In need of help



  • I really need some advice. I am a pisces and my ex-fiance is a cancer. We have 2 children and one is not mine, my child will be one in a month. I have been chasing her for 6 years and we have been together 2, we just broke up last month, but still live together.

    I have been having a little trouble in the past months coming to terms with being a father and have been distant and not listening to her feelings. I went out sometimes after work or hung out with my friends. We also don't drive which makes it very hard to do anything as a family. Anyway we just broke up and I found out she's been sleeping with someone for a few weeks. She keeps telling more lies that I have to cath her in and she says she's not telling the truth cause she doesn't want to hurt me. She says when I wouldn't listen to her she built a wall and stopped caring and found someone who would listen to her. Also says she doesn't love me anymore. I know that I have been screwing up, but I love her badly, I've known she was the one for a long time. I have been trying to change and would do anything in the world for her.

    Does anyone think this relationship is salvagable and maybe some advice. She said she needs some time to be single, but we live together and letting see other guys is completely destroying me. I need her help with the children and I also if I her leave I feel like I will completely lose her. I am trying to give her space but I keep bring the problem up because I can think of nothing else. It's been a whole day since I have not said anything about it.

    We still smile at each other, watch movies and do things, but she goes in the other room to send messages to the other guy. Ok I really need some advice.



  • Oh she also says she doesn't love him and is just using him for sex. Could be a lie, she never ever use to lie to me before. Anyway she cannot sleep with the guy because she just found out he has herpes, she got tested and is clean. I found everything out because I logged into her facebook account. I'm trying not to do that anymore, because it just makes it worse.



  • Hi lostpisces. Being distant can certainly provoke any woman to find somebody who would be less distant (as the other way around, of course). Did you ever suggest her to go to the couples therapy ? Another suggestion is to give her some space and also start going to the other room when you need to email someone. See if she would consider negotiating this point after some time. If she doesn't show any interest, I'd say, your relationship is pretty much over, and you should consider separating for real.



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  • Very difficult situation you are going through. First you need to tell her you love her and want to work things out. You learned what you may have been doing wrong to make her pull away from you. She cannot date or sleep with other guys while you are still in a relationship! That must be torture for you.. women need an emotional connection with a man. We want attention we want to feel loved and beautiful by our man.

    Work on showing her that slowly ...... she gets her space but you have to start out slowly to win her heart back..if that doesn't work ands after months of "courting" her again .. let her go she doesn't want this..

    It takes time months of reconnecting ...good luck be sweet and remember don't push to hard.. take it slow...



  • Its really hard letting her be single while we're living together. Her only place to go if she left would be to the west coast which would make it hard for me to be a father. I am trying to be better, but she said it is making her mad because I did not try earlier. I will keep trying though, thanks.



  • capgir17 gives very good advice take it slow & show her - she is mad & hurt because of how she perceives you treated her. I know the best thing for me when my relationship went sour & we almost broke up after 13 years together because he started to ignore me was when he started to "show me" by doing things together little things such as taking a walk or reading together or watching movies at home and yes he cheated on me but I was able to forgive him

    and it has taken at least a year to be able to communicate openly again and we still have moments but we work it out. and having a child that is turning one can be draining physically which leads to emotional draining try to get out with the children during the days and then make time for yourselves at night a good start would tell her to soak in the tub and you take care of the kids for an hour (its amazing how time spent just relaxing with out the pressures can do for the soul & spirit)

    let us know how you are doing and many blessings



  • Shadowmist that was exactly what I meant! It will work.. the way to a womans heart again is to show her how much you care ..how much she means to you. In this tough situation it wont be easy its going to take a lot of effort and patience .. but if you really love her and you want to try everything you can so you know you did give it your all..



  • Thank you girls very much, I will try my best. I will write every once in a while to tell you how it's going.