The heart of a Virgo man
Page won't turn
Admittedly I haven't been following the thread... but reading a few pages back, I did realize your co-worker's birthday is Aug 24th??
Same as mine!
I have a 24th August uncle(father's side) as well... and my grandparents(mother's side) married on 24th August too!
Anyway, would like to use this opportunity to send a hug to the people in this thread (especially ABB and VS) ^^
It seems I am a glutton for punishment because here we go again. Started talking with my virgo guy after 2 months of not speaking. We were talking pretty much every day then he does the push and pull thing that virgos do. I was ok with it, knowing now what I do about my guy and virgos in general. Here is my problem. Initially we were texting and talking, though not half as much as previously. He was also, not as affectionate as he was before. It was almost like he was afraid to get close again because he had admitted that I hurt him the last time we broke up. He would still call me pet names and such but was not in contact as much as previously. After speaking for 2 wks and going out again several times, we were intimate. Just prior to being intimate, I jokingly mentioned us being friends with bene's if that was what he wanted....he was not taking the joke and became upset and said "Is that what you think we are?" Then he told me he wanted a future with me and that he cared deeply for me but that I had to trust him, relax, and not over react. I'm ok with what ever arrangement he wanted us to have....as long as he told me what that was. Whether that was girlfriend, friend, or friends with bene's. But as long as I knew ahead of time, so my feelings didn't get too involved. So...I go into it thinking that he wants to be with me in a non-booty call way, so I guess my expectations were high..... I thought we would pick up where we left off emotionally and relationship wise.....well, I was shocked when after we were intimate, I don't hear from him in 2 days, when we were talking everyday. Ok....I'm thinking to myself that he is probably just busy but it is really odd for him NOT to at least text me something. So....after a couple of days, he starts texting/talking to me very little and in all honesty, acting like our encounter was a booty call. But....he makes normal date plans with me for tonight. So, We had a date to go out to a bar and watch the UFC fight. All is good, but at no time does he hold my hand or get affectionate with me. It's almost like he was treating me like a friend or co-worker, with the exception that he literally spoon fed me ice cream for dessert. I would put my hand on his leg or touch him and he was fine with it but he made no effort to hold my hand or kiss me. Then at the end of the night, I get a few kisses but just pecks on the lips. Nothing substantial at all. Also, I do get several hugs as well but that was it.
So....I realize that I am over analyzing the situation but can someone please give me some insight into what is going on? Is he just stepping back and being cautious because I have hurt him? Am I having to start ALL over again trying to win his affections? I realize that if I was just a booty call, then he wouldn't spend the time with me in other circumstances....but I'm really confused by his behavior. If he is just being cautious then I can understand and won't expect much from him at this point., but it would be really great to hear other points of view. Please help ladies....I really appreciate it!
Sincipypisces, to sum it up - it's not you, it's him. It's not because you did something to him (or might be just it might be used as a pretext), it's because of the way he fundamentally is. Typical Virgo men (and I'm not talking about Hidden Diamond here) thrive in uncertainties, grey areas, undefined relationships, having cake and eat it too - you get the picture. My guess is that he felt claustrophobic after intimacy (as Virgos do), and pulled out. I would have said - temporarily, if you started ignoring him in return, but this is just the pattern which is too typical, and in most likelyhood the situation will happen every time there is a step towards intimacy and commitment made. If you are ok with that, and your nerves are strong enough, you can safely relax in the knowledge that this situation will be repeating itself over and over again for as long as you know each other. On the other hand, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, now is the time to think carefully whether this pattern is what you want for the rest of your life. This reminds me so much of the way things were between my Virgo friend and myself (and the same pattern happened with my very first Virgo boy-friend ) years ago, and my Goodness, I just dread remembering how all this yoyo game made me feel ! I dislike roller-coasters ever since, lol. Hope that you are strong enough to put your well being first. Don't worry, don't panic, he is not going anywhere, for as long as YOU want him around. As for the normal human behaviour (showing some affection AFTER intimacy), that's just not the way Virgo men are, you can't expect it from them. Uncertainty is the only time when they feel need for affections, and this time is NOT after just being intimate. I'd say, respond in a kind, if you want him to show interest again.
Rosie, like you I also have a strong feeling that somehow SS will be ok, and will pull herself out of this negativity with time.
ABB, how are your daughters doing ? Is the one who's been through treatments doing well ? I've noticed that my sister is behaving more like her former self now, although she still has some anxieties, that come out through her dreams, mostly.
HD, how are you doing ? Hugs to you too ! By the way, I might be doing some work with the Coimbra orchestra at some point .
HD, thanks for the hugs and big hugs to you also! Hope all is well with you!
SinC, listen to what VS stated and just decide what it is you want in your life. If you don't mind the roller coaster ride then hang tough and just enjoy the ride!
