The heart of a Virgo man

  • Voplysoply - I was speaking hypothetically. I don't know if there was a time when they actually tried to talk through things. The style of arguments he described between them were very juvenile with lots of accusations and name-calling - based on his stories. He did say that she had a tendency to "zone out" and didn't seem to care what he had to say. As far as bored...I think that his issues run far deeper than boredom. Otherwise I believe that all the drama he described at home would have kept him interested. Nope, he's looking for something he never had in my opinion. Looking for something more...but I don't think he knows what that is. He said it himself early on...he's "trying to fill an empty space" in himself. Boredom passes, his was a pretty gaping hole.

    Magikal - Hello! I understand what you are saying but I think it would be very helpful to if Virgos could use that logic and reason to remove themselves from relationships as soon as they realize that they have not yet found perfection. Not drag others along in their uncertainty for years....and years...and years.... It's either perfect or it's not, right! 🙂

  • Ha, AriesBB - Apparently we were posting at the same time. Note the parallel of your description of 2-year-olds with my comment about my Virgo's juvenile arguments between he and his wife. Lol. Two kids fighting to get their way. Just a side comment here - women are just as likely to complain about their husbands. I got to the point I detested social gatherings with certain circles of women around here because of the husband-bashing that went on. Probably had as much as anything to do with me throwing in the towel on my marriage because I listened to all that and decided I didn't want to end up just one more whiner. I didn't want to be like them. Was time to take some action.

  • ABB,

    I agree about the complaining about the wife comment. Who in their right mind would want to be with someone who did that--even if they eventually left the wife? Indeed he would do it to you as well if he did it to her. How women fall for that is beyond me. There's this married man who complains that he wants to leave his wife and even went so far as to get his own place. He keeps asking me out. I told him I don't deal with married men. Even if he gets a divorce I have his M.O. and would never deal with him because I know such things. Also I wouldn't put up with his disappearing and staying out all night, etc. Get the divorce if that's what you want...but don't complain and talk bad about your wife while you're making up your mind. Funny how some women thing they'll be treated any differently...oh I forgot...they're "special". LOL!

  • G4E, I can see how a woman can get involved into this kind of situation. First you fall in love, then you discover the reality of the situation, and because of your strong feelings you chose to believe his side of a story. You opt to see him as a victim, not the perpetrator of disfunction, so the wife takes all the blame, as you never get to hear her side of the story. Virgos are a very persuasive bunch, they are clever, articulate and naturally manipulative. It's a feminine sign, so they are good at all that.

    In my experience 2 of the Virgos I dated forgot to mention that they were in a relationship. Fortunately for me I found out (by myself) soon enough in one case, and after a year of involvement in the other case. That was a major heart break, as he was my very first boy-friend, but I still broke up with him. My current Virgo wasn't in a relationship when I met him, but as it turned out later, there was still this ex for whom he had ambivalent feelings. At the time I didn't connect the pattern to the zodiac sign, otherwise I would have runned. My point is - I can see how easily this can happen, that's why I think it's so important to inform ourselves.

    Jen, the problem with Virgos is not that they don't leave relationships - some do. The problem is that they are never able to get beyond the infatuation phase with just one woman. Once the relationship loses it's novelty and excitement, they move onto the next conquest.

    ABB, I know 1 Virgo man, who seems to be a good husband (so far), and about 5 who either cheat on their wives, or are not in a serious relationship.

  • The first guy I ever loved--when I was 20 years old--was a Virgo. We spent a year together before I realised that his 'friend' who was always calling when were at his house and was crying that she was going to kill herself, was really his lover. I had met her numerous times at the Virgoes invitation. But she was always referred to as his 'friend.'

    You know how I found that gem out? We broke up and a week later I got a note from him saying that he moved out of town and had married her. Yep two weeks earlier we were making love and having a wonderful relationship.

    But that didn't stop our own communication--we continued to be best friends for 20 years (until he killed himself a few years ago--story for another time). During the 20 years we were friends we met up a few times--he moved from Philly to San Fran and I was in the Midwest. The first time we actually met after he got married (5 years later) he told me he was 'wistful' and then he kissed me passionately.

    Five years later, he wanted me to move to San Fran to be near him when I broke up with someone who I had been with for 10 years but by then I had met another man and was in love so I didn't.

    Three months before he killed himself, he flew to England with his wife. I was living there at the time and he had to see me. I had a 1 1/2 hour window when he was available but I couldn't make it. I thought we would talk later--but the next time I heard about him it was his wife who sent me an email that he was dead.

    She was a Libra.

  • Oh my God!!!!! so sorry about that Scorp..... i too am a Libra with a Virgo... and he is soo confusing... sigh

  • I guess all this Virgo talk has brought up this painful memory again. Thanks guys! Just kidding. I've been reconciled for a few years and am at peace with what happened. As they say: Shit happens. Life bites you on the arse whether you have joy in your heart or are bitter. I chose joy. Thanks for listening.

