The heart of a Virgo man

  • Hello everyone, it has been a while since I last commented. I have been reading some of the posts and thought I give an update on my situation with my Virgo ex husband. Well, not much of an update. He left our home (without a word or good bye) on January 20, 2012 after the divorce was final on January 3, 2012. Not a word since then. However, he recently text my brother asking for his address to send a gift to MY nephew (brother's son). He got the address and did indeed send my nephew a nice toy. But all that Virgo can't detach themselves from their ex partners etc is certainly NOT the case here. He is GONE and now lives in another state. He also made it a point to tell my brother how well he is doing financially and employment wise and if only he had known! I believe that was a message he wanted my brother to communicate to me as a tease or something. If anything, I was happy for him. How do I feel? Still numb to all that has taken place. I have chosen to sit back, relax and evaluate life as a whole, I am doing well so far. I do think of him and yes, I do miss "us". But again, I can't want something knowing well that it doesn't want me back! So letting go and moving on with life WITHOUT him has been my forte.

    I wish all you ladies that are dealing with your virgos coming back into your lives the very best. But do not fall for the fantasy that got us here to begin with. Any man that wants you should know that good things don't come easy. They ought to put forth some effort to show that they truly want you in their lives, not just a matter of convenience for them.

    Anyway, I appreciate any comments you can contribute to this. Currently, my friend bets he will be back. On the other hand, I bet the opposite. Anyone has something to say about this?

    Nice to be back on here and happy for all those who have found the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Best of luck to all, always,


  • Hi Rosie,

    So glad to hear from you, and I'm amazed how strong and wise you sound. This is a frame of mind for attracting a good fortune and long lasting happiness, I think.

    As for the possibility of hearing from your Virgo again, I think it's more than likely. The messages he was sending to you through your brother might or might not be true,but they were clearly designed to manipulate you into regretting your decision, which was an absolutely right decision, by the way. Hope you continue feeling good and wish you all the happiness of the world !

    G4E, so what's the outcome, if you don't mind me asking ? Has that conversation taken place after all ?

  • VS,

    No I don't mind you asking; I meant to make an update before now. It was on Saturday that we were to talk--and mind you I asked him when we would talk HE said Sat and I said so you'll call and he said yes. Well of course he didn't call and I said I'd be ok with that but I was livid! So I texted him asking what happened and then said don't bother because obviously there is nothing left to say. I think he'd been drinking because he texted back something about watching the game with his boys, etc. Made no reference to our conversation. The next day I got to thinking about it and I sent him an email telling him that I know he tried to manipulate me by intimating that maybe my feelings weren't onesided, etc. I told him I was vulnerable to him not stupid and that I'd finally had enough. I asked him to leave me alone and I'd do the same. Would you believe this guy had the nerves to say that I'm taking the easy way out by not talking to him about my feelings? I was incredulous and thinking this guy must be coo-coo! He was telling me he wasn't a mind reader and so on! I was like what the? I don't know how many times I told him I cared about him that I didn't want anything too serious right now; just to spend more time with him and getting to know him. I also have been telling him in recent weeks that we were becoming distant and I needed to hear from him and see him more. He's delusional! I just chalked all that up to he doesn't want to own up and be responsible for his part in this. He is always very defensive. So I didn't respond because I didnt' know what to say. I said what I needed to say and he had his say and I was leaving it alone. Well he texted me a very terse text saying I was extremely rude for not responding back to his earlier text (all this texting! lol!). I told him I didn't deliberately ignore it and that I didn't know what to say. He never ignores my text and I told him that and said I didn't do it on purpose. He came back with "ok". So he stayed away yesterday at work but this morning came bounding around the corner into my office trying to give me high fives and asking me to buy tickets to his club's fish fry. I looked at him in amazement and thinking, "is he for real?" I wonder what part of leave me alone did he not understand. He asked me how I was doing and I said fine (wishing inside that he'd go away).

    Bottom line is it is over; this time for good. I don't like to judge people by their Zodiac signs but if I every run into another Virgo I will run! Anyone who is more aloof than I am (a little is fine) I will not deal with. Any man who cannot/will not express his emotions for me is not for me. This Virgo has lowered my tolerance to deal with that nonsense again. As ABB said, I'm more upset with myself for tolerating this for so long (8 mos) and allowing myself to get back on the hook after I had decided to distance myself from him a few weeks ago.

