The heart of a Virgo man

  • Oh, here we go again, messages disappearing. It's getting worse and worse.

  • Hello ? Any sign of my last two messages ? It used to be enough to post just one straight after to see the previous one, but not anymore, it seems.

  • Oh emotionsuck - how many of us could have written every word you posted. We've all been there. I'm "perfect" too by the way. Sometimes I think that's why they put the distance in there, just to keep us perfect. Get too close and the illusion might get shattered by some minor flaw.

    I love the baby crocodile metaphor. You gals crack me up...but it is so true. And you know I think I've said before, my Virgo isn't all that physically attractive. He's short, a bit of a belly and bald to boot. Add to that his aversion to the truth and general irresponsibility and it's a wonder that he has any woman at all, but oh that way he has of getting in your head...that charming way he always had of saying just the right thing with an innocent smile to go with it that made it so easy to reconsider and give things just a little longer...maybe...just maybe....

    I'm going to take it as a good sign of my personal progress that even making that statement puts a knot inside me. I was trying to think of someone who looked similar to my Virgo and I came up with Danny DeVito. Lol.

  • (Danny's birthday is November 17, btw, a scorp, not a virgo.)

  • Jen, strangely I was picturing your Virgo looking more or less like De Vito, don't know why, even though De Vito doesn't have typical luring Virgo eyes. Actually he has rather a sunny personality, which makes his attractive in his own way. I can see myself falling for him under certain circumstances, like after emotional hardship.

    Attraction is such a strange thing, and often has nothing to do with looks. In fact I think we often project our own fantasies onto a person, and in our minds they aquire qualities that they don't possess. Maybe that's why rational Virgos prefer to keep their distance - to preserve their "creation" rather than deal with the real person, which would inevitably bring disillusionment to their perfection orientated souls.

  • Think about it Jen. If your virgo looked like Danny Devito and he had you 'devoted' to him for 2+ years, he probably couldn't believe his freaking luck! Even if he was a cold and aloof bastard. LOL

  • Okay, I finally read through this entire thread and one emotion stands out from a lot of the posts: desperation. The number of times you strong and lovely women gave into the control these guys had over you is astounding. Let's not forget, its the woman who has ultimate control over a relationship even when it doesn't seem like we do. Men are essentially putty in the hands of a woman they are attracted to--that's what makes this crazy game of love so fun!

    Be strong. Be s-e-xy. Don't be a push over. And the overanalysing doesn't help. Try to take things at face value. (And, btw, I find myself overanalysing everything but its still good advice). If the guy says he likes you, take that at face value. If it turns out to be utter BS, well you did the right thing--you trusted what someone told you. Not really a bad thing, is it? That's not a character flaw on your part.

    If this thread is a testament to anything, it's a testament that Virgo men are horrible at communicating. That won't change. Accept it. All you can do is be the communicator you are naturally and don't expect the Virgo man to do what doesn't appear to come naturally to him.

    I hope I don't sound like I'm on a soap box here. These are just some of my observations after having read every post in this bloody long thread. 🙂

  • hee hee congrats Scorp 🙂 and thanks for the V-advice.... yup they are awful at talking and too mysterious to boot 🙂

  • HA, Scorpwwings! I'm still laughing here. May be true what you say! Aw, Danny DeVito isn't so bad is he? Lol.

    Wow, there should be some kind of award for you making through the whole thread. I won't dispute the use of your word "desperation". There is that, but most often it's been a desperation for some kind of breakthrough with these guys. Did you notice how many times it was a plea for "why can't he just say one way or the other what he wants", "why can't he make up his mind". Most women that come here are pulling there hair out sitting on the fence wondering which way to go - is there really anything here or do I move on? It does leave a person feeling desperate to either be in it or be out of it. It is a very, very draining experience and overanalyzing is all you really have when you're involved with these guys because they don't allow themselve to be available to seriously work anything out. They leave big spaces for you to languish with no solid answers and nothing but thoughts of where you have been together, nothing about where you are in the present or where things are going. And look how many have other women in the picture. Some of that overanalysis is probably simply instinct at work - your gut tells you there is something that needs to be analyzed.

    Oh great, I just lost power here so I must go as the network backup power won't last long. Fierce winds. Hope they get it fixed soon. 😞

  • Personally I am all for the analysis, as long as it's followed by some kind of break through, and in many ladies cases the break through has occured.

    Speaking of which - I have finally got my mortgage approved ! The problem is now that with the state the country is in, our jobs become less and less reliable, so I'm feeling really nervous about taking this commitment upon myself. My Virgo feels very panicky about the possibility of losing our jobs (for instance we still haven't been paid for the last month), and he of course would rather see the whole mortgage situation just disappear. I see his point, but will probably take this risk.

