Cancer disappearing can be predictable instead of painful!

  • Hey guys!

    So, I still have an on again, off again Cancer in my life, and I kinda just had this weird hilarious epiphany a couple of weeks ago that I thought I'd share with everyone. I guess it's not as applicable if he's constantly in your life, like maybe if you work with him or he's part of your main group of friends, because then it IS painful to have someone be cold and distant to your face. BUT, if your lucky enough for him not to be a main part of your life, this whole "cancers disappearing to think" thing can actually be hilariously predictable.

    Allow me to explain! So, for the last like....8 months, I've seen my Cancer MAYBE like...5 times. Now, the first three times seemed to be fine, but after that he started to go AWOL after every conversation we had. Like, honestly, hilarious. So, I would talk to him on Skype, and he's ALWAYS online, but then right after I talk to him he won't be on Skype for like, two weeks. Once he reappears, we can have a completely pleasant phone/text/skype conversation in which we're both laughing and having a great time. And then, right after, he will disappear from skype again and not answer a single one of my text messages.

    Now, most people reading this will be like "Umm...thats not funny. That's really frustrating." Well, sure. Except that, if your an active member of this form and you read all the threads about Cancers, you'll basically have been conditioned to see this coming. Like, as soon as I noticed what he was doing, I actually started laughing. Like it was just SO PREDICTABLE!

    So, ladies, lets not get frustrated. Lets look at this in a different light. This is pretty much how they operate, and if we kinda...accept it and get used to it, we'll be able to predict their actions. And when it becomes predictable, it kinda becomes normal. I sign onto skype now and see that he suddenly is never online and I just giggle. Like I can't believe they actually, truly, really all operate basically the same way. Like this is exactly what people talk about on this forum ALLL THE TIME.

    Now, again, it is totally different if you see him all the time. Because I remember working with my Cancer, and being so hurt to see his face but have him not talk to me or look at me. It's hard to find it funny in that case...but just try and look at it as "predictable" all the same. Because, I find if you are very light and fun with your Cancer, it actually improves their attitude towards you during their introverted times. So if you just kinda look at them sulking and ignoring you and go "Oh, so and so! You so silly!" You'll notice how much easier it'll be, and I think it even helps them come out of their shell faster.

    Just a thought!

  • MariaRia .... You couldn't have said it better !! I've been dealing with an on again off again Cancer also ... I'm so glad you posted this ... It was a big help to me ... It's good to know that this is just how they "operate" in general ... He's so worth the wait in between ... but I've learned not to even think about putting a time-line on it ... It happens when it happens ... and I can live with that for now ... especially after revealing to him that it's no big deal ... makes the whole situation a lot easier for both of us ....

  • Totally! The most important thing to remember is to just get on with your life. Because -and i'm not sure what your situation is - but with me, he hasn't "chosen" me yet as he still doesn't want to give his freedom up. So, technically, he could "choose" me in a week, a month, two years...or never. So, the best thing to do is just let him swim in and out as he pleases, and make your decisions as he comes and goes. And, I think, don't take him too seriously until he gives you reason to take him seriously.

  • you are so right MariaRia.

    my cancer friend is the same. At first, he made me think too much about what i were doing wrong. Then, I feel that it's not big a deal.

    Everytime, he reappeared he always tell me that he's sorry and we back to normal (talk, laugh,..)

    We knew each other for like 4 months and just met once.

    I wonder what is the best birthday gift for new cancer friend?

    He's a foreigner in my country and he has just 1-2 friends in my country.

    I want to make him something which make him feel happy and not lonely.

    any advice?

    Thank you

  • Oh, that is actually a common problem, they start to make you wonder what YOU did. But your right in not thinking that way anymore. It's not your fault, and honestly, when a guy is good and ready to have you in his life he REALLY will show it. I've been on enough dates with guys who DONT have horrible fears of commitment/rejection/etc. to know what it looks like when a guy is interested.

    And as for the present, you can just offer to take him out for drinks for his birthday. When it comes to not being lonely, really the only thing I can think of that will cure that is company.

  • I like him. But because of his on and off thing, I don't want to think much so it's better to be friend.

    I planned to surprise him (dinner full of his traditional meal, gifts,..)

    But he has just went to Belgium for business trip and I have no idea when he will be back (i didn't ask - we don't talk much recently)

    So, I think I'll make him a card.

  • It has to be the guys, lol I'm not like that, atleast I don't think I am , thats funny, wonder where they go?

