The heart of a Virgo man
Thank you so much Mardepp, VolySolpy and Jenever, you all truly do put things in perspective. Now that I look at it, it is a fantasy for both of us. It probably was all along for him. He knew he would never meet me. I guess I am playing the game right along with him.
To answer some other questions. We had a serious relationship years ago, he was my first love. So, yeah, I have always had an attachment for him and have and will always love him. I feel sorry for the guy and I pray everyday that he finds peace within himself because I know he needs it. Unlike others, I don't judge him, myself or anyone else because I believe we are all here to learn lessons from each other and I have learned a lot about myself and my marriage just by him contacting me. It's amazing what can happen if you put a positive spin on everything and realize there is a reason for everything. I had a psychic tell me one time that in another life, I cheated on this guy with my current husband. Who knows. Also, if my current husband cheated I would take that to be something that was meant to be and maybe something that needed to be worked out between him, the other woman and myself. When you think of things in that regard, you aren't as bitter and are more understanding. I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with that, but that's okay. I've learned to go with the flow.
Anyway, I am really glad I read through this whole thread and learned more about virgo men. This guy really fits the traits. I know he will be back for more fantasy and ego boosts.
Welcome, to all the new ladies! Really trying to be careful so as not to offend anyone but I have mentioned this before, sometimes it is better therapy to go back and read what you posted so you might understand how it comes across to others. Same purpose as keeping a journal so you can best read your thought processes.
With that said, VS has spoken extremely honest and so did SWW, I think it was her, when she said the posts came off as the ladies being "desperate". My only added thoughts would be the statements about how the wife or Virgo is ugly or not very good looking...how fit and good looking I am, compared...building up the Virgo's ego cuz they have such low self esteem...and other negative or strange comments, at least to me. To me, just seems the Virgo is not the only person with fantasies.
Remember, this is only my opinion, but if these things were really as true as alluded to, then why would any ladies have problems finding a suitable mate and why would one cling to such poor behavior from the Virgo. Just an observation and something to think about.
Its been a really long time since I've posted. I've been reading, catching up. First I want to say hello and welcome to all the new ladies to the 'V I R G O detox" thread as VS so brilliantly put it
I surprisingly have an update about my ex virguy friend. The last "incident" was when I found out he showed all of the email correpsondence he and I shared with his best friend. I initially thought I should just ignore him if he ever contacted me again, which I did successfully...well, sort of. Two days after valentines day, he emails me and says: "hi". I didnt respond but about a week went by and it was eating me up, so I had to contact him and ask him myself if the accusations were true. I did and he says: "No I didnt show him your emails, all I said was you contacted me." To me, I felt like even that was silly because I couldnt understand why he had to say anything at all.
In any event, I respond - oh ok. He writes: "they're weird" (referring to his friend and my sister). So that was the end of that conversation. After that, I kind of had it in my head that he did show the emails and I thought that was childish. Fast forward two weeks and I decided I would go visit my sister who lives in his town. I go to a bar and all of his friends were there. They were all complimenting me and one even said, **** is making such a big mistake. He doesnt know what he's doing by not being with you. Anyway, he never came out that night, meanwhile ALL of his friends were there. I was comforted by that though. I really didnt want to run into him, that would have been awkward. But I kind of felt deep down he knew I was there so he didn't show up. In fact, I was almost 1000% sure thats why he wasn't there. He lives in a small town and everyone was there. So him not being there was actually kind of strange.
Two days after I left my sister tells me that his bestfriend, the one he allegedly showed my emails to, said everyone was ooohhing and aawwwing about me to virguy and virguy said he had no idea I was out there because I didnt tell him or even contact him. He goes on to say that because I didn't contact him or tell him I was there/coming, that means I definitely have someone else from his town. His friend protested and said "no, she was alone", but he pushed back and said "nope, the fact that she came out here and didnt mention it to me means she defintely has someone out here."
Is it just me or is that the most egotisitcal, twisted logic ever! Why couldn't I just NOT want to contact him?!?! Why do I HAVE to have someone else?!
In true virgo form, I'm sure he is going to contact me again. Just don't know when. I'm so not looking forward to it because I'm starting to think he is so strange. Ew.
Thanks, Jen, VS and Mardepp: I really appreciate your perspectives on this!
My first response disappeared, ugh! It may come back, so sorry for any duplicates.
Anyway, yes, virgo and I had a rather serious relationship back in the day. He was my first love and I will always have an attachment and love for him--he knows this now. Why he contacted me is really beyond me because he didn't know how I felt about him prior to him contacting me. He says he has always thought of me over the years. Honestly, I really feel sorry for the guy. He seems so unhappy. It's sad that he has to find entertainment and self worth through online fantasies with an ex-girlfriend. I think he is really confused. He's not happy, but he doesn't want to rock the boat either.