  • These days I don't seem to be able to post a message without it disappearing first. Quite irritating, really. Off to deal with the bank. 🙂

  • Omg girls ! I was just so mean to my Virgo, now I feel awful. We were supposed to meet yesterday and I came up with an excuse not to. So he texted me today asking me to go to lunch. Well, I've been feeling pretty hurt lately and "holier than thou", so I told him this. I also told him that emotionless sex with you would just cloud over my current emotion and that it wasn't a good day to see him. So, I get in response, "hmmmm, okay then, Have a nice day honey". I'm laughing because I was so very blunt and thought he really needed to hear that, but on the other hand I'm thinking I hurt his "feeling". However, if I did hurt his feeling, I know he will shortly get over it. I'm a wreck.....

  • Ok, well, it's over.....

  • Hello again, I posted here back on page 355 (I think). I didn’t think my post posted so I went to the beginning of the thread and read every post. Funny how the posts disappear and reappear. Kind of like this Virgos lol. I finally made it to the end of the thread today.

    I am in the situation with a married Virgo man (I am married too). (Please don't judge, we ALL make mistakes in one form or another). He is from my past and we have a history together. He contacted me out of the blue after 20 years of no contact, I was never over him so it was easy to get all of the emotions back when I knew that he had not forgotten about me. We have only been communicating through FB. He will not call –too risky. He goes hot/cold ALL the time. When I made that first post it had been over 2 weeks since I had heard from him. Well, last week, he suddenly reappeared – imagine that!! He said he missed me and the convos always end up mentioning s e x and meeting up. He contacted me for 5 days straight and some days multiple times (a record for him). We had plans to meet yesterday. On Monday, he was really hot and into the idea of meeting and couldn’t wait. It was really intense and I thought he meant it. At one point I even asked him if this was just for a booty call and then he would never contact me again. He said he still wants to meet and just take it slow to see what happens. His words were he does not know for sure what will happen with us. So I told him that was great because I don’t need anything more than that right now anyway. Monday evening he sent a message saying he couldn’t wait to see me in only 2 more days. I responded telling him the same and what kind of car I have. It’s a foreign car and he is ALL about American cars. So he didn’t respond to my message, nor did I hear from him on Tuesday. Could it be the car thing that made him mad? Even though I hadn’t heard from him since Monday, I figured he would still meet me since he was so hot on that topic on Monday. So I drove the 2 hours to our designated meeting place. And guess what? He’s a no show!!! I am not surprised, but incredibly disappointed. If only the coward could have told me. So I miserably drove the 2 hours back home. I took a vacation day and everything for this. I know, I am a fool!! But this guy had me convinced. But it’s weird because I REALLY believe that he meant what he said at the time he said it. But for whatever reason changed his mind. Or I guess he never really meant it and is only playing mind games with me, like they do so well.

    He also told me I was what he needed. A woman who treats him great in and out of the bedroom. But I haven’t been in the bedroom with him for 20 years because he’s too afraid to actually meet. And what about MY needs? My guess is that he is bored with his ugly wife (sorry, I had to say that because I stay in shape and keep up my appearance unlike her). Oh and of course he has requested pictures. I also feel that the only reason they were married was because she got pregnant and they were both young, so now he is bored and full of regrets.

    So he is cold now, I haven’t heard from him since Monday. I know I will again though. He always keeps me around on FB. I sent him a message that was really nice. I like to kill with kindness. And I basically said that it was okay that he changed his mind. I was just really nice and didn’t display any anger or anything that would make him feel bad. I do believe he suffers from low self esteem and was shocked to know that I still care for hime. So I build him up because I do want to keep communicating with him. I am addicted and I don't want to lose him again. Even if it is just a FB message every now and then. But this is hard and I cry over this, but I know I have no one to blame but myself for playing the fool.

    One thing I have learned from this is how much I truly appreciate my cappy husband now. He treats me right and shows it. Do Virgo men get hot/cold with their wives? Makes me wonder why the wives would stick around and take this much of their BS. These guys are ridiculous. I have never seen anything like them before.

  • I forgot to add that not long after he and I became friends on FB, his wife tried to add me as a friend. I am not sure why considering, I have never met her and wouldn't think she would know anything about me. I guess she is keeping an eye on her husband??? Maybe she really doesn't trust him. I just thought that was kind of weird.

  • I'm sorry...but cannot help but judge (cancer lady who refers to herself as gyrl): what would you feel or do if your husband did the same? Wouldn't you on this very same forum complaining about his behavior...why not separate from him before pursuing another man who by the way might be questioning his conscience thus hesitating about meeting with you. Why not settle with what you have if he makes you happy?

    People complicate simple equations by adding too many variables.

