The heart of a Virgo man
Wow, this was an amazing thread, I read it through it's entirety. Jen you are truly amazing. Where did Dttn go? I have not seen her post for awhile. Sorry, I'm being rude. Hello, my name is Chiana and its so nice to meet you all. I am a Taurus woman that is totally in love with...you guessed it... a Virgo man. sigh While my situation is different than many of yours there are a lot of aspects to my relationship with him that are so very similar it's totally frightening. I do tend to be an extremely private person so obviously I'm desperate for some input to be posting my issues on a forum. Jen, I truly feel a connection to you and would love to tell you more but really feel I must do that in private. So if you feel so inclined to hear my story please send me a private message. Please do not feel you are in any way obligated my dear to do so though I do understand that you have probably had more than your fill of listening to virgo issues. lol
Anyway, in a nutshell, both my virgo and I are unattached. When we met I was in a relationship with another man (just living together) but was very unhappy and in the process of extricating myself from the relationship when I met my virgo. We met through my employment and talked a bit but he had to move home so we took our relationship to the phone for the next 7 months. We talked every day for nearly 4 or 5 hours a day. He said all the right things of course, confessed his love for me, talked non stop and simply charmed his way into my heart. We have met for a weekend here and there approximately 3 times in the last 8 months. He has told me he loves me although I must admit I don't hold much stock in saying of those words.
I have since moved closer to him, about 12 hours away now as apposed to the 35 hours away. He actually came out and drove across country with me to my new home. He has met my family and I have met his family as well. His family seemed to like me and welcomed me into their home. Well, since then he has changed. I truly feel as if he has withdrawn from me over the last 2 months. He hardly ever talks to me anymore, he is withdrawn and acts shy around me barely talking to me at all anymore. I have told him several times that I feel a change in him and have several times given him the option backing out of the relationship and simply becoming friends, he states I"m being silly that he does not want that.
Now at one point he did not call me for 3 weeks, I assumed our relationship was over and wrote him a letter stating that he is obviously not interested in me anymore and that I wished him the best and hoped we could alway remain friends. Of course, he called, I did not take his calls at first be finally broke down and answered. He explained to me what happened and skeptically I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but did take a step back. (This was before he drove with me across country) Now, I must be honest, he has NEVER gone that long again since without calling me. The most he goes now is about 3 days, but the calls are short, unemotional, pretty much a "hi, how was your day, mine was great, I"m working hard and tired, I'll call you tomorrow" Which inevitably actually turns into about 3 days. We do not text or email (He does not own a cell phone or computer) He just seems so different than he was when he was...hmmmm....for lack of better word....wooing me in the beginning. I love this man, and have told him as much, but he is so very hesitant to talk about feeling now that I'm just totally flabbergasted! He's so very different from what he was a year ago. I just don't know what to think. There is an age difference between us and that worries me often. ( 46, 38) I'm just at an age where I don't want to waste my time I guess and just not sure where I stand anymore with him. When I try to broach the subject he becomes exasperated and tells me pretty much the same thing you all have been told, to just relax everything is fine.
Well, that's my story, sorry if I went on to long but I must admit its been nice to unload so to speak. Jen I hope your weekend went lovely with your scorp and I look forward to hearing more about it! Take care all, I'll be chatting with you soon!
Welcome Chiana and thanks for sharing and joining us here! Does it make sense to say thatI'm sorry that you find so much common ground here, lol, but now you do have a place to unload and get some insight.
I'll be back when I have more time to share the latest on my Virgo. What exasperating creatures. I really thought I was done with mine as anything more than an acquaintance. Was really feeling good about that too as things have been developing so nicely with my Scorp, but then along comes Virgo muddying up our waters. But the more he talks, in some ways the more he just helps me move away from him. All talk, no action, lol. As I say, I'll fill you in when I have more time.
What HAS happened to Dttn. That's a good question. I communicated with her privately almost daily for the longest time. I will contact her and tell her to post an update for all of us as to what her life is like all these months later after giving up her Virgo. I would be interested to know as well!
Talk to you soon!
Hi Chiana, nice to meet you!
You remind me of the two taurus friends I have(although they're probably only half as mature as you, since their life has so far only lasted for half as long)... they both feel very stable to me, and while I'm not interested in any of them, I think they're the kind of person that, if I was interested in them, I would make sure that I want to stay with them in the long run, before approaching them at all.
