The heart of a Virgo man
@Totitoti I am having problem with my mom. Her Aquarian side is coming out. Cold,detached and the hypocrisy. She is bottling up resentment against me as she has to look after me and Rick because I am staying with her. I am planning on moving out soon. Aquarian moms are not good mothers I am bound to say it out loud. She maintains a good diplomatic relationship with outsiders and everyone praises her for how a good woman she is. But I know her true face and I call her out on that. I am a very straight forward person and hate double standard people. My dad was a very cool guy and I can remember how she used to deprive him of physical intimacy. I was very young then but still I could feel the tension between them. She was a working woman and never had time for my dad or me. I still resent her for depriving me from her motherly dids. She never took care of me after I was like 5 yrs old, my dad used to do all the stuffs like feeding me, bathing me.She only used to help in my study ,that's it. We didn't had girly time together. She actually was not interested in those stuffs like dressing up, making hairstyles etc. I still resent her for that. I am very sad today as we have an argument and she called me that I am a very bad daughter as I am very outspoken and I am not thankful enough to her as she is taking care of Rick and karma will hit me back as Rick grows up he will resent me as a mother etc etc. What she doesn't know that I will not depend on Ricky in my old age as I will move to an old age home by myself.
@Totitoti I want him, but i can't reach out to him when he is the one who said "as you are, you are not the girl I want to date". Now he has me blocked.
@aftershine , I think it's pretty clear what to do for the time being. Keep no contact, don't stalk his socials and dedicate time to improve your life and yourself in every possible way.
@Momycrab , I hope things will turn out well once you stand on your own feet. I just can imagine how you feel. My mother is also on a colder side. She's a Capricorn and being gentle and emotional was never her thing. My father is a Leo and his attention, love and cuddles were always mine. My mother isn't a narcissist, but she's definitely emotionally detached. It's just the way she is.
Also, she was a working mom and never had time for "silly childish things". I think that's why I'm complete opposite of her. My career means a lot to me, I spent many years educating myself. But, I enjoy playing with my kids and being silly with them.
I think you are a great daughter and a great mom. You can't change your mom's ways, but you can change the way you react to her insinuations and blame. Just ignore her. And do your best to become independent as soon as possible. What's happening with Taurus? Any chance of reconciliation? Or you are definite about divorce?
Give my kisses to Rick and you stay strong️!
@Axesfemme @Jayann , hope you are both fine ️️
Hi Toti. Just deleted all my previous posts in case he stumbled across this forum.
I'm doing alright I guess, and yep I drink to numb my feelings. Sometimes it feels better without any. I might have hit rock bottom because of this situation. Realised nothing interests me anymore. One thing keeping me afloat is just texting my friends and coming here to chat with you. Not sure if therapy is helping and work is killing me. In a rut at the moment.
Trying to find myself but it's difficult and not really looking forward to my birthday, though everyone else is.
@aftershine, I kinda agree with toti, on letting him come back to you if he really misses you. Your Virgo sounds sorta arrogant, trying to change who you are. If you chase him, you'll come across as being ok with changing yourself to fit him. Maybe picture yourself being with him 5 years down the road and having to live with this constant arrogant behaviour. He didn't actually provide or elaborate on any specific trait that he wants you to 'improve on' or 'grow' either, I believe?
@Totitoti Yes just ignoring her but I can't stand the diplomacy as I am not diplomatic at all. What makes me angry the most is her detached ways. My dad was a fiery sag and was very affectionate. Fire signs are always champions when it comes to love LOL. I will be moving out soon. I will apply for a job as soon Rick is a lil bit stable and on his own. Taurus is back again lol. He told me he was so stressed out with his new job and was unable to cope with the stress. I told him I will divorce his ass if he ignores my ass. .
Rick sends kisess.
Give love to the angels.️️️️
@Jayann girl where are you?
@Axesfemme , just know it's ok to feel that way. The best thing about hitting the rock bottom is that there is no other way but going up. Because, it's not in human nature to stay on bottom and drown. We are fighters. YOU are a fighter. Never forget that.
Life is beautiful. And the more you celebrate your birthday, the more reasons you will have to celebrate. How many people would love to have your life and wake up being you?! You are healthy and your career is going well. You have friends who care for you and who love you. That's precious and you are a rich person. My job has shown me so many women who don't have anyone, noone to turn for help and support, who stay in abusive marriages because they don't have the means and courage to do so. And look at yourself. You are independent. I just wish you learn how to love yourself a bit more.
