The heart of a Virgo man
Messanger - Wow, I can't tell you how touched I am that you have taken the time to write that post. Your message is powerful and completely on track. I KNOW you are right, but you seem to appreciate also how hard it is to do what we know is right when emotions are involved. I think I'm doing well on the "taking care of myself" front. I have a lot going on in my life right now that is making me really happy and fulfilled and no reason for life not to get even better. In fact it does cause me to put this relationship in a different perspective as you can hopefully see from my last post - I am aware that there may be no place for me in whatever happens next with him. Some of what he is doing is very immature for a man his age and with so many responsibilities. I think part of this is just the Universe demanding that he grow up. He doesn't even seem comfortable in his own skin anymore, so he needs to make some adjustments.
However, if we are going to stay in contact, then I really love your suggestions on how to "handle" him. I agree with you, he is an angry man filled with bitterness and resentment. Anger is always rooted in hurt. I can see where your suggestions might help him get through some of that and grow past it more quickly.
You have given me a world of new things to think about and hopefully many others following this thread as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will let you know how things go as they unfold...or maybe they won't, lol. Things feel as confused as ever at this point and even I have no clue what to expect next from him or even myself! There comes a point where it all makes me weary, and I just don't want to be caught in the quagmire of his confusion. I love him, but as you pointed out, a more detached, yet friendly position is probably the best place for me at this point.
Hi, I live in Michigan and I've been married to a Virgo man for the past 13 years...My husband spends the majority of his days on the internet... & our youngest child will be eighteen in about 4 years... While reading this post..It suddenly hit me that you may very well be talking about my husband...but I thought what are the odds of that.. but then I thought something brought me to this post and I couldn't stop reading, gathering a little insight on the Virgo Male...and I have to say..Oh Boy most of you have been so Dead On...I have been so devastatingly HEARTBROKEN by my husband to the point that I don't know who I am anymore, certaintly not the optimistic, carefree, humanitarian I was when I married him. In between the blackeyes, him calling out womens names in my bed, and his foul mouth... he's has called me lazy, disorganized and a list of different things, I feel that I have lost my Soul..I've lost myself. I once found a saved article on how to hide your assets in a Divorce, I was devastated but he swore he saved it for other reasons...he tells me that he loves me and wants our relationship to work and when he Apologizes they seem sooo genuine ... He's even recently been asking that we pray together before we go to bed...I'm scarred! because I am so unhappy for several different reasons...He's out of the home most of the time and when he is here he's on the internet,..I feel I don't have any type of connection with him and I've really become very depressed over the last year....I guess the answer is starring me in the face..I just refuse to listen to MY OWN HEART...because I loved him so much...
I was reading Jenever7, allycat2, and KittyGalore stoires.
And it really touched me in a way I can not explain and with saddness.
I honestly, do not know for myself how you guys feel, so I can not say much.
I've never been truly in love like that before. I've never experienced that.
I am 15 years old, turning 16 this Dec.
I've have always stuck in my mind "love defies logic" "if not him someone better" "never settle for less" "there are plenty of fish in the sea" - I always told myself those still it was stuck in my brain.
It was hard, but I've seen too much around me, from friends and family about getting hurt.
I've dated many guys (7 to be exact) but I ended them all, before getting to close.
I've experienced some pain before like... A guy (my 4th boyfriend) I was dating for 4 months, I found out he was cheating. But I broke it off with him before he knew I knew about his cheating.
It hurt, alot. And he ran back to me... and the stupid younger me accepted him back.
I thought I really did love him, I was depress without him. But a week after accepting him back I broke it off for good. Because I never wanted to feel like this again.
The pain and humiliation.
I believe... that you can love someone else... you might not believe it now, but you can love someone else in this world.
I've been independent and very happy.
No problems or pain. I don't have to love deeply or cling on to a guy now or ever.
I know there are other guys out there.
I think people need to start to se that "love" is not worth hurting your kids... you'll probably see. I don't understand why you guys are cheating... when you have kids... You might have great deal of happiness but it's not right for people to feel that way if it causes other people to suffer.