From your post (well, to be honest even if I knew more I probably wouldn't say anything decent, since I'm pretty bad at giving advice), it actually seems to me that there is a chance this man is kind of relaxing because he might think he already has you secured... you see, for us Virgos (well, for me it is, and I read it's a virgo characteristic), we try to live our lived methodically... as in trying to fit things into a daily routine, from which we only deviate sometimes. That way life becomes well, less tiring for the mind... we already have so much in our minds to think about, that making a daily routine kind of makes us have to focus less on the everyday aspects of life, since we get used to them, and frees our mind for other things.
Don't take my word very seriously though, I'm not too good at reading people, and i'm not too good at giving advice either.
Anyway, my news:
No news at all... as a matter of fact... since the time we last met(before I last posted here), I have had no news of her at all... on the monday we were supposed to have gone to watch Alice in Wonderland, she didn't say a thing... I tried to call her, but cellphone was off.
As a matter of fact, her cell phone has been off ever since then.
Of course, since I always overthink, I was really really worried and even called the hospitals that same night, to know if she had entered or not... fortunately she hadn't.
Tuesday passed, Wednesday passed... no text messages, no email, no logging on MSN. Nothing. Of course I thought of the worst-case scenario... so on thursday morning, I did something I never thought I'd ever be able to do... skipped classes in the morning, caught a taxi and at 9 AM I was at her university(Her first class should be at 9:30AM).
I didn't want to meet her face to face though, since it might be embarassing for her, and she might feel upset, or worse, humiliated.
I just asked the first 3 colleagues of her to arrive(so there wouldn't be alot of people there to notice me asking) if they had seen her that week. They said yes, so I just left.
She probably arrived there 5 or 10 minutes later, but I was no longer there.
The possibilities were:
1. Something bad happened
2. She didn't want to talk to me
3. She lost her cellphone and both her computer and her parents' computer broke down at the same time and she forgot that she could access internet through a multitude of other ways... VERY UNLIKELY.
Since I am not a coward, I emailed her saying I had gone there.
I have had no reply to the email, and she has not contacted me in any way.
I feel extremely mad because literally 1-2 minutes before I got out of her car, when she was taking me home on thursday 2weeks ago, she said something along the lines of ''now im going to be all over you, you're going to get tired of me ;)''
...And then she never talks to me again.
I feel like my feelings have been played with.
And the worst part is if she came up to me again, I'd defenitely forgive everything and anything in an instant.
Ahhhh Diamond you are wise beyond your years sweetie, you may quite possibly be right, still its confusing that he went from being so loving, caring and attentive to cold, unresponsive and withdrawn. My first thoughts, because we are a bit of a distance from each other is that he has found someone else to fill his time.
Anyway, good luck sweetie with your current situation, if there is an attraction there, and you virgo men seem to have the corner market on that charm, she will come back around. I may have missed it but what is her zodiac sign again? hugs
This post is deleted!
You didn't miss her sign, I didn't write it on the last post
She is Scorpio, born right on Libra cusp(Midnight, between 23rd and 24th of October).
Rising Leo, Moon in Aries.
hang in there HD, scorpio women are known for being fiercely independent. I'm sure you've read up on that already. Let us know how it all works out please!
Okay everyone..I've been reading this thread and I'm getting a little freaked out here. I just set up a coffee meeting though an online dating service with a Scorpio man. I am Aquarius. Does all this mean that I should steer clear of him? What's weird about this whole thing is that I came across this thread just minutes after agreeing to meet with him. I've not been a member here for very long, but I haven't come across this thread until just now. Should I take this as a sign that I shouldn't go through with this? Need input here please I still have time to cancel....
Well first of all Starr, most of this thread involves virgo men not scorpio However, you should definitely make your judgements and decisions based on your experiences hun, not the experiences of others. Although I do tend to put alot of stock in astrology I certainly will not base all my life/love decisions on astrology. If you like him, of course you should follow through, then see what your opinions are after you have spent some quality time with him. Good Luck!!
oh geez, another blonde moment..I am so sorry, I don't know how I got that mixed up! I'll just shut up now...again so sorry.
I checked, he is a Virgo not a Scorpio,I don't know why I wrote Scorpio.... but I will take you advice in stride Chiana63, thanks. Still kind of freaks me out though.
ahhh well then hun, I can tell you this, patience is DEFINITELY a virtue when dealing with a virgo man. They are very reserved, analytical and usually seek near perfection in most things most definitely in themselves. They will NOT jump into anything quickly and will often take an extremely lengthy amount of time deciding if others are worthy of their affections.They do tend to be on the shy side, especially if they like you. I do wish you the best of luck. They are truly sweet, kind and caring souls for the most part and once you win their affections they usually are pretty loyal. Now please take this all in stride, everyone is different, based upon how they are brought up and what they truly believe in throughout life. Most importantly hun, be yourself.