    I'm fine...thanks for reading ladies!

  • Thanks VS. Nice to hear from you. Happy Belated Birthday and happy to learn that your Virgo was considerate enough to let the day go by without occurrence! You are right in that he may want to make me feel regret for the decision I made. But if only he knows, I finalize such decisions when I see no light at the end of the tunnel in the relationship. He treated me like I didn't matter and I let him know that he too doesn't matter then. In my case, I prove my intentions with clear cut action - Filed for divorce and got it. Now, we can both move on without any legal repercussions. Hope he finds that imaginary ideal wife he's looking for! Me, I am now liberated in a different form and it's exciting! I love me enough to realize that I will NOT settle for anything less than what I want or expect. I know well what I am worth, what I bring to a relationship and confident that it's worth more than he makes it look. One thing I will NOT settle for is a cheater and that he is, sinfully and relentlessly. In my eyes, he just wasn't man enough! LOL I am looking for a REAL man! May be I will find him, may be not. But until then, I will keep you posted! 🙂

    Warmest regards to all, Jen, ABB, G4Ever, and all others.

  • Hello ladies! I feel for you all and I'm sorry for the pain that these men have put you through. But if can let go, RUN!!! Run as fast as you can and don't look back. You know what you want and you know what you need, now go out and get it!! I on the other hand am completely delusional. I saw my Virgo man yesterday. I had ended things last week (for the 50th time) and felt that he and I both deserved seeing eachother one...more...time. Our meeting went well and we had fun talking. But neither one of us said anything about not seeing eachother or communicating anymore. Ughhhh!! However, I do see him in a new light. He's changed. I don't know if it's because of our "falling out" or maybe he's trying to get back at me for something, but he's definitely different. More cocky than usual. More nit picky with me than usual. And I've found through our conversations yesterday that some things that he used to like, that we both had in common, he doesn't like anymore. Which was a bit of a turn off. But I'm glad about that. It makes it that much easier. But I'm wondering if this is his way of letting go of me ? As much as he makes my life crazy, I'm so sad that this man that I cared sooooo much for at one time, head over heels in love with at one time, is now just an aquaintance and those feelings are now memories...Guess I'll go and be all strong again. lol

    Good luck to those girls that have been strong, are being strong and are still strong. I'll join you one of these days.

  • J (And VS):

    (This is long as hell, sorry!!)

    R - The girl I like. We're classmates also.

    X - R's best friend (also great friends with me. According to X, me and R are on the same level... but she can't tell that to R, because she would be mad... probably). We're classmates also.

    Y - R's second best friend (probably her best friend at the moment, since R has been mad ever since X got a boyfriend who is a jackazz). Me and Y are on good terms, but I can't say we're friends. We're classmates.

    Z - R's other good friend. I don't talk to this one much, but we're not on bad terms. Just 'hi' and 'bye' and thats it. We're classmates.

    P - A guy who used to be my friend. We no longer talk (since last thursday). Some bad things happened, and i'd long felt he was only friends with me as a way to meet girls. Last thursday was the drop of water that spilled the glass. (As a sidenote, this guy is a player... hits on whichever girl he is able to. Even if she has a boyfriend LOL. Also, he and R have kissed once, about 1 year ago.)

    K - My childhood friend (female). She's 1 year and a half older than me, and we've been friends pretty much since I was born. She likes R a lot, and R likes her also. But the two only see each other when I invite R to somewhere. K is NOT a classmate of ours. She lives 100+ miles (VS - Cascais) away from where me and R are studying (VS - Coimbra). R's house (VS - Palmela) is about 30mins from Lisbon and so is Cascais... so when we go home on weekends and K decides to go out in Lisbon, I sometimes call R.

    *First, to VS, since I didn't tell you yet what happened last weel, on tuesday:

    At a party, I left the group to go look for some people, and went into the middle of the dance floor.

    Suddenly my arm is pulled back, and it's R. I look at her and she kisses me.

    She told me to 'wait for her'... which was a big improvement from a few weeks ago when she said she didn't want me to wait for her, and that she would rather regret her choice than make me wait.

    Throughout that night we kissed a lot more times.

    In the end we agreed to not tell anyone. I was allowed to tell my friend K, and R was allowed to tell X and Y. (Z was not 'included' in this agreement).