I think "Love" truly defies logic.
Cappylady - you contradict yourself. You judge others just because love finds them in situations that they did not plan nor anticipate. You say you think "love" defies logic? Well consider that love is what it driving these relationships that logically should not exist. You are young. With more experience I hope you never find yourself in similar complicated situations, but perhaps you will understand how life is not always so black and white, love is not always so black and white.
Kittygalore - had it not been for the ages of your children I might have thought you were his wife as well. Although I find it hard to imagine that my Virgo would be physically abusive, he certainly has the opportunity to be gone from home a lot with the type of business he runs, and I am sure that he spends plenty of time on-line. As I stated in my original post, I met him in an on-line dating site. If you ever decide to set up a fake profile in a dating site and go looking for your man, (just lie on all your details, no one will know the difference and I'd wager the majority of people on the site are lying anyhow), go to the free sites. You know how cheap Virgo men are, they won't pay for anything they can get free, lol. During my brief time on a dating site (3 months total) I met four Virgo men, all of them turned out to be married. I doubt that's only true of Virgo's that just happens to be my experience. What is your husband doing on-line all the time? Do you even know? Note that the Virgo's I met on-line did not post a photo (the one that did had posted a picture of his cousin), so you would want to explore profiles without photos as well. Your husband calls out the name of other women when he is with you? Honey, I'd be looking for him on the sites. From one Michigander to another, if you find clear evidence of infidelity in your marriage, it can carry a lot of weight for you in divorce proceedings. Make copies of anything you find to keep as documentation.
My heart ached for you reading about how unhappy you are. The perfect example of how one can be in a relationship and be lonlier than you might ever be on your own. God bless you for sharing your story. I truly hope that somehow you can find the strength and the solutions that will release you from such a miserable relationship. I struggle to find what it is that you love about your husband at this point, but you need to show yourself some love in this life as well. That man has dragged you down to a place where no one should have to exist. You have totally lost yourself and your sense of self worth. You have given up everything you are for this man who treats you with total indifference. Why? Please think about "why" so that you may start to come up with some answers. Are you afraid? Then what are you afraid of? Change? Being alone? Get to the heart of what is keeping you locked into this unhappiness and then start thinking about what you could do to change that. The excuse that you loved him so much doesn't hold up anymore. YOU ARE TOO UNHAPPY, you DESERVE better, you deserve to be YOU living in your own light and not in his shadow. Take little steps. Think it through. Make a plan, no matter how small you start, to try to get back to that person you once were - that you let him take away. You sounded like such an amazing woman earlier in life. That woman IS still in there, you just need to dig her back out. Be strong and come back here and share with us in the forum if you need support. You did come here for a reason and that is because you are looking for a new direction. You have taken a good step. Keep going!
Wishing you love and peace in all the days ahead.
I see what you're saying Jenever7.
And yes I do not understand what you are going through,
but I hope that you will find a way to make it work and for you to be happy, I truly do.
Hopefully I'll find a love like that, not including the situation, but just the love.
I do hope it is true love between you two and not anything less.
Actually I'm in a situation right now where I am VERY attracted to this virgo guy in my class, but it's probably a crush, I'm just in highschool haha, so right now I don't take relationships seriously and I am very careful.
But I wish you the best of luck and will pray for you.
Thank you cappylady, I hope I didn't seem too harsh, but I do get defensive about the situation here and not just for myself, but for people trapped in unhappy marriages, as well as for those who wander because they are not finding love and support in their marraiges. Sadly, economics, having children, perhaps religious beliefs can all be very real barriers to escaping relationships/marriages that might be better off ended. As I say, life can get complicated. I was lucky to be able to find a way out of my unhappy marriage. Many others are not so fortunate.
Thank you for your prayers, one can never get too many prayers and I appreciate your thoughtfulness! Good luck to you too!
