Captain, would you do a reading for me?

  • I'm so confused about how the person I've been involved with all summer really feels for me.

    The relationship has been complicated and at times a mess, but I always thought he genuinely really liked and cared for me. And yet we just had a talk in which he downplayed the way he feels -- or was maybe more honest about it than before -- and now I feel foolish for having read the whole situation wrong.

    I would very much appreciate your insight into A's feelings for me. It took time for me to feel like I was on the same page as him, and now it seems that I'm actually the more invested one. Can you tell me what's going on?

    I hope to hear from you!

  • What are your birthdates?

  • Hi Captain. Mine is 11/14/89, his is 2/25/1987.

  • This relationship is easiest for a friendship. The matchup often focuses on fidelity, loyalty, and a determination never to give up, no matter what. Your combination emphasizes groundedness. The more you two are pressured or attacked, the more you resist, so that your relationship for better and worse is generally characterized by stubbornness. It has a certain sensitivity, which it usually reserves however for interactions between the two of you yourselves. Thus the relationship's tough exterior can hide a sensitive and emotional core.

    This is especially clear in a love affair or friendship, which can allow empathy and deep feeling. The two of you are capable of loving each other deeply, but this need not imply sensual or sexual activity or even romance; respect and understanding are more likely to determine the relationship's tone. Still more strong will be a realistic, even pragmatic, common-sense orientation. Should you two decide to marry, you may make a go of it and have a good chance for a long life together, since you have few illusions about each other from the start. Problems can arise through hidden activities and a certain amount of dishonesty, intentional or not. But when you two do conceal painful information, it's often out of consideration for each other's feelings.

    Your friend can suffer from a deep need to fill other people's expectations of him. He can fall prey to more aggressive or exploitative types if he is not careful. He is inclined to take the path of least resistance in life and must try to challenge himself more often. He may feel bound to fulfill his parent's or family's expectations, but must be sure to separate himself from how they want him to live. His romantic partner will have to be very patient with him as he will undergo a variety of experiences in life, all designed to provide him with greater awareness of who and what he really is, as his sense of identity is often strongly linked to his family. If he still has a strong connection with his parents/family, it may be that he will abide by their choices when it comes to his love partners. It would be unfortunate if he married young before he finds out who he really is and what he really wants because he will outgrow his early loves. He must break away from other people's wishes and go his own way, become an individual. Yet he fears being left on his own and doesn't trust his own ability to cope by himself.

    Until he gains the self-knowledge to understand what he needs to make him happy, your friend will always be confused. He wants to be with someone but there always comes a moment when he looks at his partner as if they have suddenly become inferior somehow - he gets totally smitten at first and then his partner starts coming on too strong or unstable for him, and then they or he is out the door. Trust issues can make him feel uncomfortable around other people and he can be frightened of saying the wrong thing, which he often does. Sharing his true feelings with someone makes him feel too vulnerable, and yet openness and trust is what he must strive for if he is to have a happy balanced relationship.

    If you can be patient with him and help him find out who he really is, you may yet have a good relationship with this fragile confused guy.

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