a person with a certain version of perception/mentality/emotionality, they may deduce that the 'all your eggs in one basket' theory limits their opportunities for bliss, and thence 'improve their odds' by 'using a larger sample of the available population'. since this argument makes statistical sense, it appeals to a methodical, you might even say 'regimented(please, not to virgos' face, remember extremely fragile egos that never forget. be nice.)' thought pattern that really has a lot of difficulty feeling embraced at the best of times.
o.k., rational sympathy acknowledged.
short answer - i can't answer for this person, only therapy in whatever form it manifests can do that. if you're looking for an astrological answer, well, virgos are unfortunately deemed the most neurotic and therefore prickly/obnoxious/overbearing/frustrating of all. on the one hand,
live with it. on the other hand, neurotic is eccentric, weird, and antisocial, but harmless - it's not the end of the world, it's not evil. if cheating is involved, you don't have to accept it, don't think another wrong can make it right. only he can choose and decide to reprogram himself and deal with his issues. no option, threat, or ultimatum will change him, he has to do it himself.
when i say live with it, i mean live with the reality of it. living with him is your choice and you can reprioritize and rechoose whenever.
if you want him to hear you, try this; completely calmly, say you won't be with him like this, that you choose not to be an accessory in his life, if he doesn't see your hurts equivalent to his own, then the both of you only have half of a relationship, which is the real way you're both cheating yourselves.
truth; calm will earn his respect. if you want a virgo to treat you like an adult, be one, and accept that drama is always the worst approach. it will bring out the worst in both of you, and he will expect or even demand an apology for your childishness without admitting his own. this is his perception. my suggestion, as i said, is to not prove, in his mind, his correctness and maturity, and thus your irrationality and immaturity by association. choose neither to push his buttons, nor react when he pushes yours. if he wants a partner, demonstrate your qualifications, if he doesn't, you'll finally know, and you will be able to make any further choices more clearly. if the answer to the question 'is this the life you want?' is anything but an unqualified yes, then you can choose better, and knowing you can choose better will usually help you figure out some of your better choices right there.
if you haven't already figured it out by the longwindedness of this post, yeah, i'm a virgo, and no, i don't think i could have found a less tortous way of putting it. don't ask, unless you really want the explanation(virgos' all-time, a-number-one, top-of-the-list, sure-fire, 100% guaranteed, most pernicious tried-and-true torture technique of them all - the explanation. but then again, that's what i've been doing pretty much this entire post, after all. )
Have replied, J
Read it when you get a chance!
Hi HD, I read but have not had time to respond. Haven't forgotten you of course!
Houngandave - Welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have many thoughts as a result of your post, but I fear that there would be no way to present them in detail without offending you. Much of what has been posted in this thread contradicts things that you have said. The experiences shared here speak for themselves as far as Virgo's willingness to recognize and appreciate love, to operate in truth, or to act in a mature, adult fashion. Not saying that all Virgo men are this way, but the one's we are dealing with have some very unfortunate similarities that way.
As I've said numerous times through this thread, in the end it doesn't matter what the star sign. That is why I'm not buying your explanation that Virgos inability to let go of past hurts is some kind of justification for hurting others in the present. If this is the case, then it doesn't matter how much we love them, it will never be enough. If you don't want to take any chances on happiness, if the risk of finding yourself hurt is too great, then you'll never accept more than the shallowest love anyway. Might as well go on keeping your "eggs" strung out in baskets all over the place and receive whatever meager rewards happen to come your way "statistically". Because the odds for finding any deeper happiness can only improve when you immerse yourself more fully. That means lowering the walls and taking some risks.
Hi ladies! It's been three weeks with no communication with my V. I've pretty much given up hope. One thing noteworthy is his ex who he was with for 12 years left him for another man and I have often felt the rage he directs at me has more to do with her. Anyways, I'm taking a break I am going to costa rica in the morning for a month and I expect to be fully healed when I get back take care all of you. Don't let anything that they are going through reflect on you as a person because I've gotten to know all of you enough to know that we are wonderful women and everything happens for a reason! So as Jenever and I discussed taking each day as a positive adventure to grow is the best route to take...
Jeeplady - If by chance you get this, I am so jealous! What a wonderful getaway! I expect that you will be quite well with this change of scenery, culture and new people - all far removed from this Virgo stuff. You enjoy, refresh and renew yourself! Maybe I should take a little vacation....hmm...
I have been reading this forum for the past weeks trying to understand the behaviour of this person.
I am vergo myself and I also know that we all need space, but I also like people to know where they stand.
I have been getting to know a virgo man born on the 21st of september since september 2010 we were getting on amazingly very comfortable with each other like we had known each other for years. On the 18th December is the last time i saw him, we had always been friends before then and it was me that was always worried about being anything more than friends with him and played that side down. On the 18th we ended up kissin and he said things like 'i'm only for you etc...., silly things like that' I kept asking him, are you sure about this blah blah.
He has been married before for 8months and his ex wife has caused him lots of emotional stress. which I understand could relate to because I have also been through a traumatic relationship, and this relationship is the first one that I have thought to contemplate after taking time out, hence taking it slow and being friends. I said to him I am trusting you, and I know you are nervous about being with someone again but I am never going to hurt you.' I always mean what I say, otherwise I just don't say it. he also said the same kind of thing to me.
we drove up to the station, and during the conversation I could feel that he was analying me. Also few comments he made to me while I was him. like 'you must've taken two hours to get ready at least' which was wrong because i had been up very early and rushed to see him and actually felt like rubbish and tired when I met him. he wouldn't take his hat off because his hair was not geled even though i don't care about these things. he sent a few texts like so good to finally have you in my arms etc..because it has been a litte while since i had seen him. then few days a few texts and now silence, last test I had from him was missing you mwah x and now silence.
i got really worried about him first few days as he was not replying to my text messages. and when i called his phone was off so i got even more worried. over the last few weeks I have called about once a week. in the evening and found his phoe switched off. and i tried once a bout two weeks ago during the day and his phone was on. he ihas been recieving my text messages like i'm worried are you okay etc..... other texts included, ummm we were friends first and foremost, it isn't always about being romantically involved with someone, we can go back to being friends'
when i found his phone was always off i emailed him asking are you okay?
today I went in to find he had deleted my message without even reading it, my message just said just want to know you're okay, no strings.
I remember cuddling him at the station, smiles so nice to be with him. its like he's totally erasing me from his life, when it was him that moved our friendship forward him saying its just going to be and you. I haven't said these things to him because i allowed this to also happen.
But if we are not going to ever speak again why can't he say goodbye, knwoing he had been hurt before i didn't want him to feel that people just want things from him and friendship was enough if that is all that there could be. we could speak about anything why couldnt we speak about this. He knew how hurt i had been how low my confidence was, this would hurt me and make me question myself no end. why hasn't he even tried to patch me up send me on my way happily knowing that we had said goodbyes this feels like anger and I don't know why or what I have done. I just want it to go back to the way before.
The last conversation was a bit face to face, we spoke about famly and for some strage reason his ex wife was brought up. and he said something like this is no offence to you but she hurt me...
do you think i will ever hear from him again, its been 28days, hes deleteng messages from me without even reading them.
the very last message i sent him was, I am not sure what happened here, it feels like you are upset with me about something, my friendship has never been retracted from you, and I hope we can be friends again, because we were good friends'
Please help I am so confused.
do you think his deleting my emails without even reading them is him erasing him out of his life. what could warrant that?
why do heartless?