I've never felt this much pain
One thing which is important NOT to do at this point is to get involved into a rebound relationship. There might appear a compassionate soul who you would have lots in common with, and both of you will be tempted to emotionally rescue each other. It is very important not to do it, as once you are back to your senses, you'll break her heart (or she'll break yours, but that's less likely). That would be very unfortunate, because that would start another negative cycle.
The last thing from my mind at this point is getting involved with someone else. I won't let that happen. The only thing I want is her at this point but, that doesn't seem likely either
Your experience is touching. I hope you can keep yourself open to the rest of life. It hurts deeply now but if you stay open and stay in your heart you will be fine. Find a way to give that love the world needs it. Maybe a dog that needs walking a child(yours?) who needs TLC an elderly person who needs help, homeless shelter.... Loss is inevitable, and change but there is always growth.
This post is deleted!
Thanks for the advice and I will always keep my heart open however, Helping others at this point is something I can't do because, at the moment I can't even help myself.
thank you so much for listening to me, you words are truthful and kind
It's been over 2 weeks now since I last spoke with her, I have a lot of things on my mind that I would like to approach her about but don't know if I should or how to if I did
Thelucid, how about sending her an email, or post her a letter ? Just put on paper everything you need her to know and all your questions you want her to answer and send it out, without expecting a responce.
I was going through some of my old messages the other day and came across a poem she wrote for me so I sent her a message the other day and kept it very passive and open ended. I apologized and explained my behavior on how I wasn't clear headed when we broke up. That I came off as a jerk and acted irrational and foolish because, losing her was the hardest thing I've had to go through. I told her that she was the first woman (which she is) that I have ever really opened to completely with my heart and stated that I hope she could forgive me someday.
I didn't ask for anything in return and I know I probably won't get a response, that is for her to decide. I sent this out to her on Saturday in an email because I know she has it set to automatically go to her phone. At least now the ball is in her court and hopefully she read it and didn't take it as a guilt trip but, rather a understanding of how I feel and acted. I hope she reads it and takes it into consideration and understands my sincerity.
I know I must move on. It's hard and I still think about her every second of everyday. Not so much in a painful way but more of a pondering way. I feel so lost without her and probably should of asked a few questions. I didn't because I didn't want her to feel pressured into having to answer anything.
I'm sure she still thinks about me a lot and probably still cares. She wouldn't be human if she didn't. I just hope that she will respond but, I am not expecting it.
Thelucid, you will feel better with time. Whether she responds or not, you know that you've done your best. I still think that it should be her apologizing, though.
it should be her yes however, my actions during the breakup is my fault. I stood up for her when she didn't want to stand up for herself, at 22 and mommy still won't let her get her drivers license says she is controlling and makes Sonya pretty much stuck. at least by apologizing for what I did is a step forward. After all it does take 2 to make a relationship. I hope this was passive and left it open, here is what I sent:
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about you and how things are between us. I just want to let you know that I am sorry for the way I acted. I was a jerk and was not thinking with a clear head. Before I met you, I never felt love like this, never been so vulnerable yet, comfortable with someone. I was devastated when I lost you and acted very irrational and foolish. Trying to move on from you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Again I am sorry for everything and hope you are having a wonderful day
Like I said and at least hope that it wasn't seen as a guilt trip or anything because that isn't my intentions. As a cancer I go off pure emotions, her as a Cap, hides them from everyone, even though she is a wreck inside. She tends to think more logic than from the heart. I know deep down in my gut ( And I'm usually right about it) she's hurting as well. Even logic states that you just can't turn off love. So I know the feelings are there, or were there, regardless the ball is in her court now however, her being a Cap, I should of left a passive question
Also My response was related to a poem she wrote for me:
She gives him a sweet, tender kiss on the tip of his lips.
as she disappears into the moonlight.
Left with a simple caress and the scent of a cherry blossom.
The feelings of lust, vulnerability and comfort.
Wild emotions that makes his heart skip a beat.
And the complexity of a relationship makes her feel weak.
The power of seduction and the feelings of love,
Bound together with a comforting hug
selflessness, lesser confidence, and a uncertainty
have been cured by a gentle, caring heart
as they crave a life of simplicity!
Their bond together is very clear
that their connection is precious and passionate
that nothing can delay the lucidity of their situation
And they know how nothing can go wrong!
