The heart of a Virgo man

  • Well I am completely devastated. I called him (before reading your post) and I told him I still love him and he beautiful new girlfriend is standing here with me and she doesn't want you calling me and then she called out ya the calls stop now. So I guess it really is over and he must really hate me to tell me like that. I'm hoping the knowledge will help with my closure I am much too soft hearted to be with someone that cruel. He sounded so arrogant and so happy to tell me that. He must still be hurt. And personally I think she is crazy to get involved with someone fresh out of an engagement. Does she go over there and sit on my couch and see me all around and really believe that he is over me? He must have done a good job of convincing her and perhaps himself. It's odd because this is how we went too-way too fast and mostly at his pushing granted I didn't stop it although I felt I should at times. I hope they are happy I hope the pain fades more quickly for me now that I know he is with someone else. Damn I'm so devastated.

  • Wow, Jeeplady that is a shocker. I've said before there's a vindictive streak in my Virgo but it plays out much more subtley than that. Very mental - and he likes to see people punish themselves - it's just not nice to dole it out so boldly. This comes as a real surprise with your guy though. Seriously among all of the Virgo tales I've heard in my time here, they can be alot of things but such outright, slap-in-the-face, mean-ness is more of the exception (although not out of the question as our dear leogemini has shown us).

    Obviously all of your contemplation over the situation was for naught since he apparently already had something going with "Miss Mouth" there. I guess in one way I'm glad you made that call on your own and the truth was revealed. Still, "yes", what a hateful way for him to handle things. From the way you described him I wouldn't have imagined he had it in him to do such a thing, he sounded pretty stable. He's proven that he's really immature and has no idea what to do with his emotions.

    You're a bigger person than I am, btw, because I hope that he and that gal crash and burn in short order. He doesn't deserve to be happy right now, he needs to sort himself out. And maybe he is suffering in his own way. Miss Mouth is the "rebound girl", no question about it. Those things never work out. If he had feelings for you he surely hasn't processed them and he's dragging something of that right into this next relationship. What I dislike about her, is her thinking that she had any reason to join in and tell you what's what. Throwing salt in your wound. That tells you she's not a nice person so you can be sure he didn't get any "prize" here. And, Miss Possessive Thing is going to find out pretty quick that Mr. Virgo doesn't like to be on a short leash. Her bossy stuff might be just what his ego needs right now, maybe it makes him feel valued, but I'd bet you anything that won't last.

    Well I feel bad for you Jeeplady. I always try to be an optimist in these matters. There's nothing to say he won't flip-flop around down the road either, but this incident, on top of everything else that's gone on...well, it is my sincerest hope that you will heal quickly and move forward. You don't need this in your life. We're all here for you if you need to talk, vent, whatever. You seem like such a wonderful person and you've certainly learned some lessons in all of this that will give you more balance in your next relationship. Big hugs to you and I will think good thoughts for you that this will pass quickly.

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  • My heart and hugs go out to you Jeeplady. IMHO, V's childish reaction seems to be more retaliatory, and appears V's ego was extremely bruised. V was hurt and acted out. If this is not the case, then you were very lucky to find out V's true colors, cuz you could be living that cruel reality. Again, just my thoughts, and also, the girl may not even be a girlfriend, cd just be a friend and V had her say what she said to you. If she is his girlfriend so soon, V has a pattern with the ladies and perhaps with this new lady, V has met his match. Either way, you are further ahead of both of them by witnessing such immature behavior and acting with dignity as you did. Good luck ♥

  • Happy Holidays to all!

    I am thinking about you all these days... I think that Im better, but we will see...

    I really need your advice... First, I must tell what happened (nothing big...)

