The heart of a Virgo man
I put a post up but it's disappeared????? Anyway I got sucked in again and spat back out why oh why did I do that??? And I'm a Virgo myself grrrr anyway big lesson learnt, will not make that mistake again
Good you're getting it all out. Don't be mad at yourself because you are a good person; you were being true. No one will think you are a fool because you are human and you loved another human who was incapable of loving you back. He's not wrong for that but he is wrong for leading you on. Be strong and stick to your convictions. If he comes back there is where your strength will be tested. However if you remember all the hurt you're going through now you won't go back to him. hugs
ConfusedCancer - This weekend, when you are out and about - because I KNOW you are not going to be hanging out at home wrangling with your emotions all weekend - go to a bookstore and see if you can find Don Miguel Ruiz' book "The Voice of Knowledge". I'm about halfway through (it's an easy read like all of Ruiz' books). I am loving this book. It's all about the lies in life that we tell ourselves and that we tell each other and why that is. Anyway, I can't begin to explain it the way that Ruiz does and you really have to start at the beginning and read it in it's entirety to follow the train of logic. I think it is so perfect for what you are going through right now. It won't settle the emotions, but it might help clear out some things in your head and then the emotions will follow. Please look for it. In fact try to find a bookstore with a little place you can hang out for a while reading you new book over a cup of latte and checking out the scenery for interesting single men.
CoolKharma - What happened???
I believed him, he got me on a day where I was feeling vulnerable and needed someone to tell me I was none of things I was telling myself, and so there he was, saying all the rite things, giving me the nurturing I needed...
So we have a spent a couple of nights together last week, but hit Monday disappeared again, so I txt him and still no reply , he behaving like the true blue Virgo male he always was, he disappeared last time because he got weirded out blah blah blah then yesterday while having lunch with a friend, I bumped into a mutual friend who doesn't know anything about the mr virg and I, so he proceeding to tell me that mr vir was seeing some silly dirty slt and then I said really??? Did he really say that I asked he said yes!!! Silly yes I'd say so due to going back there, dirty and slt i am not!!! So I just wondering how long it will take till he replies to that horrible txt I sent him!! Being a Virgo myself I know he will hate the confrontation and avoid me altogether , fingers crossed
CKh, are you sure that the mutual friend was talking about you ? Is it possible that mr. Virgo was seing someone else (who he perceives as a dirty sl...)? Not that it would make the situation any better..Anyway, just forgive yourself for being too trusting and move on. Relapse is a part of a healing process.
CK – Wow. My stomach plummeted when I read what the v.i.r.g.o said so I know yours did summersaults. Actually, I was thinking the same thing VS said. They typically have little side flings so you can’t really be sure it was you he was referring to. Chances are he may have disappeared because he is occupied with another (maybe the one he was referring to?). What was your history with this V?
Once I've heard a phrase "Don't seek love from the devil". They were talking about people who keep looking for approval from parents who used to abuse them. Don't want to put labels on people, but one should remember not to look for validation from the person who is likely to hurt you, and in fact has already been known to hurt you in the past.
My Tum did somersaults indeed..
I just don't understand the effort he made to get things back on track and now has disappeared, who has time for that crap when it's known it will be short lived?
As for the name calling, it's highly possible there is someone else but my gut says there isn't, he works very long shifts, still it's possible.....
Mr Houdini Has still not made contact, says guilty, for what, I'm not ever gonna know
Coolkharma - Don't underestimate how much activity a Virgo can pack into a day or a week. I think back to Vic's guy and all of the flings that guy had going on. If I remember right he had seen Vic and someone else in the same day and still went home to his wife that night. Virgo likes a challenge you know...maybe seeing how much of himself he can share in a day is one of them. My young Virgo "friend" that I've mentioned at times in the thread invites women over that he picks up on dating sites and do them at his house while his wife is out with family or friends. I believe it's a rush for him to get away with it.
And you know what grates on me the most? That men can engage in whatever activity they want, as often as they want, with whomever they want, ignoring any relationship commitments they might have, and still the woman involved with them is the slt. It's like the grown-up version of "boys will be boys" but when "girls" do it it's dirty. If your Virgo is messing with a woman that he perceives to be a silly dirty slt, well I believe that makes him one too doesn't it? I agree with the others, I'm not convinced that he is talking about you at all. Who knows what he's got going on if he doesn't flinch at telling people he's playing with silly dirty sl*ts. Is that something you would want people to know about you? That kind of word gets out and what "nice girl" is going to want to touch him? I know you're angry and hurt, but you already seem to know that you're better off without this guy.