Sorry this situation is still causing you so much pain,
You are right about one thing though, she will likely lead with her head and not with her heart and I'm certain that yes she is hurting. Here's the thing, hurt or no hurt; if she has thought this completely through and she has decided it doesn't "make sense" she will decide to hurt for the moment as opposed to continue with a relationship in which there is no future (in her mind at least). If the familial issues are too great and she is unable or unwilling to deal with them due to cultural or personality reasons (I've ALWAYS beat to the sound of my own drum much to the dismay and awe of my parents : ) so i can't relate to that part of your cappie although i can understand it) then no
she will walk away for good. I do believe you WILL hear from her again in some capacity, likely when you're not expecting it.
I can say this, I went no contact once with a guy I broke up with not because I disliked him but because he cared for me so deeply that I believed continued contact would hamper his healing. In
his mind, how could I act like he never existed, in my mind I was trying to help him and didn't wish
to hurt him further (of course i didnt find out he felt this way until we spoke years later). My point is, don't take her actions (or inaction) as her never caring, I'm sure she did/does. If you do this self doubt will plant itself and take over. Appreciate what you had, learn from it, grow from it. You've received some really good advice here on how to begin to move forward, please follow it. I know it hurts, but you can and will slowly pick up the pieces.
You mentioned Sonya might be pregnant...that in itself would be very very complex and frightening for her and may be related to the situation.
She may feel she has failed her mother's expectations which is a reflection of how she feels about herself- especially trying to please everyone.
Her mother has issues of her own...not wanting to let go of her 22 yr old daughter...perhaps over-mothering and trying to protect her from life....which isn't helping Sonya to grow, but creating a cocoon in which one loses all mobility.
Perhaps talking directly to the mother in person with heartfelt sensitivity as to the well being of her daughter will at least open a door for communication. You might have it slammed in your face...but at least everyone will know that you respected the family enough to approach them.
You at 33 have finally begun to understand what makes life truly worthy and satisfying....bear in mind the words of others who have spoken before me..Sonya's view and outlook on life is only just beginning, and on shaky ground because she has been taught uncertainty and lack of trust within herself, which can paralyze her emotions at this time.
If it is meant to be, it will be.
The love will exist forever...because that is what true love is. It is unending and thought of over the years until one's dying day- the moments and persons that touched our lives will always be remembered.
God Bless all of you in this situation, may all be guided to a deeper understanding and purpose of this situation.
She needs time to experience life become independant n make her own mistakes and to learn from them. Be a helping hand and if you truly love her you would understand and be her friend til the end. The future holds much possibility and its always a good thing to keep an open heart to both her and other potential people out there. Work on yourself and be the best you can be and soon enough if your both meant to be together you will.
snowball543, Thank you so much for that input it does give a different perspective.
patchlove, I've tried talking to her mother in a respectful manner but, her mother didn't want to hear it and attacked me verbally. Basics being her calling me childish, selfish, and controlling along with many other not very nice statements that I won't say. Then I messed up and told her that her actions, having never met me nor ever spoken with me were childish, selfish, and controlling. And that there was going to come a point when her daughter is going to take control of her life and her as a mother is going to drive her away.
crazycap thank you and that's what I'm trying to do. I is just difficult due to I tried to play it out differently this time with someone. And let my guard completely down. I was fully out of my shell so to speak. I wish I could be a helping hand to her but, for now all the help I can give her is to not contact her any further. I've made my attempts to contact her, apologize with detail of what I thought I did. The ball is on her court now she has to do with it as she wants to. You caps are as difficult as us cancers, total opposites. I lead with 90% of my feelings and you lead with 90% logic, or so it seems
Hi, I just wanted to comment on her family. Be glad you're not getting involved with them. Part of getting to know the person is getting to know the family and a lot of the time you can't separate the two. Pain can be the release of a bad situation. I've been dealing w/some myself. There's pain in the root of this relationship and now you're knowing this fact. I feel if you continue in any way there'll be more--know what I mean.
I am so sorry to hear that. It sounded like you two had a great start. Make if you just give it a little time, even though I know that is so much easier said than done. It is a shame that her family is that selfish. I love my family and spend a lot of time with them, but they would love nothing more than for me to find my true love. I have had a rough road when it comes to relationships. Maybe things moved to fast and she got nervous and she is using that as a way to separate from you a little. It is scary sometimes to be in love especially, when forever is part of the picture. Try your best to stay positive and if she really is the one, it will all come together. I wish you all the best of luck!!!!!