The heart of a Virgo man
You're very brave. I hope as time passes, you continue to remain as strong as you sound against Mr. Virgo right now. I totally agree with you that he has someone else. Men only check their phones like that when they're either suppose to be checking in with the other gf or they're trying to get a new relationship going with someone they really want. I hate to stay this so bluntly but he doesn't consider you wife material. He wants friends with benefits with you because he thinks your hot and fun to be around. And, something about you made him leave so maybe he got tired of not having a full commitment from you when he asked for it. Maybe since you didn't respond to his "i love you" the way he wanted you to that he decided he needed someone new who would. (Gemini's don't like to get hooked & male Virgo's want a woman who craves that long-term relationship with them, won't tell them what to do & will let them control everything. sad but true) Him disappearing on you for 30 mins then making that lame excuse is exactly what men do when they want to talk to someone else on the phone in private. He probably promised her a phone call that night, at a certain time, and since it cut into your time with him, he made the excuse & called her real quick. After all, he had you right there, so his challenge became keeping her happy so he chanced it & called her. He knew you'd be laid back regarding this & guess what..you were..He got away with it & if you dated him on a more serious level from here on, he'd keep treating you this way because he can. That act of his alone would be enough of a betrayal for you to dump him so I'm super glad you did. As you know, he'll keep coming back unless you cut all ties, Hope you didn't sleep with him because if he's got someone else in his life, most likely he's been intimate with her too so stay safe out there. Drives me nuts that men just can't be honest. He has nothing to lose since you made it very clear you were just friends. He could of man'ed up and gained your respect by telling you the truth but decided to lose you & your friendship instead by continuing his lies. Sorry that things didn't work out but that leaves more time for your Aries man so perhaps it's all meant to be. Besides, we all know that male Virgo's won't really end the relationship because everyone they date is a back up plan so although they may say, "move on', they don't really mean it. Because once you do, that catches their interest again & they start chasing you all over again unless he's got a new sweetheart that is more intriguing to him then you then he'll leave you alone.
So...In regards to my situation here, yes, I need to work this whole thing out in my own time with my male Virgo husband. I welcome all of the advice from here & I have read all of it. Thanks to everyone for sticking by me through this very difficult time in my life.
My husband's not being honest with me, I know he's been cheating while I was still in the US. Is it with the red-haired witch from before? Probably..He still continues to put me last after his immediate family & close friends. However, he's still being very sweet to me at our home but away from the home, I don't seem to exist to him. I'm gong to make the best of this for now & see what this new city can offer me. We're going to go look at cars next weekend so hopefully I get one so I won't have to depend on him so much.
Happy 4th of July to all our American friends!
Seasiren - It's possible that you husband still doesn't see any boundary between the fact that he is now married and having relationships with his former girlfriends. Afterall, he was taking care of his needs elsewhere while telling you that he wanted to marry you, those other women...they meant nothing to him, isn't that what he told you? If only you were there with him, he would toss them aside, right? This may still be the truth...they still mean nothing to him...even if he is playing around with them, he doesn't have any obligation to them. In fact, being married gives him an even better excuse to keep them only for playmates if this is what he's really up to.
Honestly, if that is what he is up to, I wonder if any woman really means anything more to him that what she has to offer in a utilitarian way. You don't seem to feel loved or understood by him, but you are now his wife and keeper of his castle. You will bear him children. You serve a useful purpose to him. He may think that anything he does with other women is of no real consequence - meaningless - just as it was before. But of course this would not be meaningless to you - at least I hope that's not the case. Because it's not about the s*e x it's about how he views all women. Having been in the same position as the "red haired witch", I can tell you that if she cares about him, it is not meaningless to her either. If you really believe that he is not being honest with you, then you should also consider that he will justify even more "witches" in his life. Why stop with just one? I am not saying any of this to be hurtful. I am saying it because I have been on the other side of your fence and know how an unfaithful Virgo operates...how they rationalize things.
