The heart of a Virgo man
Vgo77 - You could learn a few things from the people who come here because they actually are willing to confront the unhappiness in their lives - instead of take it out on others or whine about their "pathetic" partner. Yeesh, use your power and that pre-nup of yours and set yourself free. I'm tired of all your whining myself.
Thank you guys for your input, specially Jenever!!
You really made me open my eyes and dig deeper here. I know that my childhood has affected my life a lot, but didn't realize it had so strong influences.
My family was certainly disfynctional, and you are right, my mom, my dear Pisces mom, enabled that. She stuck it out with my dad mostly because of my brother. Thankfully my brother has managed to achieve a very stable and successful life for himself. He is happy in his marriage and career. I am very proud of him. We were very close growing up, it was him and me against the world. We had to grow up early cause my father made our life very unstable. My mom suffered a lot. I honestly don't know how she managed. The most ironic part is that eventually my dad left my mom, right after my brother graduated from high school. That changed our lives forever. My brother suffered more because he was closer to dad, I was never close to my dad. I know he loves us, but just hasn't been a able to be there for us and ever show it. He has his good days and bad days, he is very inconsistent. Unreliable. You never know when he will show up or not or change his mind.
The difference is that husband is very reliable and a very good provider and very responsible. Me and his family and his friends can always count on him. He always does what he says.
But he is a Taurus and food and drink are his addictions. I have always set clear boundaries with him. I would have never put up with what my mom did. My dad would disappear for days drinking with his buddys and my mom would take him back every time. My husband always came home from drinking with his friends, even if it was the early hours of morning. But he dis come home. The toughest time was my pregnancy and when our daughter was born. I guess he felt safe that I would not go anywhere. Since we lived in my apartment, I really had nowhere to go. And he refused to leave. He would always make it up the next day. It is a bad circle you get stuck in. Fortunately after we moved here to US, things changed. Mostly cause he doesn't have drinking buddys here. But then he found neighbor Virgo to hang out with
The worst is that you get used to living like this. Besides of drinking, we have many other issues, like my husband being very bossy and stubborn, like Tauruses are. I am bossy too, so we clash all the time. It is not a good environment for our daughter. But we have our good days, and those good days make it worth to me. At least have until now.
It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot change another person. And that I have to take responsibility for my own happiness. I am slowly on my way. But I feel that unless I get more positive influences in my life, I can't make it on my own. It has been hard to admit for me that I may need professional help. I don't like asking for help.
So thank you Jenever and others, you certainly have helped me open my eyes, I have lot to think about here.
And hello to Vgo777, your input made me think about some things also. I think in a way Cancers and Virgos are very similar. We can both be shy and pessimistic and whiny, right That is why we irritate each other so much. We need different type of personalities to be honest. But for some reason you fell in love with your Cancer wife and married her, she can't be all bad???
And there is always two people in a relationship, don't forget your part in it. Virgos seem very fatalistic to me. Your wife is clingy and emotional and whiny, and boom, she is a bad person and you are bitter and instead addressing your issues, you go and cheat. I also cheated, cause it was a distraction from my bad marriage. In the end that same affair forced me to look at my life and myself and what I really want.
I believe that life and people in our lives are here to teach us. I have learned a lot about myself and admit that I am not the perfect person and I have a lot to learn.
What really bothers me about Virgos is that everything has to be black and white. It is like this with Tauruses also. The earth signs are somewhat very stiff. I am pretty flexible and like to go with the flow but it's hard when you keep banging your self against the brick wall of earth signs all the time
Another thing I don't understand about Virgos is that why do you feel you need to fix people and save them??? You are not Gods and people are not objects or projects. We are humans with feelings and personalities and unless you learn to know us first, there is nothing you can fix or make better. People don't need your fixing, most people need love and support. which you are not able to give. You are afraid of intimacy that is for sure,. And Cancers are also afraid to open up their shell, we are very cautious. But are willing to take a risk.
