The heart of a Virgo man
TaurusDee - Hello! Nice to have you here. What to say....of course most of us here understand all too well the situation you are in and what is weighing on your mind and heart. I don't sense that you are looking for any particular answer, since there is none that will resolve your predicament until you sort it out for yourself.
I completely understand what you mean when you say "right". I have felt it, I can still feel it. But since I do know where you're coming from, and you say that you have pulled away from him numerous times already, I know that somewhere deep inside you you are starting to accept that it isn't really right. Not all of it, just a piece of it. So I understand as well how much energy you spend on weighing out what is really important in a relationship, that "right" feeling or the many other things that you would like to go along with it, but that aren't there. You want that "right" feeling and aren't willing to settle for anything less - yet at the same time as you try to hang on to THAT feeling and you consciously give up other aspects of the relationship that you value, then this has you settling just in a different way.
Maybe it's not possible to have it all, I don't know. What I do know at this point is that if the "relationship" is leaving you unhappy or lacking, then it's not a good relationship for you. It is probably a good relationship for him - particularly if he can say "this is all there is". So it's good for him but not for you.
I don't know if there will be another man who feels as "right" as Virgo and I did, but I don't think it was worth any more of his nonsense and drama to try to hold on to that. I remain optimistic that there are enough other men on this planet that the odds are in my favor that I will find that feeling again and more - I want all of those other things that were left out when all we had together was just that inexplicable "rightness". Since you are in a non-traditional relationship, then you understand what I mean when I say that you have not had a real opportunity to know what it would be like to have a complete relationship experience with your guy. As much as I adored my Virgo, my rational self was always honest about the fact that I didn't know him as a complete person. So of course I couldn't know how "right" things would really have been if we had known each other completely. That's reality and there was no opportunity for reality to exist. Just a touch of reality and everything else was kept in a dream state. Having more of a balance of all the things you really want in a relationship in reality, would be so much nicer than wishing for it in a dream don't you think?
I'm just wondering how is it that these men have that much power over some women? I mean I like my Virgo but I certainly don't feel as some of the women here feel. That he is mystical and controlling my soul, etc. I guess I'm too much of a control freak and would not dare let someone control me like that. But TD it sounds like unrequited love which is always a sad thing. You feel a certain way and he doesn't and he's said you two are what you are--which is? Venting is good I don't know what to say except stop giving him your power. Your love is too good for this one. And while you're pouring your all into someone who doesn't appreciate you; you're losing out on the one who is FOR you...just a thought. I hope you feel better for venting. Go back and reread what you wrote. Maybe it will make you realize you need to move on...take care.
CC and TD,
Maybe it's the fact that you can't have him that makes it feel so intense - just a thought. All that longing makes you build him up in your head and then you see him - and voila, you feel like fainting. I was feeling like this with my very first bey-friend (a Virgo), well, more like a friend with benifits. There was also an extreme connection, reading each other's mind, running into each other in the huge city by accident, this kind of things...Or so I thought. In the end he has chosen to marry another girl, who he divorced few years later (or so tried to convince me), when I ran into him by accident years later, and he wanted me back. I clearly remember by that time having come to my senses and finding it amusing to watch his attemts to put me back on a hook. All I can say, having looked at him dispassionately - yes, he is that kind of person, who stirs women's imagination. There is that kind of aura about him, but it has nothing to do with me personally. It's just him. Also he was a coward, an unprincipled, spineless person, and his sad, enigmatic looks and dry sense of humour was all he had. No real substance - no kindness, no strength, no sense of direction. That's what I saw after the obsession was over, but not before.
The post button is not working
Snowball I am crying while reading your post. Its coming out with out much effort. I cant even imagine how it will feel to live with out him. Its scaring the shit out of me. Yes I am scared to death , not b"coz he left but its b"coz of the thought that "I will not be able to love any other man as I loved my virgo" & "there will be no such connection with anyone else". He has made me fall hard & my cancer being is so sensitive & scared to trust any other man in my life again. Its takes me long to commit to somebody but when I get hurt I go inside my shell never to come back again. I've my rising in virgo,may be that is the reason why I worry so much.If its true that He used me as Plan-B or may be as a rebound when he broke up with his long term girl friend then why did he told me that he is very lonely & there is no other girl in his life except me, I am his only friend & he will not love any one else but me. Is this all lie???????????? I dont know. B'coz I never lied to him & I think he was honest with me too. When he left his x & got involved with me he was still in contact with his x(through texts&calls), , he was so sweet, caring, attentive but after our arguement he just turned in to a cold, unemotional , insensitive man. I dont know what a challenge is b'coz I 've never faced a challenge in love before. Its neither a strategy nor a game to me & not for any of you girls but its tough to find out whts going on inside a virgo man's mind..ssshh. But I can say one thing for sure its in our cancerian nature- when we wipe someone out of our mind we wipe them out forever & no look ing back again ,neither we return to our x's as these virgos (men) often do.