I'm at work, it took two days but I just finished reading this entire thread, you made me cry Jen...and I feel really close to all of you having peered into your personal lives feeling a comradeship with you all....I have sooo much work to catch up on, I work in enforcement believe it or not...and because I have been preoccupied with this thread I've let alot of my work fall behind..will ck back in when I get home...thanks,
Jen thanks so much for your words of wisdom, I want to start by saying that I am a Scorpio with a Virgo moon, Picses rising. My Virgo husband and I have two children, and we have been married for 13 years. I have thought myself to be in True Love twice in my life once with a Picses (unreciprocated) and then with my husband, I had one very loong relationship inbetween the two with a Scorpio man, my husband to this day gives me grief about the Scorpio man..He and my husband battled for my affection for more than two or three years (into our marriage) and when I say battled they would literally get into physical fights...The Scorpio and I were in a relationship for almost 10 years when we broke up within a few months I was seeing my Husband, I have never before or since been treated with so much love and respect from a man then from the Scorpio (outside of my father).. and I love the Scorpio to this day not (in love) but I love him because he was the one Man that showed me passionately (not just sexually) but in every sense what it felt like to truly Feel unconditionally LOVED, but despite all of his pampering and loving treatment the fact of the matter is I never felt that I was truly IN Love with HIM...My husband, well I couldn't see past him I fell so hard for this soft spoken gentle and very intelligent man, with eyes that you could just fall into, we married very shortly after meeting and realizing we loved each other..but very shortly into our relationship..I realized that this man didn't love me in the manner in which I was accustom to being loved.. I thought him to be cold, thoughtless, fake and very prudish, no emotions...Outside of Anger... I was so hurt when I realized his true character..that I would literally cry when I saw couples together..because I knew that I didn't have that with my husband...I am accused of being jealous and that I don't trust him something he says that he needs (someone help me with please)... I don't know if I was ruined from the Scorpio, jumping so quickly into another relationship, but going from Thick Love to very airy love was devastating.. I complained, tried to demonstrate,by being loving myself, but nothing was special to him and I needed special not that I wanted to spend a lot of time together, but that I needed the time spent to be quality...I like holidays, bdays to be special my husband could care less and this is heartbreaking...I've learned that it does not make for an easy relationship for a very passionate, loving, sensitive person, to meld with an insensitive, very mental, seemingly cold person, again Heartbreaking...My husband says that his way of showing me he loves me, is in all of his hardwork, he say that he works to be financially secure for his family...(he owns his own business) I had never before had a disagreement (that Always turns into a shouting match) with anyone that can twist & turn the conversation in such a manner as my Virgo, my girlfriend says it the overlay for the underplay and I'm probably not saying it right..but having a conversation that he isn't comfortable with Always turns into a battle he is extremely defensive, combative and yes there has been alot of abuse but to be honest I am quite fiesty and have dished as much as I've recieved.... I want to leave him or be able to understand him and have it make sense because he says he loves me and will never leave me..but it just doesn't feel right...He's just come home..gotta get dinner
So Kitty, it sounds like you really are at a crossroads here; ready to get an answer or move on. It also sounds like you have tried intensely to understand your husband and it's getting you nowhere. Part of that may simply be that you really do already know all there is to know about him. I made a comment on another thread to a Virgo woman about how confusing Virgos are (and I am a Cancer for godssakes! LOL). On one hand they are very complicated, on the other they are quite simple - the challenge is in getting through the complexity to find the simple. That "simple" part is so appealing - so pure and sweet and straight-forward, but somehow they have to clutter it up with a whole bunch of stuff that makes no sense. Then that confuses everything for you, then when you try to sort it out it only gets more confusing because for all of their analytical/mental/intellectual abilities Virgos (my Virgo anyway) seems to be unable to take a straight route to a simple answer to a simple question.