    It was important for her that she was the first to tell X about what happened, and I did know that.


    On Wednesday, R and Y went to a concert together. Me and X spent the day together, pretty much. Classes, then in the afternoon we went with some more classmates for a coffee.

    In the evening/at night, we went to study at a cafe called 'After Hours'. And were talking there for awhile.

    X told me she had seen me and R's hands doing weird things on the previous night (tuesday). I said I can't talk about that, that I had a vow of silence. (And I kept saying it for quite a while.)

    Eventually X got mad and said:

    ''So you only come and talk to me when you're feeling bad... and when you're happy you can't share your happiness with me? In that case I won't talk to you about my life anymore.''

    And then I told her that we had kissed.

    But we agreed to not tell R that I told her about this... (You can see where this is leading, can't you? :s)

    So on Thursday, R talked to X about those things, and X pretended to not know..

    Later that thursday, P came to talk to us (Me, R, X, and one more girl) at night and was reeeeallly indelicate toward R and X... when I got there, he was an idiot to me as well (Apparently it was me he wanted to talk crap to).

    He was mad that X knew he had a girlfriend... since he wanted to try hitting on her as well. He never told me it was a secret, when he told me he had a new girlfriend.

    Apparently he had told R that it's nothing serious (yeah he tries to hit on R as well... especially since they've kissed once).

    Since he was my ''friend'' at that time, I didn't defend myself when he called me a traitor, a loser, and was blabbering about how I never accepted the fact that he had had more intimacy with R than I ever had (little does he know.). - Since the people there were all against him, I didn't see the point in defending myself as I wasn't feeling humiliated by his lies.

    R and X stood up for me (I didn't ask them to :s)... and P was saying crap and threatening to physically attack me. Eventually R convinced him to talk on the following day, instead of ruining our night, and he agreed.

    So he left.

    R told me she can't take a man who can't stand up for himself, and that she didn't feel that I had her back, at that moment - she felt unsafe.

    So I texted P saying ''We'll talk TODAY. If you still have the same ba11s, meet me at the plaza.''. I said to R and X ''Will you be mad at me if I leave the two of you alone here?'' and they said it was ok, and I went to the plaza.

    At that time I was prepared for a physical conflict if needed (a bit insecure... he's a flyweight, and I'm 1m85, but he's national Muay-thay champion and I haven't fought for like 10 years).

    Eventually when he got there I made a mess, verbally, and proceeded to call him every name in the book... I even said ''I'd like to call you son of many things, but I won't do that for respect to your mother, who was my science teacher.''

    And I broke up our ''friendship'', which wasn't a friendship at all. 8 years? Yeah, right. I was friends with him for pity of how ridiculous he was/is. He used to tell everyone in school that I was his idol, and that he wanted to be like me... yeah, right.


    On Friday, I was still a bit shaken about breaking up the ''friendship'' with P, and so I wouldn't be alone that day, me and R went to a concert, in the local theatre (Teatro Académico Gil Vicente).

    We didn't kiss or anything.


    On Saturday, me and R came back home (she had her car in Coimbra, and was driving down to Palmela - she left me in Lisbon and from there to Cascais it's fast)

    During the trip I let slip that I had told X that we kissed. OUCH.

    She was extremely sad... started crying. Cried all the trip. It was about 1 hour that felt like an eternity.

    She told me I had broken our pact, and that I had even made her best friend lie to her.

    She said her two best friends had both lied to her, and now she didn't know who she could trust.

    She said there wasn't going to be anything more for X to know, that there was not going to be anything between me and her anymore. She said this was treason.~

    She told me how she had been raised to know how to do a little of everything, and how I didn't know how to do anything.

    She told me how she couldn't accept a guy who couldn't stand up for himself.

    She told me how some loves were impossible, and how our personalities werent compatible. She told me she couldn't imagine raising a child with me, and that she thought she'd be the one wearing the pants at our home.

    She told me how every time she was in doubt about whether she liked me or not, I did something stupid and took away her doubts completely.

    She told me how people don't change, and how a person's personality is defined when one hits 20.

    She told me how she, for the first time, regretted having made out with a guy... and said that did not happen even when she lost her virginity with a certain guy who ended up two-timing her.