  • Cancergrlluvsvirgoboi- Welcome to the thread. Well... I think Virgoboi is probably delighted to have the attention and the allusions to s e x are probably the biggest thrills he's had in years. Maybe the same is true for you? I was with the same man for 16 years, I know how it can get...yawn. So why should he mess up his world when he can maintain his boring life with his ugly wife and have a rich fantasy life with you? You are like waiting to open a present. The anticipation is so thrilling and often grander than the actual gift. I can assure you it's going to take some time before he risks rocking his marital boat, and even if he does dip his toes in your waters he's not going to jump in. I think you're going to get big-time hurt in all this and you both are putting your marriages at risk. Is this ghost from twenty years ago worth it? What does he want? Why did he contact you in the first place? You said his wife tried to friend you on fb, why didn't you accept? (Because she will ruin the fantasy for both of you right? Not her business?) Did you have a serious relationship in the past or just a fleeting, shallow one? I think you need to think about the negatives in all this a little more and stop imagining what there might be ahead. Are you prepared for this to progress into an outright affair and have everyone learn about it the hard way? Are you prepared to hurt your husband with all this if it goes further? If "yes" ask yourself why you are willing to take that chance. You say you value your cappy, but you clearly want to see what's up with Virgoboi. You need to take a step back and evaluate all your relationships and yourself. I know I sound like I'm lecturing you here, but the stakes are high. I'm saying this all from my heart that has been broken numerous times from being involved in a situation with my Virgo that was very much blocked from being a whole and fulfilling relationship. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and I am just asking you to consider this all carefully - which I know you are or you wouldn't be here to talk about it. So just chill and do some more thinking about realities and what you really want yours to look like and maybe there's some ways to improve what's already in your life without Virgoboi sneaking in and shaking things up - and then scurrying away in the end.

  • Emotionsucks, sometimes saying things as they are is not a bad thing, and probably you are right - he needed to hear that. Now you have to realise that he is a Virgo man, and is always going to put his needs first, so your responsibility to yourself is to take care of yours. I don't think this is the end (as it's never really the end with Virgos, unless you end it yourself), but you need to think carefully what is it that you want in your life, and then stick to it. Stay strong !

    Cancergyrl, to be honest the "relationship" you describe feels rather shallow to me. You are clearly not being genuine with him - killing with kindness is only appropriate when you play games. If he got offended by the fact that your car is not American, then I don't even know how to describe that level of superficiality, I'm lost for words. As for staying with the "ugly" wife - you know, having an erotic online experience with a "fit" woman might have more to do with vanity than love, exciting as it might be. Love isn't really about looks, as we all know. And Jen is right - why would you chose to hurt your husband, who treats you right ? Sorry for being direct, but I think getting involved with the Virgo might be more trouble than it's worth it.

  • Hi Cancergyrl,

    From the outside looking in it seems that this is more of a fantasy than reality. This fantasy is based on a 20 year ago past. For you the fantasy could become reality, but for him...when it was time to make it real he could not deal with the reality of it. I think you should not have written to him after he stood you up, no way!! But the not showing up is an answer as well, so silence may be the appropriate response for his behavior. He may or may not reappear, if he does it will be to lead you on some more, do not fall for it!

    I am sorry for speaking my mind, I am not judging you. There are many reasons why someone may choose to be in the position you are in. But the universe always gives us an answer, even if it is not the one we are looking for. In your case it is a blessing, you have a husband who loves you and is there for you fully. Be grateful that the meeting with Virgoboi was not consummated, it is probably for the best. You probably would have been disappointed by the reality of it all.

  • Thank you so much Mardepp, VolySolpy and Jenever, you all truly do put things in perspective. Now that I look at it, it is a fantasy for both of us. It probably was all along for him. He knew he would never meet me. I guess I am playing the game right along with him.

    To answer some other questions. We had a serious relationship years ago, he was my first love. So, yeah, I have always had an attachment for him and have and will always love him. I feel sorry for the guy and I pray everyday that he finds peace within himself because I know he needs it. Unlike others, I don't judge him, myself or anyone else because I believe we are all here to learn lessons from each other and I have learned a lot about myself and my marriage just by him contacting me. It's amazing what can happen if you put a positive spin on everything and realize there is a reason for everything. I had a psychic tell me one time that in another life, I cheated on this guy with my current husband. Who knows. Also, if my current husband cheated now I would take that to be something that was meant to be and maybe something that needed to be worked out between him, the other woman and myself. When you think of things in that regard, you aren't as bitter and are more understanding. I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with that, but that's okay. I've learned to go with the flow.

    Anyway, I am really glad I read through this whole thread and learned more about virgo men. This guy really fits the traits. I know he will be back for more fantasy and ego boosts.

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