Jen where are you hun? Please don't disappear! I feel I've come so close to you through reading this thread. Let us know how things are going? I'd truly like to chat with you more.
Thanks for your advice..I'm just getting back into this dating stuff after 16 years of being divorced and I'm totally gun shy. That's one reason why I started with an on-line dating service. I'm probably being over analytical about the whole thing, whether it's a Virgo or anyone else for that matter. So I'm keeping your advice in mind, as a matter of fact I'm going to write it down so I don't forget. so thanks again.
Hi Jen, x
Just wondered how you are doing, its been a while since we have heard from you. Hope things with mr scorpio and u are blooming well. Have you heard from ur virgo yet? I have not heard from mine since 10th Feb when he sent me the goodbye email. I miss him very much. Jen, sometimes its very hard, but I am determined not to make contact first, since he was the one that called it off. I just hope that he thinks about me like I do him. I never asked you this before Jen, but what are your thoughts about why he called it off with me in the first place and do you think he will contact me again or do you believe he is over me? 5 years is a long time. Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Lots of Love
You know what Sahana, based on my experiences lately with my Virgo - after putting some distance in my emotions about him, plus some things that HiddenDiamond has said, I am just about convinced that the thing my Virgo was always looking for was (and probably still is) for me to convince him that I want him. He wants unconditional love and loyalty.
Now see, I don't think I would have even come to this realization if Scorp hadn't come on the scene and really forced me to weigh out the realities of my situation with Virgo. I continue to hear from my Virgo, even though he knows that I am growing more involved with Scorp. And man is he doing some talking these days. Virgo knows that I may very well be headed into a serious relationship with Scorp. Things are going quite well with us in spite of the 500 mile separation and Scorp talks openly about the possibility of moving to be with me if things continue in a good direction. He's coming here to visit in a couple of weeks, both to see me as well as check out the area. It didn't hurt that Scorp and I had a history together and that we got along well all those years ago. We're like old friends more than anything and it makes the relationship continue to just feel comfortable and right. Mind you I swore it would be a cold day in hel*l before I'd ever get involved with another Scorp, lol, so lucky for mine he had a few things in his favor getting started. Although some aspects of him unnerve me a little bit as I KNOW what can happen with Scorps. His attentiveness now can turn to suffocation and control later. I won't make a list, but suffice to say, anyone's positive traits can turn out to be their most negative traits if carried to an extreme.
Ok, so back to Virgo. He called me about a week after I returned from my trip (which was really both, to see my ill mother and to get together with Scorp for the first time in thirty years). Virgo chit-chatted innocently for about two minutes, asked about my mom of course, but then he cut right to the chase. "How did it go with your friend?" he asked. I said quite simply, "it went very well, we had a really good time and it was great seeing him again". Silence....then he said, "uh oh". You see, Virgo had convinced himself that Scorp was just some guy playing a game, that he was just looking for some action, that he wasn't a man of integrity or his word. Well, "hello", I don't usually hang out with men like that - when I was younger or older. That would be PRECISELY why I ended things with Virgo! LOL. Yet Virgo said, "I'm stunned here. I really thought you'd be saying something different - I guess I was wrong". I said, "yes you were. I told you he was a good guy as a teenager and he's grown up to be a good man as well".
Sooo, this led to about an hour-long conversation where, for the first time ever, Virgo expounded on what I mean to him. I am a source of strength and support, there is no one on this earth that can make him feel as secure as I do, when the chips are down I'm the one he seeks out, when he doesn't hear from me it drives him mad, and he thinks about it all the time "what is she doing, why isn't she talking to me, what's on her mind" (but you see he rarely responds - all of this was me making the effort. I was frankly surprised that I even had this affect on him and the obvious question would be, "well why didn't you just say something?" To which I don't think I'll ever have a good answer). So he claims he wants to be with me but it would ruin him financially and would put his children in a bad situation. He did the math...about 7 years before he could REALLY be comfortable with walking away from his marriage and just let the chips fall where they will money, all of it. At that point his sons will be "out on their own" and he will feel like he's fulfilled his obligation to being a good father who was always there for them. Unless...his wife pulls the plug first. Which doesn't sound likely. She has him on a noose. Says he can leave any time he wants to, but the second he does, "just realize that from that point on you are working for me because I'm going to take you for everything you've got". Somewhere in all of this Virgo assured me though, that if I ever needed him he would be there for me. If I needed money, or if there was some way he could help me. He's the man for me in a crisis, but clearly he can't be a man I can just enjoy time with or enjoy as a person. For now he has to have a purpose to go out on a limb for me.