Cure for pain is in the pain. That's why numbing it won't help. That's why escaping it never helps. It cuts deeper when we're trying to ignore it. When you are ready, face it and release it. Admit it to yourself outloud. What's your biggest fear? To stay alone? To not being able to find love? To see a man you love with someone else? Say it outloud. Process emotions you connected to your fears and let them go.
I know you will be fine sooner rather than later. Happiness is in you. Not in Virgo. Not in your job. Not in your friends. It's in you. It's only yours. And do whatever feels right to you. If you want to do something, do it. Don't let anyone prevent you. Trust your heart and your intuition. And believe me, everything is going to be just fine ️
@Momycrab , precisely because of her detachment I told you not to react. It won't bother her one bit and it will bring you to a nervous breakdown. Patience and stillness. Breathe in and breathe out.
So, nothing is really over with Taurus and you ️. I'm glad to hear you two still can communicate with each other in a friendly way. That's so important, especially because of beautiful and handsome Ricky. I'll choose Rick for my son in law . Imagine that !
As soon as you move out, things will bloom for you. Energy of others can be suffocating, even when they are people who love us and care for us. Things will get better. You just take care of your health. Everything else isn't as important. Sending hugs and love your way ️️
Everyone that I know tells me that too. My life is actually ok, friends think I look good and I'm secured financially so I shouldn't be feeling upset. Guessing it's the lack of freedom and everyone walking on eggshells at home with my Mom. I have absolutely no privacy or personal space. Can't say 'no' to her either cause she gets upset and never fails to call me ugly. She's not a 'bad' mom per say, just hella controlling and opinionated. Virgo knows about my life and my family dynamics, hence when he used this as a reason to say he can't be with me, it feels kinda like a low blow. Also the reason why I feel he will not come back (no way to make things work, logically speaking, since he is super opinionated too and has anger management).
I do have a fear of being alone, but when someone invades my personal space or is super clingy, I get turned off. I want someone to share my happiness, sadness and achievements with and unfortunately, it feels like when friends get married, they eventually drop off the map.
On the bright side, planned a beach outing with my friend tomorrow, so hopefully I will 'feel' something. Even considering bungee jumping because 'adrenaline'. At the moment I feel totally numbed out of my emotions, lethargic and life feels mehhhh. Might have to ask my therapist what's up with the lack of interest in everything cause it just happened out of the blue.
Will probably be OK in time, hopefully. I healed previously, so I can probably do it again this time. Thank you for being here and lending a listening ear (or eyes).
@Axesfemme it is interesting that most of us around here who suffered with emotionally unavailable and detached men have/had controlling and possibly narcissistic mothers... Food for thought definitely.
I envy you on that beach day. As Eastern European chick,I long for summer.I wish this covid settles a bit so we can go somewhere warmer.
I know how overwhelming your feelings must be now. I'm always extra sensitive around my birthday. It's the feeling of running out of time. Nothing a good cake can't solve.
Here is a crazy idea - if you're making a party, invite your virgo too if you want. Be prepared to smile as if you don't care if he refuses and says no. Get some pretty dress and have fun. Life is too short to be always serious about it.
Look on the bright side, kinda shows us what we don't wanna be like when we are older. Most days I just hide in my room to avoid crossfire between my parents and so far it's working out.
Ah, is it winter where you are at ? Sounds pretty neat though. It's summer all year round where I live. I'm in Asia so there's only rain or shine weather. Hopefully the covid situation gets better and you get to travel to someplace more cheery soon. My job revolves around it and am getting sick of this word.
Your idea is so random and crazy. Lol !!! I doubt we are having a party, just random night out with drinks. Can't invite him anyway because my friends dislike him with a burning passion and thinks he is a jerk that I'm wasting my time on. I'll be celebrating with Taurus again this year. He has been asking me what I want for my present.
@Axesfemme , not winter yet, but cold autumn. Weather for snuggling. I guess parents being of different generation can be somewhat of control freaks. My parents are very liberal for example, always have been and never really interfered in my choices.My virgo is an Arab and his story with parents is completely opposite. Lots of control and lots of opinions .He said they stopped interfering when he married for the first time and he's suspicious they thought he was gay. I laughed so hard on that one and told him how great it would be if he was a gay man. We'd have more fun.But, his parents show lots of love too.They are the loud types which I like.I love them dearly.
Great that birthday plans are coming together 🥳. Nevermind who with as long as there's a celebration. My friends hated my virgo too. But after getting to know him,they liked him.Virgos know how to be arrogant pricks even when their inner child is crying for help.
I don't know if you mentioned the day of your birthday, I might have overlooked it, but as we are in Sagittarius season, I wish you nothing but happiness,love,success,joy and most importantly health.I hope you'll make all your dreams come true.
