I need a reading badly, please. Difficult dilemma.



  • Of course there is nothing shameful about getting support from others SOMETIMES - but your sister has grown to need it ALWAYS which is where it has become an unhealthy situation. You fear making her worse if you leave her, but she will actually grow worse if you stay. She has to gain some independence or she will just get weaker and weaker.



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  • Well, to be fair, it's not really always that she needs me. She got sick in December, was operated in January, had her chemo treatment, has just finished it,and is about to start radio treatment , which will end at the beginning of September. Those few months I did my best to be there for her in different ways. She is not really weak now, all these treatments were/are preventetive measures, as they've got all the cancerous cells out (hopefully). After the radio, as far as I am concerned, my misson is over, and I can start gradually withdraw myself from the situation. So I could wait for another month, except that in September I'll be back to work without having had any proper rest (teaching profession). On the other hand, if I go on vacations, I would worry about her anyway. Captain, my sister might get worse if I go just to prove me wrong (unconsciously, of course). Last year she was so resentful of me not going with her to look after our sick father, that I think her organism recreated the illness, so that I would have to go through the same that she went through. A punishment of a kind (without her realising it, of course). So I'm a little bit wary of her subconscious mind. I'm thinking of some kind of compromise now - how not to antagonise her and get some rest/distance at the same time.



  • By the way, does anyone know what Red Shoes symbolise ? Couple of days ago I asked Universe /God to send me some sign to help with this dilemma. Today while sitting in the café my attention was suddenly very attracted by bright red beautiful, almost fairy taily shoes, that some lady was wearing. I though they reminded me of something. So I googled it up and came up with 2 opposite interpretations - H.Ch. Andersen's "red shoes" fairy tail (a selfish girl only thinking about partying, while her mother gtes ill) and Dorothy from the "Wizzard of Ozz" - travelling a long way to find the answer, which was there all along. Both fit. Which one is to pay attention to ?



  • Yes she probably will make herself sick if you go - but that's her responsibility and fault, not yours. When she sees she has to manage without any crutches, she will learn to walk again unaided.

    And sometimes red shoes are just red shoes - which meaning did you WANT it to be? I can't help but sense that a part of you doesn't really want to go away. Make sure you haven't become used to gaining satisfaction and fulfillment from being the carer or the strong one. That is also addictive.



  • No, it's not that. I would actually feel much stronger if I went, for myself that is. In fact, if anything, I feel emotionally manipulated, not being the strong one in this situation. Right now I'm not much of a carer anyway, as she is feeling ok and doesn't really need me around, except for the knowledge that I'm here, and not overseas. It's fear - hers, and mine too. (sometimes fear is just fear). I am just too scared to pass through another year of worrying about her health, should she make herself ill again. Of course part of me doesn't want to go for that reason. So right now I'm agonising over the decision, and trying to guess the consequences. I'll try to stop obcessing about it and just make a decision.



  • voplysoply go & recharge otherwise you will resent your sister The best way to help your sister is to take your break and enjoy being with your friend and you can always call her after you get there.



  • I probably will do that, shadowmist, you are right. I already start feeling some resenment and it's not good for either of us.