    I saw him two weeks ago, I wanted to pass him, but, this time, he stoped me. He told me that Im beautiful, asked me how I am but I was pushing conversation into the other side - about everyday topics... We were on the street, I really didnt want to talk about us there. So, as I said before, I think these time (just like other time) he wanted me to call him first, I saw before that he is angry... So, after that meeting, a couple a days ago, I send him a SMS - "hello stranger, I am thinking about you. Are you good?" He replied "Im not bad, and you? The entire entrance of the building scent of you and your perfume, so I assume that you are ok?" I replied "If you judge by the perfume, than Im ok. As I remember, we agreeded to see each other its been a month or two? So, am I still under that carpet or somebody just clean me or maybe the dark swallow me?" He replied "No, no, Its been a dark period for me, my son was ill, and business... and this New Year..." O, how I gone mad! He could tell me anything, but this... I replied "Well, then Christmas, Easter, birthdays and holidays... You dont have time for me, thats obvious. So please, dont hide behind your business and duties, its not excuse for bad behave. If thats the way to push me away, its shallow and I dont deserve this." He answered "No, you misunderstood me. i was talking about how I have problems with business, my business is in mess, I would like to have duties, but its crisis, and my business is in crises. I think if I move, roots will appear and hold my legs. So, dont be exited...while Im not near (he allude to sex)" I replied "I dont understand what you wrote" I really didnt understand! So he replied that he will explain to me some other day .... which, by the way, still has not arrived... That was on friday I think...

    But I think these days that he is with someone third... theres a girl who lives near, I know by her look that she likes him and knowing him, she is a person in whom he could fall in love. Maybe i am frantic....but i know he told one person that she is beautiful. And I saw her chase him... So, maybe, she caught him... Last night, I was looking through a window and saw her passing by the building and I thought that Its time when Hes returning from work... and there he was... a minute later. He has a store, so I guess she was there, and i made a whole construction in my head that they are together... I wanted to faint - literrary. My legs were out of control. I was really sick. And I thought Who am I to spy on him? his wife is calm and probably sleep.Do I have a right to strike him? Well, I think I have. I was pregnant! I really feel like a semen bag, sorry for expression... If he only treatened me like a human, then i would keep my mouth shut. And now girls, I wanted to ask you - what would you tell him? Would you tell him anything at all? Should I be rude and talk to him straight from my heart? Should I ask him about that girl? I have to be wise now, because I wasnt wise before... maybe I know that the best solution is to turn my back on him, but in my case, its impossible. Thats not my temper and I will not be calm thinking he made a fool of me.

    And, just one to add. I talked to his mother, saw her in a market, she likes me very much and for some reason she reveals to me some family things... constantly... She was complaining that her son doesnt call her, that she must call if she want to know how they are doing...That is the second time she told me that. And you know what he said to her - "I dont have time, if you want to see how I am you should call"...

    So, what to do? Help!

    And, Jeeplady, your V. wanted to hurt you, so you can see how he was hurt... he behave like a child. You opened your heart, tell him that you are sorry, you do everything you could do and you must be calm now.I can imagine how you feel. He refuses to forgive you, he will be sorry, i am sure!

    Kisses and hugs to all

  • Hello leogemini - so good to hear from you as always. As far as your situation...I'm going to tell you honestly, that thinking about the best course of action for you puts my mind in knots. The depth of your feeling for this man is a huge obstacle in whatever course you take. You are full of anger but if you unleash it you will suffer because I suspect that you will only make yourself feel worse for it. You see him possibly starting a relationship with another woman and that brings you suffering because you love him. He still does not treat you the way you need him to and that brings you suffering because he destroys your self-esteem and shows you no love. You are a woman with such a high threshold for suffering that I can not even imagine what to suggest that would inspire you to remove yourself from such suffering. I keep imagining that with these kinds of stresses that you will one day just explode and tell everyone what has gone on. I'm not suggesting that as a solution, I just can't fathom how it hasn't come to that.

    So I don't know what to think about all this love? Is this what love is supposed to look like? Does anyone on this earth deserve the level of sacrifice and undying devotion that you have demonstrated to this man and in exchange for what? What is he giving you that makes this so important? If you already know that if you talked to him from your heart that you would be rude, what does that say about what's in your heart? Doesn't it say that what's in there is the pain that he puts there, and leaves you to live with, while he goes on his merry way. That is what you want to get out of your heart and hand back to him, because that is where it belongs. He deserves that pain, not you.