VS, my daughter is healthy but she definitely still has brain fog from year long chemo/radiation. She's not 100% herself; very forgetful and sort of spacey. Probably due to a lot of hormones and chemicals stripped from her body. This should all correct itself in time. Hope your sister's anxiety gets better soon.
Have a beautiful Sunday ladies!
Thanks for the insight. At this point, my virgo had to take an unexpected trip to his native Brasil and is gone for 3 weeks. While he said we can email eachother, I have yet to receive anything from him other than his first email saying he had arrived ok and that there was a 4 hour time difference. I think what bothers me the most about this is that his lack of showing feelings to me. After we broke up and started talking again was the first time I actually found out that he cared about me and missed me. I'm not sure if this manly persona is because he is a virgo or because he is brasilian. Either way, when I think I know how he will be about something, he comes back and does something different. He is somewhat predictable now for the most part.... lol
You know....a girl would like to know that she is missed every now and again....but he doesn't seem to realize that I need to hear it from him. Is there any way to get him to realize that without telling him straight out, or sounding needy? Is "not working hard" typical man/virgo behavior when they are comfortable in a relationship? Do you think he is soooo comfortable that he's not worried that I won't leave him? At this point, I'm not sure if I want to continue with him or not. I may just hang out with him but look for someone new. I am definitely trying not to let my feelings become more involved, thats for sure. So, can I ask for a little more imput ladies? I really appreciate it.
SP, in my experience male Virgos are very economical with words and affections once they feel comfortable enough. They don't have it in them - the need to share, the emotional generosity just for the sake of it. By the way, after your previous message I've asked my Virgo friend, out of curiousity, why is it that men (I didn't specify the sign) tend to act desinterested after being intimate. His answer was - " isn't it obvious ? Birds do it, animals do it...well, some species mate for life, but most don't. It's a procreation game - to show your feathers before the act" . So there it is - pretty basic mating psychology, in fact. "Showing feathers" only in order to satisfy his need for whatever - s e x, ego gratification etc...No immediate need - no "feathers". He also mentionned need for space.
Probably the best way of letting him know that you need more emotional involvement from him is to talk to him calmly and explain that you feel that your emotional needs are not being met in this relationship, therefore you are questionning your compatibility. The important thing here is to stay very friendly and calm. Just state the facts about your feelings and don't offer solution. Let him come up with something. Another way is just to mirror everything he does, and see for how long he can feel comfortable without you making first moves towards intimacy.
As for him being Brazilian - I don't like generalizing, but there exists such a fenomenon as "macho latino" mentality , which might not help either. But I'd say, it's more a Virgo attitude than any particular nationality.
Good luck to you, and don't forget to put your needs first, whatever you do !
Just popping in to say hello ladies! busy, busy!
There you are Gem! Uncanny, I received a message outside of the forum from VS just today and she was saying how much she missed you, and here you are! We will hope to hear more from you when things settle down. Hang in there!
Sincitypisces - I agree with VS. All the reasons for his behavior aside, if you are not feeling that you are getting happiness out of the relationship, if it is more wondering and uncertainty about what is going on than actually just enjoying each other, then I would say you are on the right track with just hanging out with him and keeping your options open. It would be a good idea to talk to him first, as VS suggested. Give him a chance to make adjustments, but it sounds like you have actually given this a second chance as it is. You don't really say why you broke up with him the first time or why you got back together or how long the relationship was the first time. Probably a good time to do a little inventory of what happened the first time around. Maybe whatever wasn't working before is still the basic issue?
Hi G4E, busy is good ! Well, most of the time
Jen, this is synchronicity in action ... or should I say quantum psysics, or telepathy - since we are on a Tarot forum. ? Actually this happens a lot, probably to all people. We think about somebody, and then this person appears. Maybe that's an example of what Bruce Lipton and other new age philosophers are talking about - manifestation of our thoughts ?
Thanks Jen and VS--I miss you both as well! Speaking of manifestation, I certainly hope this thread isn't on it's last "legs" as some would hope for. I know it's because everyone very busy and doing well! I start the new job tomorrow; I know it will be great. Not dating; I decided to take a break, Capricorn man was a doozy! Virgo is still around but not in the same way which is good. His words to me on my last day of work on Friday was, "have a great last day". On to bigger and better things I suppose...
G4E, good luck with your new job, and I'm sure it will be a bigger and better thing ! To be honest I don't thing this thread is on its last legs, for as long as men keep getting born in September, lol. By the way, people can always chose to keep in touch, by becoming fb friends, via "could you move..." page, like few of us already have done, in case some major universal shift takes place in the Virgo world, and this thread suddenly loses its relevance.