    I said how I was sorry, and how I regretted what I had done, and how I was trying to change for her, and that I could do it, and how I loved her.

    In the end of the trip, she said to me in an accusing tone: ''Why are you telling me that? Is it so I'll make out with you again?''

    I accepted the fact it was over, and wanted to save what could be saved, so I told her something like ''No... Ok, that's over. But I want to at least save our friendship, if you let me.''

    So we hugged. And I left.

    It wasn't an actual hug. It looked and felt like one, physically. But to me it wasn't a hug, it was a funeral.

    About 30 minutes later I sent her a text, apologizing, and saying that when I told her I liked her (1st january), I did so because I was sure I would never make her cry.

    I said that the fact that the guy she liked before had been two-timing her was really annoying to me.

    Told her that I couldn't help thinking ''Why did I hurt exactly the most important person in my life?''

    Said I was really sorry about what I had done, and that I wouldn't fail again and would do my best to be worthy of how much she cared for me.

    I also said at the end of the text ''Even if there can't be anything between us, I love you and you're the person I've loved the most. I'll keep the promise I broke but you let me remake today, and also the new one (to tell you what's in my mind when I'm sad or angry).''

    She did not reply.

    Later that day I was feeling like utter crap. Shed tears at home (my mom was quite worried), went out for a walk, shed some more tears.

    When I talked to X about how bad I was feeling she let slip that R had told Y and Z about what happened (Apparently Z ''guessed'' what happened).

    I couldn't stay in Cascais...

    Came back to Coimbra the following day (sunday) to drown myself in Playstation3 (so as to not think about anything)... it's not really working though.

    Today I'm going back to Cascais. My sister's coming back from Czech Republic and I want to spend time with her.

    2 days ago I sent her a text, saying how I had heard she had told Z, and how I knew that did not matter, because the important thing was that I had lied to her.

    She replied (thank goodness...)

    She said now what she wants is to not think about this anymore and study anatomy.

    She was also mad that I knew (from X) that she had cried all day the day before. (Well, so did I, dammit! :s)

    Said ''everything I tell one of you, the other knows!? is there no privacy?''

    Said it's very frequent to try to soften our mistakes with the others' mistakes. That she didn't tell Z... that Z was the one who guessed, that she tried to deny but Z caught her. That she just couldn't lie in the face of a friend, LIKE SOME PEOPLE CAN.

    In my text I had said that I was sorry about everything... and that if she could forgive me, I would like it if we could wipe each others tears and make them stop, instead of crying separately.

  • So this was why I wanted to talk to you on FB, in real time...

    But my easter break ends on sunday, so we're running out of time to have the luck of finding each other there.

    So I figured I'd just post here.

    Anyone who has the patience to read can comment...

    After all, it's a basic principle: ''if you love someone, you don't lie to them''.

    And ''if you love someone, you don't hurt them''.

    I'm forcing myself to watch all the seasons of the show ''Friends''.

    Of course it doesnt matter for anything, but it's her favorite series, and I imposed it on myself as penitence.

  • Oh goodness is all I can say!

    Wishing everyone a Very Happy Easter weekend whether you celebrate or not! ♥

  • HD, I'll be frank with you. I think you are being too nice and un-Virgo-like for your own good, and I think R is right - the two of you are not compatible, as you are too nice for her. From what I've understood all she's been doing is putting you down and blaming you for no reason. You didn't exactly lie to her, in fact you honestly admitted having told her friend (under pressure) about what happened, you didn't "stand" for yourself because you are not a rough type and are not fond of physical fights, in fact you did the right thing - tried to avoid the unnecessary unpleasant scene. She sounds like a drama queen - crying because of that small lapse of yours is frankly ridiculous and immature. Unfortunately "nice" boys, which you obviously are, often fall for more domenering, "dramatic" women, which R obviously is, because opposites attract. To that I would add - attract first and then repel. I don't think this would be a happy relationship, should the two of you get together. She wouldn't be able to appreciate you for who you are - a nice, intelligent, sensitive guy, and she would always blame you for not being macho enough for her.

    Often people who we are inicially attracted to are not necessarily the ones who are good for us. You need a woman of your own kind - sensitive and intelligent. You are very young and have plenty of time to learn that in fact love is NOT that anxious, wild, unreciprocated attraction to a distant "star" person - that's just an infatuation. Love feels warm, kind, accepting, accepted, uplifting, forgiving, emotionally generous to a person who you understand and who understands and appreciates you for who you are . That's love.