So...while it feels really good to hear what's been inside Virgo's mind and his heart over all this time, at the same time it brings me nothing more than a very long wait. Something inside me really believes that if I devoted myself to him and just waited this thing out, that with each passing year he would love me that much more. He is so very drawn to my strengths such as my independence and ability to work hard and take good care of my children. I think he even loves me more for having "dumped" him because my reasons for it make so much sense. I did it for the right reasons and it just proves to him that I have integrity. Crazy isn't it? But it's true.
So now he's freaking out, but at the same time he realizes that he asks a lot from me. He continues to say that he cares about me so much that more than anything he wants me to be happy - no matter what decision I make about him. Admits that he wil be intensely hurt if I end up with some other man because he feels that I belong to him, but all the while recognizing that it makes no sense for him to think that way given his situation. The saddest part of all though, is how easily he could have me right where he wants me, my feelings are still very strong for him, but you see, he makes no effort that meets my needs. I think I've been very plain about what it would take for me to "stay out of the hurt" with him, as I call it. I need to feel like he wants to connect with me as much as I want to connect with him. He may think that he is making an incredible effort to do that, given his complications to be with me, but that's just not enough. And it's not even that I'm deeply needy, it's just that I really believe that if I were as important to him as he says, there would be no "effort" in connecting with me. It would be easy to find a minute to pick up the phone or drop me a quick e-mail, he would look forward to it, it would bring him a smile perhaps just knowing that I would be happy to hear from him. In actuality I am incredibly busy most of the time myself. (Anymore it's been hard to find time to update this thread, lol, but I have so appreciated the opinions and insights that I've gained here that I feel a responsibility to continue, and I so enjoy the people I've come to "know" here). But my point is, I find time for him.
So, having said all of that, in all honesty, I have no idea what happens next. I've kind of released myself from having expectations in any direction and continue to just see what evolves here.
Now, Sahana, as far as your question. I don't think I can even speculate on why your Virgo called it off with you. It could be something stupid like he noticed that you never dust your furniture, or it could be something more serious like he doesn't think you have a future together - case closed. But, I will say this, that I don't think taking a position that you are not going to be the first one to make contact is going to help you at all. Honestly, based on what I know "moves" my Virgo, if I were in your position (and mind you, you must be prepared for the possibility that he really does have some reason in his head as to why you two should move on) I would send him an e-mail, just keep it short and simple, and tell him in two sentences what's on your mind. I believe I sent just such a message once that said, "you know, I really thought I'd be over you by now, but it's really not going well for me. I just miss you". Virgo never addressed it directly, but it got us talking again. I guess Rule #1 is don't ever expect a Virgo to address your feelings directly.
Which reminds me of another approach I've used before. Avoid any talk of feelings at all. Just shoot him off an e-mail and tell him what you've been up to. At the end say something like, "hope I didn't bend your ear too much, but I find that I just miss talking to you". I'd use this tactic when I was certain that Virgo would be expecting some emotion-filled letter. When he didn't get what he expected it really threw him off course. But see he liked that, because it kept his mind stimulated. My Virgo loves me for my mind most of all. If only that were enough....lol.
Well keep me posted. As you say, 5 years is a very long time. He has either made up his mind for good, or he can be lured back. It's one or the other in my opinion. Love your bunny pic by the way. I had lop-ears for pets for about twenty years. Now I have kids.
So glad to see your update. Are you going to continue to see where things go with your Scorp? I hope you don't hold against me the fact that I am a Taurus, I have to be honest, your Virgo's description of Taurus really is rather strange. I was in a relationship with my husband for 20 years. He was constantly messing around, I finally got tired of it and asked for a divorce (he was a cancer) I really went above and beyond, taking nothing from him and giving him whatever he wanted just to remain friends with him and make sure are children (mostly grown at that time) would not feel any negative effects from the break up, but that was how I was raised, I am extremely proud, self-confidant and successful enough that I did not need or want anything from him. We are still good friends today. My story with my Virgo is rather a strange one and I find myself wondering if I really want to continue this with him or not, is it really worth it. sigh I don't know, I do love him though. Would love your insight on my situation but do not wish to press you either. If you are interested please email me at . Please know I will not be offended if you should choose not to write me. If you are in contact with Dttn, please give her my best, I hope all is going well with her. Good luck to you!!