Did I ever tell you that my Virgo cheated on his wife in the first year of their marriage? It was with an old girlfriend - the one who was his first se*x ual experience. He did it for fun, just for old times sake. According to him you're first lover is "special". (Apparently that's some kind of free pass to get intimate with her again no matter that you're married with your first baby). He says that later his conscience bothered him so much that he told his wife. Of course she was devastated and cried and struggled to trust him again. His attitude? "Well I was just trying to be honest". Uh huh. So how is it that 13 years into his marriage I encounter him lying about being single on a dating site? His conscience wasn't bothering him too much then, and I seriously doubt it was bothering him 13 years ago.
If anything I believe it was a way to keep things stirred up with his wife. Make her feel threatened and insecure so that she would do whatever it took to hang on to him - appreciate him - and if that didn't work then it might be a way to get her to leave him. So what if she left? To hear him tell it he was praying she would either leave or get run over by a truck. He only respected her as the mother of his children, otherwise (his words here), he found her "unattractive, stupid, materialistic, and selfish".
And "no" Seasiren, I am not saying that your husband is on a similar path, but I would suggest that a cheating Virgo's version of the truth is a very twisted thing that will twist you up as well because it's not so much that they lie, it's that they truly believe they are justified. This is just my long-winded way of reminding you to keep focused on yourself and your feelings about what is happening. Keep remembering that YOU matter not just him!
I hope that you do have a car soon! Maybe you can start meeting your husband for lunch or dinner when he's working those long 24 hour shifts. Might help him remember that he has a wife to come home to after being away for a full day.
Gem4ever, I am sorry about the trip. It sounds like he might have been on the fence. What bothers me is that he couldn't be straight with you about the situation, whether there was someone else or not. I think he could have been kinder than that and say "look, I have to make a phone call, and this is what is going on" and let the chips fall where they may. In that sense, I think he showed no character and you have much more character that way and you took your power back. The thing is I am not sure that you were entirely ready to make that move yet, but that is ok. You are going to be ok and we are too trained to look at things in a deterministic way, but what is today might not be tomorrow, things constantly change. And in relation to your weekend, I am sorry for saying this but I found Seasiren's comment about your Virgo not considering you prospective wife material very offensive...I do not agree with that. And if that is what he thought, would it be better to have a title like that and be in a situation like the one she is in now or might be in now? Many marriages are great and being single is also great and when a guy is trying to qualify you, we are also supposed to qualify them...and if they show evidence of behavior that is unacceptable in the dating stages it is the biggest red flag signal to get out. So great for Gem4Ever for being kind and having given the situation time and also getting out of it when he showed signs of not being worthy of HER. So Seasiren, in my view, Gem IS marriage material, HE IS NOT!!
I am sorry Seasiren but I think you are becoming so immersed in your reality that you are perhaps losing perspective and common sense with it too. You have an opinion of being a realist in other people's situations but not your own? Please be more open minded than that.
Perhaps some of you have heard of the book "the Honest Courtesan" after which the film Dangerous Beauty was made years ago. I am just going to say this: Had I lived in the mid 1500's I would have been a courtesan, educated, artistic, 1000 better than having been a wife or a nun. Those were the only choices women had back then and most of the times it was made for them: wife, nun or whore. The spectrum is much better now, we create our own destiny. Pain comes from within us, not outside of us...yes, it is inflicted by others at times but unlike the majority of women in a not so distant past, we do have a choice.
When you get a car and some much needed independence Seasiren, you will drive around and see other images and start filling you life with other things and then if you let it, your life will change inevitably. You will get oxygen. I encourage you to befriend other women in your area. There are comments sometimes in your posts -words mostly- that make me think at times that you do not like other women that much, and that you may view them solely as competition. I hope I am wrong. I hope that your marriage improves and this is just a phase.
Blessings ladies and much needed light.
Mardepp, who wrote "the Honest Courtisan" ? I'd love to read it . Another book on the same subject (role of wifes at the time of Henry the Eighth) is "The other Bolein girl" . Quite horrifying.