So tru Jen
The whole man sleeping round is seen as fairly normal, but as soon as a woman does its got sl*t written all over it....
I do know I'm better off with out him but what I can't seem to shake is how can someone say all these things and act like its nothing, I think that what hurts me...
Call me old fashioned but that is not how it works with me, if I say something I mean it, I don't ignore nor do I disappear
Anyway I decided yesterday to return his stuff, knowing he is doing night shift at moment and doesn't wake till 2 pm
Was so nervous as I really didn't want to get caught dropping his things off lol I snuck up to the front door dumped his stuff and ran!!!! Hahaha was so funny, I almost fell over the mad sand dune but made it safely back to the car
I'm sure he will get the hint to f@ck off, he now has no excuse to ring or ask for anything....
Done and dusted
Hey coolkharma, since no one said it, i am going to ask (probably the question doesnt make sense but still): Your friend who told you the V person had said those things has no interest in you thinking he said them, correct? If not correct, then are you absolutely sure he/she does not know about you and V person?
Anyway update on current status of cancer girl and me (J, I'm just summarizing, its no new development):
Problems here, problems there, but we're still friends... just friends though.
Am going to take her some pastry tomorrow when I go back to university (I'm in Lisbon, came here to visit my grandparents this weekend). After that, on monday I intend to wish her good luck with a test(Neurology) and after the test ask how it went. On wednesday, same with her anatomy test. Maybe on tuesday ask how her study is coming along.
But other than those things (which might be too much already, since other than whatever text message I might send, we see each other in classes every monday, tuesday and wednesday) to show that I care.. I intend to keep some distance. For both my mental sanity, and because I don't want her to feel like she will always have me as a backup plan.
Also, I thought her anatomy test was last wednesday... so I told her: ''I couldn't find you a 4 leaf clover... so, well, I dressed in green.'' - but then she told me it wasn't that day :s I felt a bit stupid, but who cares - I bet it was funny nonetheless.
This next wednesday I wanted to give her some 4-leaf-clover shaped thing... I have some colored pencils at home, so if all else failed and I can't find a 4 leaf real clover, or a clover-shaped pin, I could just draw a big one, in an A3 sheet, and color it. I can give it to her in class too. But there's a chance she will skip, to have more time to study. In that case I could even ring on her doorbell to give her whatever it is I decide to give her. Wonder if that's too much? Wouldn't take much of her time, just 2minutes.
HD, you are a sweet guy, but yes, this is way too much of attention, to be honest. It might feel like smothering to her. You don't give her a chance to miss you, and in a way you are putting yourself into a situation of being taken for granted. I advice you to limit your attention by asking her about the resuts only at the end of all tests (just once). Let her come to you.
hi HiddenDiamond, the person who stood and told us i dont know, nor does he even no me or my name, he was talking to the person i was with that had common friends, a friend dated one of his friends kinda deal, all the surfing guys here in dunedin nz have nick names, mr virgo's being ed, so i knew straight away but the person i was with didnt know that my mr virgo was the same person as i dont call him that, i refer to him as his real name, she didnt know until after we jumped in car and talked about it.....
Ok VS... I'm still taking her the Pasteis de Belem today tho
I just can't brag about going there unless I make it clear that I didn't forget about her Plus, I already told her I would have a surprise for her on sunday (today)..
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!
Well V.i.r.go is still in pursuit although I think this will end today. He became somewhat angry with me this weekend after it became clear I was not going to go flying back to him. I think he is somewhat in a semi-panic and its finally clicking that this time is different. I believe deep down that he thought I’d be back and now he’s confused because I am not fitting in the plan he has made.
Soooo he starts telling me how we should be married right now or at the very least engaged (yeah whatever). When that didn’t get the response he wanted (I didn’t respond at all), he starts dumping everything on me and I mean everything. I broke it down to him…not his perception of things but the reality… no emotions, straight facts, clear and concise and I know he doesn’t like what I said because my words take the responsibility of our failing relationship off of me and squarely on him. Baggage I know he emotionally isn’t equipped to carry.
I pity him at this point. Its funny …all the pain he has given me and now I just feel sorry for him.
CKh – I hope you are feeling better hugz
I have not been on here in a while and hope all is well with everyone. I have been away dealing with my health issues and I am much much better after multiple surgeries and I remain cancer free!!!