Also you say Cancers are weak. Hmm. Because we are emotional and sensitive, doesn't mean we are weak. You know what I can be very mean You don;t want me to be mean. For some reason Virgos equate emotions with weakness. I noticed that with my Virgo. You guys always want to be so in control. I believe that Cancers stir your heart and mind and soul and body and you are scared of that
Virgos are adept with compartmentalizing ( I think I spelled that right?) lol since it's hard for Virgos, especially males to embrace "emotionalism" and often cringe or will either find something else to do ie; reading, watching TV while the other rants. This is their way of coping. it's really about how one can deal with one's own emotions or emotional issues with another.
"cancers stirs the heart of the soul" I crab for you is an emotional basket case and that is plainly obvious from her tangential writings. A fricking mess, I could not even read her biography of what??? 12 paragraphs and no spaces between paragraphs. could not even read it. too much hype and emotionalism turns off all VIRGOS. and in general, most people hate listening to others drama, you girlies go on and on.. it's endless.
I'm a Libra, my moon is in Virgo and four of my planets are in the sixth house of Virgos, so I can relate to many of their traits. I do not condone cheating, I think it's wrong, and asking for a third person to enter into the equation of a committed partnership or marriage is a vampire or trouble maker. whichever fits... cheating is lying, and you can't talk your way out of that one. If you are not happy or have the need to spread yourself around, than think about becoming single. in that way no one outside of you will get hurt.
Remember your children? they are watching you even when you think they're not..
ICY, well said. By the way Vgo77 is a female (apparently). She sounds more like a male, but nope...it's her husband she is whining about, not her wife. And I agree, one can actually learn something from her example (like what kind of people to avoid if you want to be emotionally connected with your partner). By the way, my boy friend is a Taurus, and he has this stubborn, earthy side, but he is also very emotionally open, can be even vulnerable and is certainly not afraid of his feelings. Maybe he has a Cancer ascendent, or something, lol. I love and respect that about him.
And to clarify on the cheating... that applies to everyone. anyone who is thinking about cheating.. don't do it.
There is a need to find yourself when searching for an outsider to fill you up. Find a passion or a hobby that will absolutely feed your soul. you will get a lot more "peace" and contentment than all of this emotional drama that is negative and drains your energy... I know I've been there, and got tired of the negative feed and drain energies, I am so much happier now by just letting go..
some people are addicted to pain and drama..
Well, now you are talking song4jazz.
ICrabYou - I enjoyed your post. If you can ignore the negative statements on the thread and stay on track with what you are seeing within yourself and your life, I think you are going in the right direction. Just being able to make the statement, "The worst is that you get used to living like this" speaks volumes about your awareness and openess to change. As is always the case, fears subside as you continue to gain clarity.
Song4jazz - that is a very important statement you make about children "watching you even when you think they're not". You know you really have some great insights, I don’t understand why at times you take cheap shots at people. It’s a pointless distraction from the really valuable things you have to say. I am not saying that in a mean way, it’s just that I’ll read one of your posts and think, “wow, that is so true” and then you resort to ridicule and I feel like that is so beneath what you have to offer here, and it has the effect of negating how much I can trust the sincerity of the constructive things you are trying to say.
VS and Jen have given excellent advice and this is what this thread is all about!!!
Looks like there are people here who like to take it out on others.
BTW song4jazz I know many Libra ladies and could aslo say a word or two about you based on what I know about them. But I am not gonna go there.
Sry, if my post was too long and exhausting, and I am well aware of paragraphs, but I did the copy-paste from Word and didn't have time to edit. If you didn't feel like reading it, that is fine.
I for example enojoy long posts. And writing is my way of getting stuff out and it helps me come to conclusions. For example, after writing my post and getting it all out, I felt much better. That alone helped. If nobody had read it and not replied, it would have been fine.
But you are right, we Cancers can go on and on about the same stuff and it gets on people's nerves, I know I pushed my Virgo to the limit, but finally I understood that he will not open up.