  • Maria Ria! It's amazing, you could be describing my own story with my Cancer guy. We met a year ago, he told me immediately he was into me. We started these great, long conversations via skype and email and then, with no warning, he was gone for a few weeks. Then he reappeared with a great excuse, I got all excited again and he told me he was going to come see me. I was so thrilled, although I had this lingering feeling that he might disappear at any moment. When he was supposed to come, he disappeared again. I was heartbroken. I decided that that was it - "fool me twice, shame on me!" - but he turned up again and, being such a sweet, funny, caring guy (and also gorgeous), I ended up believing that perhaps, if he knew how much I cared and like him, and didn't nag or pressure him, he might want to stick around. We would chat for hours every day for weeks at a time and then - nothing! - for two or three weeks. Finally, he came to see me and we... uh... "got together". Afterwards, chats became a bit sporadic. Every time that I decided I was over him, he would return. It's as if he senses that my patience was wearing thin. Last week, the skype conversations started getting sweet and long again. A couple of days ago we made plans to meet again. I was getting all excited and this morning, he told me that tomorrow he's going on a trip again and after I wished him a good trip, he removed me from skype! I guess he wanted to block me and by mistake removed me, but I am really hurt. I can't imagine taking him back if he reappears, what excuse could he use? I feel as if I've wasted a whole year of my life. I am basically mad at myself. I do have self-worth, why did I let myself get manipulated by this man? Why do I still wish he could value me more?

  • Ah, so, it seems he's not quite "there" relationship wise, then. You do need to kind of "forget about him" until you get solid affirmation from him that he wants to be with you and you get proof in his actions. So, pretty much, don't take him seriously anymore. There is absolutely no telling how long he's going to do this to you, if he ever stops. It may not be his opinion of you, I think maybe he just is in that 'I wanna have fun' stage. Not fair for him to do that to you, but men tend to not be fair most of the time.

    So, my advice: Don't take him seriously, even if he pops back into your life. Talk to him only as a friend. When/if he's ready to take you seriously, he will.

  • Thanks! You are right, I won't take him seriously anymore, this could go on forever and I don't deserve this. I want someone who wants to be with me; I shouldn't have to guess when he will want to see me again. I don't think he is willing to make changes in his life and I won't accommodate him anymore. Good luck to you too!

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  • wow, I guess this is why there are lot of thread talking about Cancer.

    He could give me heart attacked.

    I have 3 cancer friends born in 20/7, 21/7 and 22/7. And they are completely different to each other.

    Lucky me that I'm super busy with work recently, so his act doesn't bother me much 🙂

    by the way, I made my cancer man a birthday card. and there is no response from him. I guess he hasn't checked his mailbox yet

  • I haven't gotten through to all the cancer threads yet but I will say it's depressing .. I don't k.ow why any woman would out up with this. Its confusing and heart breaking.. I do get how they make us feel. They know how to use there words. They say beautiful things to you. The way they look at you wow its crazy.. but on the flip side.. they are way to sensitive .. they pout over the smallest things and this disappearing act is getting old!

  • Maria - That is funny. You know my situation, 20 months with a cancer who has never really hid in his shell. And now, he is becoming bolder and bolder.

    But, I do feel the need to say this. Sometimes, I feel that cancers are the biggest targets of their zodiac sign descriptions.

    When in fact, they are just people like the rest of us.

    I need my alone time to think, and when I do, I get called bull headed or stubborn. When all it is is me following my internal thought processing needs. Same with cancers. However, with them, everyone needs to pin it on their attributes.

    Why not just ask them politely? I remember the 1st time I asked J what was up. he just said, sometimes I get in moods....I said Ohhhh.....hmmmm.....and we both just started laughing hystericaly....??? I don't know why.....but he told me, that he wanted me to know, it was not me, would never be bc of me, just solely about him. I told him of course...duh...bc I am could I be the source of anyone's problems?? I was joking, but it worked.

    Now, fast forward to now. It has been so hot here. 1st thing he told me, if I seem grumpy or mad, it is the heat. It wears me out, puts me in a foul mood and I want you to know and I do NOT want to take it out on you. Awe.....such a sweetie.

    But, my point is, simple communication can make the world of difference with a cancer. No melodrama, no fits, just keep it real with them, like we all like it to be real with us.

  • this cancer man and I talked and laughed a lot.

    Then, one day, I sent him a note telling him that I like him.

    And he didn't talk to me since then. About 3 days now 😛

    I think he will be in silence forever.

    I guess I get his point.

  • Taurus, the kind of disappearing isn't a simple "not talking for a few days" kind of thing that can easily be worked through in a relationship. I'm talking those situations where a Cancer is kind of "stringing someone along", or at least, thats the way it seems, and will literally pop in and out of their lives weeks on end. I'm a very open, brave person and I have had several conversations with "my" Cancer as to why he does this, and I get "I just got so busy I couldn't see the forest from the trees" or "I haven't been keeping in touch with anyone" etc. I know, at this point, better then to try and dig deeper then that because it's pointless. I've also told him he's horrible at keeping in touch, and he's actually promised to be better at it and has not. So, what's a girl to do?

    This isn't meant to be a thread to bash Cancers, I just wanted to give people a more positive light on these kind of situations and help them bare it or deal with it better. Because really, it's hilarious. It's predictable as soon as you realize whats going on. And if a man isn't going to stick around in your life, frankly you can't take him seriously can you?

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