What is marriage material anyway ? Does such thing exist ? People are not things, and they are not either material for "things" to be shaped from. They are individuals with their own characteristics, which some people like, others don't. Each to his own, in other words. One man's ugly is another man's beautiful. Personally I respect G4E for having dealt with the situation in such a calm, classy way. And, G4E, if you did sleep with him- hope you enjoyed it just for what it was - a sexual pleasure.
SS, I kind of agree with Mardepp, that all this talk about "marriage material" is slightly offensive and degrading to women as human beings. And I also think that you tend to see women as competition - wives versus other women, without realising that the only person who actually has power of getting or not getting involved with other women is your husband - not a "red haired witch". She might not even know that he is married...
Just decided to elaborate a little bit on the subject of wives and mistresses in historical context. "The Other Boleyn Girl" is a book, based no a true story - there were 2 sisters, Mary and Anne Boleyn. Mary was king Henry the 8th mistress first, then he fell in love with Anne, who unlike her sister Mary, has cleverly manipulated him into marrying her and making her the Queen of England, by refusing to sleep with him before marriage. It worked, of course, and she's got what he wanted. Except that once she became his wife, he lost interest to her, fell in love with another girl, (who has followed Anne's example and also refused to sleep with him before marriage). So, good king Henry saw no other option than to accuse Anne of infedelity and witchcraft, execute her and marry his 3rd wife, who, fortunately for her died at childbirth later. Anne's sister Mary, on the other hand, has withdrawn from the court and all material wealth, and was the only surviver of all Boleyn siblings. She eventually married a man her inferior by social status and lived a happy, quiet life in the countryside.
My point is - be careful of what you wish, because you might get it. Being married is not always as desirable as it seems.
Hi Voply Soply! The full name of the book "The Honest Courtesan: Veronica Franco, Citizen and Writer in Sixteenth-Century Venice" by Margaret F. Rosenthal. It is not fiction, it is a history/social studies book. I have not said this but I am an artist myself and have been for years, was also very involved in music for almost half my life, so definitely in other times I would have chosen knowledge and some kind of freedom versus nothing...I always think that in other times me and many of my terrific female friends would have been burned at the stake or chastised in some manner.
Some of these positions are so ingrained in us even today (for instance if you have been raised Catholic, which I have). My grandmother, in the most characteristic northern Italian fashion, became a widow after only 4 or 5 years of having been married. She was 26 at the time, this woman was GORGEOUS. She could have had any man she wanted again and rebuild her life in that aspect, but she chose not to. She never remarried and stayed loyal to the memory of my grandfather for the rest of her life!!! She is in her 90's now. My grandfather was a wonderful man, he was a well known Dr. in his time, but she only knew him 4 or 5 year out of a WHOLE lifetime. Had he lived longer they would have had to go through many things together and really know each other, sometimes through crisis, sometimes through happiness. Instead she chose to idealize his memory to the point that no one ever could compete with his image. And so it is and it has been...She mostly had a sad life and allowed herself very little joy. That made her closed to even simple pleasures like flying on a plane, riding a bicycle, doing anything without guilt...Anyway.
VS, I watched the movie "The other Boleyn Girl" but I should read the book. When I visited the tower of London a few years back and saw the site where Anne was executed at and her place where she was housed your heart shrinks a little. That place has a strange energy...Mary was actually smarter that way in the end. We are truly blessed of living in this time!! Have a great day!
Give me a break Mardepp. You sit here & judge me? Take a nice hard look at your entire situation & how you're handling shit. lol You crack me up! This thread is not about judging each other, it's about helping each other so if you don't like what I have to say then don't read it! Because if anything, your comment back to me has upset me even more then I need to be today so yeah, thanks for all your help!