So glad to hear that your man treats you like a queen,be happy always like you are now..good luck to you & hugs.
VS thanks girly yes its so true I'm too much toxicated with my virgos thoughts. I really need a long break.hehe & I wish to get my virgo man back but I know its neve gonna happen :(, I 'm just making a fool of my self.
I am standing in a QUEUE & waiting for my turn. Omg VS so true about their "Aura" thing. You actually described my x -he too was spineless & coward , with dry humour lol..Are they all same? My God my x was exactly like that no self esteem, no inner-strength,always whining & nagging about life.
Thanks to you VS Hugs.
Is there anything common between us girls? Is there any specific kind of thing these virgo men are searching for in woman? Do we have that thing in common? Or its the story of every woman who is/was involved with her virgo?.. Lol our experiences are so alike yet so different. XO
Taurusdee I can feel whats going on with you . Trust me I am in the same boat . The soul connection is so very deep & intense. Virgo guys make this soul connection for short-term may be ,I guess, & they are evasive . Hugs to you too.
G4e you are absolutely right but I want to tell you about the soul thing you've mentioned that you never felt that way as few woman have experienced its because each & every zodiac sign is different as a cancer I feel deeply as we are ruled by moon(all about emotions),we are like human sponge we can soak other's pain away & you are ruled by mercury( of communication) . My gemini friend is very chatty,witty and always makes me happy with her humorous side but she seems different when she deals with emotions lol (no offence but each & every zodiac sign feels & acts differently) I love her.Hugs .
Jen so true what you have said ,we will never know that "right" thing. Hugs
Most of the woman on this thread actually have that soul mate connection thing(with their virgo) & its a common factor with every one of us with our virgo man..lol.
According astrology & few people " its worth the wait, if you wait for a virgo man".
Is there a chance if my virgo man still answers my texts???????
He invited me over tonight. Now this after 2 months of him asking, "when do you want to spend a night with me again?" I told him I would never invite myself over again and besides we're fwob now. So finally he asks and I accept. In the same conversation he says that since I cancelled our last trip (we were supposed to go somewhere this weekend) and he wanted to go and this time he'd plan it. So I said ok to that as well and we are booked to go in Jun. He's really been going the extra mile with me lately. However, I still don't call, text, or chat with him at work much. We had a really good conversation last week and he ask me if I wanted to get married again. I said yes I definitely do. We also talked about his ex and his daughter (something we neverrrrrrrr really got into on any deep level before). I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this. I wonder if he's paying extra attention to me because I'm acting
indifferent? So sad for me to be thinking this way; never have about any man before. Darn Virgos!
I think I'll just keep doing what I've been doing and not expect anything out of him and therefore eliminate any dissappointment that may come. I really hate having my guard up, but with this one I have to. I know as soon as I begin to "feel" for him as I used to, he'll do something to mess it up. What to do?
Gemini4ever - On one hand I'm impressed with your self-control and on the other I can't help bus ask, "what's the point". He has you on edge. He is controlling you emotionally. It just doesn't seem worth it in the big picture and it doesn't seem fair to you. The game continues, the rules just changed.
ConfusedCancer - Okay, you said something really important here: "Yes I am scared to death , not b"coz he left but its b"coz of the thought that "I will not be able to love any other man as I loved my virgo" & "there will be no such connection with anyone else". So look at this closely and understand that this is not about him, he's just a sidebar to the real issue. It's about your fear of the unknown. It's about you wanting something very much in your present life but not accepting that what you want isn't here right now, and not having the courage to just have some patience to let the next "right" man come into your life. You need to have some faith that there IS someone else out there. You have to realize that what will be coming can't be found in what you know as your life right now, it can ONLY arrive from the unknown. Please try to be less afraid of the unknown. The unknown is the source of all change, good or bad. When you already know what and who is bad for you in the present, you should not want to go back for more of that. You should be excited about something brand new coming to you.