Hi Chiana, yes I'll definitely continue seeing how things go with Scorp. He's coming here for the first time in a couple of weeks so that should be fun as well as interesting to see what he thinks about the prospect of ever living here.
I have to run for now. We're in the midst of a power outage for reasons unknown and I'm going to lose battery power here. I will contact you soon as well. Thanks for the invitation.
Hello, I have just registered and I am so very grateful to have found this forum. Just spent the last 24 hours, literally, reading all your posts and have learned so much. I too am being torn by a Virgo man and want to tell you my story. I am in awe at your knowledge and insights. I will post later today when I think that I have got it down to a reasonable size. Thank you all.
I will give you as much information as possible. I am a cancer, July 18. He is a Virgo, Sept 4. I live in Canada, but he lives in East Africa! The first time we met in person was when he picked me up at the airport in his country. We had been in touch for several months prior by IM and email while I was collecting donations of money and clothing to take to his school. I knew he was married and had two children. There was never any intention of getting romantically involved. As a matter of fact ,I thought he might think me a bit of a wild woman as he seemed to be quite involved with various church groups in several countries. Over the two months of almost daily IM's and emails we came to be quite close. I was going to be hosted in his home, wife, kids, relatives etc. so this was a good way to get to know someone. We had also made some plans that he would escort me on three in country trips as "security" because his country is dangerous especially when travelling alone. When we arrived at his home there were other volunteers staying there, too.
I think I really fell for him long before I arrived. We were so comfortable with each other. After arriving at his home I saw first hand what his home life was like - horrific. After a few days the children went of to their boarding schools and the volunteers went home to their country. Then the real home life was even worse. He and his wife never spoke to each other or ate together or went anywhere together.
We spent most of a month together. We fit like a hand and glove and really enjoyed each other's company. We both loved sharing time, breakfasts, dinners, the conversations, the trips. Yes, we were both starved for good company. We both were in love soon after.
There was no sexual intimacy at first, but we did try. Neither of us was at ease so we just stayed away from that side. At one point a week or so later he blurted out, almost to himself not me, "I am not a cheater". We spent four nights in one king size bed, on another trip we had separate accom, and on the third twin beds which were pushed together. On that last night away we each on our own side stretched out our arms to each other and just held hands. It was magical!
OK it is now two months since I left and I have been through all the ups and downs, anguish, tears, and physical ailments that have been described by so many others. He pulled away - I wanted to "wash that man right out of my hair", we had brief moments of contact. Then he said for me to get skype and I did. So for the last couple of weeks we have had a several video calls and it all comes rushing back to me.
His wife told another girl and me that she wants a divorce, but that he won't give her one. He told me that he wants a divorce, but that he wants the children as he will not see another man raising his kids. I suppose that they are both telling their truth. His wife is sure I am his "other" because she saw how we were together, so happy. Even at his school they told him they had never seen him as happy.
He may be coming to the U.S. to deliver a paper in July and then come here to see me. I want to spend next winter in a more favourable climate and he will come to visit me.
My confusion is the same as all of you. He makes me happy, sad, angry, stressful etc. but I am unable to just walk away. BUT the strange part is that I am not sure what I would do if he came right out and got a divorce. I do not want to live in his country (don't think so) and I surely don't want two children aged 11 and 16. He is 12 years younger than me, but acts and thinks about 20 years older, OK so I exaggerate a bit.
The way I see it we have the wife, children, vocation, country, ethnic values, and distance that are all problematic. Yes, his school for slum children, most of whom are AIDS orphans, is his vocation and he has dedicated most of his adult working life to it. I am not sure which comes first his biological children or his slum children. The former are away at school, whereas he sees the others daily. I would always be third. I am a big girl now and can have others play in my sandbox as long as I get equal time. I am 63 and retired from teaching 2 years ago.
When I write this it all seems so cold. I am not showing any emotion. I wish it were like that in real life. My cold locked up heart was opened by this man and I don't know what to do with it. I have been divorced for 30 some years and only in love once before.
Any ideas, suggestions, or insights, please！I am not cold about this. I have been keeping a journal for two months and it is pathetic. Every feeling, everything he said/says does etc. Sometimes it is only minutes apart between entries BUT when I found this forum I saw that I was not alone and that there was someone who could relate. BTW I haven't told anyone here about my situation - what can I say - I am in love with someone........They will think I have gone crazy.
Now I will sit here anxiously awaiting your posts as well as a call from him!!!