And oh yes, the defensiveness comes out in a nano-second. I suspect this arises from insecurity, but seriously, we all have insecurities. I'm having more occasions to tell my Virgo, "get over yourself, I'm just stating my opinion/feeling on things and you can take it or leave it, no need to get angry over it". He does get upset with me (although really I think it's not me, but only that I have struck a nerve in him that makes him defensive), but he can be talked down from it pretty easily IF the logic is there. If however, he thinks I'm wrong, I will get the same sort of "twisted" arguments that you describe until he finds a way to make me wrong....or at least wrong in his mind, lol.
Since you've read this thread, you know that I am involved with this Virgo, but not in a situation where I can see him regularly. It's been ten months now (can't believe it's been 5 months since I started this thread) and very slowly I am getting to know more about the finer points of his personality. I can already sense that he most often comes from a negative place, rather than looking for the positives, although at the same time, he seems to long for a nice, peaceful, positive life for himself. While I don't say it to him (his fragile ego couldn't accept it as constructive criticism - only criticism), he really tends to be too passive. He let's life happen to him instead of happening to life, let's others make decisions for him, insteading of learning how to express what he wants. Then he harbors resentment because in his mind he gives, gives, gives and no one appreciates it.
I loved your comments about birthdays and special days. My Virgo totally ignored my birthday. I didn't get worked up about it, but I found it noteworthy when, on his birthday, I did make sure to call him. I had to leave a message, but I got the most loving message back from him later that day, "how incredibly touched he was that I thought about him". Well see, this seems to be an emerging theme with him. He seems to need tons of affection to feel like things are working between us, but it never seems to occur to him to give it back. Oh, every now and then, he'll blind-side me with something so sweet and so insightful that it takes my breath away, but on a normal basis, the man just doesn't seem to get it. OR maybe he just doesn't know how, or maybe it just doesn't seem like that big a deal to him in the grand scheme of things. At times it's almost as if he is completely perplexed at why I would find anything about him worth hanging on to, even saying at one point, "I don't know why you keep me around"or that he "knows he will have to step aside some day when I find the kind of man I deserve". I can't quite figure out where he's coming from on this stuff. Is he fishing to hear me say what I love about him, or does he really feel that there is no real future for us? I keep thinking that he is confused and doesn't really know what he wants, but if it's that he has already resigned himself to the idea that I'm going to leave him some day, well that's a different deal.
Work IS also very much my Virgo's lifeline and he also runs his own business. Part of the problem with his marriage is the VERY thing you've said - he believes that he has shown his wife how much he loves her by the efforts he has made to provide a nice life for her. She, however, doesn't find this to be enough. He resents her for her lack of gratitude. It sounds like he lets he know this, so she becomes defensive and pulls away, this makes him more mad, she pulls away even more, and round they go.
I also think that my Virgo's business gives him a place where he is in complete control. He says that he trusts almost no one because of events in his past and people who have let him down (probably not too hard to let him down given his standard for expecting everyone else to meet his emotional needs, but giving so little back - at least in a way that us non-Virgo's are accustomed to.) So work gives him something that he finds fulfilling, he makes it run the way he wants to, he maintains the high standards he requires and all in all it's a nice safe haven from all those ungrateful people who "take" from him, all very nicely coinciding with his need to feel like he is doing something worthy - that he is contributing - that he IS showing his love even if he's not saying it. It makes him feel good about himself because honestly, I think that he knows that he's not giving what is required to make a relationship work with his wife, and his business is his way of saying, "but look at what I do for her...I work like a dog for her...she's the one who doesn't love and appreciate me".
I hate to say it, but I very often find that my Virgo seems very comfortable accepting a "victim mentality" and giving up his personal happiness "in the interest of the greater good" (i.e. working like a dog AND being miserable about it in order to make sure his family is provided for). The problem comes when he realizes that he is living his life for others and his emotional needs are unfulfilled and the emptiness in his heart surfaces and he gets angry and vindictive. Then he seems to be capable of some very aggressive behavior and finds within himself the determination to find what he needs at any cost. (Such as finding me on a dating site, lying to me about his real life, lying to his wife and family). It's very extreme behavior really but I think it stems from his inability to really deal with his emotions and express himself in a way that he can be understood. If this is typical of Virgos then I'd have to say it's what drives that need to find someone who completely trusts and understands them. Someone who can see into their hearts because the chances of what's in there actually coming to the surface seems very slim. If you can see into his heart and just "know" that it's there, even if he never tells you, then it seems that life can be good. If you push him to express what's deep inside - become "demanding", well....as I say, from my experience it looks like you can expect all sorts of unexpected behavior - most of it anything BUT the answer you were seeking.