    Then again, considering your zodiac sign, part of me is wondering whether you are or not attracted to her precisely because she is so distant and unavailiable, which would suite your own need for emotional distance, maybe still unknown to you...Only you can answer this question, probably not sooner than in few years, if you find yourself being consistently attracted to unavailiable women. Then you should ask yourself this question. Please forgive me for being direct - I've seen this scenarios many times and know that it never works out. Usually people outgrow this kind of attractions, which I sincerely hope will happen to you. Sooner the better. Wish you all the happiness and love that you deserve. Oh, and by the way, if you don't enjoy watching "Friends", my advice would be - throw the DVD to the bin. Watch something that YOU like, she would respect you for that.

    ES, it seems to me that you have started getting the glimpses of a real person, not the image that he has created. The best thing you can do for now is just to observe in a detached way. Things will soon get much more clear to you. Then you'll be in a position to decide whether you want that in your life or not.

    G4E, well, that was just typical male Virgo behaviour... At least he has made things clear for you. Stay strong !

  • Message disappeared again, and a long one ! How frustrating...

  • Ah, thanks for the advice VS 😄

    Lifted my spirits a bit. Sometimes I do wonder if she's a drama queen...

    I'm not really sure, as this is only the 2nd time I see her make such a mess. Or 3rd.

    One was when she got two-timed by the brother of a classmate of ours, with another girl from our class (one that changes boyfriends quite often).

    Other was when X got a new boyfriend... quite an idiot, I might add. Waaaaaay overjealous. Keeps threatening to punch every guy who so much as smiles at X.

    Doesn't threaten me because he doesn't see me as a threat (has told X that I'm a loser, on more than one occasion... never told me directly though).

    But about being 'Intelligent and sensitive'... that's pretty much why I fell for R.

    Well, mostly because of 'sensitive'. But she's waaaay intelligent. A genius, I might say.

    Whenever I beat her at some game (we've played ''Set'' a few times... I must have won like 90% xD) I get really happy.

    She hates losing though, and I like cheating at games... just for the sake of breaking the rules and tryin to not be caught, not because I actually need it to win! And since it's like that, I usually reveal the tricks at the end :p... and she HATES it when I cheat, even if the game isn't worth jack (I don't play money games). So I promised her to not cheat in any game when she is playing. And I haven't.

    Also, I'm not sure whether I believe in two people being completely incompatible...

    I mean, I always believed that if you love someone enough, you can adapt to them... and vice versa.

    And after our first kiss (the one I had told you about, which happened on 10th (technically 11th) of February), when I asked as a joke ''So? Am I a bad kisser?'', she told me ''It was the best kiss anyone has ever given me.'' - This made me really happy... especially since she's the 2nd girl I kiss since I'm like 8 years old.

    And the first one I only kissed on one occasion (was also very good friends with me... and still is. We've shared one intimate moment, but nowadays that only strenghtens our friendship because I feel we have nothing to hide -physically or mentally-, since we've even seen each other's body, although we didn't go all the way).

    Why did she like my kiss? There must be at least some compatibility...

    There hasn't ever been a girl that turned me on this much... I wonder if there's ever been a girl who turned me on at all.

  • And the problem is I only admitted it after me and X had lied to her about it...

    And she didn't want me to actually punch P, I think... she just wanted me to talk loud at him, to send him away I believe. Or so she said.

    Later I did talk loud at P, and sent him away from my life for good... but she wasn't there to see that... and it didn't have any value to her either, since at the time when she needed me to send him away I didn't.

  • HD - I have returned from my trip but back to work in the morning (Thursday). I would still be open to finding some time to chat Saturday if you are available. Contact me on FB to let me know a good time to be there if that is possible. I think that voplysoply has given you some very good advise. I am also struggling with this aspect of R that requires you to prove what a man you are. You are your wonderful self and should not have to prove anything to someone who cares about you.