    I'm sorry, some how this new turn of events puts me on a rant. I'm just so fed up with this man and his games with you! Where does it all end? How? Only you can end it, but first you have to figure out what this "love" is that you feel for him and then you can figure out what you need to do. Seriously, leogemini, I have come to care about you a great deal in your time here, as I'm sure many others have as well, and I hate what this man does to you. I wish I could just pluck you from your situation and drop you somewhere else and say, "there, you are now free to start all over". Of course we all have that freedom to choose and say, "enough", I no longer want this for myself. You can wipe that slate clean right this second. As of right now, "I am done", I am "turning the page". But I think first we have to understand what we are getting from a relationship that we think we can't live without. That's not easy, but it's where you'll find the way out of all of this, even while staying friendly with him, you can still get yourself out of the pain he causes. It's the difference between what he does to you and what you let him do to you.

    On that note, I think that you should do nothing yet. I think you should think about this some more. I think I've been saying that to alot of people on here lately, lol. And maybe it's because some of the conversations here have helped me to realize that sometimes the best solution is not pushing for any immediate solution. Don't try to push forward, and don't relapse into old behaviors, just let it all sit still and see what it really is. Does that make any sense?

    Hugs leogemini - Let me know what you decide. You know I love and respect you no matter what, because I know that none of us can ignore our what's in our hearts, but give yourself a little time here to think before you act. Be at peace and see what there is to see for a while. Neither one of you is going anywhere the way it sounds, so you have time. Don't bring up the other woman at this time. Realize that if that's what he needs, you won't stop him anyway, because he won't stop himself. But you're not sure, so don't bring it up until you are because it seems that you are reacting based on your fears right now, nothing more. I understand that you want to know one way or the other, but asking him won't stop him and you could be wrong.

    P.S. There's a saying that "if you want to know how a man will treat you, look at how he treats his mother".

  • Thank you ABB I have similar thoughts about his behavior and what it means. He is very bruised and if he is in a new relationship so soon I doubt it will work. I am taking a break from him and I won't see or talk to him for a few months to let it run it's course. It may or may not work out with this new girl if there is one. I'm feeling more positive about things because it did show me how cruel he can be and also it might help him love me more. We shall see. The games he plays are tiring and I want something real so I will back off for now. I do have to eventually get my things I just hope that she is not there when I do because it is easier to be dignified from a distance 🙂

  • Oh leogemini I feel your pain I agree with jenever that it is not good to push anything right now. I think the way with Virgo is to build on simple conversation. Talk about common things, their job etc. Just be there. But be a mystery. Be a challenge. Do not say anything about you relationship or the other girl. At least he is not livid and you can talk to him. Talk to him regularly this will help you too because part of the pain of a breakup is feeling that you can't talk to him. I wish you luck and peace of mind 🙂

  • Jenever, thank you, as always....

    Its been two years Im thinking on him and what to do. I really had enough. Im not angry anymore, just very very tired. I sent him SMS, saying the truth. That I love him and that I must cut things off because I believe he wants that and because I cant survive another cold shower from him.That Im not a lover who can be 2 hours with him and leave his bed forgeting about him next two months. And that Im sorry he told me he is a coward in moments i needed his hug and beeing the same time brave enough to be cruel to me. Well, I was nice. And I have nothing to lose. But I keep telling him that Im doing this because I think that he wants that. He replied 5 minutes later - "Im sorry but I was really ill for the past month and a half and I didnt want to see you because - how can I look at you without touching you. I know Its a silly excuse but believe me, it is... I take antibiotics now". I replied that Im taking antibiotics also, that Im ill too but that my fingers are not, so i can text.I said "I still think that you just dont want to see me". He didnt replied. Im ok, I was nice, not angry. Im ok now.I think.

