Friends with a virgo getting a divorce....need help



  • Hi all,

    I am putting this out there for some feedback. I am married 25 years and at the point where we are just married in name only. I am waiting for my daughter to finish college and we are both trying to save money so we can go our separate ways.

    About 2 and a half years ago I met a married Virgo man. I am a Cap. We really hit it off and I fell for him and him for me but get this, we never had relations. He told me very early on that he loved me. We texted and saw each other a few times and then he stopped reponding to me. I was very very very hurt. He was such a sweet, loving and caring man and I thought this behavior was so beneath him. Eventually I stopped trying. He didn't respond to me at all.

    Late last year I sent him a text to wish him a happy birthday and he was so suprised and happy to hear from me. We met for a coffee to catch up and I found out that his wife was having an affair and he was leaving her. He made a point of saying what an ass he was when he never replied to my messages and said he would never hurt me like that again. He wanted to stay in touch so we have for the last 9 months or so. I have not seen him again though. He was married for I think 26 years or so.

    So over the last 9 months I have asked to meet for coffee but to no avail, have told him I do not want to pressure him. He has told me he wants to stay friends for now and who knows what will happen.

    I am always the one to initiate contact, we always have great conversations but its always me.

    He has told me things are tough right now and to top it off his father passed away just recently and he is dealing with his estate etc etc. He was living at his fathers home for about a month before he passed away because he could no longer stay at the family home with the wife so he agreed to move out temporarily until she could change her situation. He wants the family home.

    I realize things are tough and I don't want to pressure him but I do worry about him and need to hear that he is doing okay. I try to let 2 sometimes 3 weeks go by without contacting him but it is hard not knowing how he is.

    The first week of June this year we got into a discussion about our friendship and I said that I thought maybe I should back off because he doesn't initiate contact etc etc so I said "I will back off for now and hope to hear from you again sometime"...he responded with "I hope you stay in touch because I plan to" (thing is he doesn't).

    We chatted briefly at the end of June before I left for vacation and texted that day too. I said in my text "maybe we can connect when i get back" he replied " I would like that" then I said "really, you would"? and he said "Yes, it is just a tough time right now".

    So when I got back from vacation I texted him to say hi. No response....

    another text and another and another and an email. Nothing.

    I finally decided to call because well by nature I am a worrier and can't stand not knowing. It drives me crazy. Finally I got him by phone and he told me he is having trouble with his BB and is not getting all of his texts or emails.

    I was a little cold with him because I was hurt , not sure if he noticed. He said he would text me over the weekend and I have not heard a peep from him. THis was last week.

    DO I wait and try to contact him again? Do I walk away and forget it? Was he lying when he said those things? I don't know what he is going through right now but I am sure it is awful. I have wanted to be there for him but he is becoming a recluse (he told me he hasn't wanted to socialize).

    If I text how do I know he got the message? He said he was getting a new BB but when?

    He was such a great guy. I 'm feeling a great loss even if it is just friendship.

    THanks for your thoughts



  • Really could use some imput here. Hope someone can help.



  • Hi link, you may want to check out the "heart of a Virgo" thread. It's long but no need to read it all. I promise you, pick any page at random and you will see the EXACT same complaints/issues/ descriptions from other females. I'm sure you will get plenty of feedback there.



  • Funny you should mention that...I too about 2.5 years ago, under the name Dttn posted there regarding the same man. How crazy am I?



  • LOL - no crazier than the rest of us there if it makes you feel any better! Hugs to you my old friend!



  • Hey Jen, so glad to reconnect it's been too long.



  • Honestly, I'd forget about him. That's a lot of empty promises and unanswered text messages. he may be telling the truth and he really just wants to sort his life out before he even considers getting into another relationship, and even if that's the case then you need to leave him be until he comes to you. I mean, it really sounds like he's making zero effort, and there's probably a reason for it. You can't sustain a one sided relationship, which is what this sounds like. So, just stop messaging him all together. You can pop in once every blue moon and just say hi, how are you doing. But after you guys talk, just leave it at that. Don't expect anything and don't push for anything. Just keep it as a totally light, very very casual friendship. If he wants more he'll let you know, until then don't really wait for him.

    Just my two cents.



  • I thank you mariaria for your thoughts, i have come to realize this and am leaving it alone. It has been 3 weeks today since we spoke. It is just hard to not text, i get so tempted and end up arguing with myself. I want to know how he is because i care but i have to try to keep my concern to a minimum for my own sanity.