I was an idiot and naive and stupid. I know that now. And people don't plan to have affairs, at least I didn't. I got emotional and could control myself. Nobody is perfect. I know it was wrong, but I can't take it back and change it, I can only learn from it.
I don't want to start hating myself, god knows I am fighting everyday with that and aslo fighting not to hate Virgo. It may take us Cancers longer to heal and get over stuff, cause we take everything into heart. Relationships are important to us.
Oh and BTW I never put my drama on Virgo, it was the opposite, he wanted the drama.
Virgo lives are so boring, they love the drama. But can't handle it. Just like they can't handle life and relationships.
Vgo777, I see that you have strong hatred towards Cancers.
Your marriage sounds empty.
We Cancers are practical also, very practical.
But I would not stay in a marriage where my husband doesn't want to spend time with me.
Actually I am the one who initiates things much more. BTW my moon is in Leo, so that alone says that I can't be that boring of a person. I love the outdoors, I love sports, I love music, I love to dance, I love many things, my husband has lot of interest also and they are different from mine, but we let each-other be who we are.
In the end of the day, it comes down to whom you can stand beside you in long-term and everyday basis. Every couple has issues, but you refuse to work on your issues. You run and hide. Total negativism and denial. If it works for you, fine. But why do you have to come here to put down Cancers and justify your own behaviour?? That is yet another Virgo trait, not owning up that maybe they do something wrong. So before you got married, you guys didn't do anything together? And you love that your Cancer is a good dedicated family man. At the same time you want him to be exciting. Well, sometimes you can't have it all. You have to figure out what is more important.
And when it comes to sex, then Virgos and Cancers are not compatible. I consider myself pretty passionate person, but at least my Virgo had issues with intimacy and sex. Maybe Virgos need different type of person to get them open up in the bedroom. Honestly, sex with him wasn't even that good, it was always the same and robotic.
Thank you you telling me how my husband ended up being an alcoholic. Yes, I took the bottle and poured it down his throat. Let me remind you that I was pregnant and breast-feeding for a long time, so didn't have a drink for years. We never had alcohol at home. But since my husband worked in a restaurant, alcohol was there in the end of every work day. Yes, I was the bad wife who was at home with our baby daughter waiting for my husband to come home. If it was that bad, he could have left. But to blame his drinking on me, come on.
What is it with the earth signs that they like to play victims?
As for song4Jazz pointing out that Virgos hate drama and we Cancers go on and on about stuff.
I would argue with that. In fact, it was my Virgo who every chance he got whined about his unhappy childhood, his manipulative mom, how he regrets his decision to study his major, how he didn't get married younger, and on and on and on. Always trying to get pity.
I didn't expect Virgo to solve my issues, I told him that from the beginning. Is that what it is?
You Virgos can't stand that we Cancers are actually strong enough to cope wityhout you and yes, I can let go.
You Virgos are so contradictory, you want what you are not able to give.
sry, posted twice but the first one didn't show up, thought I lost it.
Jen, VS, ABB, Gemini4ever, thank you guys for your support!
ICrabYou - When you write up a post in Word just try to remember to double space between the paragraphs. Then it will translate here with a single space. A strange quirk, but easy to adjust. Double space.
You are very resilient little Crab sister, I like your style.
ICrabYou I don't think an apparent lack of passion from a single person means that Virgo and Cancer are not compatible like that... as a matter of fact the person that's made my heart burn with passion the most was a Cancer. But I do admit that Virgos are hard to get to open up emotionally, and to lose themselves in emotion. I don't agree with Vgo77 that virgos hate emotion. I love emotion... I love it when someone can stir my emotions... but first they need to work on them, like melting solid chocolate - otherwise you can't stir it
If Virgo (hm... or most people, I think? But maybe for Virgo it's more intense?) is
not with a person he feels truly turned on by, he probably can't release the fire inside (Not that I know much about this, I haven't had sex - but well, I think the same thing applies with making out? Forgive me if it does not.).