    Jeeplady, thank you..

    kisses to all

  • One thing all of us ladies on this post seem to be forgetting is that first and foremost our V's are men. If a man wants a woman he "takes" her. It gies back to cave man men are simple creatures. If they do not call or come around it is because they don't want to. If they feel indifferent then they are. Love does not make excuses. Hope this helps. I think all of us should band together and refuse to talk to our V's until they are willing to meet some of our needs!

  • OH! You did comment Jenever totally missed that until now lol yes shocker is a good way to describe it and slap in the face and cruel and a bunch of other not so nice words come to mind. I couldn't believe that he could do that at Christmas when he knows I have nothing and no one. I know I described him as a good man with good intentions but it appears my perception was skewed. There is a small part of me who hopes they crash and burn in short order too 🙂 But I doubt that will happen as long as she isnt a complete idiot or she doesn't leave him he should be all good. I'm hoping he pisses her off and she leaves too that MIGHT help him realize he is partly to blame for us as well but it's doubtful. He is more likely to swear to bachelorhood. He definitely wants nothing to do with emotions his or anyone else's. He is trying to stuff his succeeding and it's bound to come flying out-my guess is on New Years because he has had a few angry outbursts while drinking. Miss mouth (I LOVE your nickname for her) is in for a surprise for sure. I had thoughts at first that maybe she was a family member instead but the sound of entitlement in her voice was very clear. I doubt this rebound will last as well but the possibility that I have been categorically replaced seems quite real. As you said he nay flip flop at some point but he would need to lose control of his emotions first which isn't likely to happen beyond a night of drinking. However, my goal is to heal my heart enough that if he does come around I don't waver because I don't want to go back. His family has been helping him with his vindictive behavior and things would never be the same between all of us. There us too much water under the bridge and his negative emotions would be sure to surface again and again. I want to thank you all SO MUCH for your support in sorting out my part and his part and for your kind words in my dark moments you have really made a difference in my life! Imagine that! Complete strangers in a huge world and somehow I managed to find you.

  • Hi Jeeplady, I posted a while back about drugs and alcohol - stating that the bad behavior could be due to substance abuse and this in itself, wd be seriously problematic. If substances are being used, the personality of any person is drastically changed. You mentioned while V drank he had angry outbursts - definitely a sign of something going on, unless V's allergic to alcohol. Drinking/drugs will either numb your emotions or cause emotional upsets.... if you are a happy person - drinking should increase a sense of laughter or calm. If you're holding a great deal of anger then that too will come a roaring out. As the saying goes "check it before you wreck it"!

    Jenever and leogemini can definitely give more insight into this. Alcohol also may be why V put a ring on your finger within 5 weeks and now may have put a ring on another girl's finger. Jeeplady it was your keene intuition that assisted you to halt the wedding. Definitely something is amiss and clearly needed to be addressed.

    Also, can attest that it was me that did not want to be with my V...mostly wanted s e x and it sort of set the tone for our relationship. So am I bad to just want the type of relationship that men often want? Nope, do not think so, cuz I absolutely know I love him and I'm exclusive to only him. In fact, I love him very much, just do not want to live with him. I know he was hurt initially and has gotten somewhat over it, yet V did become more distant and not quite as attentive, yet always remember, emotions are fleeting... but these are all learning tools to work through our differences and strengthen all of our relationships (both male and female).

    Ladies we absolutely cannot condone bad behavior though and both leogemini's V and Jeeplady's V appear to be pretty immature and sorry in the character department.