I was helping Gemini4Ever see a different point of view from the male Virgo's angle, NOT mine! I was in no way saying that she wasn't marriage material. Gemini4Ever is an excellent catch, her male Virgo is not! You read that totally wrong. I was saying her male Virgo felt that way because male Virgo's are idiots when it comes to the right women. 99% of the time, they have the right woman for them right in front of them but fail to see her for who she is. I feel this is what's happened in Gem's case. Gemini4Ever is too good for this male Virgo of hers. She sees that now, I see that too. She deserves better then that guy and that's what I was saying. By him not thinking she's good enough to be his wife, he is showing his true colors to her just like the rest of these jerk male Virgo's on here.
This forum is too upsetting for me to deal with anymore. I'm not coming back. Good bye & good luck ladies.
How did I judge you SS? By saying that I found a comment offensive? I only expressed that I found the comment offensive, I was not judging you SeaSiren. I have a right to my opinion just like you have a right to express yours. This is an open forum and I may read and comment on whatever I'd want to. You cannot control my free will. I am sorry if that upset you. You get back at me not with humbleness but defensiveness -when I was not attacking you- and asking me to look at my situation and I do that, believe me. I have been through a lot and I am happy with who I am today; I just expressed my opinion and I have a right to do that. Good luck to you in all your endeavors. This is supposed to be a democratic place to express who we are, I sincerely do not feel I was attacking anyone by expressing my view on women and finding a comment to be degrading of women and saying so. Are we so hypersensitive that we cannot express our opinions anymore?? Are you saying that you can be blunt and I am forbidden to do so? I might not be back either then, if that is the case. This is ridiculous and childlike!! I hope that you stay in the forum, I think that there are a lot of ladies that can help you here when you possibly need it most.
SeaSiren, you are definitely overreacting. Mardepp has expressed her opinion, like you have just expressed yours, so you are not being very objective here. However I'm very glad that you've written this last message to clarify that you were expressing your Virgo's opinion about "marriage material", not yours, because to be honest, that wasn't quite clear from your previous message. It would really be a pity if you quit this thread because of a small disagreement, but it's up to you of course. If you decide not to return, I really wish you lots of strength and please love yourself enough to take care of yourself !
Mardepp, please don't quit. This is a democratic place, no doubt of that. Thank you for the book reference, by the way, I love historical books, both fictional and non fictional. And yes, most women on this thread would probably be on the black list of Inquisition if we lived centuries ago.
Seasiren - You know you are always welcome here and that we care about you very much. Having said that, I will admit that something about your post left a bad feeling in me as well. It wasn't any particular statement but more an overall implication that you know what it takes to deal with a Virgo when you are clearly having struggles yourself. And yes, I did see how you gave Gem kudos for the way she dealt with her Virgo. Your overall message was of encouragement and agreement with her.
Seasiren, you left here months ago saying somthing to the effect of, "I don't care what you all think, I'm going to follow my heart and marry my Virgo". And poof you were gone. So you followed your heart and it got you married and now all of the old issues you had with him remain. It was a chance you needed to take so that you would know the answer and not live with regrets wondering what might have been. Now you have some answers and if you want to leave that's fine, because none of us can really do anything for you at this point other than give you a place to unload your emotions and discuss them. Whatever happens here is ultimately up to you anyway.
If you do happen to read this, the one thought I want you to hold, is that we simply believe in your right to be happy and loved and respected in life - and to have the opportunity to be engaged and active with your own interests in life, not just living for this man. From what you describe so far, you have very little of that going on. You have a husband who is nice to you when he makes the time to be around (emphasis on the word "makes") and you have what sounds like a really great house, where you have been basically held hostage for months. Now your trust is eroding which is going to spoil what little "nice" time you do have together. But I am an optimist and I do believe that love wins in the end...although the path love pulls you to may not be what you expected it to be.
I will revert once again to the wise words of my friend Hans who said to me, "cut away all that is not love and your faithful companions will reveal themselves". If it is not loving behavior Seasiren, well, it is not love. Only you can decide which you want in your life. I do hope that you will return if you need to talk, and if not, I will always wish you all the best.
SS and MD, please DO NOT leave the forum over "silliness". We are All here to support each other. What often appears as an attack is really just misplaced anger. Many times one or another of us has offended someone or stated something and it was misconstrued, yet when later explained everything resolved. It's good to work through these sensitive issues, it helps all of us learn and grow.