All of this, of course, will only come after he has decided that you meet his exacting standards for perfection. Lol.
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling here, just very much relating on small levels to many of the things you've described about your husband. In a nutshell though, Kitty, it all comes down to what we need to feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship. I can think I have a deep understanding of what drives my Virgo and his "quirks", but whether I could accept his quirks on a daily basis remains to be answered because we haven't spent enough time together. I do care about him deeply, but I'm not so stupid as to think that's always enough to overlook little things about a man's personality that might drive me bonkers if I had to live with them.
The trust issue is a real kicker between us as well. I feel constantly tested on this matter. He expects me to have unconditional trust and love for him and will lunge on the littlest things that might suggest that I have "trust issues" as he calls it. Well hey, the guy is cheating on his marriage, I think there's all kinds of room for me to be suspicious of him, lol. I do generally trust him, but see, I think the deeper issue is "does he trust himself". I always say, "the worst we can imagine in other people is the worst that we can imagine in ourselves". If he can imagine himself being untrustworthy to me in certain ways, then he is likely to imagine that I am capable of it as well. Then again, I wonder if he brings the trust issue up so often because HE needs the reassurance of hearing me say, "I do trust you". Or does he bring it up because he is not to be trusted, he knows this, and so the more he gets me convinced that I should trust him unquestionably, then the more he can get away with because I'm not questioning his every move. I don't know, it gets too confusing, lol. Ultimately, I keep telling him that "I trust you until you give me a reason not to, and if you give me that reason then YOU can trust that I will be telling you about it".
I look forward to hearing more from you Kitty and I'm glad that you have been willing to be open about so much. My hope is that there are others who can give you advice and insight here as well. Help you evaluate all of those many questions you have in your heart and mind so that you can find your answers. I'll keep an eye on the thread here for any future postings you might make. I haven't given up on my Virgo yet, but I appreciate stories like yours to keep me alert to the qualities that I may be missing in my Virgo. Sun signs aside, it is always easy to get involved with someone who appears to be one way starting out, but the "real" him doesn't come out until later.
I had this experience with my Scorpio ex-husband. We dated for three years before we got married and there were some negative aspects, but I figured they weren't enough to end the relationship. Well guess what, within months of being married those "little" negative aspects emerged as really major aspects of his personality. Strange as it may sound, it has turned out to be somewhat of a plus that my Virgo is trapped in a marriage right now because it forces me to weigh out what he's really like before I get in too deep. Like you, I was completely caught up in him at the start, and could easily have immersed myself in the relationship only seeing his positive qualities. While it might always seem to make sense to take your time in relationships, we emotional signs don't do well with that and just go for it. Then we get ourselves in trouble, lol. But really Kitty, if you need a more expressive love to be genuinely happy in a relationship, then that's what you need plain and simple. If he can't give you that then it seems you will go on forever longing for it.
Gotta run, but looking forward to hearing more from you if you care to share.
