I've never felt this much pain

  • And VoplySoply, there is no forgiveness for that

  • When I say to forgive, I really mean to accept what is. Sonia is only 22, barely an adult, she can't really be expected to be a mother figure. She needs to study, to try different relationships, make mistakes, learn from them - that's what 20s are for ! And she still needs her own mum, even if it's a controlling mum ! However, it's good that you realise that you are pissed off with her after all. It's good for you - much better than suppressing it. You are right, your daughter comes first.

  • she 's online right now, its her day off and she is home, should I say something to her like hi or just ignore.

  • It depends if you want to prolong your pain and healing, or not. Talking to her at a distance will not make up for the influence of her mother who is right there.

  • ya I didn't say anything to her captain and won't and VoplySoply you are right I can't accept her to be a mother figure because of her age and never had but, her college degree is in early childhood development so what ever she did with my daughter was purely on her own and in that sense she actually wanted to , I never once asked her to do the things for my daughter that she did, she just went and did it on her own and I let her because they were a positive influence on my child, things that me as a single dad couldn't do. I have my daughter 24/7 she hasn't seen her mother nor wants to talk to her in over 2 years mainly because her mother just fell off the grid, we can't find her and I have tried

  • thelucid, what do you mean "her mother just fell off the grid" ? How did that happen ? Forgive my curiousity.

    Well, again, at 22 most people don't think about responsibilities and consequences of their actions. I'm sure Sonia didn't hurt your daughter on purpose, she was just acting on impulse and not thinking. However, I can see how devastating it must have been for your daughter to be abandoned all over again by the mother figure. Hope you make sure that the next girl-friend of yours she meets will be a mature person, commited to the relationship.

  • Her Mother changed her phone number and moved. Which is fine because my daughter never wanted to see her again anyways. See I have custody because her mother physically abused her and while this happen 6 years ago when my daughter was 4 she still remembers the things her mother did to her.

    I know Sonya didn't do it on purpose. I did tell her though if she was going to act like a Mother figure she'd better be sure that is what she wanted.

  • So sorry to hear about what your ex did to your daughter. As for Sonia - she just can't be held responsible - she is way too young to know what she is doing.

  • I know, and I'm sorry for being an emotional roller coaster right now I just love and miss my best friend. When her mom was saying all them things about me there was 1 person, who I never even spoke with said " Leave rich alone, he can't help it to war his heart on his sleeve. such a true statement

  • It's a very good quality, thelucid, especially in a man. But you have to learn to be discriminating as to who you give your heart to. I'm sure Sonia is a very deserving young lady, but she is just too young for the grown up, commited relationship, sorry to say. I know it's hard for you now, but if it can be of any consolation to you, I don't know a single person who wouldn't pass through the heart break at least once in his life time. It's just one of the lessons life presents us with. We are here not to be happy or unhappy, but to learn our lessons. You will feel much better with time, and you will get wiser.

  • I guess this is why it hurts so much. I never once opened up to someone like I did with Sonya, no games, no nothing, For once I was me in the relationship. Maybe that is why I hurt so much, to let my guard down and get stomped upon. I know that wasn't her intentions but it happened and now here we are trying to repair the damage done

  • I empathise with so much of what you have said with regards to the pain. I too was planning a house, future, all sorts with someone who, the night before we were due to move in together, called the whole thing off out of the blue. He has since had no contact with me and treats me as though I have done something awful - he won't have anything to do with me at all. We were both married (yes, I know, but it happens). We were leaving our spouses on the same day and basically I left and he stayed. I was left with nothing; he was left with everything insofar as he was persuaded to give his marriage another chance. My own fault, some may say, but we went in to this together and he bailed. A coward. A liar. The pain I feel has made me want to take my life and every day is a struggle to put one foot in front of another. They say time heals. Whatever. Can't see it. It's been 6 months and the pain is as raw now as it was. I can only advise you to do what I am trying to do to move forwards, and fill your life with friends, hobbies, new experiences and courage. How can he have left me high and dry? He could have bailed so many, many times. We never argued; we told each other we were soul mates. I'll never trust anyone again for a long, long time and I don't know whether to love him or hate him. So I understand your pain and I understand the roller coaster you are experiencing. Again, my advice is to take one step forward. It will feel like walking through treacle in concrete wellingtons, but move forward. I wish you well. Some people are just bastards. x

  • Thank you so much for sharing that, Moving forward is just so very hard right now, but I will try

  • A cancer and a capricorn, hmm, I guess it could work with a lot of hard work, but 22 is very young to have it all figured it out yet, and still a age that parents if they want to be controlling can be , sad. I have an aries friend who was very much in love with his cap women, she let him help her out with whatever she needed, but then would always say it just wasn't their time, they coudn't be together anymore, up and down all the time, I felt sorry for him.

  • Ya it seems like a recipe for disaster but I will say, My time with her was amazing, every moment was like out of a book. I miss her more now than when she first left. I want to call her so bad, there is so much unanswered. I feel so lost without her.

  • She may not know the anwers herself right now. You are a bit older then her?

  • Thelucid, when something is too good to be true, usually it means it's not true. Every moment being like out of a book sounds more like a red flag to me, because reality is a combination of good and bad. When the situation weights heavily on one side it usually means it's not quite right.

  • So true, its decieving in the beginning, always, because feelings rush in, and you think you have never felt this way before,this is what has been missing, then you either work out and reality kicks in , you start to go through the good and the bad, or it doesn't work out and your left wondering what happend to your fairy tale, a painful illusion for sure.

  • And painful it is, I don't know what to do at this point.

  • Theres not a lot you can do in regard t her if she made her choice, or let anyone make it for her, you can decide what you'll do,go ahead and get your passport, just in case, but try to keep moving forward like anything else you've had to get through, or move on from. I know thats hard, but theres lessons in everything, and when your ready there will be someone who doesn't have to think about it, they'll know if their in the right place with you.

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