Blmoon please help
Hey, Blmoon. I asked for advice on this same subject before but I could really use your insight, if you get a chance. You've helped me before and I really trust in your insight. I'm a Cancer girl (recently 18) and my ex is an Aries man, 25. After a relationship of four months filled with plans, love letters, trips to the park with his children (ages 4 and 2), promises made, intimacy, and plans to move in together, I am left like I am worthless, and out $200 of my hard-earned money in the process (I'll get to that later). Writing this pains me greatly, but I have to tell someone the whole story.
We met in a class we had together at the community college we both attend. It was instant attraction. After a heavenly first date, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Never had I known before a guy so handsome and gentlemanly, and most of all caring. He told me about his two kids (who he shared custody with his ex wife) and showed me pictures of them, and they were adorable. It seemed I had met my soul mate.
My mom (who I lived and still live with) hated him from the beginning; I thought because of the age difference, but I tried to get her to come around. Of course she was right in the end, but I didn't know that. She's always said cruel things to me, like "I wish you were dead," so I didn't take her opinion seriously like I should have. But now it spun out of control. She insisted I move in with him if I was so serious and even told me one day, "Don't come home tonight", so that was the first night I spent at his house, where him and his roommate live, and from then some nights I'd stay with him, some at the house with my family (mom/brother).
He welcomed me and was the only person who had ever taken such an interest in me and cared so much. He would always listen to anything I said, school worries, family problems. He confided in me, too--about his ex-wife who he "caught cheating" during his 3 year marriage to her (a Scorpio), and said he'd tried to commit suicide when she told him he'd never see his kids again if he divorced her. He did anyway and fought for custody of them, and ended up with custody of the older one, but still swapping off sometimes so each of them could see both children.
We made plans to live together permanently, and he said he would never hurt me, that we'd always be together, that I was the one he was meant to be with. It went so far as we were going to move to a different state together at the end of the summer, where his parents live, along with his son. (Another lie, but I didn't know it.) So I told my mom and brother, to be fair to them because I believed we were really moving, that we were going to "x" state to live.
So we made plans that I would live with him, his child (when he was not with his ex), and his roommate. I wanted to help them. I bought them groceries and paid $40 to restore their electric piano so I and their friends could play it. I had gotten a job with more hours so I could pay them rent. In the meantime, I gave them $200 I earned from my old job as a sort of downpayment. And my "soulmate" broke up with me not two days later. He said he had been depressed for a long time and was not making his custody-son his priority like he should be. He said it was not my fault, he was sorry, all that. Funny how these problems didn't come up before I gave him that money. He said his parents were ill and that he wanted to move there alone with his son at the end of the summer. Another lie: he signed up for fall classes here. And even worse, we signed up for one of the same summer classes, and I have to see him 4 days a week. I'm forced to watch him Google the answers to the teacher's questions during class. Now I'm forced to see him when he's taken my virginity, money, time, and so much more. I hate him more than I've ever hated someone, and there's nothing I can do. I feel like he'll never pay for his actions. (All this has caused me to seriously question my faith in God and humanity as well). He still lies and says he'll pay back the money, but it's been nearly two months and I still haven't.
What hurts the most, more than the money, is all the lies and false hope. All the plans, happiness. I put so much faith in him and he threw it all away. I miss his children so much, too, and worry about them. Everyone tells me I'm "too cute for him anyway" and that I'm "young, it's no big deal". But it hurts so much. My mom is telling me now that I "lied to her" and I "should be in [state x] right now", and keeps telling me to move out. But I have nowhere to go. The only person who's really been there is my brother, and even his opinion of me changed. I have thoughts of suicide and wonder why I've had to go through this, what I did to deserve it.
Thank you so much for reading my letter and any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks, Blmoon.