VS, you made me laugh. I definitely would have been burned at the stake! lol
Yes he was definitely checking in. It really made me sad because before then I’d believed everything he told me—I had no reason not to. It was so obvious he was lying. Well, he lied about other things too, but surprisingly on this trip he opened up a lot more. Last year, a friend of mine told me that he tried to come on to her (they were not in the states at the time). I asked him about it and he vehemently denied it telling me that she probably wished he would come on to her. I believed him. Well, this weekend he “suddenly” remembered a time prior to him getting married of them flirting with each other but nothing ever happened. I was very surprised at this revelation but I just listened. I was thinking that if he lied about that then he probably lied about sleeping with the married Aries woman. There were a lot of rumors going on about those two and she acted like she was jealous one time when we were at a club; sitting right down beside him all possessively. He said he didn’t know why she acted like that and that she liked drama. Now I think I know why. We talked some more and he said I never seemed to want to be in a relationship with him. I told him I could never be in a relationship with him when he’s still in love with his ex-wife. I then brought up the fact that he told me that last year (unbeknownst to me) they talked about getting back together. So there was a chance they could have reunited and then I would be heartbroken because at that time I was starting to care a lot about him. He said no, they would never get back together because she didn’t trust him and he couldn’t look sideways without her thinking he was up to something. He said he felt he was walking around on eggshells. I said well you finally validated that she couldn’t trust you because you cheated. He got silent on that and admitted I was right. I told him that if he had done something to lose her trust prior to cheating he should have done everything in his power to reassure her. He said he tried to but she wouldn’t let go of the past injustices other men had done to her. I suppose this justifies his cheating on her in his mind. I then told him when he told me in the beginning that he didn’t want the divorce—that she demanded it I should have run in the other direction. But he begged me not to hold that against him; to give him a chance. And this is what I get. I admit that I didn’t know what I wanted in the beginning and told him I just wanted to spend time with him to get to know him. Maybe I took too long in deciding exactly what I wanted. So I said maybe we should just be friends.
After he came back from “checking in” I asked him why he came on the trip; and why didn’t he cancel it if he was seeing someone else. He still denied this, but as I said all weekend he checked his phone. I feel really stupid for believe all his lies. But I don’t feel that I should think that all men are liars simply because I’ve dealt with that in my past. I feel really stupid for being with him at all now because in the past I wouldn’t have put up with all this b.s. with anyone else. But you know I’m going to say it’s his loss. Had he just ‘fessed up and told me the truth about all then maybe we could still be friends. But I hate that he acted like he was this man with integrity when he’s actually a loser who can’t tell the truth even when given a direct question. I was so very direct with my questions and he evaded them like his life depended on it. What I don’t get is if he’s not into me fine—let me know and let me make the decision based on what was said. He was a coward and I called him that too. I told him to man up for once, act like an adult and be honest. He still couldn’t. So I just laughed inside at his pitiful attempts to backtrack when we got back home. In my mind he told me what I needed to hear. He tried to act like he said it because I kept pushing him. I don’t believe that; I think he spoke from his heart and I’m fine with that. The truth sometimes hurt but we can get over hurt in time. But if one keeps lying to you over and over and keeps you hanging on with empty promises, it’s like they’re stealing the opportunity for you to get over it. That hurts much worse than getting the truth once and for all.