  • I will say the Libra and the Virgo had a very strange and messy relationship as far as I could tell. But there was a deep love. I think it took a lot for her to email me--which she sent from the email account Virgo and I emailed through the day after he--you know.

  • SwW, your story reminds me a lot of my first boy-friend, who was also my first love. Like you, I knew that he had a female friend, who was constantly on the verge of suicide (according to him). One day I found airplane tickets to a holiday destination in his place to his and her names, that's how I knew that she was more than just a friend. We broke up, he married her, still wanted to see me, but I refused. Still, we kept bumping into each other on ocasion for about 5 years, and at some point he has made an attempt to convince me not go to the other country to continue my studies, which was my plan. He told me that he was getting separated from his wife, has become a different, more open person, and wanted us to be together again. I said that I couldn't do that and have moved on with my life. Last time I saw him was about 15 years ago. He was still "getting devorced" from his wife. Haven't heard from him ever since. Hope he is alive and well...So sorry to hear about your ex's suicide...

  • VS,

    That is too much. How does someone go through life doing that? For me, personally, I just cannot fathom being that dishonest--on both our Virgos part. My Virgo, I am convinced rationalised the deceit because he had convinced himself that we were really in a relationship like in the film Woody Allen's Manhattan. I was 20 and he was in his 30s. I am convinced. We even ate chinese in bed. I'm not kidding. LOL

    I can laugh now.

  • VS,

    If a man doesn't reveal himself to be otherwise involved, or married--I can see how a woman can fall for him. However, all kinds of red flags should rise when you meet a married one and all he does is complain about his wife. As was said, that's the oldest line ever. I wouldn't even put myself in a situation where he wants to confide in me! He's married and all of a sudden the woman on the side is "the one"? Bull. They are one of the "ones" is what it is. Let him get out of of his relationship--without having you waiting in the wings for it to happen...

  • oh and ladies "you" is not directed at any specific person in my last

  • That's a sad tale Scorpwwings. I sometimes wondered if my Virgo ever thought about ending it all. A friend of his died quite suddenly and Virgo made the comment that "marriage is like death and real death is like marriage". I think he sees a lot of what goes on in life as trivial and fleeting and irrelevant. In the most logical extreme, he makes a valid point. Said, you're born, you live, and death takes it all away. The end. So if you believe that, then what does it matter how you fill that time before death ends it all anyway? You can't be happy forever, you can't suffer forever. Both will come to an end all the same. We all go out of this life the same. Tomorrow or ten years or a hundred years from now, in an instant whatever you thought was so important is done and over for good. Hard to pull someone out of that kind of logic if they've really got themselves convinced to the point that nothing really matters anymore. It is pretty (coldly) logical. Sorry about your friend Scorpwwings. Interesting that the woman that he was so deeply attached to had a history of suicidal thoughts. I can't help but wonder if somehow she helped plant the seed of thoughts that inspired him to take his own life, or did he relate to her because he understood it. When you say she was "always calling and crying that she was going to kill herself", well, something was connecting the two of them, but it would be a very strange kind of love. If he loved her deeply it's hard to imagine that he would have willingly chosen to leave her like that. Killing himself would be a horrible punishment for her if they loved each other. Makes no sense. Sad all the same. 😞

  • Maybe killing himself was precisely the way to punish her for all her threats of suicide ? Like saying - see how it feels. Some psychologists believe that the purpose of every self destructive behaviour is to punish the nearest and dearest, to make them feel guilty. I think there is lots of truth in it, judging by what I've seen in the case of my current Virgo's sister's suicide (Libra, by the way).

    By the way, my current Virgo worries me as well. Not that I think he is thinking about taking his life, but he is definitely adhering to the logic of "what's the point of living life fully?" . He worries about the eventuality of decay and trying to talk me out any actions, like buying my place, which I'm still working at. He keeps proposing marriage to me as a "survival" strategy in these uncertain days of global financial crisis. I tell him that if I ever get married again it will be for pleasure, not out of fear, but he thinks that that would be in ideal world, not the one we are living in. Frankly, sometimes he makes me feel furious for the attempt to deprive me of my life force, along with his own.

    SwW, when I asked my first Virgo boy friend why he got involved with me knowing that he was already involved, he said - for his soul. He also said that life stinks and nothing you can do about it. Maybe depression is the driving force behind this pattern? An attempt to escape responsibilities of life in a way ? Resistence to grow up ?

  • Me and Virgo never actually talked about his wife that much and whenever he did it was always respectful. She was 12 years older than him and by the time he left, she had 12 grandchildren from her 8 children--which, by the way, she left with her ex-husband when she ran off on them to be with the Virgo. My my what tangled webs we weave, huh? Of course I found all this out later. Like I said, very messy.