Your Virgo's parents sound like Asian parents. Lol!! Glad to hear that you get along great with them as well. That's always a plus point! grin:
The beach helped a little, but sunk into another black hole yesterday. His colleague likes to give me updates about him though others have told her to stop. Kinda triggers me to no end (since not everything she says is true either).
I've not been too happy on my birthday these recent years. The best present would just be him wishing me a happy birthday, but that never happens anyway. Am missing him a ton suddenly, but trying not to. Gotta clean up my life a little since the drinking is getting slightly out of control and I've been putting off work tasks.
Haha, my friends are pretty harsh, difficult for them to 'like' someone once they start hating. Probably because the guys I've been with have been mostly users or emotionally abusive so they feel they have to 'protect' me from toxic dudes. They think I care too much or forgive too easily, resulting in guys stepping all over me.
@Axesfemme i snooped around on his social media and found that he isn't in a relationship and he keeps posting about how he isn't ready to be in a relationship. He may have liked me but he was arrogant and selfish bc at the end of the day it wasn't me it was him. He didn't want a relationship but wanted me to stick around.
@Totitoti so i id stalk his socials (he won't know its me though) he is back to being fully blocked. I found that he isn't in a relationship and he keeps posting about how he isn't ready to be in a relationship. He may have liked me but he was arrogant and selfish bc at the end of the day it wasn't me it was him. He didn't want a relationship but wanted me to stick around.
Sounds like another confused Virgo dude. Based on your original post, he started off with something along the lines of 'you are not the girl I wish to date..' I'd take that as it is and ignore the other flowery nonsense he said after that line.
Unless your last discussion was really heated and you were abusive in some way, don't try to change yourself for him.
Mine said I was immature while I was asking for clarity (he was stringing me along acting like my bf when he is still attached). In my mind, I really don't think it was immature for me to have even asked what we were when he knows I still loved him after he ghosted for 2 years. His response was confusing and 'flowery' (enough to semi reject me but still keep me hanging). I didn't respond to him and he didnt text me the next day either. Actions speak louder than words. If they really loved us, they will come back to us eventually after sorting their shizz out.
Also, I believe if we chased them and somehow managed to get them to commit, they would lose interest FAST and treat us like crap. We'll be agreeing to their nonsense claims about us as well by doing so. It would be far off from @Totitoti 's success with hers.
@aftershine , he'll know it's you. Stay off social media and cut every contact with him. If you want results, you'll disappear off his radar. Put your social media on private and don't post much.
@Axesfemme as much as I love my friends,I don't take their analysis or opinion seriously because neither of them is in a really successful relationship or married. I'll listen to what they have to say, but it'll end there. It's like blind leading the blind when listening to friends advice. You know what happened between you and virgo. You know how he made you feel. Embrace the beauty of that feeling and don't let anyone ruin it for you. Whatever happens,the two of you shared wonderful moments together. And you should cherish that.
His immature side that's brought you pain is a part of a package. I have conflicts with my Virgo too, but I see how he's improved in expressing how he feels and I reward him by being more understanding and tolerant. Relationships are 100%work from both sides. I'm sure noone of these men would act in a weird way had they been encouraged to state how they feel and hadn't they been judged for their actions. I know, I've been there. I had my share in horribly harsh words and everything else. But,I realized my mistakes and tried hard to understand virgo's point of view. We were raised in different cultures,different religions, different everything. But, we have same opinions on almost every crucial thing in life, we just have different approach. And that needed adjustment too.
I felt pain you felt and that's why I'm telling you trust in your feelings and intuition and don't pay attention to what everyone else says. Don't even think about his behaviour. Trust me, no matter how much you analyse him, you won't know the truth. Until he comes and says it.
Stay calm and improve yourself. Change something. Your style, hair style,educate yourself,get a new hobby... Believe me you will shine a different light around you.You will definitely be more confident.Try it for a couple of times.Try to stay away from alcohol and let oxytocin kick in by itself.I know you can get whatever you want.You just have to believe you can too.
@Axesfemme "If they really loved us, they will come back to us eventually after sorting their shizz out." Not necessarily. I don't think he said things he didn't mean.Its very hard for virgo man to be emotional and when he is,trust him. No matter how f***ked up the situation is.Just stay away from him, literally disappear off his radar. That will make him wonder.When he sees you're going out, having fun with friends,... he'll think there is no need for him in your life, because you are fine. Also,put your social media on private and stay away from posting and sharing a lot of private information.Not knowing will kill him.