I appreciated your words but I don’t think he thinks I’m not wifey material. He’s told me many times that I’m a woman he could marry. And I never asked him this; he just came out and said it a few times. I think he doubted how I feel/felt about him and he’s said that many times. He’s said that I think he’s not good enough for me because I’ve never discussed being in a real relationship with him. SS you’re blunt like I am and I’m not upset at your words but I may have let Virgo get away with some things if you can say that but we aren’t in a one-on-one relationship. However you are letting your husband get away with everything. You have every reason to dump your husband (had every reason to dump him before you got married) yet you don’t. Now I’m not suggesting divorcing him right away; if you need to get counseling I’d do that first. If your husband isn’t willing to change then it’s your decision to stay and live in a life of uncertainty and misery even with all the luxuries he’s provided you. Virgo said “move” on and I know he meant it. He’s a Virgo so he’s in doubt about whether he made the right decision or not and tried to take it back. I’m not buying it. I’m almost relieved he said it believe it or not. Ladies we did sleep together and VS you’re right it was just s e x. It didn’t change the way the weekend was going to end. I had told him a few weeks prior that this would probably be our last time together. When I gave him the gift he kept trying to give it back and wanted me to give it to him for his b-day the end of next month. Guess he wanted there to be a reason I had to see him. As I said I virtually had to force it on him, make him open it and then make him leave my house. I was not giving that little devil enough time to work his charm on me again! SS I really like you girlie but pardon me for saying that your husband is working his charm on you and he’s probably cheating. You have that feeling and I say go with your feeling. Just because he’s cheating doesn’t mean you two can’t work it out. Get help so he can decide what needs to be done in order for him not to act as he does. If he can’t then maybe leaving him is the answer. However leaving should be the last resort. I believe in doing everything possible to save a marriage if it is salvageable. You all just got married; I want it to work for you because you clearly love this man! hugs
Thanks for your words. I don’t think SS meant to be mean; she has her opinions as we all do. I do think she should look at her situation a bit deeper. I think I’d rather have self-respect and walk away than to be “wifey” material for someone who clearly doesn’t respect me. I do think I handled my situation the best way possible. He thinks this is like the other times and he can get back with me. However, I despise liars and where I did not believe him to be a liar before, I do now and I can’t deal with that. If it makes him look bad of course he’s not going to tell me the truth. He has this image of himself as a humble, honest, upstanding guy—that’s only when it suits him! When trust is gone in any relationship I’m in, I quickly distance myself from that. Many things have occurred to me as a child and an adult—trust was lost and it’s hard to get it back for me once it’s gone. He has lost a friend in me and he will regret it. I asked him not to come into my office being all friendly to me and he did. I am so mad at him for that—not respecting my wishes. Then he sends this email he wanted to connect me with this friend he thought I might know from my past. He said he would do this but why was it so important for him to do this when I clearly said I wanted no contact from him. I responded to the friend but left Virgo out of the conversation. Wish he would just disappear.
Please, please, please neither of you leave! Take anything said here as being constructive not destructive. Sometimes the cold truth hurts and if it does don’t be defensive about it. Think about it and read what the supposed “offender” said and clarify what you actually meant. Men do this all the time. Women are likely to be more emotional and take offense rather than look at something logically and get clarification. And remember we are typing and not seeing emotion here; many things can and are misconstrued. However, I don’t think anything said here warrants anyone leaving the forum; we’d miss you too much. hugs to all.
Last (sorry so long had so much to say). Aries and I spoke last night and we get along so well! He’s said many times that the things I say he feels exactly. I was feeling down; about Aug Virgo and about one of my babies leaving the roost and I didn’t have much of an appetite. However, we talked about 45 minutes and he had me laughing and enjoying the conversation so much that I became ravenous! It was great, we made plans to go to dinner on Friday and then he sent a text after we hang up to thank me for such an enjoyable time. This morning I got a “good morning” and have a great day text. Then this evening I got a “hi”. I was just getting off work so I called him right after the text was sent. No response. I then sent him a text letting him know I just called and I’d talk to him later. That was about 5:10. It's 10:30 here now--nothing. This is the second time he’s done this and I’m perplexed. I asked him about having a woman or being married and he said no, so I don’t understand this at all. He never explained what happened the last time he did this and I brought up the fact I got no answer--no explantion still. I hate to be hasty but after Virgo I’m not putting up with b.s. so I’ll give Aries until the end of the week to see how he acts and then he might be the next one to go. What is going on???? LOL! Have a great night girls!