Of course my Virgo problem has only gotten worse. I am so deeply in love with my Virguy and he refuses to have any contact with me. I told him about how he made me feel and called him a jerk and an **** and I never heard from him again. It's been over a month I have called him, text him and sent him heartfelt emails and he responds to nothing which cuts me to the core even deeper. I asked him to just tell me he isn't angry wth me and that we would be okay with each other and I will leave it at that but he refuses to let me have any closure from him. I hurt so much I cry all the time. I miss him so badly that I can feel the lump in my stomach now but he refuses to have any form of communication with me after I told him how insulting he was to me.
The real kicker is now my job has been relocated to his state and the same city and I am so afraid to tell him. I don't even want to live on the same side of town as him. I am afraid to run into him and have him treat me like he never knew me. When I found out my job was being moved there I never even told him. He makes me walk on eggshells and I don't want him to know. I don't wnat him to think I am there for him even though deep in my heart I am excited that we will be in the same state. I really love him and all I really want is to have communication and friendship with him. He hasn't deleted me from his fb page and I am wondering why if he doesn't want anything to do with me. I miss this man and he knows how hurt I am yet he gives me nothing. I just want our communication back. I can' say that I will want our sexual relationship becasue I believe that will be death to any type of repair we could do with our friendship or lack thereof. I really miss him so much please help me out give me some sound advice.
I just don't know what else to do...someone said wait to run into him but I don't think we will see each other as Orlando is a huge city
4thelove - Its been a minute. I admit, I'm really surprised you and the V were / are still dealing. I thought he had finally pushed you to the limit and you guys were done, done, done! Yes Orlando may be big but those guys have a way of popping up when we least expect it. My current boyfriend and my ex V ended up going to the same party and I only knew because my ex happened to be in the background of one of the pictures my boyfriend took. What are the chances of them being at the same party on the same day and my ex walking by at the same time the photo was taken? We live in a major city and they do not live near one another or share any common friends.
Dont worry about your V, he is sulking right now and likely analyzing everything that transpired prior to you going off on him. He''l pop up eventually, but you need to stop contacting him because then he's not wondering why you aren't calling/texting, ect.
Glad your health is on the up and up!!!! Welcome Back : )
Thanks snowball. My ride with Virguy has been extremely bumpy but my heart doesn't want us to end like this. I mean if we end and nothing can be fixed, so be it but I just need the proper closure not one that makes me feel less than human. I really laid into him very hard and told him he was wasn't worthy of me and I lowered my standards to deal with him but that is how I truly feel. I also made sure to point out in my following emails to him that I meant everyword I said and was not apologizing for saying things that he needed to hear. I really fell in love with this man because all though he can be a jerk he also makes me smile an he brings a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. I am hurting so much that we arent speaking. You are right though I need to stop reaching out to him. I send him an "I'm thinking of you" text just about once a week since our falling out. I am so nervous about my move to his city I just don't even know what to do. I just want my Virguy back. I want our laughter back. I miss him so!!!!
4theLoL, so glad your health is improving ! Like SB I am a little bit surprised that you and your Virgo are still exactly in the same stormy situation as a year ago. It seems to me that you haven't quite understood yet your own feelings about him. I think that deep down you know that in fact you have lowered your standarts by being with him, and you know that you deserve a better relationship, which is why you've written that letter to him and meant every word of it. Also I think that you are addicted to the drama and rush of adrenaline that he provides, that's why you need him so badly. Deep down you know that like with all addictions this one is unhealthy and damaging to your self worth, but like with all addictions - you need your "fix" that he provides for you to be able to function until next time, when he withdraws it. Does it make any sense ? I agree with Snowball, by contacting him you are supplying him with his "fix" (yes, he is also addicted to the same "substance"), and there is no need for him to contact you, as long as you keep chasing him. To be honest, I still keep thinking that you need a "detox" time, like a year ago, so that you would get back in touch with your powerful self. My advice to you would be - before you move into his town, take some "vacation" time off , I mean off texting, off talking etc. Treat yourself to a nice trip to a holiday destination, if you can, to get some emotional distance from him.
Snowball, isn't it amazing how Virgo men use the proposal as a last resort to get you back ? To be honest this story reminds me of SeaSiren's story (I wonder how she is doing, would be interesting to know what happenned to her engagement plans). The guy has cheated, and then he comes back, thinking that proposing would get everything back to track ...well, sometimes it works, I guess. Yeah, it's a good old posessive reflex, kicking in....until they get you back. My Virgo friend still can't quite believe that I'm not going to accept his proposal. And Snowball, just like you, I feel so sorry for him ! I keep seing him as a little lost boy, and part of me just wants to comfort him, but I know that I have to keep the "over protective" instinct under control, because it wouldn't be doing him any favour on the long run. He has to grow up and face the consequenses of his past actions.