If one can't release the fire inside, then one has to rely on technique, and naturally I assume things would become more robotic? One more time, I apologize if I'm saying something stupid (although I hope I am not xD).
J, I had no computer for this whole week, but now you have a giant wall of text which I sent you, waiting to be read and replied to
LOL! It does seem like alot of Cancers comment on this thread! Hey and even I can't escape it--I have Cancer rising! All is well with new Virgo and I. He's such a gentleman and calls everday. And guess what? It's not smothering at all (ok so far). I just hope the Gemini in me can take it when it's 3-6 months down the road. He's asked me for a second date and I said yes. He wanted to pick me up but I'm not ready for him to know where I live yet and definitely not ready to introduce him to the family. So I'm going to meet him somewhere casual; he's told me he'll be taking me to some really nice places when he can pick me up properly. He wants it to be perfect--to pick me up and whisk me off to somewhere special. I said that sounds good if we get to date 3--he told me he's sure there will be a date 3! I laughed and told him I thought so too and that I liked his confidence in that.
I also thought SJ4's comments were very well said and on point. Jen I too, wondered how wise a person could be so brilliant in one post and then go completely wicked in the next! I'm going to ignore Vgo's comments just like I'm ignorning last Virgo (I gave him no closure I just shut him out going on 3 weeks ago). Well I will probably end up reading them just to make sense of it all should someone else reply; but I won't be responding to her posts anymore. The negativity is beyond me and I really feel sorry for her because she is so ignorant to how she sounds.
HD, of course not all Virgos are as Vgo77 describes them. Actually, I've asked my Virgo friend whether he thought there was any truth in what Vgo77 said and I liked his answer. He said that there is a certain truth in that Virgos have capacity to detach themselves from their emotions easier than other signs, but it doesn't mean that they are unemotional altogether. What it does mean is that under certain circumstances this trait facilitates the danger of becoming a selfish and emotionally detached person. It's all down to personal choice. (Maybe I should invite him to join this thread, lol. He is full of insights.)
Gem, I'm rooting for you and the New Virgo ! Hope you make it to the date nº3, lol !
Hatred for Cancers? No. Hatred for weak sniveling women on this thread who have unrealistic fantasies regarding my star sign? Yes. LOL
It's so easy to take out your rants on a Virgo, isn't it? I scare you because I state what is rea with my sign. You see your boyfriends in "my words", don't you? You water signs live in a fantasy world where there are cheerleaders on your side and unicorns exist. Cheating is wrong but who cares? No one is dying because I am cheating and it's not about s e x. It's never about s e x with a Virgo. It's a mental thing that's fun. I like having fun and I like people. I like being social and if you find yourself strapped to a emotional cry baby in the marriage then it's a natural thing to look for happiness outside of that. One does not need to get divorced to save the other. Believe me, my husband is not something to look at. He got the better deal with me. I'm 11 years younger than he is. And if I left him, he'd never recover so because he is my best friend, I don't want harm him that way. Me cheating is helping him. He's totally happy, so why ruin that just because you people are insecure in my life ideals?
Oh God, why do you write such long paragraphs Cancer signs? Who can read that? My brain hasn't the time for that. LOL
"BTW I never put my drama on Virgo, it was the opposite, he wanted the drama.
Virgo lives are so boring, they love the drama. But can't handle it. Just like they can't handle life and relationships."
LMAO! A Cancer never puts her drama on a Virgo? Even Jenever7 is laughing at this one. Virgo's do not love drama, we cheat on you in the hopes to find someone drama a free. My life is far from boring. I fill every minute of it, every single minute.
Song4Jazz, did you notice Jenever7 trying to compliment you? Trying her hardest to pull you into her cheerleader group? That's how she wins them over as you can see. Sneaky. lol
Geminiever, you're terrified of my thoughts...