Thank you all for the comments. I sincerely want the best outcome in every situation for everyone and I was just stating an opinion which VS also shared. We all have the right to express ourselves and say what we truly think. I think in the past there has been at times ladies that were downright rude and that is not what I did, SS was not rude either. To all our freedom I say!
Gem4Ever, I feel you because that is not right of him to do that to you. But you know what? I really think that this is not over between you two. He will be back. I am like you, once someone crosses that line and lies, that is it for me, trust is lost, forever. I can definitely forgive someone, I even need that for my own peace, but I could not forget, specially if the person is not honest. I would go back to the observer role in you because I think that he will try this again, not right away, but he will.
I would let Aries come to you as much as possible and do have a great time if he contacts you but I wouldn't initiate anything yet if I were you (and if you like this guy or are curious about him). And I also would not assume that he is just dating you exclusively unless you two discuss it first. He might be dating you and others too. At this point you are in the very early stages, right?
I did a little experiment back in January. I was dating about 5 guys simultaneously and I told them all that I was doing that. I didn't kiss or sleep with any of them during the process. I would just go out eat, talk and really try to find out who they were and have fun while doing it. They found my bluntness a little surprising but they were fine with it. They were also very interesting people to talk to intellectually. As I did this my attraction grew for some of them more than others until I got clearer on who I wanted to continue dating (when I was in between the last two it got hard to figure out but not for long!). This was not a prolonged thing...it only lasted about a month and a half, three to five dates with each one. (A lot of work I know! I never went out that much in my life!) And inevitably you can tell who may end up being more compatible with you. I am still not entirely sure that my method worked -because things with V are sooooo slow and it is all one day at a time- but I had fun, I didn't hurt anyone and they didn't hurt me. Only two of them admitted to be doing the same thing (dating other people). With one of them we developed a really nice friendship to this day, an Aqua guy. The other is the V I am still dating and he said by date two that he called the other people and stopped the process and said to me "if you need to go out with other people more times, I understand, but I will/can't do that" and then we had the exclusivity talk. The other guys said they were not doing that (date multiple people) that they just couldn't, but I know that they were ;-). I found out all kinds of things through these guys. I also didn't get past the phone with two of three more, but I learned from all the conversations. By having conversations with different men I started to pick up on certain patterns and behaviors, certain things seemed more familiar than others. For instance, the one guy I thought had the most compatibility with me -he had a similar background, same upbringing, we communicated on more than one language and were very compatible intellectually- ended up not being that at all anymore. By date three I thought he was rather lazy and not willing to meet me closer to where I was, everything was great as long as we stayed within his idea of fun (a Pisces). Anyway, I believe it helps learn about certain things, specially if the method of choice is online dating. On the first date they will all bring you flowers and be charming, it is after a few dates that you really start seeing who they are. And if you do get involved physically it is so easy because as women we get attached, so it is better not to when you are really trying to learn about them and them about you. So Gem4Ever, I would keep my radar on to see what Aries does to impress you and maybe you could go out to dinner or coffee or a walk with one or two more!!
My friend T (a male) just came back from the far East, spending two months there. T is like a brother to me, he tells me everything, we are truly there for each other. I have known him for six years. Anyway, T tells me about this friend who stayed with him, a guy who is engaged to be married. Let's call him G. G cheated on his fiancee multiple times throughout the two months on the trip. T confronted him and said "what are you doing? You are a dog!!" G's fiancee suspected him cheating and confronted him, G denied it. So I guess what I am saying is, yes, knowledge is key but also and primarily your intuition and developing your intuition is key. We may still be wrong at times and get seriously hurt ( I do know that in my case!). There are good men out there like T, who will call out other men who behave like G. Men like T sometimes get blamed for stuff they haven't even done and men like G get away with it, they can be skilled at it, but eventually they are caught, sooner or later...
There is no formula ladies, some people have all the caution and it still goes wrong and some people are careless and it works for them, and the other way around. We are not responsible if another person is not honest and lies to us, we are only responsible for our own behavior and that is what gives us peace to sleep soundly at night. Knowing that we did our very best in any given situation. If someone hurts us is on them not on us. If we hurt someone is on us not on them.