I don't think * - sorry for the typos.
hi all, hope everyones doing ok, been a few busy weeks and have checked in, seems like the thread has slowed a little since the crazy madness a few good pages back.... things in my world have been nice and quiet apart from madness with the ex hubby (sag) seems he is taking off and moving town with his wife and kids, my son doesnt seemed to fazed but we will see next week when he has to say goodbye, feeling a wee bit emotional about it actually, im not even sure why, but things will fall into place im sure, ive certainly had to put up with worse from my ex so a little part of me is glad to see the back of him, 7 yrs of him bullying, threats, harsh words just to name a few and hopefully with him in another town this will come to an end, but a little part of me is sad for my son, how can his father just up and leave him.... anyone got any advice to share??
Glad things are nice in your world, and I understand that you feel sad for your son. If it can be of any consolation, your son will probably benifit from not having this kind of "role model" around, on the long run, once the immediate upset has passed. I'm sure that witnessing his dad bullying and threatenning his mum must have been hard on your son's psyche. But yes, we can all get emotional about losing all kinds of unhealthy people and habits in our life, just because it feels so familiar. I think all can do is to let your son feel and know that you'll be there for him no matter what, and the rest will gradually fall into places. Maybe it will be a positive change after all.
Coolkharma - I think it's a good sign that your son would miss his father. Maybe it means that he hasn't realized his father's real nature. He still has a positive foundation to work from. I am taking my oldest son to a counselor this week, at his request, because he can hardly bear another minute with his father. It will all come out in the end, so try to realize that this buys your son some time before he really has to deal with what you already know about his dad. That will be a sadder reality to deal with. For now you have him in your happy bubble where you can load him up with love.
I don't think the thread is going anywhere. I think that things just got too exhasperating for me and maybe for a few others. I needed a break, and I do have too many things going on myself that I need to address. My kids. Work is intense. Virgo's return has me all stirred up emotionally. Things with Ariesman have literally dissolved. We just quit communicating. Nothing was said, it's just that I don't text or call nor does he. The sad thing is I just don't care right now in any direction because there just seems to be too much all at once. The strangest thing is, it's like I could feel it coming in August. I was working very hard to get in front of what I could control because it's like I could feel change in the air. Like the way the wind quietly starts to pick up before the storm hits. All storms pass and this one will too - hopefully clearing the air for something new. But anyway, agree with VS, unless Virgo men suddenly vaporize, we're bound to keep going here.
Btw, the update on my Virgo in a nutshell is - can't deal with anything more than what he's got going on right now, doesn't think he's suited for any kind of relationship for a long time, but let's be friends and see what happens when all the dust settles after the divorce....the typical, "I'm going to put up my little wall here and every now and then I'll peak over to see if you're still around...so if you just sit tight and wait for me, who knows, I might be there for you, but then again, I might not, who can say what the future holds". I also have a new word as a result of all of this lately "preemptive excuses". It's like the "preemptive strike" but a passive version. Put the excuses out there right up front so that if there's any trouble later the excuses are already in place to fall back on and he can say, "wasn't my fault, you already knew my excuses for behaving badly right up front so shame on you for not paying better attention".
I'll let you know if there are any break-throughs in any meaningful communication. I honestly don't know what I think about him right now or where any of this will go. He's put me through so much already. I almost think that the main interest for me right now is to just have one moment where we see each other on what I will call a "level playing field". Meet in honesty and without drama and lies. I believe that will be a turning point for all the complicated emotions that have existed during my time thinking about this man. So, somehow I survived this far with knowing him, I suppose I will see what a little more time brings. I'm not going out of my way to stay in touch, he said he doesn't want to drag me into his divorce issues and quite honestly, I don't want to be there. I figure when the timing is better we can talk and if that takes a long time, well, maybe by then I won't even care who knows what the future may bring, eh?
I think you're doing the right thing with Virgo; just sit back and see what happens. Wonder why they have the need to be so passive? Are they cowards? I don't understand it. I can't stand the idea of someone always having a ready excuse than to just be upfront. That's why I'm glad I'm me. If I feel things aren't going somewhere with a man I let him know and I try not to be mean about it. I don't say, "it's me not you" either as I find that to be very condescending. How simple is that to spare someone heartbreak early on before feelings are involved. Too easy.
Here's what happened with Virgo this weekend. I told you all we decided to be friends. Well I have been calling and texting him and realized I was doing all the contacting. I'm thinking hey I don't want to be back at that place. So I told him that the friendship thing seemed more than one-sided and that I wouldnt be doing that anymore. He came back with he had a very busy weekend with his best friend and it wasn't like he wasn't thinking of me. I suppose I was supposed to be flattered. At the same time he texted that to me another male friend of mine sent me a text saying "thinking of you". So Virgo was so busy this weekend and all the other excuses he made, phone was somewhere else, etc. He couldn't even text a hello, but my other friend found time to send me a text that he was thinking of me. I'm asking myself why do I even want to be friends with Virgo; he's not even being a good friend! This morning I did get a good morning and have a great first day at my new job. I didn't even care but I said thanks--that's it. I did enjoy my first day on the job and the best thing is I don't have to worry about bumping into Virgo. I didn't realize how great that would be...