    Jeeplady, love your statement about each of us reaching out during our darkest moments. I liken this forum (keeping our sanity and cheaper than a therapist who may or may not be able to relate) to what I once told my son who was sooooo angry with his girlfriend after he found out she cheated....If you need to rage, please call me, vent everything you need, to me, rather than her...cuz when we lose our cool, we lose our power (always gives the other person control of the situation)...and if you cannot call, please take 10 deep breaths...I know, easier said than done, but does feel really good. Ladies, let's all work together towards a better New Year 2011! ♥

    BTW, ladies where is everyone from? Tampa, Forida

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  • I live in Victoria BC (on vancouver island) at the moment but usually reside in Prince George BC which is basically in the center of the province

  • Hey, AriesBB and Jeeplady, we all live near the water. Isn't that trivial and yet interesting at the same time. I live in West Michigan, just a few minutes from the shore of Lake Michigan. It's just like living near the ocean but without any jellyfish or sharks, and unfortunately, only about two months when the water is warm enough to actually want to go in it.

    Okay friends, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I got together with Virgo on Thursday and we got along so well I just don't even know what to think about it. We had a long talk about his situation and where things are at and he even dared to talk a bit about "our" future, although nothing in the way of a commitment, but it was interesting that he clearly does give it thought ("hours and hours" of thought according to him) and weighs things out. Mind you he spilled all of this without any prompting from me. As you know I've worked hard to keep myself concerned about me without being concerned about him. Just waiting and seeing.

    So he's trying to balance everything out in his mind and rationalize it and take everything that's important into consideration. A couple of times he used the statement "I'm not quite ready for that yet" in regards to making any major changes in his life. But what impressed me was his level of awareness. He's actually thinking about what he holds on to in his marriage and why. He's thinking about what's important to him - not to everyone else - but for him, and acknowledges that he has lived his life too long giving to everyone else and giving up what he needs. He's introspecting. And outside of all his introspecting, his reality keeps shifting. I think I mentioned in a previous post that the last time we spoke it sounds like he has upheaval in all directions. Relationships that he thought were permanent within his extended family are falling apart. He is waking up to the idea that perhaps nothing is permanent and it seems to be making a difference in how he views change in his own life now.

    I have no idea whether this is just a phase or is there some real transformation in him. Not that I am saying that I wish for it to mean that we have some long-term future together. What I wish is that we could get to the place of just being comfortable with whatever the situation is. I think that we have some kind of future no matter what happens, whether we are together or not. We both agree that we want each other in our lives. But what I do appreciate - after this arduous emotional journey with him - is feeling like there is finally some trust and openess between us. I think that is because he is finally willing to relax and open up, but maybe just as much because I've stayed the course with him despite some serious ups and downs. It's very much my impression that loyalty means far more to this man than love. Love is undefinable, loyalty is something that can be tested and proven (God knows he's tested me).

    So that's where things sit right now - or at least appear to sit. I can never be sure with him. A month from now the whole thing could change again. He's certainly flip-flopped before. It's like he puts himself out there, then freaks because he's revealed himself, and then crawls back into his emotional cave. So we'll just have to see now. I told him that I am trusting him to just communicate, and to be honest. Told him we've come to far to carry on in this like this is a game and that sooner or later we need to treat each other with the same respect that we'd treat a good friend or what's the point? Neither one of us HAS to be in this. We both have very good reasons not to be actually, and maybe that's why we've come this far. We keep choosing not to leave the other - well, not quite yet anyway.

    As always, I will keep you posted.

  • Hey Jenever, just a thought that popped into my head while reading your post. You said you got along so well and he opened up and that you have been focusing on your life. I'm sure he has felt this and when a distance comes without emotional drama I've found my V responded appropriately to it (ie how I wanted him to 🙂 I am relieved to hear that he has the ability to think deeply and self reflect it's the only chance I have left that mine will accept some responsibility for what happened and take some of the blame off of me so he can trust me again. I agree that loyalty is probably more important than love. That translates into trust for them. Trust that their regimented daily routine won't be compromised. I think v's could go through a tornado without straying from getting up, setting the coffee maker, brushing their teeth, checking the mail etc lol I am wondering if jarring him out of his comfort zone into leaving his wife might have to come from you. I think you said you are a long distance relationship too aren't you? Leaving his wife would be scary enough but moving from family, friends, job etc would be too much I think. Im not sure what you want from your relationship. I know you have kids. Im not sure if you see yourself living with him or not but perhaps it's time to strike a deal. With all these realizations that other relationships aren't permanent it may take the "stain" off his reputation to leave at a similar time. Perhaps you could offer to move to where he is to get a place together? I know it took some pushing (gentle-not ultimatums) to get my V to committ. If you explain in a rational, non emotional "I can't wait forever" way he may go for it. Remember they like to be told what to do do. Tell him he has 2 weeks or a month to offer you something to hang on for-If he doesn't you still haven't lost anything but have also given him a glimpse of what you would like your future with him to look like. Good luck and keep us updated 🙂