Much peace to all and I hope that you all have a great day tomorrow :-).
Hello Hello Ladies How are you all ?? My computer crashed down suddenly due to some kind of problem in C.P.U. Missed you all.
CC, we missed you too here. My computer also recently crashed down suddenly, and wouldn't restart. I took it to the shop, but they said there was no problem with it whatsoever. After it got home it restared as usual. Mysterious business, almost like male Virgos
G4E, if I were you, I would talk to Aries man directly, and ask him about the disappearence. Aries usually give straight answers, and he might not even be aware that you were puzzled by his sudden absence. Ask a direct question - that's the way Aries operate.
So sad SS has disappeared on us again. Wish she could do the same to her husband, that would certainly be more productive. To be honest I don't think she was ready for facing the truth and for taking action. Probably that's the real reason she has quit the thread - she wanted sympathy, not solutions. I feel very sorry for her, to be honest, as I sense that she might have come from a very traditional, conservative background, and her values were formed a long time ago, and are all orientated towards the "traditional" female way of catching the husband and then putting up with all the bull...t. In a way she was right actually - she was a perfect "marriage material" to the kind of man her Virgo is. Basically she herself has taught him how to treat her - by marrying him few weeks after he got back from vacation with the other lady, and ALSO by not sleeping with him before the marriage - while any other woman would want to fully get to know her future husband in every possible way before the marriage, SS was sending him a clear message - "I am a traditional woman and expect to be treated in a traditional macho way - disrespect, lovers and all ". No wonder he has jumped to the opportunity. Now he's got his "ideal" situation - a wife, who would keep the house spottless, never leave home and shower him with admiration , and his freedom to follow his flights of fancy and live a separate parallel life.
Now I would have never said all this directly to SS, if she was still around, out of fear of scaring her away from this thread and the only emotional support she probably has these days, but if she has disappeared anyway, maybe it would in fact be helpful if she secretely read this. I think she really needs to rethink her own values, and see how they have contributed to the situation that she has found herself in. SS, if you are reading this - so sorry to cause you an additional upset, but this needed to be said at least once in your life. Hope you are intelligent enough not to dismiss it straight away. And we love you, even if we express opinions too directly.
I agree with what you said about SS; she gave advice and even tried to be blunt about it, but when it came to looking at her own situation and taking advice she didn't want to hear it. I think she thinks she is very lucky to have landed Virgo while many women find them elusive. But I said it before and say it again--she can have it! That's no way for anyone to live. I didn't say it before but it seemed she gloated because she got the prize! Some prize. SS if you're reading this I wish you all the luck in the world with your marriage and hope your Virgo does a 180 and you can live happily ever after. Your man has his cake and eating it (no devouring it) too. You deserve cake too... hugs
I still haven't heard from Aries and frankly don't really want to at this point. I did ask him point blank the last time he did this and I swore I wouldn't deal with this kind of behavior again. I do hope nothing is seriously wrong with him this time; but I wish him luck with someone else. If he should call and apologize of course I will listen and be gracious but I'm really turned off now. Also, I will have no further reports on Virgo; think he got the hint--walked by my office and didn't speak. I don't expect to hear from him again. Going to take a breather from any sort of relationship with a man right now. Maybe being by myself will do me some good--at least for a little while.
Gem - Aries said he would meet you for dinner Friday and I bet that you will come back here Saturday telling us what a wonderful time you had. Aries men need a little space, not to hide away with their thoughts like a Virgo or Cancer man might (or to hide misdeeds), just to do whatever they do. I think that until you two are closer, you might find him a bit elusive until he knows what he wants with you, but I seriously don't think that you are going to find him inaccessible like a Virgo. I would think that an independent lady like yourself could get along very easily with the independent Aries, when you relax and trust him. Try to be patient and don't expect the worst. You seem so excited about him, I want to know what happens next!! Now don't blow this over your Virgo baggage. (Saying that with a laugh :),