So I wonder CC, are you ready for the truly right man to come into your life? If you ran into him today, with your teary eyes and your heart aching for a man who doesn't really want to be fully in your life, would Mr. Right recognize you as his Miss Right? Or will he see someone who is lost in the misery of her last relationship with nothing to offer him - and so he will pass you by? Try to concentrate your efforts on being the kind of person that you want your new guy to know, so that he will recognize you when your paths cross. If you do that I believe you will also start to heal your self-esteem.
Thinking about you late last night I was interested in the word "obsession" that keeps coming up in the thread lately, so I looked on-line for information about "controlling obsession". One idea that I liked is how our mind is always churning, ideas coming and going ALL the time, relentlessly. Our minds keep churning even as our physical body rests. There is no stopping it. BUT what you can control is how much interest you allow yourself to take in what the mind creates. The suggestion was to make conscious decisions about the level of interest you want to show in the thoughts that comes into your head. These are, afterall, just thoughts, "passing like clouds". When clouds pass through the sky, some interesting ones might catch our attention, but we don't spend hours thinking about that one cloud after it's gone, nor do we spend all of our time just looking at the clouds and thinking about the clouds until the clouds become the emphasis of our whole lives. I thought that was an interesting analogy.
If I was seeing someone right now I wouldn't even entertain the Virgo because I've got his number. But right now I'm not seeing anyone seriously and Virgo is entertaining me so I'm game. Yes he is controlling emotionally--because I won't allow myself to be as open to him as I might want to with someone. It feels right to me when I don't have to have my guard up and can be honest about my feelings. However yes he's controlling that because I feel I can't with him. Maybe I'm like him in a way. If I go over there tonight and he said he didn't want to see me after tonight I'd be fine with that. Maybe a part of me wishes he would then I could be done with this once and for all. But he is fun and we do get along really well. I never thought I'd say that about a Virgo or any earth sign--they normally bore me to tears. But then again Gemini's love a challenge! I just wonder sometimes when I try to give him an out with us he never takes it and he was the one who said please give us a chance just last week. Does he really want to do that? Or is this more mind games? Maybe I'm a challenge to him because I seem like I can take him or leave him. Ah well. I just hope if someone comes along and I connect with them that Virgo won't be hurt when I finally say farewell to all his push/pull. I don't want to hurt him yet have to be on guard so he doesn't hurt me! LOL! Thanks Jen; you do have an excellent point and I am pondering, "what's the point?"
Gem4ever - I was concerned that you wouldn't understand what I was saying about the control aspect. You totally got it. Any time we have to check our emotions (especially our good emotions - what a shame), and can't just be who we are, then I would question what the point is of the relationship. Why should you have to minimize your feelings to keep a man. This is why through all my time on this thread and through all the goings on with my Virgo I could never resort to playing games to try to win him. Often people here have said, "don't tell him you care, don't let him know how you feel, etc." I've had many tips on what to do with Virgo. That probably does work very well for keeping a Virgo, but it just doesn't work for me. I always told Virgo the truth about my feelings because that's how I want to operate and I want relationships that are sincere. If Virgo needed the games to be happy, then it was never going to work anyway. You know maybe the thing about Virgo's is that they like to challenge other's, they don't necessarily want to be challenged themselves.
Just remember, people who care about each other support each other. They don't leave the other on edge waiting and wondering when they are going to be left hurt. People who care want to take care of each other. And as for the fun of the games...well...as we mom's like to say, "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt".
All true what you said (of course I got it; I'm an air sign not an air head lol!). Thing is I'm not playing games--he might be. He knows exactly how I felt about him; I just don't do and say the things I used to anymore. I've even told him my feelings have changed somewhat but I think his ego thinks otherwise. I do think I'm being guarded but there's no harm in that. Also, there's no man to "keep"--we're not in an exclusive relationship. I can still enjoy his company; only this time he can do all the chasing, I'm done with that.
What a great thread! I didn't realize Virgo men were messing with so many other women's minds! I have a question (I asked this a couple weeks ago but things have changed a bit) about the Virgo man I was dating for a month. We had a great rapport, and I feel very safe with him. It is still very early, so I don't have deep feelings or attachments at the moment, but I do like him a lot. The entire month, he called and texted me everyday, encouraged me to open up to him, and he likewise opened up to me about a lot of serious and personal issues (some of which he told me I was the only person he had ever told). The last time I saw him, he did imply that he is still talking to other women and I told him I appreciated the honesty (I had asked him the question). We were intimate, but it only happened twice; I realized I was becoming emotionally attached and I told him I didn't want it to be like that without a relationship. He understood and said he had kind of felt the same way. We have both come out of really bad relationships recently, so we are taking it slow (he more than I; he was about to be engaged and his ex just left him). Still, he continued to call me, even as his life was getting hectic (albeit, with the problems he was having, he did seem rather distant, but I felt reassured by his constant contact up until that point).