Anyway, someone asked how I would feel if my husband did this. I must say that I think everything and every situation happens for a reason. So if my husband did this I believe it would be because him, the other woman and me had some sort of lesson to learn from it all. That's why I don't judge others because we are all here to learn lessons from each other in order to grow spiritually. Thinking in this way really helps take the bitterness out of situations and makes for better understanding. I am so glad virgo contacted me because I have learned so much about myself and my marriage and have done some deep self evaluations. It really has been a blessing even if virgo is confused about himself!
I know this virgo will be back wanting more fantasy and ego boosts in the future. I basically found this thread because I was looking for information as to why some guys disappear and reappear so often. I had no idea that this was such a common theme with virgos.
ABB, I am not offended at all. I appreciate the comments. I resent the wife (obviously) and I am only being honest here. I believe he left me for her years ago. Sorry if people don't like my comments, but I can see where someone might view me as being harsh. But truly, I am only following my heart here. I really care for virgo and I don't want anyone to treat him bad. I just want him to be happy no matter who he is with. I tend to think that if his wife treated him better and gave into his desires, he wouldn't have had to come searching for me. I know virgos look for perfection, but of course they wont find that. But there is no denying that men are visual and if they aren't getting (or seeing) what they want at home they may look elsewhere.
**** = visual. Not sure why thats a bad word.
v i s u a l
Oh! I forgot to add that I actually tried emailing/calling aftere I heard what he thought I was doing out there, I wanted to clear my name so to speak. Anyway, his phone and email were off. Maybe he got so pissed he changed his number and blocked me from his email?? Again, another super strange aspect about his character if he did do that.
Hey Cancergirl, I think your honesty is refreshing, however, I would defer to Jens advice to just be careful and try not to get hurt -- these guys really know how to collect broken hearts.
One last thing, I had absolutely no clue his friends were going to be at the bar we went to. I actually told my sister I wanted to be far away from anything that had anything to do with him.
Last post I promise! LOL
Hi again Cancergyrl, my comment about the fantasy was based on personal experience...even though I do not know you I do not want you to get hurt! I had an ex from 20 years ago come back too. At the time we were together for two years and engaged. We broke up because he cheated on me and I found out through a little detective work I did, he never admitted it until I found the complete evidence. This guy, mind you, is a Pisces. The point is he reappeared through FB and after a year of casual hello he divorced his wife and started pursuing me. I am in a different country, but it didn't matter. Our conversation got longer (one day lasted 7 hours!) and at first I was curious t get answers I needed from back them but not sure I could trust him again...He is back home in my country and I go there and had/have some plans of moving back permanently. So he started making plans about the future, concrete plans!! So I started to trust him. BIG MISTAKE. I went back there and the second I met him I knew it was all a lie. He started back pedaling big time but still leading me on and it really hurt me. A second time!!! Was it his fault? It was, because he had not grown and was the same self serving person he was then. Was it my fault? ABSOLUTELY!!! For giving a second chance to someone who 20 years ago did exactly the same thing!!! He already had someone else when I got there...so the question was, what is wrong with me that I allowed him to even talk to me after all of that? And you know, even after it was over he still tried to contact me three more times to keep on leading me on. I have deleted him from my life and ignored any attempts on his behalf. They are just completely false. For him, it was convenient while I was far away, he had kept all my letters and things from 20 years ago and he was nostalgic I guess even though he said he loved me. But the minute it all turned to reality and he saw that I had a daughter and a life and it was really happening he checked himself out to keep on playing someone else. That is what he wants, a life with no responsibilities...I am glad, like I said, that you didn't meet him. You would have had further heartache. This way you can still preserve the good memory for what it was and move on...
CGLB, that comment wasn't directed at anyone. It is just that I noticed a common statement by some of the ladies on this thread. As you mentioned, it is the "lesson" that we r hear to learn in order to grow. It helps when others sometimes point out patterns of behavior or something common to all of us on this thread. And, for you thank goodness V did not show up, for a fleeting moment, you could have been charmed temporarily into insanity and now you have the appreciation of your husband back. This is a wonderful experience to have and recognize. Thanks for sharing!
*here not hear
I ended things. Now he's really pissed. I emailed him this morning after our "falling out" as he calls it and got nothing. I emailed him again (I know, I know) and said that if he decided he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, that I'd like to know now. He then replied and said he was pissed and that it was probably best not to see eachother again and to stop being so morbid and dramatic. I have been crying ever since. So ladies, do yourself a favor for the ones that are contemplating a relationship, don't do it. It hurts like hell. I've lost someone very important to me because I didn't do things his way. I don't think I'll hear from him again....
