I am glad that I brightened up your day a little...that bluebird is truly beautiful. Talking about baseball...we (Holland) won the world cup championship yesterday. Defeated Cuba!! I am so pleased because this is a sport I used to play a great deal when little and now with family reunions we team up sometimes.
While reading what you wrote I recognized so much and I am going to try to make you understand what happened. The recognition starts with religion. I still go to church not on regular base but I do. The two reasons why I still do.. are that I haven’t lost faith in God and I want my son to know about religion so he can choose later on if he wants to continue with it yes or no. I try not to impose everything I do or don’t think about it upon him I am just doing what has been thought and given to me from home.
I am firm believer that God works in mysterious ways and no it’s not for everyone to experience what Moses has for example. Yet many forget that the bible is written by human beings and not directly from the hand of God or Jesus for that matter. So here and there it is opinionated by the persons who took time to pen it down (the newer versions of the bible are good example of that). I go because when I am actually in a church I experience the serenity (of the building) that often enough I miss with all the chaos that happens around me for years. I am not intrigued what whoever in the front of church is saying just me being in the house of God of my choice on my own terms. I hope that makes sense.
Okay, I hear you on the search of who you truly are. And it’s not only a search on the spiritual level yet also on those levels that you so eloquently categorize for me in the last spread.
The other day I was telling someone dear to me that as long you don’t learn the lesson that you are supposed to learn it will continue to manifest itself in so many forms until your head gets blue and you actually do something about it. For your life “falling apart” at the moment has to do with individual lessons for you and you’re soon to be ex. Also it’s about lessons that your parents and hers hasn’t corrected or learned. With this I mean recognizing negative patterns and correcting them because these are legacy that you sometimes inherit without asking. The person I was speaking to didn’t understand what I meant totally because the answer I got was ...I will leave it all in the hands of God. I thought yes you can choose to do that yet God has set us all upon this planet to learn to solve our tests/lessons with some guidance and grow as individuals.
Now Astra...I want you to go back and actually note down why you started in marketing and what the company or companies you worked for embodied. Why you were drawn to work there and what satisfaction you had there until your fuel started burning up. Then ask yourself why it burnt up. Was it related to your work or related where you stood as a person in life.
I also want you next to what you mentioned about your interest for magic as kid....what else had your fondest attention...your passion. No matter how stupid it sounds now as a grown up. And I also want you to note down WHY you didn’t follow up. I know life has a habit of throwing in a wrench into things so we learn lessons about ourselves. Yet because we are so consumed by self pity or consumed by anger you don’t actually see what is really going on. It takes a great deal of self knowledge to get there and for many of us it takes years.
At this point I don’t think a degree in psychology is your calling. If this was so you would have picked it up while you were in your marketing job. I know marketing is based on psychology and merchandizing (I have a minor degree in advertising) yet to me the reason you burned up is because the game changed and you changed gradually. And you still are. That’s why you feel a bit lost. And I know that feeling too. As for you loving to listen with an open heart is the key to you. If you go specialize in psychology you won’t be doing that anymore because you will have to comply to the ethics that comes with that degree and knowledge. You able to listen with an open heart is a gift not something prefabricated so don’t spoil that.
I think that door of Deep Fulfilment might stay close until you do some cleanup work. We people have a tendency when something is not good we replace it with something or someone else yet is that the right path to take as a person?
Suggestion: How about doing some volunteer work? Let’s see how about coaching? And this can take on many forms. You said you have experience with children; you are creative in different ways of communication. Can you look around if there is a project where they need a coach or teacher with your knowledge that you can assist a few days a week? I say this to see if you have any other uncovered talents/qualities.
Now this is a personal opinion. Forget the spells and witchcraft knowledge. It’s negative and without you being conscious it has an influence on your life. All knowledge you take to your soul it has an influence in what you attract and don’t...it even can influence your kid’s life. If you have those things lying around in your home in any form get rid of them and pass the book in the library. You need light and air around you. Free will is the key to anything and everything.
Something else...I don’t think it’s a mistake in trying to comprehend the religion’s teaching. I think it’s a smart thing to do with anything remotely connected with spirituality. It is best to comprehend anything even though you don’t have any intention to do whatsoever with the knowledge acquired. I find then you are less easily fooled by someone who wants you to do their bidding because you aren’t knowledgeable. Yet when it’s foul knowledge stay clear.
Yet yes, I do understand fully your astonishment about it making spiritual less and less sense.
Yet God is not the one to blame it’s the story told. I always question the ones preaching and brainwashing others while they weren’t actually present in the time that all this supposed to have happen. In short I believe there is a God and I also believe there is more between heaven and earth. And I search for my own balance in it all. That’s why you have so much different streams of spirituality all across the globe. I prefer the peaceful ones.
You will find your balance in time.
And your comment about you giving readings making you focus on other people’s needs as a distraction of your own isn’t going to help because many of the people here will all remember you of fractions of your own life in areas where you need to correct to move on. Perhaps this is the reason you have been drawn to join Tarot.
Okay Astra...this is my first shot in starting to clear the cobwebs and I am sure I will double back to this post in future conversations. Yet I want you to start with the “flashback” and we will take it from there.