In love with a Cancer man, but something has suddenly gone wrong.

  • First of all, a bit of background. I have been married twice and I am in my second marriage right now. Our son is mentally disabled, with autism, MR, epilepsy, and is very aggressive and non-verbal. He has lived in a group home for a year, but before that I cared for him alone. (He's 13 and was in diapers until a few months after he went into the group home.) My current husband and I have been married for 14 years, and during that time we have slept in the same bed only about 4 years. (Might be less - can't remember. And he sleeps in a recliner.) We speak about five to ten minutes a day, very civil, kind of businesslike and then each retreat to our own bedrooms. We were sleeping in the same room up until one year ago, but frankly sex dried up for him about 6 years ago. He hasn't touched me in at least 6 years. I tried like crazy, everything you can imagine, especially after my son went into the group home, to liven things up and rebuild the romance in our lives, but he doesn't seem interested in the least. So, I turned elsewhere for love and romance. I play lots of games online, but in one particular one, I met an older man who is seemingly in the same boat as me, basically a dead marriage. He also sleeps in his own room (and is the one who kind of nudged me to move into my own room too) and hasn't slept with his wife in 10 years. We both crave the attention we aren't getting from our spouses, so we ended up in a romance online. In fact two of our character couples married in one of the games we play. And in all the games we share homes and spend time working together on everything. He has treated me better than I have ever been treated in my life. I have never felt so happy with anyone I have ever known. Just hearing his voice lights up my life. But a month ago, he disappeared. I waited and worried and left messages and hoped for him to come online. He was gone for 10 days. I had even called hospitals to see if I could find out if he was hurt or something. And then, suddenly, he came back, as if nothing had happened. He told me his modem had broke and he couldn't get his wife to agree that they needed a new one, but we had a direct network for a server for one of the games we played and I had seen his pc show up online on there at least three times during the 10 days. Anyway, now that he's back, it's as if everything has changed. He doesn't have any time, he's scared his wife is going to turn off the internet, his son is coming to help him work on some projects, etc. So we spent only one day together instead of the four or five we usually spend together. And he's taken to messaging me one day and then nothing for several days, even after making plans and everything. So, is this the cancer thing? We've been together a year and a half. And I thought, blissfully happy. Right up until he disappeared. I have a friend who's telling me to drop him but I was happier than I have ever been in my life with him, and honestly, even without any romance this man is my very best friend in the world. Is this because he's going through some Cancer related thing or am I just being my typical needy paranoid lonely self? (And please don't judge me on the marriage thing. i know its wrong. He does too. We are just trying to be happy in some way without breaking up our marriages.)

  • Cancers are into fantasy which is why this man enjoyed play-acting with you in an online pretend marriage. The real thing is a far different kettle of fish however as you yourself have found otu in your own marriage. Cancer men rarely leave their families and home. They also can come on very strong at first then get bored when the other person turns out to be more human than fantasy.

    You need to deal with your real life and make a decision about whether to stay in your loveless marriage - not distract yourself from your problems with unseen fantasy companions. You have never met this man in the flesh and he could be far different from your dreams of him.

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