    You should be concerned about her comments that she didn't feel that you "had her back" and her suggetion that she didn't want to "wear the pants" in the relationship. She is feeling superior to you for some reason - or is she putting you down to uplift her own self-esteem? No matter the source of her comments, they are unkind and very much all about her and what she wants. She told you recently that she liked you and asked you to "wait for her" while she makes up her mind. I don't think she has made up her mind, and in fact she seems pretty clueless about what she really wants. Frankly, it was wrong for her to ask you to wait around for her to decide if she wanted more with you or not. You probably shouldn't have accepted her abivilance anyway.

    Somewhere in this I am wondering if this ties in with her history with P. Is it possible that she has lingering feelings about P? As a Cancer myself, I was thinking back to my twenties trying to imagine myself behaving as R has and what might inspire that. The closest I could come was when I used a "nice" guy as a means to get to a guy that I had some history with and I wanted to rekindle the old relationship. It worked. I got the guy back, for a couple more very tumultuous years (a Scorp, agh, he drove me mad) and in the end the relationship crashed and burned anyway. I would have been much better off with the "nice" guy that I burned to get to Scorp. But my point is that she may have "needed" you for some reason other than genuinely liking you. Maybe it has nothing to do with P, but certainly she is not treating you with the respect you deserve as a friend, given that you have apologised and told her how much you care about her as a friend. Let's talk more if you get a chance.

    Rosie - how great to hear you are doing well. All I have to say about Virgo is...who knows if he is really telling the truth? He is out of state and no one can really verify that he has a great job and success or whether he might really be living out of his car. He may be gone but he's contacting your brother? To deliver a gift to a child? Really??? Not many men would be so thoughtful to remember a child's birthday. I smell a rat.

    So I have been out of town with my kids visiting my family back home. I kept in touch with Ariesman, of course, but I haven't contacted him in over a day now because he said something I found very offensive and I don't understand where it came from. During the trip we went to visit the college where I graduated. My oldest is starting to think about college. That night I got a text from Ariesman asking how the day had gone. I told him how the visit went very well, and mentioned that it was miserably hot, but we still enjoyed ourselves. His response was, "all that touring for 3 likely highschool dropouts".

    When I read it my jaw dropped. My kids are good students, athletes and Scouts (my oldest is about to earn his Eagle rank). Why on earth would Ariesman make such a comment. I couldn't even find a joke in it if that were his intention. So I replied simply, "Huh? My kids aren't going to be dropouts 😞 ". His reply just offended me further, "oh yes, Rhodes scholars all of them I'm sure". Well that was it. I didn't reply and I didn't reply last night when he sent me a "goodnight sleep tight" text. I haven't told him I'm back home and honestly I'm not sure what to think here or when I'll be ready to talk to him. I suspect he's depressed or resentful about life in general (this decision about working out West, or whether he will even be offered a position, or what he is going to do with his life in general, is weighing on him), but any of you who are mother's know how dangerous it is to pick on Mama's babies. It would be one thing if there were any grounds for it, but he has not even met my kids.

    I could easily kick him to the curb over this if for no other reason than the possibility that when life gets tough for him, he takes it out on others. If he was drunk then that's all the worse because then I will think that when life gets tough, he gets drunk and takes it out on others. I've never seen him drunk, but I'm sure there are still many things I don't know about him. Anyway, I'm avoiding any further comments via text. I know the past week was probably tough for Ariesman. His son went to Florida with his mom and stepdad for the week. Mom met her new husband while attending college btw, cheated on Ariesman with him, and later divorced Ariesman for him. Doesn't help that he's a Dean at a local college either I guess. So Ariesman's son is off having fun in the sun with his other family. That probably hurts. But if the level of emotion over that runs high enough that Ariesman would hold it against my kids that they want to attend college AND I want them to attend college - well - thats a pretty hot issue then. I'm not going to let him insult my kids because he's pissed off at his ex-wife.

    I'll keep you posted.

  • Hello Jen and nice hearing from you as well. My Virgo sent the gift and it wasn't even my nephew's birthday!!! That would at least be a good reason to attach to his trying to be nice but no, it was just an attempt at staying in contact with someone on my side of the family. I personally don't smell a rat or a cat. I smell a DOG!!! LOL.

    Ariesman comment about your kids, that was way out of line and I will feel uncomfortable as well. Is he jealous that your kids have something his don't? Why the sour comment to begin with? Thread carefully. Looks to me like as time goes by, Ariesman's true colors slowly begin to reveal themselves. But I will let him know that his comment was out of line, joke or not. Not even funny so not sure what the joke was supposed to be.