Two weeks ago, he stopped calling me. The week of, he had problems at work, a car accident, and various other factors that were stressing him out. One night, he had told me that he felt worthless, and he just couldn't handle it. I tried to be there for him, even buying us tickets to a sports game he wanted to attend. We didn't end up going because it was the day of his accident, but the next day he abruptly stopped talking to me. I text him twice over that weekend, only to get an answer 3 days later that he was having a hectic weekend (I only got the answer after I told him I'd leave him alone if he wanted). During this time, I noticed he had deleted one of his profiles on a dating site we were on (we were on two) and he made a comment on Facebook about having a "great weekend". Instinctively, I felt like he did those things because he was with another woman (he made a similar comment when we first slept together). Yet, he never deleted his profiles when we were together...in fact, he'd check them everyday. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I knew he was hesitant to get serious so fast, but it still hurt. Now, his visits are infrequent, so my mind first ran to "he found someone he actually likes enough to be official with" and it hurt like you wouldn't believe.
We didn't talk for that whole week, until this Monday (making it 7 days of no contact). I told him I didn't appreciate the silence and I felt he was gaming me. He assured me it wasn't that, he's just confused. He did not ask me to wait for him, he even told me he didn't want to keep me hanging for him but that he enjoyed my company and the time we were together. He also said he didn't answer because he thought I would be angry but he needed time alone to figure his life out in light of the new events. Out of anger, mostly because he didn't reveal any deeper feelings other than "I enjoyed our time together" and I felt it was a cop-out, I told him to contact me if he won't waste my time again. He never wrote back.
Now when I re-read our conversation, I feel like he was trying to be honest with me but I just shut him down out of anger. However, it was rude and inconsiderate of him to not reply to me all those times, so I do feel somewhat justified. His exact words were "I just want to be sure of what I get myself into, and I just feel down right now". I took that as he was gaming me around, so I burst out with the "don't contact me to waste my time" comment. Now I feel horrible :(.
Is this worth waiting for? Should I contact him again to apologize (I feel like that would only make things worse, but I'd give it a try to salvage what we might have, if anything). The relationship was amazing, and I could see something serious. We connected on a deep level, and he even marveled at how 'right' things were. I don't want to get hurt again. I am a Cancer, and he is a Virgo, if this matters.
Thank you lovely ladies for any assistance you can offer! This is driving me insane...I can't sleep just thinking about it!
I should have edited that last part out haha! I sent this question to a friend of mine that does tarot readings so I added the sun sign information at the last minute! Obviously, he's a Virgo since I'm on this thread! thanks again!
Hello ladies, and hello to all the newbies and welcome...
This thread is something else...
CB88-Take the time to read this entire thread...If you do, do you read something in common with every Virgo man?...It's always someone else fault...They never like to live up to the reality and accept that they are the problem in their whatever type relationship they have...They like to project whatever to you..The woman always leaves them for someone else, or they were hurt real bad...I wonder why???...Don't fall for the BS...It's never their fault...Blatant liars...I don't believe a d a m n word that they have to say...I flushed all the bs down the toilet...You keep what is good for you, and rid the toxic...They are very toxic men...If you stay there, he will find fault in you too...
So many cancerians on this thread wow!!
Omg Cancerbaby88 My virgo man said exact same things as your virgo said to you. He shared some serious & personal issues with me too & said that I am the only one with whom he shared all these things. He seemed to be very honest with each & every word that he spoke. He even told me that he is not like other guys as he is different. He wanted to marry me after 1month of dating..lol , but then few days later he started to change & now he was singing on a different note like"I dont want to get married now" . I was like wtf? He even told me that his x was not a good person, was a promiscuous girl who had loads of boyfriends & she left him for other men. O my god your virgo man sounds exactly like mine. He used to call me & txt me regularly in the very initial stage of our relationship but suddenly every thing changed. I can feel how much you are hurting girl.I'm on the same boat. I love my virgo very very much but he acts so indifferent which hurts tons. You are true "the relationship was really amazing" as there was a deep connection. . Dont feel down girl we are all with you & there are lots of wise & experienced ladies on this thread to help you out. Pls Read the whole thread as Laidye has suggested you.Stay strong. Hugs.
Hi Laidye . Hugs. ..You are right they are indeed very TOXIC.