Oh, and one more thing Kitty; don't ever think that your relationship with your Scorpio "ruined" your perspective on relationships. You're just telling yourself that to try to justify what you put up with in your current relationship. You OBVIOUSLY know what is really possible in a balanced relationship or you wouldn't be where you are at right now. Be grateful that you've had the experience of a healthy, balanced relationship because that is your guarantee that eventually you will seek and find that again for yourself. It is what we all want after all, not living in doubt and uncertainty and without ever having our heart's desires fulfilled. Accept that your relationship with your Scorpio man was a good thing and what you deserve. I had a similar experience with a Taurus many years ago. Probably should have married him, but I was sooo young in my opinion (20), I couldnt' do it. BUT I have determined that what we had together is the minimum of what I want for myself in the future. Expecting to feel good and content in a relationship is not selfish, it's what makes sense! Lol
I think that you are Very Wise, THANK YOU for that reply...I have to say that reading the first paragraph of your reply made me LOL, because you are Sooo Right on the money..My husband seems so pure and sweet at times that I actually feel guilty with all of the bad thoughts, that I harbor...You put an email address on one of your replies and I would like to copy and paste it and put it in my address book, to perhaps come to you in the more Chaotic Times when he is driving me Mad... because I believe you have such a handle on the Heart Of A Virgo Man, Way more than you know, you have TRULY helped me. As for you and your Virgo...well I have mixed feelings being a wife... In a perfect world I would wish for you to be able to talk with her ( the wife) without her knowing your position...just to hear the other side.... I really like you..Thank you
Kitty I would love to hear from you, so any time you feel like it, go ahead and contact me. I love your comment about his wife. I can not tell you what it would mean to me to know what she thinks about her husband. I have no delusions about marital conflicts - it IS a two-way street, and I seriously doubt that he is any kind of prince in the situation. But I temper that with the understanding that if a couple is poorly matched, they will bring out the worst in each other. Under different circumstances and with different people, we behave differently. But you are so right about his wife...what I wouldn't give to hear her side of the story and determine whether what my Virgo has said about her is true, or whether his expectations are completely out of line with reality.
But I do have my own version of what I imagine "reality" looks like, and even without knowing the details of the story I'm betting it ends with both of them thinking that they give more to the relationship than they get. Somewhere in all of this they are both at cross-purposes now, and they are both being stubborn, caught up in the resentments they've built towards each other over the years, and the only real satisfaction they find together is when one can cause the other to hurt - because it seems to be the only means they have left to soothe their individual hurts.
Now I must say you gave me a LOL in saying that I have a handle on the heart of a Virgo man. That may be true in some ways, but as you well know, it doesn't necessarily make it any easier to deal with him! In fact, as I get to know more about him, the question that keeps coming to my mind more and more lately is, does he really know how to have any fun or is the complex drama that is his life, with all of it's negativity, really his version of entertainment? Yes Kitty, we should talk, you may be the answer to many questions I have on the potential pit-falls of my Virgo that may far out-weigh that "sweet" persona that lured me in in the beginning.
I'm glad you are finding this all helpful, btw. Sometimes the biggest help is just unloading what's on your mind and freeing up a little mental space to gain a better perspective. Well, I will look forward to hearing more from you then (but don't feel like you have to wait until he's driving you mad, we can work up to that, lol!)
Virgo man 's heart not easy to understandg.my last boyfriend is Virgo .always thought tought,alit
luxuryugg - Sorry but.....huh?? Lol, I don't get it.