    Take care til later!

  • J, Saturday... sending a PM on facebook in a few minutes with some suggestions. Send me back a hour, and that will be the agreed hour (even if it is none of the ones I suggest!)

    She doesn't have lingering feelings for P... as a matter of fact Im not sure if she had any feelings for P ever.

    She says she didn't, at least.

    As a matter of fact, the night BEFORE our first kiss, P (knowing I seriously liked R) used some personal problems as an excuse to go to a cafe, at night, alone with R. I was going to go also, since he had had some personal problems and thought he might want me there to hear him out.

    But he said since R is a girl, she might be able to give him advice I could not.

    So I didn't go.

    He practically tried to rape her, according to her. Suddenly he was licking her neck, and tried to kiss her, but she refused.

    1 year ago, when they kissed, R told him she wasn't interested in a relationship.

    He came telling me they were in an 'open relationship'.

    So she set things straight.

    2 weeks later he had a new 'girlfriend'. She felt offended by this fact, that P got a new girlfriend so soon. But hey, if one hits on every single girl he meets, he is bound to ''get lucky'' with one of them.

    PS: I'm Virgo (asc Scorpio, Moon Capricorn) ... P is Gemini (asc Sagittarius, Moon Aquarius) - Triple Night x Triple Day, and both his Sun and Asc are square with my sun! And his moon squares my moon?

    This was bound to be tough anyway. We were such different people. Although we shared some common interests.

  • HD,

    I think Jen is absolutely right, R is using you to attract someone's attention to herself , don't know whether it's anyone in particular, or just the need to be the center of attention of everybody around her. "Tried to rape" phrase sounds a bit attention sicking, unless it's true, of course, but that would be a strange thing to do for a medical student, who is presumably not interested in ruining his career. Also she didn't have to go alone at night to the cafe with P. Also her getting angry with him for getting another girl-friend is a HUGE red flag. That means that either she is not completely over him, or her ego is hurt, so she will try win his attention back . In any way she sounds possessive of him. Also a bit narcissistic.

    Maybe she is a genius in some area, but that's not an excuse to treat you like her personal valet. Also remember, that you are not exactly a loser yourself, considering your future profession and where you study. Don't be so ready to put yourself down and people who emotionally manipulate you up. And most importantly - remember that there are plenty of people who would love and appreciate you for who you are. And when they do, please remember not to become another "R" yourself in your dealings with them. You remind me a lot of my Virgo friend when he was younger. He was impressionable, vulnerable, idealistic, and somewhere along the way, after few encounters with the "R" types he has adopted this "precious darling" attitude himself, perhaps as a defence mechanism.That didn't do him much good on the long run, as he is discovering now. Stay true to your original nice nature.

    Jen, I think you really should discuss this comment with Ariesman and see what was that about. It sounds like there might be some jealousy towards your kids involved after all, and it needs to be addressed. That's quite a serious red flag. If I were you I would definitely try to get to the bottom of it.

  • attention seeking * 🙂

  • VS that girlfriend thing was 1 year ago...

    Also P is not a medical student. He's in law school. He met R through me.

    Me and R have been friends for about 1year and a half... always close friends also.

    She's always told me that the kisses with P meant nothing to her.

    Some questions come up:

    If she's attention-seeking, why would she want me to stay silent about what happened?

    She could've made a mess, and told everyone what happened... and later she could've made a mess about how much of an idiot I was. But she didn't.

    She always had the chance to be with P (hell, any woman had the chance to be with P, anytime), and was not with him, by her own choice.

    The ''almost r@ped'' thing, isn't like he tried to actually rape her... he just suddenly tried to kiss her with no elegance at all... and she refused. When she said ''almost raped'' she meant ''he almost kissed her against her will'', I think... and knowing P, that is VERY believable.

    Note: I don't talk to P anymore, but never did I tell him that me and R had kissed. Not even when he called me a loser and said I was never able to face the fact that he and R had more ''affinity''(so he called) than I ever had with her.

    And when he threw at my face, hoping to hurt me, that ''some day maybe you'll learn to kiss a girl''... didn't say a thing at all either. I could've said(true) actually I heard you're an awful kisser.

    But I didn't. He doesn't know about my life, and I'd rather he doesn't know - He's not included in it anyway.

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