Wow Jen nice analogy. Thanks. I didnt analyzed things from this POV. Totally agree with what you have written about my mental state & thats true but want to add some thing to it. You have stressed out& focused on a very strong point in my comment which I really appriciate.(.not b"coz he left but its b"coz of the thought that "I will not be able to love any other man as I loved my virgo" & "there will be no such connection with anyone else").---I was never like this before Jen believe me, was never emotionally messed up until I met my virgo. I was completely a normal girl with normal thinking & never thought that I will start fearing of the "UNKNOWN". Now I dont trust men its sad but true & I cant help it :(.This virgo man has done nothing but played with my feelings,he created that strong connection that no one could ever do, & then he shut me out completely:( .He promised me that he will marry me & all the other things . His words were so convincing that I started dreaming of a life with him. Or you may call it a "dream of happily ever after". It was the biggest mistake of my life, I really regret & dont know how to change my emotions for him. My heart tells me that there is no other man other than my virgo. I'm really obsessed & he knows how to play me. My eyes are completely shut & it seems I dont want to see other men except my virgo because .
I've deleted all my virgo's contacts , Now I'll not call or txt him.
I may be I dont want to see any thing else.. ..sorry for the typos
.... may be I dont want to see any thing else.. ..sorry for the typos
Hello ladies, and welcome to the thread, CB88 !
Jen, it's so true about the fear of unknown ! I've known this fear for most of my grown up life, because of so many changes in my life - mostly countries and places :-). In a way it's very helpful to keep trying new things, even if small things in order not to feel overwhelmed with changes. When I spend too much time in the same situation (even if it's not particularly good for me), or too much time in the same place I start feeling fearful and doubting my abilities. We need to train that easy going, independent muscle in order to keep emotionally progressing. Just changing small habits for a start can help.
CB88, it really sounds like your Virgo is on the contrary, trying something new - a new woman, more precisely. I don't think this will last - like with you, he'll go from being overly enthusiastic to desinteresed in a space of a month or so. Then he'll probably re-contact you with remorses(or without), and the cycle will continue. Virgos need novelty to feel emotionally alive, so none of it is your fault, and you have nothing to appologise for. CC and CB, just stay strong for long enough and the pattern will reveal itself to you.
Someone has asked earlier what traits do women who fall for Virgos have in common. I think it's a certain emotional vulnerability coming from the childhood experiences. Something about these men reminds us of a familiar pattern/challenge from the past, which we now feel compelled to keep "fixing". Some subconscious button is being pushed.
G4E, hope you were having a nice time with Virgo last night, and hope (actually, I'm sure of it) that you are staying alert and centered ! How did it go ?
Gem4ever - Lol!
ConfusedCrab - My very words to Virgo at the end were, "the woman I am now is not who you first met, trying to deal with you and your situation has done this to me". My reasons were because of not being able to have him involved with my life openly. I was tired of "working around" his circumstances and his emotional confusion. Even in the cases here of men who aren't restricted by the obvious obstacle of being in a marriage, their unavailability leads to the same result. They drive you mad with the wondering about what is going on between the two of you. Leave you feeling hurt by their disappearing acts without any explanation. Make you feel like the bad guy because their personal lives are oh-so-complicated and sad. They take advantage of your sympathy and tap into it when they need it, but never when you need it because they have none to give. Anyway, I totally understand what you mean. How many times I thought to myself, "I can't believe I let him do this to me, I'd never let any other man get away with this!" So trust me, your better self still exists beyond all of the Virgo clutter. Just stay focused on reclaiming your former self and you will get there.
And I swear to you, you will learn to trust other men as soon as you trust yourself again. You were pulled into his "dream" and lost yours.
Cancerbaby88 - Short answer, no, it's not worth trying to salvage this. He's struggling to maintain order in his life (ask yourself if what's going on with him is any different really than what millions of other people deal with and do just fine - nobody's life is without challenges), he's shopping around, i.e. he is not committed to giving things with you a real chance, he's told you he doesn't want you to wait for him, and perhaps the worst thing is that he assumes that he knows what you are thinking and made a decision that he didn't want to deal with your emotions. He thought you'd be angry so he bailed out. Rather than choose to communicate directly and come to understanding, he decided what was on your mind and opted to isolate himself in his confusion instead. So if he wants to go it alone, you should let him. The general comments here about being lured into his "dream" apply to you as well. Remember, he runs his "dream", stay in it at the risk of giving yours up.
It's Mother's Day in the U.S. Happy Mother's Day to all the lovely Moms and Mums on the thread!!