Jen I wanted to tell you that my Virgo and I our in the HoneyMoon Phase if you will...The problem through out all of our marriage is that we are not able to maintain a comfortable phase..we go from Very mad (not speaking) to irritated..speaking but not very loving..& then back to the honeymoon...and this is wearing me out...The first time I logged on to your thread we were extremely angry with each other...and because I initiated after reading your thread a truce, well here we are honeymooning...I believe that the negative aspects that I bring to our relationship IS Not Trusting him...along with not being able to communicate, and Yes I contribute not being able to communicate his issue 100%...I have a difficult time trusting anyone who would speak to me in the manner in which my husband will when he is angry, it is often times unforgivable...I find it hard to believe that someone can say that they love you but then turn around (angry or not) & speak to you in such a foul manner...and of course I Will & Do reciprocate once he gets it started..It has gotten Very Ugly...For the most part..the source of our issue is that in his business he works with a lot of different women in a very intimate setting... because half of the time we are having issues when he goes off to work with them & I get very frustrated and Yes I will admit... Jealous, He is right now as I speak with a women..I don't feel the sting of jealousy as much today because of course our relationship Right Now is good...I know that the jealousy issue is one that I have to deal with on my own....But because I have said to him soo many times that we have to have a consistant peaceful & solid relationship based on respect and love...before I will ever feel comfortable with his business, & then to have him turn around and speak to me in such a harsh manner, over the smallest matter is the just of the problem... It feels as if he is saying to me F*** you I know what you need but....I don't care, as I said earlier anything that I say to him, that he is not comfortable with will set him off and the response I get is often times astounding & I always think to myself.. and this man says that he Loves Me...He doesn't always apologize unless I initate a truce which is another problem if he knows that he is wrong why wont he (If he loves me) Make things right!!...I might add that my mother was a Virgo, she was verbally and physically abusive to me..now that she has passed away some of her family members say to me they knew it was going on but they just didn't know what to do...So sometimes when I think about it, I feel that the first half of my life was miserable & I can't let the rest of my life be as miserable...We have tried counseling and it seemed to have made our situation worse...The counselor did tell me that I married a version of my mother..and likewise with him..as I stated earlier I am Fiesty I will not allow anyone to speak to me disrepectively and not dish back and this can often times escalate the siuation quickly...Common Sense would speak at least to me that one of us has to Stop, so I have resigned to be the bigger person going forward...because there are so many qualities about this man that I adore...I don't know if this is typical married life I want to hope not....Because it truly has made me miserable and I can say that in our HoneyMoon phase...Kitty..
Sorry about the late reply. Busy busy busy hehe.
But anyway, it's all gravy [: and thank you!
I have really been praying for you in the few days I've walked to church.
I'll keep reading updates to this discussion to see how things between you and your lover are.
Take care! God bless.
Thank you Cappylady!! So thoughtful of you. You know what I pray for most, and perhaps you can direct your prayers this direction as well...is for my Virgo to find a solution to his current situation so that ALL involved can be released to move forward to a happier place. I am free to walk away, so to a large extent any unhappiness I find in this situation is my own doing. He, however, is feeling quite lost and trapped. He needs something to come into his life, or his wife needs something to come into her life, that gives them freedom from their painful situation. Whether they find that in each other or something new comes into the picture, it makes no difference to me. I feel on the outside looking in right now anyway, and I prepare myself always for the idea that there will be no future for my Virgo and I together. However, everyone in this situation is really dying for a release (my Virgo has been in this quagmire for years now, not just since I came along), so pray that that will come soon for everyone! You're a sweety Cappylady, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for thinking about me.
wow, reading all these blog's about virgo men can NOW make me laugh! Of course after being married to one for 13 years, having the rug pulled out from our beautiful life together, blind-sided divorce and picking up my heart to put it all back together. Sheer pain and devastation! I can now see that all I'm reading on here is soooo true.....love was sooo blind.....
Virgo's are very analytical, controlling, perfectionist, reaching for all the material things that life can offer, loosing site of what's of real value in life........and no sex/intimacy! But better yet....it was ALL "my" fault...........so much ego:(
Shadi96 - Let me ask you something (answer only if you are comfortable with doing so), did you ever point out this negative characteristics to him? If so, how did he respond? Was he oblivious? Think that you were wrong? Did he leave you to go off on his own, or did he already have someone "waiting in the wings"? I am starting to see the very narrow streak of empathy that my Virgo has and much as he says he is trying to be more understanding, he continues to fall short. My suspicion already is that somehow this will work out to be the result of my "being too demanding, or expecting too much", or some similar excuse, when the reality may just be he wants to do whatever he wants when he wants.
While your post is heart-breaking for what your husband put you through, there is a part of me that is growing in understanding of the characteristics you speak about. It's been many months since I started this thread and the ups and downs of dealing with my Virgo and his situation are becoming...well, how else can I describe this..."no fun". Seriously, I'm just not sure these guys are that much fun when all is said and done. As an aquarius (judging by your icon) it's a wonder you survived him for 13 years. Thank you for sharing your experience. Any other thoughts you may have are very welcome and enlightening for all of us!