    Then again Virgos love a sob story and helping people, right? I think guilt played a big role in the whole scenario. It's like a soap opera when I look back on it, really. I think they loved each other, but much of their relationship was based on punishment and very dysfunctional and--not very much s-e-x. At the end, she had a female lover and the Virgo was just best friend.

    It drove me crazy because I could see him spiralling down but he hung onto his relationship for grim death and even played happy families for the most part. On the other hand, he wanted someone to save him from it all. I don't know--its been awhile since I've analysed it.

    And Virgo complain about too much drama? Their whole lives are drama.

  • VS,

    Its funny because one night at the restaurant I was leaving and said to Virgo manager--well that was the end of a wonderful evening. Not sarcastically but because I had fun. Virgo says, its the end and its the evening. I said and it was wonderful. He just grumped. lol so pessimistic. Geez, life isn't that horrible, is it?

  • Well, my Virgo said, "life is nothing but a whole series of disappointments" and that seemed to sum it up for him. His marriage was like, "going to a job, you may not like it but you do it because you have bills to pay" (this was his metaphor for the responsibility of doing what he thought he had to to take care of his kids).

    Voplysoply, my Virgo's "quirk" was a constant concern about what he perceived to be international conspiracies that would one day transform the global economy and balances of power. It was interesting to discuss, but in retrospect I wonder if this was actually serious to him, you know, like did this sort of thing actually keep him up at night? Oh these Virgos are lovable and strange creatures to be sure. I'm liking my Ariesman more all the time.

    Scorpwwings, my Virgo made a couple of comments about me "taking him away from his life" (i.e. rescuing him). I know I mentioned a couple of times through the thread that I wondered at times if he didn't want me to go nuts and tell his wife and cause a big drama that would blow it all up. Part of me still wonders if it wasn't he, himself, who provided the means for his wife to find out about "us". Like leaving an e-mail up on his computer. Oh "oops", cat's out of the bag now. Seriously, at the point that I was walking away he was potentially losing the opportunity to insult her with his affair with me. What a coincidence that after two and a half years of him managing to keep it a secret, within a week after I "dumped him" (that's what he called it - how can I dump someone I could never have a real relationship with, I do not know) all of a sudden she figures it all out because "someone hacked his computer and showed her everything". Yeah, maybe...after someone gave her a big clue that she should take a look...someone like him. And what a coincidence that this all happened on his birthday. I think maybe he just decided to give himself a gift and burn me and his wife at the same time. You know, it wouldn't even surprise me if he set up a fake facebook profile just to "anonymously" tell her that she should check up on her husband.

  • Hello everyone, I have been following the thread but not written lately, I hope you are all well. Well, the more I read about Virgo men and how they handle things, it seems so convoluted...I wonder if some of them do it unconsciously because actually for them to be aware is pretty terrible and a pretty terrible way to view life and cause hurt for others...Well, if any of you can give me some is the update. Virgo and I have been going out for two months, everything was running smoothly for me until a few days ago. Basically the last time he asked me out on a date was Feb. 6th to make plans super early for Valentine's. The last time we saw each other was the weekend before this last one, so I have not seen him for 12 days or so. Things went in crescendo with dates from two weeks to once a week to last time twice that week, and now everything is either stalled or backwards. I am trying to figure it out. Last weekend we both had plans and I went out of town too. This weekend I made plans because he has not asked to see me (he used to plan things early anyway), even if he did I would say no at this point... Aside from that he has been calling me as usual and texting, sometimes I day or two may go by with no news and that has been always the pattern. He is affectionate on the phone, etc. Communication is great but something is not quite right. I voiced last Friday and Sunday night that I would like to see him sometime and he said "I would like to see you too" and said he had a busy schedule when he always says he is semi-retired and has all this time. He always says that he likes that I am so busy and independent but he knows I can make time for us, so I do not understand...Do I let him initiate things again? (after all I already said I wanted to see him, do not want to say it again). Do you think he is slowly removing himself?. He might even talk to me a Friday night or Saturday night when we could not see each other (if I have my daughter for instance). But still...I guess I am trying to figure out if he is testing me to see if I am going to lose my cool. He said that a while back "I am going to find out what gets you out of your self one day, because you always say all the right things". Should I bring up the subject? Is he trying to figure things out himself? why was he so war and initiating things and not now? Anyway, thanks for listening...If he is not interested anymore he really fooled me in the beginning...

  • "warm" ha ha

  • Mardepp, it's obvious that he is testing how far he can go before you lose your cool - he said it himself. That would give him a sense of being in control, if he could figure you out. If I were you, I'd try to discourage these tests right from the beginning. You want to send him a clear message that if he wants you to be around, he has to meat you half way. Therefore, encourage him when he makes steps towards you, and discourage him when he disappears, and not the other way around. Don't reward his absence by showing signs of insecurity and chasing him. I think the best you can do is to live your life fully, while feeling secure in the knowledge that he will always attempt to play yoyo games, and will never really go away.

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