  • Jenever, I am glad that your V and you are together again. But, I really hope that he will find the way to be with you like he should be - without fear and hiding.

    I live near the water too. I am from Europe, Serbia and I live near Danube, a great river...

    Now, i must tell you that my husband find out about me and V. It was three days ago, he find some messages that I didnt delete, so he forced me to say... It was terrible. I really hurt him, and now all the blame is on me. But its better this way, because the role of victim is the role he plays all his life. I dont feel guilt but Im ashamed because I had to say everything to my mother and brother. He said to his mother (she doesnt love me from the first day) and his brother... He told his friends and colleagues... He left the apartement but he comes here each day because he wants to be with our daughter (before he was only watching TV). Its strange that his anxiety vanished when he find out that I cheated, Its strange how his power appeared (I didnt see that power for ages)... But he is nice to me. And I thought all this years that he is too weak to hear the truth...Its because he constantly scared me that he will kill himself or go to monastery if I leave him...

    Its interesting what he told me about V. when he found out. He said Why him? I could told you that he is coward and isnt a good man! Naive woman!

    Well, I know what he was like... But my brain isnt one who decides when the heart is involved...I am naive and stupid.

    My husband was soooo mad that he wanted to call Vs wife to tell her everything. I was scared that another family will be destroyed and secretly send SMS to V that my husband find out and that he want to tell his wife. That it would be better to be prepared... And V never answered to that sms. So, I dont want to tell him that I will be divorced soon. It took me two days to convince my husband not to tell Vs wife. Now, V and his family are safe.

    I will move and I will try to find myself.

    I will keep you posted....

  • Jeeplady - Very interesting insights. I especially like the one about the daily routines. V has always liked to lead me to believe that his life is chaotic (because this is how he buys his space, that's what I believe anyway, as long as Jen believes that his world is messy he always has an excuse to come and go how he chooses) but he's said enough that I know he also has some very specific daily rituals. Plus he's said enough that I know he thoroughly observes how I manage my world here, how I organize myself and even my approach to parenting issues. These are all reflections of what he finds important - very practical matters - not chaos. I do believe you are onto something there.

    I see your point about giving him a "nudge" but quite honestly, I'm not ready for that myself. Just because I've known him for two years doesn't mean alot when you look at the frequency of how often we've ever seen each other (I think I saw him two weeks in a row once, it was more often just once in two months, and as I've said, when I saw him about a month ago, that was the first time I had laid eyes on him in six months . That separation was my decision, I know, but my point is, I don't know him well enough to be 100% committed myself.

    We stay in touch via e-mail and phone of course, but even that is minimal and certainly not enough to know that he's the one for me. I totally do NOT trust that you can know what it's like to be with someone based on e-mails and phone calls. The most I'd really like is for us to have the opportunity, free and clear of all obstacles, to see what we really have together. For that to happen, well, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I'm available and open to relationships. He needs to be at total peace with any decision to leave his marriage or that would negate what I want. I want him free emotionally and physically - and only he can get himself to that place.

    But, one thing I will agree with is that the more certain he is of my position overall, whether I'm willing to stay with this relationship in spite of his circumstances, or am I going to move on, then I expect that would factor in with how long it takes him to really confront what he wants. Honestly though, he needs to be prepared for the idea that if he left his marriage it doesn't mean that we are a sure thing. We have all the potential to be, but that's really an unknown because we've just not spent the kind of time together that it takes to know.