EMS, sorry to hear the news :-(. I really think these guys take some sort delight in causing pain and if they're not doing that (making things dramatic and dysfunctional, they're bored). I think VS said things correct, in that we fall in love with OUR fantasies, these guys turn into our mental fantasy guy. Not sure that makes sense. I was just as hurt, if not more than you when I was going through things with my virguy. I felt like I wouldnt stop hurting. But I did. It takes time. ABB, gave me some really good advice and told me to not try to ignore the pain, or the feelings I still had for him. Let those emotions pass organically and one day you'll wake up and the feelings and the pain will be gone. I know you've heard that before and its cliche, but it's true. Just keep looking forward to that and you'll be fine. Stay strong
Seperately, I posted something earlier, nothing that really required a comment...I guess, but for some reason I think I can see it on my end but you guys can't. So if you guys can see this just write 'apples'.
I've missed you guys, but after learning of the level of deceit from my ex-virg I needed time away from all things Virgo to really get him out of my system. It was a long and hard journey, but I survived : ) I still have my moments...I've noticed it's REALLY hard for caps and virgs to let go of the past, despite the reputation of being "cold" (that is sooo far from the truth) and probably why we hear of so many virgs popping up years later (to bad the fantasy never lives up to the reality).
I don't regret seeing my virg, the love was genuine and we shared some beautiful moments and I am sooo glad I refused his desire to live together or I'd probably still be stuck with him trying to get away. I don't wish to make blanket statements, but I've learned that virgs are NOT faithful and I have no idea where the notion that they are came from BUT I do notice they are very good at
hiding it and rationalizing it both to themselves (scary) and others. 2. They have a level of self pity that is second to none and although most won't see this, they tend to be the creators of their own
issues. 3 they do tend to dwell on the woulda, shoulda, coulda, so they are never 100% satisfied with the present (a sad way to live really so those saying what he said about his wife/girlfriend, ect, please keep this in mind and take their words with a grain of salt, they are not lying in the literal sense just too focused on the what haves and woulda been).
Despite the cap/vig connection and my virg rising, I can say I would probably never date another one (sad but true). I have noticed two kinds of virg men: the self pitying womanizer living secret lives or the faithful husband who tends to be rather critical over time and usually doesn't want s.e.x. Personally I don't want either(the women I adore however and have not noticed this with).
I have been seeing the same guy now for 5 months and he is AMAZING so there is life "after Virg." To the new girls welcome and take heed to the advice given here, it is so valuable. Jen, 4thelove, Vic, silver, ABB, virgirl, xoxo you guys kept me sane : )
So happy to hear you're doing well It really is amazing when you step back and think about the people you allow into your life. How the experiences you share with them can transform you completely. Its all a growth process and is very neccessary.
The things you listed about Vgo men couldnt be more true. But as a Vgo woman, I can see some of the traits you listed, in myself....especially the self pitying bit. My young nephew is a vgo and he does this hardcore! Its almost engrained in us. Sucks but is true.
About the second type of vgo man, the one that marries, that so explains my sister's guy. They've been together for less than a year and already she is complaining that the intimacy is slim to none. She is somewhat of a s** fiend so I'm curious to see how this one is goiong to turn out.
Anywho, please write 'apples' in your next post if you can see this.
This is such great news for all the ladies stopping back by to check in! Great that you're all doing well.
VS, so happy for you with your loan. Do not be worried, you'll do great.
Virgirl, reason one must go through and feel all the pain is, until you do you'll continue to return to the Virgo cuz it will temporarily relieve the pain. The cycle will then start again and repeat.
Snowball, you are spot on with the analysis. I'm not a sex fiend, but enjoy a very healthy sex life when in a relationship. Could not imagine living with someone that no longer wanted sex.
Anyway, was very inspiring to read all the great news lately on all the ladies doing well. Have a great weekend!
Oops and apples for Virgirl! LoL
Hello all the ladies,
Snowball, so happy to hear you've met the great guy ! It becomes kind of a pattern here - lots of ladies attract wonderful men, once they are done with Virgo men !
ES, I know you are in pain now, but you can't avois it, you have to go through it before things start turning for the better. Look at Snowball - she was suffering, and so was jen and Vic, and now they are all with wonderful men give them love that they deserve !
ABB, I also thought I wouldn't be able to live with a person who is not interested in s e x, until I met the Virgo, lol ! Mind you, I only can do it because I no longer consider myself being his partner, unlike him. And thank you, I try not to worry too much, mostly Virgo does it for me, so I have to stay upbeat for the sake of mental balance.
Virgirl, it seems to me that your Virgo was saying all these things (that you have somebody else in the town) to get a reaction from you, which he did. It is still kind of a chess game, I believe...
CGVB, could it be that you were just trying to "fix" things, that happened 20 years ago ? If he left you for his current wife back then, maybe you felt compelled to win him back mostly for the sake of repairing your bruised ego ?