    Plus I didn't leave my husband for another man, I left him for myself and my personal peace of mind and to give myself permission to find a more loving and fulfilling relationship. So in my mind that's the only right reason to leave. If he doesn't have complete confidence in his decsion and faith that he is open to his future whatever it holds - whether I'm in it or not - then things will go badly for him and for us. Clearly this is not how I want a relationship in my life - secrets and unfaithfulness and lies, and he knows this very well. In fact, he actually got a little choked up when we talked about this saying that he understands that if a great guy comes into my life that even though it would make him sad, he has no right to be anything but happy for me. It was touching to see how hard it was for him to say this, and maybe his hope was that I would say, "that won't happen, you're the only man I want", but see I can't. Even if that would have been just the sort of "nudge" he might need, right now I can't say that with any honesty - because I don't know him completely enough to know if that's the truth.

    So, as much as it stinks that things are the way they are, I'm not going to drag him to where I want him to be, I want him to arrive willingly. It's the only way. (You gave me a laugh with the "moving" suggestion. I didn't volunteer to move, I told him to move here - that his kids would be better off in this school district. I'm serious, they really would be! We have one of the highest rated districts in the state. The numbers don't lie, his critical Virgo mind should appreciate that.)

    Also, I had the thought that I really don't need to jar him out of his comfort zone. In a reverse way I am the comfort zone and his life is what's jarring him, and what had been jarring him when he met me two years ago. I think everything is really already in place in his own life to push him right out of it. All he has to do is make a decision. I asked him at one point, "are you really hoping deep down that you can patch things up with your wife? If not, then what is it in all of this that you can't let go of? What's so important that you don't think you'll ever find it again if you let it go?" He said simply, "I like the idea of a whole family". So I said, "ah, you like the idea of security. I said, "so you see, sometimes you get the whole package, you get love and security. Sometimes you get love, but life is very insecure and a struggle. And sometimes you get what you have, you have security but no love." Then I said, "only you can decide when security isn't enough. I had all the security I could ask for and I gave it up because I had no love".

    As you say, they like to be told what to do. So I did, I told him that's a decision that only he can make. 🙂

  • Leogemini - You posted while I was writing to Jeeplady so I am just reading your post. Wow. I must think on this. As awful as it sounds, there is something wonderful in seeing the truth come out for you. And what you say about your husband - this does not surprise me really. I think it's easy to grow weak when we become complacent. So he comes back to life! And hopefully you now come to new life. Yes, this really is some unexpected news. I will come back when I have more time, it's late here. My thoughts are with you as always. Everything is new now, you must have a million thoughts going through your mind. Wow.... Big hug to you my friend. Be brave now.

  • Jenever you come across as very down to earth. Knowledgeable about and comfortable with who you you are. Very present in the moment and accepting of how things are not struggling to force them into the shape you want them to be. These are all great factors in dealing with life and love as we all know how challenging it can be. I agree whole heartedly with all you said but realistically I think the chances of him leaving his wife and moving where you are with his kids couldn't be that high. Wouldn't the kids stay with her? So he would be losing everything with no promise of anything to gain. I've been here. I didn't do it either. It's like asking a tightrope walker to jump with no safety net 🙂 he did say he wants family life-big for a lot of men but huge for V's I didn't hear anything about how you envision your life. Would he move closer and you would date? I hope everything works out but it sounds like you will be great even if it doesn't. I'm thinking his comment about another guy was an attempt at control. He must be feeling vulnerable. P.S. I don't think a nudge constitutes "dragging" lol throw the poor guy a bone lol

    Leogemini how nice to hear you live by the water too, I'm surprised we aren't all pisces lol please try to remember that everything happens for a reason. This has happened to me before and it turned out to be a wonderful thing! I know it may not seem like it at first but when you find your mind working overtime to make you feel shame or fear just remember this too shall pass and have a glass of wine and look at the beautiful water and dream about the person you will become! 🙂

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